Finally

[confusedmama]

Well, we finally went to court on Wed. and I am, I guess, "offically" divorced. It was probably one of the worst experiences of my life. How can you be married to someone for over 15 years and not know them at all? I seem to always underestimate his ability for slimy-ness.

The worst part is, I'm not sure I'm relieved. I started the process, he has been a total a**hole to me & the boys, and yet I am having guilt feelings for doing "all" this. WHY????

Why should I feel guilty for him FINALLY having to pay child support, nothta the has done it, for the fact that he may actually have to have a budget to live within and I, in a couple of years, can climb out of the hole of debt I got into just tryng to survive. Why do I feel guilty knowing that if he doesn't pay, he can end up in jail.

Shouldn't I simply be jumping up and down and shouting for joy?

[amanda004]

You feel guilty because deep down you do care about him, and you don't want anything to happen. But you shouldn't feel guilty because he needs to be a man and help take care of his children! I can't even imagine, going through a divorce must take a lot of strength. You also need to watch out for yourself though and make sure you can take care of your kids, so it's for the best that you went to court.

[barnettac]

I dont think divorce is something to be proud of in anyway. I'm going through it right now and I seriously doubt I will be jumping up and down for joy, in fact its the worst experience ever. Only relief you should be feeling now is legal. In fact you are probably still married to him emotionally. I dont think signing a piece of paper is gonna change the way you feel. I ended up filing against my wife after she left me. I feel guilty for it everyday, but at the same time I know its the right thing to do. Your brain and your heart are conflicting with each other. Your brain says you should be happy its over but your heart isn't so sure. It will take time, and some time down the road you wont feel guilty anymore. At least thats what everyone says...

[annie24]

Well, I've never been divorced (or married), but I can imagine that just because you signed a paper doesn't mean that you're supposed to feel "refreshed" or something all of a sudden (like the other posters said).

 

Maybe you feel bad because you remember the good times and you feel bad that things had to come down to this. Of course, as the father, it is his responsibility for him to take care of his kids, just as you are also taking care of them. But, I'd be sad too. If I were in your shoes, I'd be thinking, "it wasn't supposed to be like this."

 

*sigh*

 

It's ok. I think that the sadness is a normal step in the healing process. You'll be going through a lot of emotions, sadness, anger, relief... lots of feelings. I hope you have good friends and family you can count on.

 

(((HUGS!)))