Just a rant.....

[RayKay]

Aww, Annie, that bites!

 

One of the downfalls with online dating I think is people tend to have an attitude of "there's always someone else around the corner" so they sometimes put little effort into it. Or even worse, they are used to many whom WOULD put up with this behaviour so kinda get 'used' to doing it. Or, they make a date, then something else (another date) comes along and they cancel one...tsk tsk.

 

I had that happen a couple times online as well. One guy I talked to for a week, had great convos, we were both artistic/creative, he was excited to meet me, and so forth, we set up a date for Saturday...then he TOTALLY DISAPPEARED! I tried calling him once and his phone was off. He was just GONE. There was a drug bust in the city that same night in the area he lived in so I wondered if he was involved with that (lol, or I was just making excuses)...but whatever, he was totally gone. It was crazy. He showed up online a couple weeks later again. I still never found out what happened or why, and that's alright as that's a good sign there is SOMETHING WRONG there!

 

Anyway, despite some negative experiences I stuck it out...and as you know it ended up turning out absolutely great! Don't let some fools jade you honey, you are a catch and the right guy will definitely know it! You may not meet him online, but it cnn't hurt either..you never know!

[BillyJean714]

I really like how RayKay put it.

 

Obviously, if he really valued you as a person, he would've kept his words. I don't know any guy who would let a woman go if he thought she had serious potential.

 

If he could break his promises to you this easily, be glad that you realized, "You know what, he did me a favor. He wasn't straightforward enough. Instead of telling me what he really wanted, he dodged away from what he really wanted to let me know. I thank him for doing that for me. Now I know, I won't waste my time on someone who makes me feel like crap about myself."

 

Now is your time, Annie, to focus on you. Think of all of the good qualities that you already have. Don't focus on whether or not, "He's into me." You need to be into your own life and do the things that keep you breathing, happy, fulfilled, and passionate.

 

Crack open a video, an old movie or something. Watch it. Keep yourself smiling and happy, and just brush this guy off.

 

Obviously, if your feelings meant something to him, he would've taken you into consideration. But he didn't.

 

So now you say, "No hates. No regrets. Now I learn. I can make time for myself in case I meet the right person. I know he'll come along. That's why it's so hard to find Mr. Right, because it takes a while to weed out all of the Mr. Wrongs to bump into that Mr. Right."

 

~Billy

[annie24]

Uggg.... so, I couldn't resist the temptation anymore. I took Mr. $35's e-mails out of the trash bin and read them.

 

Hey Annie,

 

I'm sorry if you feel like I'm * * * *ing you around. I'm really not. I just know I'm going to like you...so I wanted to be in the right mind set. Wednesday was just so crazy for me...I hope you enjoyed the show.

 

That being said...what are you up to tonight (sunday)? I thought maybe a glass of wine and talk of international travel might be fun... 7:30?

 

I hope you're having a good weekend,

 

 

That's the first one. The other one said he realized that asking me out the same day wasn't the best idea, so he suggested meeting later this week.

 

blah. I don't know. blah.

[darkblue]

My honest, unprofessional opinion:

Not worth it.

 

You deserve more and you shouldn't be messed around - at all.

Not the beginning, middle or end of a relationship.

[RayKay]

Also adding my honest, unprofessional opinion knowing something about your previous chat's with this guy...

 

Not worth it.

 

I'm sorry if you feel like I'm * * * *ing you around. I'm really not. I just know I'm going to like you...so I wanted to be in the right mind set.

 

That whole paragraph is a bit...okay a big...red flag to me. If he has to justify his terrible manners that way, there is something weird going on.

 

Maybe he is a great guy..but at this point in HIS life, he is in a very different stage then you I think sweetie.

[annie24]

i told him in a previous e-mail that I thought he was *beeping* me around. After the $35 convo, he told me it wasn't just the money, that he was having a very hectic week, and that the $35 was a "small part of where he was at."

 

yeah, this is sounding like a bunch of excuses, isn't it???

[RayKay]

i told him in a previous e-mail that I thought he was *beeping* me around. After the $35 convo, he told me it wasn't just the money, that he was having a very hectic week, and that the $35 was a "small part of where he was at."

 

yeah, this is sounding like a bunch of excuses, isn't it???

 

YUP!

 

Small part where he is at..means a BIG part in how it affects you.

[darkblue]

To me it is.

 

Excuses that you don't need to hear.

 

You put his email in the bin, the first time, for a reason.

 

Which reminds me, how about a glass of wine and a long talk about worldwide travelling, tonight? LOL

[KweenofDenyl]

why is he online dating if "where he is right now" isn't conducive to the activity? I say delete, delete, delete!

[renaissancewoman101]

Annie24, I am sorry to hear that your dating experiences having been going so well. Guys are so weird and so fickle. After reading this thread, I am afraid of doing online dating again. When I did online dating about three years ago, I got my share of weirdos, people planning dates and then backing out at the last minute, and I got stood up a few times. There were even once or twice when a guy would meet up with me and their first comments would be "I never imagined you to be this small" and then everything would go downhill from there.

 

I do agree with a lot of other posters on here that online dating makes it easier for people to forget about their manners and act in a jerkish way because there is such a big pool of people to choose from. Sometimes people make dates so they can have something to do and if something else comes up better, they drop you, and since they dont really know you, they dont think the worse of it.

 

I think with online dating, one must take everything with a grain of salt until something is somewhat established.

[BillyJean714]

Ew. Gross.

 

Annie's internal dialogue. J/K. Let's disect what he really means:

 

I'm sorry if you feel like I'm * * * *ing you around.

Yeah. You should be. And, you WERE.

 

I'm really not.

*sigh* Right. Liar

 

I just know I'm going to like you

Okay buddy- either you like a person, or ya don't. You don't say "I'm going to, or not." -Bull

 

Wednesday was just so crazy for me...

Why? Did you have mindblowing sex over the internet or something? Couldn't get off that chair, right? lol

 

I hope you enjoyed the show

I did.

 

That being said...what are you up to tonight (sunday)?

Sunday? Okay? Why Sunday? Because it's the day of the Lord and I feel special because instead of Saturday or Friday, you ask me on Sunday at the last minute?...Okee

 

I thought maybe a glass of wine and talk of international travel might be fun... 7:30?

No. No alchohol. And no, 7:30 isn't good enough.

 

All the rest is just "Blah, Blah..Whatever you want to say.."

 

Annie- laugh it off. Who cares about what he says. He flaked out on you. It was his chance to show you a good impression. Obviously, it didn't mean much. Keeping in touch and reading what this person has to say, will only hurt you more. Btw, Sunday is not a good day in my opinion. Sounds like he is just b.s.-ing..again.

 

Try to think of this person like a phony car salesman. That's what I'm getting based on reading from what he wrote. I just get this feeling that he's a bit, somewhat, creepy.

 

Just enjoy youself and say, "Thanks, but no thanks." Like I said, don't hate him, just move on..and laugh it off. Life is too short to let a person like this stop you from enjoying it. Your focus should be on your happiness and no one else will bring it but you. And, you KNOW you are worth it!

[annie24]

Wow - an overwhelming consensus here!

 

The nice part of me feels like giving the guy a chance. I'm normally the kind of person to give people a chance.... but then again, I already gave him one.

 

So, whatever. blah.

 

Another guy just asked me out for dinner. Let's see if this one actually follows through!

 

Ren Woman - I can't believe they said that too you!!!! That's so mean! I'm sure you had your height in the profile. ugggg.... what jerks!

[annie24]

Oh Annie,

 

Please don't take it that way. I do have diverse interests; I think in another situation I would have gladly gone with you. I just don't feel like it tonight. Between the break up and figuring out the house, plus track started and I've given two large tests this week, I just don't think I'd be at my best.

 

The $35 isn't everything. It's just a small part of where I'm at now. I really do want to meet you, but I want it to be when the time is right for both of us. I hope you enjoy the show. I hope you will still want to meet me at some point.

 

 

This is the e-mail that I responded to saying that he was *beeping* me around.....

 

uggg... why do I even bother?

[renaissancewoman101]

Annie24, yes, that is what they said to me. After stuff like that happening to me, I have really lost faith in online dating. And it isnt like I didnt put it in my profile how small I am. Also when I did IM with guys from online dating sites, I ALWAYS make sure to emphasize that I tend to be on the tinier side so that people ARE NOT that surprised. Sad thing is something people have no tact and when a guy says stuff like that, it hurts my feelings a lot.

 

Annie24, I do hope your dating ventures get better soon. The $35 guy really sounds like a jerk and I am glad that you arent giving him the time of day. He doesnt deserve it. I am still leery of dating right now and am concentrating more on finding a job out here, making some friends, and hanging out with my family and my best friend.

[DN]

OK, we're all probably right in assuming that his guy is a jerk. He has certainly not shown himself in a good light - at all. And the baggage from his marriage is still attached and so on.

 

But - you keep posting about him. And you retrieved his messages from the trash. So there is something about him that interests you and I am concerned that you are going to have regrets about not meeting him. Plus, for someone who obviously knows he pissed you off he seems more persistent than someone who just wanted a casual fling. It seems there is something about you that interests him.

 

So why not try this: send him a message and tell him what you are looking for and what you expect from him. Include the following points:

 

• You are looking for a long-term relationship not a casual fling. If he is not looking for a long term relationship at some point in the near future then you are not interested in meeting him. You are also not seeking a non-romantic friendship. That doesn't mean you want a commitment right now but it means you want to be clear about what you are looking for.
  
• That you do still have an interest in meeting him but because of his behaviour you have reservations over his intentions, his manners and whether the two of you could ever be compatible in terms of conducting a relationship of any description.
  
• That you will meet him for coffee but reserve the right to walk away at any time if you feel it is in your best interests.

Say it very clearly and very firmly - don't wrap it up in gentle words. Better that he gets offended and walks away that he has any 'wriggle room' because you didn't lay it on the line. If he agrees to meet after that, meet him with low expectations and be prepared to follow through on walking away on the first date, and any subsequent dates. Should there be any subsequent dates - guard your heart and be prepared to dump him if he gives you any cause for concern.

 

Continue to date other guys even if you do see him again and be very slow about agreeing to or asking for an exclusive relationship.

 

This only reason I suggest this is so that you can be sure that you are doing the right thing rather than looking back and wondering.

 

But if you do see him - keep him at a distance and yourself on a short leash until you are very sure that you won't get hurt.

[BillyJean714]

For one thing, how do you know if he's still not married, or not? His excuses sound all too convenient.

 

Your topic reminds me about a time when a co-worker approached me at work. This was a while ago. Sad thing is, this isn't the first time that this incident happened to me. Anyway, to continue: He was so sweet, just the PERFECT perfect gentleman.

 

I felt as though something wasn't right, and it was kind of odd the way he flirted with me, but I always shrugged it off.

 

My hunch was up to something- it was a HUGE red flag:

-His wife came into work to visit him. I saw her. She straight up gave me the nastiest look. Then I realized, "Okay, she probably knows about his behavior. So she came here to keep him in check." I felt really bad for her.

 

Sad, isn't it? All this time, his approaching me and flaking out on me was because he was married and had a kid. I don't look back on that incident. Plus, I was just coming out of a relationship myself. He did try to apologize several times. I would walk away and not talk to him. I forgave, but I didn't forget. And, I don't hate him. I just realize that I feel sorry for him because he obviously married the wrong person. But, I don't look back. I look forward, by forgiving him and putting the past where it belongs.

 

Online or not- a person can tell you anything they want, what counts is their actions. You can give him another chance, but if he gives you another excuse, that's your answer.

[annie24]

Hi all - well, I decided yesterday to send an angry e-mail to him (sorry, couldn't help it) and I blocked him so he can't contact me anymore. He wasn't married, he said that they were bf/gf and bought a house together. But, how could I know if things were really over? That's a good point Billie - well, now that I blocked contact with him, I guess it

doesn't really matter.

 

Yeah, like DN said, I was very intrigued by him. I bet if we met in person, we would have had a lot of chemistry together, but I'm just tired of the back and forth between us. I feel like meeting a person should be much easier, like, "hi - how about coffee at Starbuck's downtown at 7 on wednesday?" and then you say ok, and you meet, that's that. Things were getting too complicated here, and that is a bit suspicious.

 

I got a call late last night from a number I didn't recognize, but I didn't pick up. Whatever.

[RayKay]

Ah, well just stay strong to it. It is a bit weird. Whom knows, as BillyJean said..you never really know.

 

One of my friends' boyfriend of 5 years regularly went online dating sites and signed up to "see what was out of there" and even went on dates...usually after telling her he needed some "space"...then would come back...(fortunately she finally kicked his butt to the curb...).

[annie24]

Yeah.... weird.... 5 years, no way I would put up with that!!!

 

Ok, I just got a call from another guy. Same one who called late last night. It's another man I met online, and he was confirming plans for saturday night with me. Good boy!!! We're going to an asian fusion restaurant. he seems very funny and silly.

[RayKay]

Yeah.... weird.... 5 years, no way I would put up with that!!!

 

Ok, I just got a call from another guy. Same one who called late last night. It's another man I met online, and he was confirming plans for saturday night with me. Good boy!!! We're going to an asian fusion restaurant. he seems very funny and silly.

 

Yay! Have fun!

 

Or at least enjoy the food

[Lansing]

After reading the other stuff you posted about Mr $35, I think you made the right decision!

[annie24]

hehehe.... yeah, Mr. $35, really I was very intrigued by him, and he's very good looking, and I bet we would have CRAZY chemistry in person, but seriously.... something is off... things just got way too complicated. Meeting for a first date shouldn't be so difficult.

[Omni-I]

Hey annie. You are HOT and I'd never cancel on you! I dig scientist chicks! You are living my lost dreams and i am not a converted artist in the visual effect industry ( grades sucked too much!) hehe

 

Ok that being said and I hope it makes you feel better.

 

Personally, flakyness comes on both side, either from women or men. I had a girl which i met in online for a movie at a festival we both wanted to go. She said she didnt have anyone to go with so i said to her we could go watch together like friends And then when i was trying to setup something and sent her the link for the listing she took her time before deciding and acted desinterested. At the time i met her, she was crying over a breakup with her ex blah blah, and as usual at the time i tried to console her, big mistake, i should have busted her instead for being so clingy.

 

Anyway, suffice to say that we never went to see the movie and never met and she got back with her ex. Waste of my time it was. And the whole process lasted 2 months. So my advice, don't look back and just move on. You shouldn't care that much from people you just met anyway. Heartless and inconsiderate people is common, and we are among them ourselves. Sometimes women makes me angry like men does to yoiu...but i try to remember the ones who were angels (rare as it may) and remind me that YES good women still exist. So don't lose hope. Beside i love women, its so much easier than being angry at them all the time.

[BillyJean714]

Sometimes women makes me angry like men does to yoiu...but i try to remember the ones who were angels (rare as it may) and remind me that YES good women still exist. So don't lose hope. Beside i love women, its so much easier than being angry at them all the time.

LoL. Cute! See, it is sooo darling of someone to try and cheer you up like that Annie!

 

You really DO deserve better. Who cares about what his reasons were! You're well over it.

 

I really hoped you enjoyed the dinner date with the Mr. Asian fusion guy!

[annie24]

Hi - my date is tomorrow night He's a guy that actually made plans 6 days in advance!!! I'll keep you posted

 

The more I think about it, the more I am glad I shut Mr. $35 out. Some of his behaviors weren't adding up. Like in the last e-mail he sent, he was asking me out BY E-MAIL! for a date the same night. Now, if I were going to ask someone out for the same night, I would call them, to make sure they got the message. That, and his suddenly cancelling plans at the last minute...

 

I thought about it for a while. Now, I'm not sure, but maybe he is still living with his girlfriend (or ex!) He did say they had to figure out what to do with the house they bought together. Maybe he was asking me out at the last minute and e-mailing instead of calling because he didn't want her to find out he was dating someone new. Maybe because they're not quite over, or maybe he didn't want to upset her when they are in the middle of making a very big financial decision.

 

Either way, I think something was up with him..... blah.