alonetonight95

At the beginning of the year my girlfriend dumped me. The following posts explain the situation: Now 4 and a half months later, I am celebrating my birthday today. Sure enough, the dreaded phone call came to wish me a happy birthday. I already knew that she was seeing someone else, and true to form, she didn't hold back in telling me how great it was. However, when she did, something totally unexpected happened. I didn't get upset. Or at least, nowhere near to the extent that I thought I would. I ended up saying how happy I was for her and thanking her for the birthday greetings. Upon reflection of the phone call, I came to the conclusion that a lot of the inner strength that I exhibited during the call had at least partially come from what I have learnt off this site. I would just like to take the opportunity to thank all the kind people who took the time to read my posts and offer me advice and perspective when I needed it the most. My situation was a bit unusual (dumped over the phone/email, whilst away from home for three months for work). Whilst I acknowledge that I still have a way to go, hopefully this will be my last post (at least as a dumpee), as I start to pick myself up and move on. To all those still suffering from rejection, or hurt, or abandonment, please don't give up hope. There is light at the end of the tunnel, even if it's hard to see at the moment. I wish you all the very best, and hope that someday you can write a post just like this. All the best. Alonetonight95.

Just a quick update on the whole situation. I am back in New York and I did include her on the group email to announce my return (early). I received a one line email from her saying that she hoped I enjoyed my time there. I replied saying that I wished her the best and that I hoped she was happy. Two days later I found out from a mutual friend that she has been seeing someone for about 4 weeks now. So I guess that ends that.

Believe me, I am trying to look forward as much as possible. However, it is tough, as all my progress so far has been made away from temptation and her. Has anyone else been in this situation?

So, I'm guessing that also means taking her friends off the list as well right? Anyone else gone through anything similar? I would be very keen to hear how it turned out.

Wow, sounds like you are in a pretty bad place. I'm sorry to hear it. One lesson I have learnt from my experiences is that I, like most people, never knew how lucky I was to have friends and family like I do. It seems that you never appreciate these special people until a crisis happens. I've found that for every one person who let you down (no matter how special you treated him or her) there are 10 other people out there that would do anything in their power to ensure your happiness. That's my experience anyway.

Has this happened to anyone else? I would be really grateful to hear of anyone else who has been dumped whilst on holiday or away for work, and what happened when you returned.

I guess my thought process behind it is to close the loop and make sure that it wasn't just distance that was behind her dumping me. DN, I certainly see where you are coming from, but if this was the reason, then she would have had no reason to contact me until I get back.

Hi, Background to my situation is here in this link: My question now is, I am heading back home to New York after three months away (she broke it off three weeks into my time away). I am heading back approximately three weeks earlier than anticipated (the project ended up finishing early). I was going to send out an email to all my friends and family once I got back to New York letting them know (if they didn't know already), that I was home early. Should I include her in the email list? It has been about 7 weeks since we last had any contact, and although I have come a long way and I am doing pretty well, I am dying to know if she still thinks about me. I guess the last thing I need for the healing process is to know that it was not just the distance that made her break it off. I thought it would be a no pressure, indirect way to contact her. That way, if she wants to make contact with me, then she can, and she knows that I am back in town. What do people think?

Thanks, I think that is what I need to do. The only thing left is whether or not to let her know when I am coming home to New York or not. I was leaning towards including her in my group 'return' email, so as to not sound petty, and then if she wants to instigate contact she can (I will keep my NC policy).

She assured me at the time that she was completely over her ex and had been for 6 months. I guess I was Mr. Right Now rather than Mr. Right. I seem to always attract these types of girls? Any suggestions on how to find someone who loves me for me, rather than what I represent (ie. the 'idea' of a boyfriend, rather than a boyfriend itself).

friscodj I think you are right. I think she was transferring her previous relationship onto ours. That makes it difficult I guess to determine what (if any) of her actions were directed at me or at the previous ex. You seem pretty knowledgeable about this kind of thing, has it happened to you before? I am not sure whether to be angry or sad about this whole thing. How can the person who puts all the effort in keep coming up with the short end of the stick? I so desparately want to ask her that question, but I know it won't achieve anything. I am just afraid that she has simply moved on with no hesitation or second thoughts.

I just don't understand. After 4 months she wanted to move in together, and now she doesn't even want to know me. It doesn't make any sense. Unless she was transferring her last relationship onto ours...

So I guess I should take her off my email list. It's sad really, I had committed everything to this girl and now I don't know what to think. I really tried everything I possibly could. I honestl yhave no regrets about anything I did, as I tried my absolute best. I know am afraid that my best just isn't good enough.

Stay strong. Believe me when I say that I am in your position (albiet my relationship didn't last as long as yours). DO NOT CALL HER. She knows how you feel, and any calls now just negates what you have said to her six days earlier (ie. this is the last day we talk). It sends her a message that her feelings are more important than yours. They both should be equally important, and she should realise this. If she can't then maybe she isn't right for you (that was hard to say, so I can appreciate it is even hearder to hear). Good luck with this, and stay strong.

Maybe she didn't love me at all. Whilst she said that she did, she always said that she didn't want to hear it all the time because she didn't want it to be a casual line thrown around. Maybe she didn't want to hear it because she didn't feel it herself. It's very difficult to deal with this so far away and with no friends or family to lean on over here. I'm now 29 years old and wondering if I have missed the boat in terms of finding someone. What about when I get back to NYC? Should I contact her? She is still on my group email list, so I guess I could send a group email to let everyone know I am home without directly contacting her. Or should I just give up and not contact her again?

I guess I just don't understand how someone can say that they love you, only to turn around after only a few weeks apart and say that they are not into the relationship. I'm just very confused.

Hi there everyone, this is my first post to this site. I will try to be as succinct as possible. I had been going out with my girlfriend for about 10 months, at which time I had to move from New York to Seattle for work for 12 weeks. She knew about this from the beginning of the relationship, and whilst she often complained about me leaving, I explained to her that I loved her dearly and desparately wanted this to work between us. A couple of times during the relationship she suggested that we break up while I was away and that we reassessed the relationship when I got back. Her reasons for this were usually pretty lame, like she was going to miss me too much and that she didn't want to sit at home being miserable whilst I was away. She kept commenting that it was always harder for the person left behind. I always told her that I wanted to stay together as I felt breaking up then getting back together would cheapen the relationship. Besides, true love conquers all right? Even from accross the country? I was due to leave just after New Year. She was also going on holiday for the first three weeks of January (she said to take her mind off me going). She had also planned to come and see me for a week on her way back from a trip to Canada. About a week before Christmas, everything was going great, until one morning when she woke up and decided that she needed to break up with me. She gave the excuse of me not caring that I was leaving and that I didn't take her feelings into account when she was upset. I had always considered myself to be a caring, considerate, compassionate partner, who always had her best interests at heart. I guess I always believed that we would last forever, so three months didn't seem that long for me. She always had said that three months was "such a long time". A few days later I was out with some buddies, and I arrive home to see her in her doorstep, saying that it was all a mistake and she wanted to be with me. We spent Christmas and New Years together and it was fantastic. I went away to Seattle thinking everything was great. For the first three weeks, we texted every day and things were great. After she arrived back from her holiday, she stopped responding to my texts. I called her, and she told me that everything was fine, but perhaps I shouldn't contact her every day as it was hard for her, but at the same time, she liked it. I asked if she wanted some space and she said yes. So I told myself that I would wait for her to call me, in order to give her that space. After about a week, I still hadn't heard from her, so I gave her a call to find out what time her flight arrived, so I could pick her up from the airport. She told me that she had cancelled her flight to Seattle three days earlier and was flying straight back from Canada (she said because of school commitments, if she missed too many classes she would fail her course). I asked why she hadn't called to tell me this and she said that she was too afraid. She then said that she didn't see how the situation had changed, she had broken up with me before I left and that was that. I sent her an email the next day expressing my devotion and commitment to her, and even offered to quit my job to come back for her. She told me that I shouldn't do that and that she only wanted to be friends. There had been 'too much emotion' in my leaving and she 'just wasn't that into the relationship'. She said that she wanted to be single especially since she had jumped out of a 2 year relationship into going out with me. At this point, after pouring my heart out to her, I told her that I would always love her and wished her well. About a week later I got an email from her apologising about cancelling her trip and she asked if I was ok. I responded (politely), but I was non-committal about everything (ie. I told her what I was up to, but kept all emotion out of it). Since then I have not heard anything back from her. I have not contacted her since either. Is it hopeless? Is the relationship over? Some of my friends think that I might hear from her once I get back to NY. I am not so sure. Has anyone else been in this situation or has any advice they can share? Sorry about the length of this posting!