So I met a girl from an online dating site for coffee...

[Slagar]

Like the topic suggests, today I met up for coffee with someone I had found from an online dating site. She was very attractive, smart, funny yet sensible... overall she seemed like a really amazing person!

 

... But, I got nervous ](*,)

I'm trying to figure out what the problem is. I wasn't too bad, per se... just not my comfortable self. I hate being shy. It's so frustrating! Evidently I'm attractive. I'm a nice guy. I think the latter is partly where the problem occurs... I'm quite sensitive, and making a fun of myself (and in doing-so, being fun!) isn't very easy. I'm intelligent, but my "wit" isn't particularly sharp, so making funny remarks doesn't come naturally. Also, my family forced me to be mature at a very young age, because "silly nonsense" was just not tolerated in my family.

 

I know that this girl was/is looking for someone funny and spontanious, which perhaps added to my nervousness I think (because I'm not too great at those things IMO).

 

...So we ended up talking, for about an hour and a half before I had to go because I had a class. It wasn't too bad... but overall, I'm not happy with myself.

 

Looking back at my relationship with my ex, I sort of wonder how it worked at all

We were extremely shy... even holding hands was hard at the beginning. We became more comfortable with eachother over time of course, but it _really_ did take time. In fact, I recall most of her friends were chiding her to dump me because I hadn't done stuff with her within timeframes... though it worked out perfectly for us.

Anyway, I can see after today, that I'm going to suffer from those same problems again... it shouldn't be as bad this time round, as I've done most of it before... but just, becoming comfortable seems difficult

 

How do other people do it? Act on impulse and instinct? I tend to be too much of a thinker... any thoughts, tips, or ideas?

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

Well...the easiest way to be more open/spontaeneous is meant to be, focus on the other person more than yourself.

 

You may have to remember that if the real you -thinking, sensitive etc- isnt what shes looking for, thats no ones fault, and you two just arnt compatible. Dont assume you'll have problems, it might become a self fulfilling prophecy if you do.

 

If its any comfort, I definitely think too much, and my signif other likes that about me, she may well do too.

[Alabama]

It's mostly what comes natural to people, as they're personality allows them to comfortable around people and be rather good socializers. I am not one of those people. I tend to think, and even though I am trying to socialize more, it's not easy. However I'm making small progress, but just thinking positively and then just going for it. Sometimes, it's best not to think at all and just act upon impulse.

[heloladies21]

Don't beat yourself up, this is something you can overcome. Meeting lots of different girls can help. The experience of meeting a new girl for the 1st time over and over again will make you more relaxed. Try and listen to other couples conversations, or if you know someone who's good with women, ask him what he says and the way he says it.

 

Teasing is great. You can purposely misinterpret something she says in a funny way. You can ease into jokes with sexual innuendo a la Austin Powers style.

[Slagar]

Thanks very much for the replies people

I think it's true that the more women I meet, the more comfortable I'll become... I have been out of the dating scene for a long time (or rather, was with my ex for a long time), so I'm trying to find my feet again.

 

I think one of the problems I've created with this girl, is I've gotten to know her well online beforehand... which creates tension, because it's a whole different ball game in person, even though we're the same people. I think I'll try to cut that out somewhat... because I'd rather get to know her in person.

 

Speaking of which, we talked online until quite late. She realised that I was a little nervous, but didn't mind. If I didn't know any better, I'd say she likes me O_o

... but that will mean nothing unless I can get it together when we're in person. So I might still have a chance... I guess I have to follow Genie's words with "Beee yourself!"

 

Thanks guys... I'll let you know how it pans out