Guys, what would you think if.....

[KristyK]

Just wondering how you guys would feel if a girl you knew as an acquaintance (talk maybe once a week) asked you to hang out sometime? Like, she askes what you're up to this weekend, you say you have no plans and she says "we should hang out sometime". Would you assume she was interested, or just friendly? Thanks

[Jeremyg77]

ummm i would prob. think she might have something it depends on the person if it was my good friend no i would think she is being friendly but just a friend i would think she might be interested.

[DN]

I would assume she was interested and say "I would love to hang out with you this weekend. What time should we meet?"

[Dako]

Sounds good either way.

[sidehop]

It's a good starter...

[atraceofblood]

I'd honestly think there's some feelings involved, but I'd have to force myself to be fair and not assume everything even though I'd first assume she's interested. But either way, I'd be FLATTERED!

[Arrowsmith]

I would defintely assume she likes me and is at least interested in the idea of being > friends.

[Markers]

do you flirt? If yes, she was asking you out..

[NewPhillyGuy]

I would think either a) she's being friendly b) she's into me.

 

If I was into you as well, I would def go to to check it out and see what you want.

If I just liked you as a friend, I would go along just to hang out.

 

If you like this guy, look for eye contact, body language, gentle flirting, etc. It should be easy to tell what his interest level is, unless he's shy. You may have to nudge him a bit to get a reaction then. Look right into his eyes and smile often. That always works for me. He will either smile back or look the other way. You got it right there dude.

 

Good luck and let us know.

[KristyK]

Would you ever just flat out say "no" if asked that? That's what I'm afraid of. I don't really mind if it goes anywhere or not, I would be happy with friends. He is attractive, but I don't really KNOW him...just in passing.

[Magic_Monkey]

Yeah, if you're just aquaintances I'd assume she maybe liked me.

 

I'd never say no though. I'm always up for any sort of going out, if you don't click like that or he doesn't like you in that way then you'll have made a friend at least. He talks to you sometimes already so he must think you're at least OK to have as a friend. I'd say go for it. I'd be happy if someone just did that to me.

[Markers]

I dont get it, you could be friends but would you want to be more? In my experience you just are not happy with both results.. you either want to go out with him or strictly stay as friends.. He will say yes if he has romantical interest in you, he will probably say "ummm... [no/maybe]" if he sees you as a friend.

[Superfreak]

Would you ever just flat out say "no" if asked that? That's what I'm afraid of. I don't really mind if it goes anywhere or not, I would be happy with friends. He is attractive, but I don't really KNOW him...just in passing.

 

Rejection is something guys deal with all the time, it's really no biggy and you'll feel alot better with yourself about having the guts to do something about your feelings rather than burying them (as people, unsuccessfully I should add, often do).

 

I'm telling you to ask him out, ask him to hang out sometime, set up an exact time and date and get a phone number, but keep in mind if you just say "hang out" he will either think its as a "just friends" thing or he might suspect its a date but wont be sure. In either case during your "date" you'll have to somehow communicate romantic interest to him, whether this be by flirting, physical contact (grabbing arm, holding his hand etc.) or maybe saying at the end "this was a great date".

 

A note of caution though if the guy says he's busy the day you suggest, it might not be a rejection, have another day ready or ask him for his number so you can call him and arrange a day later. If the guy seems completely unavailable after suggesting a couple days it's probably his way of communcicating he doesn't see you that way. But if you want to be 100% sure just tell him your interested and being more than friends and see what his reaction is, it's the only surefire way of knowing.

 

Good luck I'm sure it'll turn out great .More girls should have the guts to put themselves out on a limb and take a chance asking someone out, it might be a bit intimidating but the rewards make it well worth it

[Arrowsmith]

I wholeheartedly respect the opinion of Superfreak, above. But I'd like to add that there is a potential hidden cost to pursuing a guy -- if he's lukewarm about you he might go out with you just because he can. I guess the fact that you guys are already friends puts up a small energy barrier, but still don't put yourself in a position where he knows you like him and takes advantage of that fact.

[shyanne]

you talk once a week, isn't that more then an acquaintance.

[KristyK]

Well I did it....I got a "ya...we'll see..." Gimme a break! Oh well....I tried....no regrets eh

[walkingwithaghost]

that means youre interested. duh.

[hosswhispra]

Well I did it....I got a "ya...we'll see..." Gimme a break! Oh well....I tried....no regrets eh

 

Hey KristyK,

 

"We'll see," was the same exact answer I got almost three years ago when I asked a guy out, too. We never did go out, either. He's actually now engaged to someone else.

 

He was not the first guy I asked out either...I have asked out other men in the past---none of them said yes--even though they said they were flattered when I asked them out. Many of my friends would say, "Wow, you have alot of guts," I just thought that if I wanted something I had to go out and make it happen. Now I just feel completely opposite about asking men out. Having been through 'trial and error' process of asking many men out myself, it's my opinion ***emphasize my opinion*** that it's kind of unnatural for a woman to ask a man out. In nature, it is almost always that the male pursues the female, not the opposite. Even with men and women, it is usually the man that proposes marriage (I know that you weren't asking him to marry you, you were just asking him to hang out).

 

The guy that I asked out three years ago is the last one I will ever ask out. I don't think that asking men out is for me anymore. Now, I would much prefer it if the guy asked me out--that is when I would really know that the guy actually had some interest in me.

 

But I still do admire our courage

 

hosswhispra

[blender]

I'd keep up the friendly communication and let HIM make the first move, but that's just my style, I think GUYS especially like the girl that involves some "effort" and if you do the work for him, maybe he won't respond as you would like, I'd be friendly and flirtatious, and see what move he makes... I always think if a guy is interested in me, I would only be interested if he were the kind of guy that had the confidence to pursue me... after all, don't you want that too?

[hosswhispra]

I always think if a guy is interested in me, I would only be interested if he were the kind of guy that had the confidence to pursue me... after all, don't you want that too?

 

Totally agree with blender....yes, I do want that...that's why I won't be asking any men out anymore...great point, blender.

[DN]

Seems to me that some women are going to be very lonely because they have a hard time accepting the same sort of rejections at about the same sort of ratio that they expect men to accept. Too easy to slip back into traditional gender roles and say 'men must prefer to do the pursuing' - read the dozens if not hundreds of posts on here by shy men who have a hard time approaching women.

 

Equality means also mean equal acceptance of responsibilities and acceptance of risk. .

[KristyK]

I appreciate everyone's input...but to be quiet honest, I did not see what I did as asking him out. He has given me lots of hints that he's interested and whenever I saw him on a Friday or Sunday and asked what he was up to/how was your weekend....he would ALWAYS say he had no plans/it was boring and he did nothing (I felt it was hinting)...thats why I decided to say "well we should hang out sometime" beause it flowed with the conversation. I didn't say anything specific or make specific plans, just a suggestion. Now it's out there. He has only 1 friend he hangs out with...so I thought it would be fun to have someone else to hang out with, and see where it goes! Yes, I could have mistaken his friendlyness for "interest", but he could have mistaken my friendlyness as "asking out". I'm not going to let this get the best of me....I will keep going to his work and acting friendly like nothing happened. Yes, I could have waited for him to ask me to "go out" if he WAS interested, but I don't want to sit around waiting for that. I just hope he doesn't start avoiding me now!

[hosswhispra]

Seems to me that some women are going to be very lonely because they have a hard time accepting the same sort of rejections at about the same sort of ratio that they expect men to accept. Too easy to slip back into traditional gender roles and say 'men must prefer to do the pursuing' - read the dozens if not hundreds of posts on here by shy men who have a hard time approaching women.

 

Equality means also mean equal acceptance of responsibilities and acceptance of risk. .

 

 

It's possible I was just asking the wrong men out. I think of myself as a "low signaling" type of female. What I mean by that is I don't think of myself as flirty or hint dropper type of person. However, I do smile a lot and I am friendly to everyone. So when I liked these men, I thought the only way these guys are ever going to know I am interested in them is if I ask them out (i.e. hang out). They all told me they were definitely flattered but they never gave me a blunt yes/no answer. It was always "we'll see."--and then nothing would ever transpire between us. Then later on I would see them with another girl that they had pursued these were the same women that the men later asked to marry them too

 

So my advice is just to follow your heart in these matters and do what feels right for you. Right now, *for me* it does not feel "right" to ask men out (i.e. to hang out) anymore. Who knows, my feelings about this could change again in the future.

 

hosswhispra

 

P.S. KristyK--I think it's definitely a good thing to remain friendly with the guy you asked to hang out with you. Who knows, maybe something would develop and transpire for you two in the future. I see the ball in his court now.