Quality men, where are they?

[Scout]

They say the singers get the chicks, but drummers are sexy as hell, aren't they?

 

Oh, drummers are always cool peeps! They've got the best personalities, they're always the ones in the band that will actually stay to see the next band after their own set is done, they have the best attitudes...DRUMMERS RULE.

[Esmeralda]

Whoa!!!! LOLOLOL

Scout - thanks for coming to my defense

TiredMan - I am straight-forward and honest...but I'm also shy when it comes to the opposite sex, specially when I've just met them...and (I know this is not gonna fly well for some of you) I like men to make the first move. I'll tell you why. Most men are hunters by nature. They don't like things to come too easy to them. This is not a supposition I have, it's something that I've heard from my single male friends time and time again.

I also like men to be very assertive. I don't like shy men. I'm already shy enough for the both of us

[DN]

Whoa!!!! LOLOLOL

Scout - thanks for coming to my defense

TiredMan - I am straight-forward and honest...but I'm also shy when it comes to the opposite sex, specially when I've just met them...and (I know this is not gonna fly well for some of you) I like men to make the first move. I'll tell you why. Most men are hunters by nature. They don't like things to come too easy to them. This is not a supposition I have, it's something that I've heard from my single male friends time and time again.

I also like men to be very assertive. I don't like shy men. I'm already shy enough for the both of us

 

Fair enough - each to her own, although perhaps you don't have a very representative sample seeing as these are your single male friends. Perhaps you should conduct some research among men who are actually in a relationship. But I hope you see why you are having difficulty finding someone since you seem to be a) very picky and b) unwilling to approach anyone. I hope you will not look back on your life as a lonely old lady and wonder "If only I had ...."

[Scout]

Well, Esmeralda, now I'm gonna have to disagree with you. Sorry! But I wouldn't be too quick to buy that hunter theory...you'll hear it as an explanation for a wide variety of bad behaviors...like cheating on women, for one thing. I honestly don't think most men will cheat, so that would actually debunk the whole "hunters by nature" theory. Humans have evolved, both genders.

 

Also, like I said in another post, I actually was the one who initiated things in most of my relationships, including my current one. I think one reason why guys don't pursue as much as they did in the past is because they don't want to come accross as trying to hit on us or something.

[TiredMan]

TiredMan - I am straight-forward and honest...but I'm also shy when it comes to the opposite sex, specially when I've just met them...and (I know this is not gonna fly well for some of you) I like men to make the first move. I'll tell you why. Most men are hunters by nature. They don't like things to come too easy to them. This is not a supposition I have, it's something that I've heard from my single male friends time and time again.

I also like men to be very assertive. I don't like shy men. I'm already shy enough for the both of us

 

This is what I mean. You expect it from guys, which was my point. You shouldn't expect. You need to go out and initiate. If you are too shy, then you are letting them pass by, sorry to say. I don't believe in the hunters analogy. So then is it ok for these "hunters" to cheat with every piece of meat that walks by, to get violent when angered and so forth? If no, which I am assuming is your response, then you can't expect that to do it. If you are gonna have this many requirements from a guy (not be shy, be assertive, make first move, not married, separated, an egomaniac, a player or someone with commitment issues, have honesty, integrity and compassion and also be attractive) you are really gonna be in the situation where you wonder where they are!

[Sexychiick16]

I have no clue, since there are so very few, a lot of them

like to go the gay clubs, but they are gay...so they wouldnt

be interested in you, unless you want to try to turn one

straight, we woman do have the power! lol

 

besides there, you know he'll come when he comes.

patience is a virtue, and i know you are probley sick

of running into mr wrongs, but sooner or later he will

come around and you wont be able to get enough of

him, you wont have any questions, and youll be in love.

 

itll happen, i gaurentee it, it may not be today, or the next day or maybe not even a month from now, but itll be soon, the time will come when you can do nothing but read your vowels...

 

 

 

 

 

 

who knows he may end up being on your team...

[Scout]

Esmeralda, with my current boyfriend, I basically chased him until he caught me, lol.

 

It's a fine line between showing interest and coming on too strong (read: desperate). As you get involved in some of these new activities and meet new guys, you'll learn how to navigate that line well.

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

I also like men to be very assertive. I don't like shy men. I'm already shy enough for the both of us

Oh crud, I hope all women don't feel that way about us. We have so much to give, but I don't think bold guys can understand our plight.

 

If no one makes a move, we'd all be lonely souls. I don't think it should matter who asks who, just as long as someone is asking. A lot of guys are shy and just can't do it. They'll grow out of it, but for the time being it would be nice if a girl approaches them. Makes them feel good. I am sure the same goes for women.

[Scout]

I can't help but notice a few guys are reacting very strongly to Esmeralda's confession that she's a very shy person. Why are you all taking it the way you're taking it? Like it's a personal affront or something.

 

And there's a bit of a double standard here...the poster above says "lots of guys are shy and just can't do it." Why is that ok, but not ok that Esmeralda feels the exact same level of shyness?

[DN]

It seems to me the double standard was first expressed by Esmeralda. She seems to expect that men have a responsibility to do the approaching and she appears to be saying that it's ok for women to be shy and not approach men but not vice-versa.

[Scout]

Oh. Lol, that makes sense. Well, let's give her a break anyway, she seems like a good sport, and genuinely open to changing a few of her tactics.

[DN]

Oh sure. My only purpose on this thread is to try to help her realise that she may be passing up the love of her life because she is shy. So might he be of course, but it would be so sad for her to look back on her life with an "If only I had!" instead of a "Thank God I did!".

[TiredMan]

It seems to me the double standard was first expressed by Esmeralda. She seems to expect that men have a responsibility to do the approaching and she appears to be saying that it's ok for women to be shy and not approach men but not vice-versa.

 

Exactly the point I was trying to make. The other person was a bit more blunt about it (about if they don't approach you and aren't open and friendly then they aren't a decent guy) but she did agree with this.

 

My other pet peeve (LOL) is when people have a whole lot of thing they look for (being extremely picky which is fine) but then wonder why they cant find anyone.

[Kevin T]

My other pet peeve (LOL) is when people have a whole lot of thing they look for (being extremely picky which is fine) but then wonder why they cant find anyone.

 

I'm really picky, but also ugly too, which explains why I don't meet anyone great. Being picky is one set of problems (although I personally believe you're far better off being picky and not settling), but when you're ugly/unattractive, then that opens up a whole new can of worms. It makes it basically impossible to meet anyone you really like (because you're picky), and when you do, they don't like you (because you're ugly). So it's a lose-lose situation.

 

Take home message, I guess, is: Don't be picky like Kevin T! lol

[passions1]

You won't know the deeper issues with a guy unless you've taken the time to know him longer than soley upon 1st impression or date. As for quality guys, they could be found at community service groups or events. So if you volunteer for some activity & not treat it as an event to meet men, but genuinely want to help out others then a quality guy can appear.

[Dako]

Kevin

I don't know squat about dating, but I get the impression pretending I'm not too ugly has some value. At least that's in my notebook under "Strategies in case I can't stay single forever."

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

I'm really picky, but also ugly too, which explains why I don't meet anyone great. Being picky is one set of problems (although I personally believe you're far better off being picky and not settling), but when you're ugly/unattractive, then that opens up a whole new can of worms. It makes it basically impossible to meet anyone you really like (because you're picky), and when you do, they don't like you (because you're ugly). So it's a lose-lose situation.

 

Take home message, I guess, is: Don't be picky like Kevin T! lol

Kevin, if that is you in your avatar, you are not ugly. I've got you beat hands down. Why do you think they invented paper bags with eye holes?

 

Being ugle makes it impossible to meet anyone period. Gosh I wonder how different my love life would've been if I looked good.

[CarnelianButterfly]

I'm really picky, but also ugly too

If thats your pic in your avatar, you are not ugly!!!

[trishcollins]

Well, basically it sounds like everyone is on the same page. It's hard to meet people, it's hard to meet the "right" person, and it's hard to meet the "right" person who also thinks you are the "right" person.

 

Take it from someone who has been dating on and off for 30 years (since I was 16), it's not easy to meet people and it takes work and sometimes it pays off and sometimes you just have to say "what the hell" and take a break.

 

After you graduate from high school and college, and get into the real world, in a work environment, meeting people is a lot harder. Dating people through work is a big no-no in my books (done it three times and it backfired miserably), and so you are stuck with socializing at clubs/bars after work. That's fine when you are in your 20s.

 

In my 30s, I started joining clubs and taking classes (photography, wine-tasting, cooking, biking, running), and started to travel more as a single (I went on a cycling tour in France and there were 9 people, 7 single women and one couple -- lucky guy). I white water rafter the Colorado through the Grand Canyon, and cycled through the Napa Valley -- same results -- couples and single women. All things where there might be an opportunity to meet someone single who has similar interests. No luck.

 

In my 40s, it seems like I had tried everything, so I gave the Internet a shot. I have met a LOT (50+) people face to face for coffee and only 6 made it to date 2. Only 1 made it past three months. It's not always me being picky, it's usually mutual in that after a few dates we realized there is no chemistry or that our circumstances (jobs, location, kids, etc.) are too much of a barrier to continuing the relationship.

 

At 45 (almost 46), I am still out there today, and not having much luck. I consider myself attractive and fit. I am active, self-employed, own my own home, have lots of diverse hobbies and interests, financially stable, and yet I can't seem to meet anyone. I don't have ridiculas expectations either (as long as they are financially responsible and have a good sense of humour, that's all I ask), but none-the-less, it's damn near impossible to meet someone where we both "click".

 

I am determined, howerer (but not desparate), and I have decided that perhaps an old fashioned matchmaker would do the trick. After that, I give up.

 

Anyway, there are lots of quality people out there on both sides, it's just that it seems that for some reason, we just aren't connecting. If I had the answer, I would be a millionaire.

 

Trish

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

I always thought that I loved this particular woman, who I knew for 10+ years. But even though I was attracted to her inside and out, I could never picture us together. Part of it was because I saw myself inferior to her then-boyfriend/now-husband. I always think about her, but not about "us". Up until now, I realized that I don't want to be with her as much as I want to be with someone, anyone, and because I had stronger feelings for her than anyone else, she was that someone who would fill the void in my heart. Until I actually get someone in my life, she will be on my mind as the empty void.

[tylercdurden2004]

Don't want to do the Bar or Online scene anymore. Does anyone have any suggestions of where I can meet a quality man? You know, someone who is not married, separated, an egomaniac, a player or someone with commitment issues. I will be joining a Volleyball league in the city in a couple of weeks but can't think of anything else I can do.

 

Start by defining what you mean by quality. Be specific ie dont say "nice", define exactly what nice means to you.