I did it

[WildChild]

Well, I did it. I don’t know for how long, but I did it. I left. I am happy, sad, angry, confused, hurt and relieved all in one. If you rolled me up, I’d be a bouncy ball because I am all over the place with my emotions right now.

 

I was upset with him on Monday night because again he was gaming. He had gamed every night since Thursday, and spent all day Saturday and Sunday on there. (Granted he has shingles and can’t go anywhere, but he certainly didn’t want to watch movies or anything with me). He again told me on Monday night that he is going to game for as long as he wants and as often as he wants, and if I didn’t like it to get the “f” out. I realized, no I don’t like it. I don’t like me and the boys being ignored. I don’t like feeling like there is no real purpose for me even being there. He also told me that the reason he didn’t want to live with me at my house was because he didn’t want to be stuck there with my “b!tching about his gaming”. He told me yesterday morning he didn’t kick me out, that only if I didn’t like it I should leave. I think he was surprised when I told him that I didn’t like it so yes I was leaving. That basically he picked his computer over me. It amazes me how a freeking computer can be the demise of a relationship. That if I don’t like being ignored, to get out. If I want him to live in my home, I have to tolerate his behavior. Tolerate being ignored, and not be allowed to voice my feelings when I finally have had enough of being treated like I am nobody important.

 

Isn’t weird how you believe something to be the truth, but in the heat of an argument things get said that have never come up before? People want you to believe them on a normal day-to-day basis, but all of a sudden they say something when mad or hurt that blows you away. And more than likely when it is all said and done, they will come back and say they didn’t mean it. After awhile it is hard to know which one is the truth??

 

Last night when I was packing a few things to get me through until I can completely move out, he acted like he didn’t care. In fact told me that he wished I was out of there faster. In the end he verbally slapped me in the face. He looked me straight in the eye and said, “No wonder you can’t keep a man. Nobody can stand being around you, you’re nothing but a pain in the @ss.” So even if he comes back and says he didn’t mean it, how does he take away the pain I feel right now because of that comment. He told me early last Fall he hated me. I guess maybe I should’ve taken that serious even though he said he didn’t mean it because in the end I guess the reason he did ignore me was because he couldn’t stand me.

[Scout]

Congratulations. It sounds like you're breaking your addiction to a guy who has an addiction to the computer. You're right, the computer comes before you. You finally faced this disconcerting fact, but think about it...he's the one with some real problems down the road, if he doesn't face his own addiction.

 

When people are "strung out" on something, they will do anything to maintain that fix...and if anyone calls them on it, they will lash out at them.

 

He's not the guy you fell in love with anymore, period. You stuck it out as long as you could, but in the end, you had to think about your kids and yourself, because his addiction was ruining your lives.

[Dako]

WC

I was just about to PM you and saw this!

My g-d I can't believe how abusive this guy is. You just don't deserve this crap especially over him playing friggin computer games. What kind of grown man acts like that?

 

Of all the usual trite assurances to someone in your shoes, the one that stands out is that he doesn't deserve to be with you. You've gone way out of your way to make this work beyond what anyone could endure.

What kind of woman would put up with his bizarre behavior but a patient and giving soul?

 

I'm both sorry and glad for you, dear. You'll be better for it and will find a better life. You're a good person.

[RayKay]

Hey Wild,

 

You know, I honestly think this was the best thing to do...you have posted a few times not just about his gaming addiction, but the way he throws things in your face, the way he humiliates you when you eat for example, or how he knows you would "love to know what he is up to" if you question his faithfulness. He has basically shown many times he is callous and selfish.

 

I don't think these are things you want your boys to learn - about how a man should treat his partner. And I think leaving him was the best choice honestly. And I hope so much you keep it permanent.

 

He was a jerk, it came out in your posts so often but I don't think you could see it since you were so close to it. Distance yourself, give yourself time, and realize you deserve so much better then what he was giving you.

[Scout]

He was a jerk, it came out in your posts so often but I don't think you could see it since you were so close to it.

 

Yeah, to be honest, many of your posts about this guy made my jaw drop, I couldn't believe someone as bright and grounded as you was with someone who treated you so appallingly. I think distance will really clear some things up for you, once you get through the initial phase of fear/self-doubt. Trust me, that will pass.

[WildChild]

Thank you guys so much. God it is such a struggle isn't it though? How easy it would for me to go back because of a warm smile or an apology. So easy to lose site of the whole picture when you only get a glimpse of if once in a while. What's frustrating is I never told him he couldn't game, just not so much and not so often. But I have to keep reminding myself that no matter how much he said he cared, I wasn't ever going to be a priority. What sucks is I have to go and get the rest of our things. Plus as you all know, my house looks like a storage unit. I guess that will give me something to do getting things organized, but I really wanted a clean break. I don't feel like talking to him or seeing him. I'll be honest I am afraid if I see him I will want to make things work. On the other hand, I hate being treated meanly and I know when I go out there he will be on the computer and ignoring me. Which probably should be the way it should be, but it will make me even more sad that he has nothing to say to me. I don't know, now I'm rambling LOL

[Goodfun88]

I'm glad that you were finally able to end that relationship. You will be so much better off now! Good luck and stay strong, you can do this!

[zpivat]

Hi wildchild,

 

I feel so sorry to hear what happened to you. I can't believe that some men treat their girlfriend like that. I for one would never treat a girl like that. Video games can never be more important than someone I love (I don't play games anyway). Well may be you can give him an ultimatum or a warning or anything, or at least an attempt to make it work. If he doesn't even care, may be you should reconsider your relationship.

 

In my campus there's a girl who, when she just got married, she felt so ignored because her husband kept playing games and abandoning her. She got so sad and she created a website called Gamers Widow - Gaming's 'Other Half'; which is a site for people who feel abandoned due to their partner's addiction to games. You can check it out at link removed

 

Well anyway, she tried and talk things out with him and he respected her and changed, and now they're happily ever after. So if you think this relationship is worth saving, then by all means do it, but know when to stop sacrificing.

 

Good luck and God bless you!

[zpivat]

Oh so it ended

[OceanEyes]

You just don't deserve this crap especially over him playing friggin computer games. What kind of grown man acts like that?

 

The part that I had been thinking since the beginning of reading this post was: "What kind of a grown man acts like that?". The type of man who acts like that deserves to be alone. Sounds like a big baby testing the limits of a mother-son relationship.

 

I'd be happy to be rid of him. And although I'm sure that it's tough to deal with right now, you didn't seem to be happy for a long time. What's to miss? Watching a grown man sit around gaming for days straight? Leave him to it.

[BillyJean714]

Wildchild,

 

I always thought about your post, the one where he mentioned, "What are YOU going to bring to the table." Sounds like he really mistreated you as a way for him to get you to break up with him. If he was man enough, he would be a bit straightforward and tell you he doesn't want to be with you, instead of neglecting you, ignoring you, and putting you through this emotional turmoil.

 

I thought through and through, because you know what, your story is similar to many women who go through with what you go through. VERY similar. I am shockingly surprised!

 

One thing I can say is - You have a choice to find something better for yourself. You don't need to depend on him. Depend on yourself. I'm glad you packed your bags, but now, it's time to find the OLD WildChild back.- Time to find yourself again and know what you really want out of life, love, and relationships. You need to get on your two feet and create a happy life for yourself and most importantly, your children. Forget this guy. You are much better without him.

[BellaDonna]

He again told me on Monday night that he is going to game for as long as he wants and as often as he wants, and if I didn't like it to get the "f" out.

 

You DEFINITELY did the right thing by leaving him. I've read your other posts about him and he certainly does not deserve you. It's bad enough he lives life as an oversized boy playing games all day- wasting away- but he's very verbally abusive to you as well.

 

I hope you stay strong and let this be the end of it for good. I know it will be hard- but I'm sure you will get through it, and have a much happier life without him in the long run. He, on the other hand, will just be festering alone with his computer and will wreck any relationship he ever enters, if he keeps up with his current way of living. Oh well- too bad for him. The good thing is that he's no longer your problem.

 

You have TOO MUCH greatness to bring to the table, and he is not worthy of one ounce of it.

 

 

BellaDonna

[moink75]

Just remember, the person you leave is not the same person you first met.

[kellbell]

Oh my,

 

I am so sorry about your situation Wild. I do not have much to add because the previous posters did a wonderful job. Just know you are better off without. Your boys do not need that bum in their lives. You are beautiful woman inside and out and deserve a man whom is going to love you, put you and your children first, and most of all, respect you.

 

We are here for you and we are listening. Keep us updated on how you are doing. Many many hugs to you and your boys.

[WildChild]

You all are so wonderful, I have a great group of friends here. I am just so sad right now. Everything each and everyone of you have said is right. I know he isn't a monster and he has so many great attributes, but for the love of pete he can be down right mean and cruel. I'm at that stage right now where a person just wallows in self pity. Going over and over things, letting it consume you. Wondering if they even care. I mean I know he cares, but is he sad? Relieved? Is this it? Will he realize how senseless this is? Will he realize that if he just cut down on the gaming and stopped being so mean when he is angry. I just complimented him a few weeks back how he is not so quick to jump the gun and get defensive like he used to.

 

Funny thing struck me on my lunch. On Sunday he mentioned that it would be more than just a few months before we would be buying land. At this point he had been gaming for 3 days, and on Sunday pulled a really crappy move by enticing me to come and watch a movie with him (I was doing some research on the computer about his Shingles), so I left the computer and within five minutes he had his headphones on and was gaming. You can only imagine my anger. So Monday, knowing how hurt I was over his sneaky move on Sunday night he still had the audacity to game. He then comments on Monday was that he didn't want to move in with me because of me b!tching about his gaming. So, I think he purposely was gaming to get me mad. Get me out. He's not feeling well, doesn't want to deal with it, wants space and has no way to tell me to leave.

 

Who knows. Jeez I can already see I am going to be rambling on and on for days on end. I apologize in advance. How can someone who really has so much to offer someone not see how his words and actions are disrespectful and mean?

 

(PS BillyJean, I remember the post you're referring to, but that wasn't my guy that said that to me about bringing something to the table. The hell I would ever have some guy ask me that LOL)

[WildChild]

Oh so it ended

 

The couple broke up? They ended it? That's why they are living happily right now?

[Dako]

WC,

Don't feel like the Lone Ranger. Join the whinefest with us.

[WildChild]

I'm on board LOL And boy do I wanna whine right about now :splat:

 

WC,

Don't feel like the Lone Ranger. Join the whinefest with us.

[BillyJean714]

My bad.

 

WhildChild - Now that you made it clear- I remember that post because I remember you responding to it and giving REALLY GOOD advice.

 

Now, if you remember what you wrote in that post, take that advice that you gave. It was really good. That's why I assocciated you with that post I guess. Now that you're somewhat in a similar situation like that one poster was in, you can now see that it's not right and leave him- for good.

 

It's always easier for us to see dysfunctions in another person's relationship. But when it comes to our own, we tend to be blinded by love. We don't see it. Perhaps from now on, you can take a step back and look at your relationship as though you're the bystander, the person outside looking in and observe what's healthy vs. what's unhealthy. Sometimes, that's one of the most effective way for us to know whether or not, we should get out.

 

I really wish you the strength to move on and you know you can do it. Before you leave, maybe you can purchase a box of Pampers as a gag gift. Be like, "Buddy, it was your lost. I actually cared about YOU! Now you can take care of you and your own shingles.." lol (j/k).

 

There's always a bright light at the end of the tunnel. Just remember that!

[WildChild]

I just can't believe that a relationship is ending over a computer and the lack of him respecting me because of it! I just want to yell at him "Are ya stupid?! The best thing that has happened for either of us, and you throw it away over a piece of machine and your fowl mouth!"

 

I checked out that GamerWidows site. The first post I read is about a gal whose guy told her if she didn't like it to "fn" leave. I almost thought someone was pulling a prank on me LOL

[CarnelianButterfly]

The part that I had been thinking since the beginning of reading this post was: "What kind of a grown man acts like that?". The type of man who acts like that deserves to be alone. Sounds like a big baby testing the limits of a mother-son relationship.

 

I'd be happy to be rid of him. And although I'm sure that it's tough to deal with right now, you didn't seem to be happy for a long time. What's to miss? Watching a grown man sit around gaming for days straight? Leave him to it.

I felt the same way! I knew a guy like that and frankly he was the most immature little boy for a 20yo. I don't think he's ever grown up or ever will, I met his father once and he was the exact same way. They played games together online, what wonderful bonding time!

 

I like games, but after my butt goes numb and my eyes hurt I think they start to lose the fun factor. How can that be healthy anyway, when does he exercise or go out in the sun. I go nuts without a little time outside.

 

Wildchild, I'm sorry to hear your relationship ended, but I'm glad to hear you're free of him. There's no way that I could be happy with a non-entity person like that. I hope you can recover from this quickly and move on to greener pastures.

[WildChild]

You guys keep cracking me up, and I need that right now so a HUGE thank you. At one point I hoped the shingles would spread everywhere, but I quickly reminded myself that isn't nice LOL I can't even begin to imagine the pain he has right now, and maybe that's why he is the "dude with the tude". As for diapers, no doubt. Big spoiled, baby right now! Ironically, he is gaming as we speak. Told me he was working in town this week until he feels better, hell he isn't even working today.

[WildChild]

I know, I don't know either. I mean, I like to game and I can understand it is his hobby. But to ignore the boys after they have been gone all weekend and they miss him so much when HE is gone. Ignore me, trick me so he can get on the computer. He just spent a ton of money on the computer, but tells me that he lives from paycheck to paycheck. If you're that broke (which he shouldn't be...makes good money) then why blow what you have. It will be interesting to see what comes of any of this. Like someone mentioned, he will probably never have any solid relationship if he continues like this. I guess it makes me sad because he has such a history with women that in no time he will have some chick out there. I don't care if even it's for a one night stand, he will have slept with someone in no time flat. That makes me sad. Like I said, he cares about me but I don't even know to what extent.

[Dako]

I guess it makes me sad because he has such a history with women that in no time he will have some chick out there. I don't care if even it's for a one night stand, he will have slept with someone in no time flat.

 

Sure, He has to keep scoring. They keep wandering way...

[BellaDonna]

I just can't believe that a relationship is ending over a computer and the lack of him respecting me because of it!

 

Well, it's not so much the computer that is ending it- it's him and his behavior, which displays a lot of undesirable qualities about him. Just to name a few:

 

*Lack of self control

 

*Lack of empathy

 

*Lack of consideration for others

 

*Selfishness

 

*No conception of reality

 

*Taking others for granted

 

If his computer games were taken away, he'd still find another vice to express these bad traits, such as cheating, substance abuse, etc. His personality is the problem, not the computer.

 

 

I guess it makes me sad because he has such a history with women that in no time he will have some chick out there. I don't care if even it's for a one night stand, he will have slept with someone in no time flat. That makes me sad. Like I said, he cares about me but I don't even know to what extent.

 

He cares about you- but not enough to stop wasting his life away with games. Caring a little is not enough to deserve you. So try to feel pity for anyone he dates or sleeps with after this- it will only be a matter of time before he destroys his next relationship anyways. And don't worry, I'm sure he does not see sex as anything important- at least not as important as his games. He had a beautiful, willing woman right there at his fingertips- and he just let her go for his games.

 

In the end he is the one that loses, over and over again in real life. In computer games he can strive for high scores, but in the REAL world, he'll fail.

 

BellaDonna