alonetonight95
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Posts
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At the beginning of the year my girlfriend dumped me. The following posts explain the situation: Now 4 and a half months later, I am celebrating my birthday today. Sure enough, the dreaded phone call came to wish me a happy birthday. I already knew that she was seeing someone else, and true to form, she didn't hold back in telling me how great it was. However, when she did, something totally unexpected happened. I didn't get upset. Or at least, nowhere near to the extent that I thought I would. I ended up saying how happy I was for her and thanking her for the birthday greetings. Upon reflection of the phone call, I came to the conclusion that a lot of the inner strength that I exhibited during the call had at least partially come from what I have learnt off this site. I would just like to take the opportunity to thank all the kind people who took the time to read my posts and offer me advice and perspective when I needed it the most. My situation was a bit unusual (dumped over the phone/email, whilst away from home for three months for work). Whilst I acknowledge that I still have a way to go, hopefully this will be my last post (at least as a dumpee), as I start to pick myself up and move on. To all those still suffering from rejection, or hurt, or abandonment, please don't give up hope. There is light at the end of the tunnel, even if it's hard to see at the moment. I wish you all the very best, and hope that someday you can write a post just like this. All the best. Alonetonight95.
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Just a quick update on the whole situation. I am back in New York and I did include her on the group email to announce my return (early). I received a one line email from her saying that she hoped I enjoyed my time there. I replied saying that I wished her the best and that I hoped she was happy. Two days later I found out from a mutual friend that she has been seeing someone for about 4 weeks now. So I guess that ends that.
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Believe me, I am trying to look forward as much as possible. However, it is tough, as all my progress so far has been made away from temptation and her. Has anyone else been in this situation?
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So, I'm guessing that also means taking her friends off the list as well right? Anyone else gone through anything similar? I would be very keen to hear how it turned out.
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Wow, sounds like you are in a pretty bad place. I'm sorry to hear it. One lesson I have learnt from my experiences is that I, like most people, never knew how lucky I was to have friends and family like I do. It seems that you never appreciate these special people until a crisis happens. I've found that for every one person who let you down (no matter how special you treated him or her) there are 10 other people out there that would do anything in their power to ensure your happiness. That's my experience anyway.
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Has this happened to anyone else? I would be really grateful to hear of anyone else who has been dumped whilst on holiday or away for work, and what happened when you returned.
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I guess my thought process behind it is to close the loop and make sure that it wasn't just distance that was behind her dumping me. DN, I certainly see where you are coming from, but if this was the reason, then she would have had no reason to contact me until I get back.
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Hi, Background to my situation is here in this link: My question now is, I am heading back home to New York after three months away (she broke it off three weeks into my time away). I am heading back approximately three weeks earlier than anticipated (the project ended up finishing early). I was going to send out an email to all my friends and family once I got back to New York letting them know (if they didn't know already), that I was home early. Should I include her in the email list? It has been about 7 weeks since we last had any contact, and although I have come a long way and I am doing pretty well, I am dying to know if she still thinks about me. I guess the last thing I need for the healing process is to know that it was not just the distance that made her break it off. I thought it would be a no pressure, indirect way to contact her. That way, if she wants to make contact with me, then she can, and she knows that I am back in town. What do people think?
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Thanks, I think that is what I need to do. The only thing left is whether or not to let her know when I am coming home to New York or not. I was leaning towards including her in my group 'return' email, so as to not sound petty, and then if she wants to instigate contact she can (I will keep my NC policy).
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She assured me at the time that she was completely over her ex and had been for 6 months. I guess I was Mr. Right Now rather than Mr. Right. I seem to always attract these types of girls? Any suggestions on how to find someone who loves me for me, rather than what I represent (ie. the 'idea' of a boyfriend, rather than a boyfriend itself).
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friscodj I think you are right. I think she was transferring her previous relationship onto ours. That makes it difficult I guess to determine what (if any) of her actions were directed at me or at the previous ex. You seem pretty knowledgeable about this kind of thing, has it happened to you before? I am not sure whether to be angry or sad about this whole thing. How can the person who puts all the effort in keep coming up with the short end of the stick? I so desparately want to ask her that question, but I know it won't achieve anything. I am just afraid that she has simply moved on with no hesitation or second thoughts.
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I just don't understand. After 4 months she wanted to move in together, and now she doesn't even want to know me. It doesn't make any sense. Unless she was transferring her last relationship onto ours...
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So I guess I should take her off my email list. It's sad really, I had committed everything to this girl and now I don't know what to think. I really tried everything I possibly could. I honestl yhave no regrets about anything I did, as I tried my absolute best. I know am afraid that my best just isn't good enough.
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Stay strong. Believe me when I say that I am in your position (albiet my relationship didn't last as long as yours). DO NOT CALL HER. She knows how you feel, and any calls now just negates what you have said to her six days earlier (ie. this is the last day we talk). It sends her a message that her feelings are more important than yours. They both should be equally important, and she should realise this. If she can't then maybe she isn't right for you (that was hard to say, so I can appreciate it is even hearder to hear). Good luck with this, and stay strong.
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Maybe she didn't love me at all. Whilst she said that she did, she always said that she didn't want to hear it all the time because she didn't want it to be a casual line thrown around. Maybe she didn't want to hear it because she didn't feel it herself. It's very difficult to deal with this so far away and with no friends or family to lean on over here. I'm now 29 years old and wondering if I have missed the boat in terms of finding someone. What about when I get back to NYC? Should I contact her? She is still on my group email list, so I guess I could send a group email to let everyone know I am home without directly contacting her. Or should I just give up and not contact her again?