For all of you who want to know.... (looong)

[tylercdurden2004]

I just got inspired to share with those who are interested the email my now ex GF sent me that started us on the path to being together again.

 

Why am I doing this? Well first, I am not a really private person and dont mind sharing my personal experiences, second its is such a common theme on this web site and something everyone I am sure experiences at some point. Third, if you want someone back this is what you may get as their "proposal" and showing this may help people thnk before hand if this is what they really want and how much they need to have said to them. Lastly, hopefully it will just facilitate people to really think about the issue.

 

We broke up and I went away travelling again we were on extremely lite NC. Just a few emails once in a while saying what we were doing. No feelings etc. We had sent our final thankyous already soon after the break up. This mail was sent the day after she phoned me to wish me happy birthday and we had such a good "lite" convo for 1 1/2 hours.

 

Feel free to ask any questions. And yeah she is german so the english may not be 100% but pretty close.

 

Dear Tyler,

 

It is now 24 hours ago that we said good bye to each

other on the telephone. It felt so good to talk to

you. When you asked me how I am, I hesitated for a

second, I was unsure whether I should be honest to

you, or just tell you I am alright and everything is

ok. I decided the last possibility might be better, as

I didn't have the strength to tell you how I feel, and

I also thought it might be better if you have time to

read this and time to get a clear mind about it. I

feel the need to tell you how I really feel. Not only

all those unimportant things about my party life for

example, that should give you the impression how much

fun I have and how happy I am. But to be honest these

impressions aren't true, I feel so bloody unhappy.

I have been thinking a lot in the last months and

weeks. I am not feeling very well, not to say I am

miserable. I feel miserable with the situation, with

the relation we have, with the decision I made, to be

apart from you physically and mentally, to be out of

your life. I think it is so important to let the

people you love know how you feel, and that we talk to

each other. Otherwise I don't know how to deal with

this. Although I know we needed our time away from

each other, but it didn't do any good for me, it makes

me feel worse every day.

 

I had by far the hardest time of my life in the last

weeks. I was going through pain and sadness I never

experienced before. Actually I still am. I suddenly

start crying in the supermarket, I have rashes all

over my body, I can't concenterate on anything, I

started eating chocolate in massive dimensions (but

don't worry i only gained a little bit of weight .

I always thought this will be a period of time I have

to go through- a time that will be hard and painful-

but it definitely exceeded all my expectations. I had

so many friends by my side in the last weeks. They

were there for me and helped me to detract a little

bit. But every night I come home, every single morning

my thoughts circle around you. I wonder how you are,

what you do, if you feel the same pain like me.

These feelings are so new for me as I never had them

before- like all the feelings I experienced with you.

I know I am only 21, and maybe it is naive to say

that, but I feel so much love for you, and I still

have so much hope, that one day we might live our

lives together. I miss the talks with you, to hear

your voice, to hear what you are doing. I miss you as

a part of my life.

It happened so much in the last months. Sometimes I

felt strong, sometimes I felt weak and alone. During

the time we broke up it was so much, and it seemed

easier to break up with you and therewith be free and

go my own way. But nothing has changed in the last

weeks. It made it only worse, to know that I have done

a mistake that pushes me more and more away from you.

I think the decision to break up had a reason, and I

needed it to realise on the one hand that I exist as

an individual person (you may laugh now, but it was

difficult for me always having a boyfriend by my side)

and on the other hand to understand what you really

mean to me. I understand if you think now, how stupid

I am (sometimes I think the same), but honestly I

needed this time on my own to know what you mean to

me, to understand that this feeling of love can last.

Not that I was ever unsure about my feelings for you,

but all my experiences from other relationships showed

me, that it only needs time and everything will be ok.

But nothing is ok!

I feel that this- what was and maybe still is between

us- is something so special. When I talk to friends

and tell them about us, they say it sounds like the

"big love". I dont know if the one big love even

exists, but I know that you are the person I could

imagine it with.

There are so many people who never really loved.

People I am talking to and who tell me that this will

be better soon and that there are so many nice guys

out there. I only want to throw up when I hear this!

They don't understand anything!

Last week I met a friend I haven't seen for a long

time. He asked me how I am and I said "bad". He looked

at me an asked me what's wrong, and I said "you know,

my heart is full of pain". And then he said "but it is

almost three months ago that you broke up with Tyler".

I wasn't sure if I should be angry that he didn't

understand me, or if I should feel sorry for him, that

he never had those feelings, that I have for you.

It is weird. Sometimes I wonder why I fell in love

with someone who lives on the other side of the world

and whose biggest dream is, to travel and see the

world, while I am in the process of finding out what

I want to do in my life. Why the hell did I not fell

in love with the guy from next door? But this is how

it is, and I never regreted any single moment that I

had with you. I am so thankful that I met you.

 

I know that I hurt you a lot- and believe me, I wish I

didn't. I know I can't have any expectations of you.

First I push you away from me and now I would like to

turn back the clock. But I know this is not possible.

I did too much to you, I can't ask you to throw over

all your plans. And this is not what I want , but I

ask you to tell me how you feel and if you see a

chance that we converge again.

 

I can't go on with my life like it is now. I need a

response from you, to know where I stand, where we

stand, if you can even think of a "we".

 

I know that this is probably not the mail you expected

to read from me, and I am sorry that it comes so

sudden and unexpected. But I had to write this to you

to come along with it somehow. I can't deal with it,

without knowing that you don't feel the same for me,

like I do for you.

Tyler, having lost you feels like having lost a piece

of my heart. Even in the last weeks that we haven't

really been in contact, my love for you feels so much

stronger with every single day. No matter what

happens, I want you to know that I love you. I love

you like I never loved anyone before.

It is so hard to describe, to find the right words,

but i hope you can understand what i am trying to say.

 

With love,

 

XXXXX

[TheLegend]

wow..that's...deep. But I have one question, did you ask for her permission to publish this? because it's after all her inner feelings that she opened to *you*. She didn't put this on the newspaper for you to read. Because I know from self experience

[tylercdurden2004]

Yeah I asked after she sent it to me. Just never posted it before.

[tylercdurden2004]

4 months. And now I know it definitely wasnt long enough for her to "find" herself. Yeah I am a bit shameful about that part. Oh well lesson learned.

[Jjasonn28]

Very interesting email to say the least. I would have to say that most people in our situation would give anything to receive a letter like that from our former partners..

 

And in most cases, with haste we would jump back into their arms. Be careful. The ball is in your court.

[solo34]

Yeah, I would honestly stain my drawers if I got a letter like that from my ex.

 

I love her like I always have, but I would play it like I play a game of chess...I would think hard and calculate my move, then act upon it.

 

Although 4 me it's been slightly longer, and my ex has a new man (at least that's what I hear). Problem with me, is that my ex really didn't take any time 2 get over US...I think it's 'cause she was over US a long time ago anyway.

 

With U, your ex wasn't with anyone, right? If no, then that is good because she has had this time 2 realize what she wants...and by the looks of things, what she wants is definitely YOU.

 

Congrats, man!!

 

-Solo34

[tylercdurden2004]

Sorry there is a bit of confusion here and I realize I wasnt clear. She sent this 2 years ago. We got together and its recently ended. And yes I did stain my drawers outta fear cause I didnt expect it. Thats something everyone wishing for their ex back needs to be prepared for.

[venus777]

I don't understand why you posted it really. I mean, obviously she loved you or you wouldn't have been together for two more years. What should people be looking out for in that email? It's just a sweet email from someone that loves someone else. Maybe that's changed now, but it's been a long time...

[solo34]

I don't understand the reason behind this either.

 

It's like "Hey everyone!! I got an email from my ex and she loves me and wants me back!! Oh by the way, it was sent 2 years ago..."

 

??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

 

-Solo34

[tylercdurden2004]

Because this is where NC, taking care of yourself etc. may lead. Simple as that. It may be what you wish for when you break up with someone. There are a lot people who are dealing with uncertainty after a break and maybe dont understand exactly where NC, playing cool etc etc will lead. Well this is where it led for me. Its more for people who have just broken up and have a lot of questions whether they ever will or ever should get back together. So if your past that point move on and read something else.

[coldheart]

Because this is where NC, taking care of yourself etc. may lead. Simple as that. It may be what you wish for when you break up with someone. There are a lot people who are dealing with uncertainty after a break and maybe dont understand exactly where NC, playing cool etc etc will lead. Well this is where it led for me. Its more for people who have just broken up and have a lot of questions whether they ever will or ever should get back together. So if your past that point move on and read something else.

 

Tyler, taking your thread for what it's worth, I appreciate you sharing a sample of what we all hope to get from NC. May god bless your soul man...

 

-CH