lonely days Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 I am starting this thread as a vent of sorts, to speak of the invaluable lessons I learned from my ex. It might seem a little cynical but I guess at 28 years old I was a little naive and expected more from people. 1. Don't trust anybody 2. Don't believe a word anybody says to you, even those who are closest to you 3. Live your life for yourself, if someone wants to join you for the ride that's great 4. Love hurts 5. Don't take anything you have for granted, it could be gone in an instant 6. If someone is unsure, walk away and don't look back 7. You may be forgiven but it's never forgotten 8. If a girl says everything is fine, that doesn't mean it is 9. The words I love you are only words I know some of these comments are pretty sad but after what i have been through these last 5 months I can't help to think that these are some realities of life. I used to think that 2 people who love each other stick together and work through their problems and are open and honest about what they expect out of a relationship. Now I don't know what to think anymore. Please add some of your lessons learned, good or bad........... Link to comment
alonetonight95 Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 Wow, sounds like you are in a pretty bad place. I'm sorry to hear it. One lesson I have learnt from my experiences is that I, like most people, never knew how lucky I was to have friends and family like I do. It seems that you never appreciate these special people until a crisis happens. I've found that for every one person who let you down (no matter how special you treated him or her) there are 10 other people out there that would do anything in their power to ensure your happiness. That's my experience anyway. Link to comment
lonely days Posted March 17, 2006 Author Share Posted March 17, 2006 Your comments definitelt have some merit. i guess i should try and hang out with people who don't disappoint me so much.. Other then the first 2 items on my list I think there are some good lessons there. Especially #7 my ex brought up stuff from 4 years ago when she broke things off. Link to comment
Empathy Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 I agree with everything that you've said 100%. I'm sure that a lot of people may reply with a response that negates your feelings by insinuating that you're just bitter. But bitter or not, I believe that these are facts of life. I may be bitter right now due to my my past experiences but I also know that I feel the same way about life even when I'm happy. And it's simply because of the fact that I don't let happiness blind me to the lessons I've learned in life. I've felt way too much pain to get in over my head. I'll add one thing I've learned: If a bad experience has affected you enough it will ALWAYS hurt. If it happened when you were 5 it will hurt when you're 65. Maybe not as much. But the pain will always be there. Link to comment
Dako Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 10. Have a close friend shoot you if you ever consider marriage 11. A labrador retriever is a loyal friend Link to comment
lonely days Posted March 17, 2006 Author Share Posted March 17, 2006 She got the dog! Link to comment
Dako Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 The dog in my avatar...lives with my ex. I miss her a lot. The dog, of course. Link to comment
lonely days Posted March 17, 2006 Author Share Posted March 17, 2006 I definitely miss him alot, he is the best dog. You could let him outside with no leash and he wouldn't leave the property no matter whose house we were at. In 4 years he only barked a handful of times. I am considering a dognapping but i don't think that would go over to well Link to comment
lonely days Posted March 17, 2006 Author Share Posted March 17, 2006 Alright let's get back to some lessons everyone has learned through their past relationship experiences Link to comment
Empathy Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 10. Have a close friend shoot you if you ever consider marriage 11. A labrador retriever is a loyal friend Haha. Marriage really does seem like a dangerous thing to do. But hey, divorce is the in thing these days. Link to comment
Dako Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 It was when I got married in 81, but I believed in the fairy tale. Now, I don't. Link to comment
passions1 Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 What I learned from my ex & current bf are the following: -Listen more, talk less -Be direct w/ my communication & not expect that the other person is a mind reader or "should know better" of what I want or need -Don't dwell on the past & look forward to moving on w/ all the future possiblities -Be more realistic w/ my standards: don't be too quick to judge if the person doesn't create that initial passionate spark, b/c it can turn out the person can be someone who can turn you on more & more as time passes on. Link to comment
krissbrown Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 Sorry you feel bad....... I think the most important lesson is... to go with your gut. Link to comment
shamus Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 i agree with all those lessons i trusted, got burnt i forgave, but wasnt forgiven i was told i was loved, when a bump hit, i was cast aside i heard things are fine, when they weren't love does hurt i was expected to be a mind reader, if i was id be in vegas all the time love sucks. i hate it. feel so lonely so burnt. she said i hurt her, and i wasnt perfect, but my feelings were neglected as well Link to comment
shes2smart Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 - Never, ever get involved with someone who has active addiction issues. No matter what their substance of choice is (alcohol, pot, porn, etc.) their relationship with that substance is going to take priority over all other relationships. - Opposites may attract, but they usually don't stick together over the long haul. - It's crucial that you share a similar sense of humor with a significant other. Life will give you plenty of things you can choose to be sad, angry, pissed off, miserable, stressed out, and generally upset about...and rather few things that are inheirently funny. It helps if you and the SO are laughing at the same things. -No Trust, No Relationship. Link to comment
GottaLetItBurn Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 I learned that a girls feeling are the only thing that matters, because in a womans mind her feelings are the only thing that matters. Link to comment
Jonquil Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 Thanks for starting this thread... I really appreciate it. As Empathy said, to some, your thoughts may sound bitter but after what I've been through also, I believe these are the facts of life too. You come in this world alone, you leave this world alone - ultimately people only care about themselves. Sure you can cry on your best friend's shoulder, sure they can sympathise, but when you part ways from those friends in that moment, they will go back into their world, and you yours.... no one can truly feel or help your pain. You're on your own. Society has trained us that the only acceptable state and goal of mind is happiness. Those emotions should be felt to their highest capacity, but negative emotions should be shed immediately... "don't cry", "cheer up", "block it out". Why?, not because they really care about your 'happiness', but because your feeling such emotions as sadness and hurt makes THEM uncomfortable, or they do not know how to deal with someone who isn't on top of the world. You cannot ever fully trust anyone 100%. You cannot ever truly know what's in someone's heart. People will always have the capacity (everyone has a shadow) to surprise you. People will always tell you and show you who they really are. You just need to know all of yourself enough to know when you are hoodwinking yourself to act on what they are telling you and showing you. We can all be the masters of our own deceptions driven by our unconscious. Evil people exist in this world that view you as nothing more than prey (them the predator). Love yourself. Do not make excuses for people that undermine that. Link to comment
enigmaz_Barbie Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 Well, what I have learned from my previous relationship is: * When a guy does something to hurt me and apologises and then in a few weeks does it again, to run away becuase this guy is nothing but RUBBISH! * If a guy doesnt call or message in a week time to ask how Im feeling then Im going to FORGET about him because its plain to see he just insnt interested in how I feel and only wants to be with me to get one thing from me. * NEVER EVER EVERR stop doing what you love for a guy. * When a guy does say he loves you, take your time and note how he acts around you (actions are stronger than words). *If a guy tells you from the beginning that he doesnt want a relationship, but later on asks you out make sure you reject him becasue he has already said he doesnt want a relationship, if you do say yes it will just turn into one big ugly mess! * learn self-defense to kick the abusers butt!! (espeically when he gets pushy and trys to rape you!!! (I hate abusers!!!) Im sure theres more to come in the future! Link to comment
dwbh Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 - Don't depend on anyone to make you happy. - You were fine before you met him/her and you will be fine if they leave. Its not the end of the world. - There are only three people that can be trusted- me, myself and I. - You're family will always be there for you - doesn't go the same for your significant other. - Never have any regrets. In life we are constantly learning, welcome the good and the bad. - People break promises, its just human nature. Link to comment
Rebel Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 11. A labrador retriever is a loyal friend Couldn't be more true. I remember closer to when it happened, I was sitting on the couch, and he (my yellow lab) was accross the room laying with his head on his paws. I broke down and a tear rolled down my face, and without skipping a beat he got up, came over, licked my face, and gave me his paw. I love my doggy Link to comment
mystik Posted March 18, 2006 Share Posted March 18, 2006 - Don't depend on anyone to make you happy. - You were fine before you met him/her and you will be fine if they leave. Its not the end of the world. I'm in a way still trying to re-learn this two things...almost there!! Great advice though. I learned that a girls feeling are the only thing that matters, because in a womans mind her feelings are the only thing that matters. now, now... lol...let's not generalize. There are givers and takers in both genders. Link to comment
GottaLetItBurn Posted March 18, 2006 Share Posted March 18, 2006 You are right, but I just experience a lot of takers. Much how woman will say all men suck because they just happened to be in a relationship with the wrong guys. I guess it's all in my mind, I try to keep an open mind with all girls though Link to comment
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