If he can say he loves me...???

[Slightleejaded]

I've been with Evan for almost 8 months now, and I can count on one hand how many times he's told me he loves me. When I approach the topic, he says "you know how I feel, I just have a hard time saying those words", but he can tell my three year old he loves him all the time. We have our troubles, but with everything else going on (see Relationship Conflicts) I need some reassurance. Maybe just confirmation that I didn't throw away a 7 year friendship for a man who won't let me in.

 

What do I do? Any ideas?

I've tried not to prevent this from becoming an issue but I'm scared that I may have made a big mistake...this is the first time I've ever put a man before my friends, cause in the end I've always needed my friends in the end. I not so nicely told my bestfriend to go to h - e - double hockey sticks, that I didn't need her or her vicious ways affecting my life anymore.

 

Which in all honesty was probably the best decision I've made this year. But now I find myself questioning my decisions cause even after all of this he still can't tell me he loves me.

 

Should I give him an ultimatum or just wait it out! In my heart I really believe this man ws meant for me in sooo many ways. Please help, any and all feeback will be appreciated!

 

Luvs

[Scout]

Actually, many men and women use that phrase sparingly. I'd rather be shown someone loves me, than just hear the words.

 

Do you feel he does show you his love for you in many ways?

[busterkeaton]

You can tell young children (and pets) anything you want, they will never judge you or throw it back in your face and manipulate it and turn it around or read it as anything different from what it is.

If you give this guy an ultimatum over his reluctance to say "I love you" (which incidentally many many guys have difficulty saying) then when he does say it, it will be under duress. Wouldn't you rather have a sincere "I love you"?

Just a thought from someone who would never say unless he meant it and says it very sparingly when he does. I'm sure others will have different opinions

[DN]

This may be a quality vs quantity issue. What is more important to you - that he says it and means it - or that he says it and it loses it's meaning for him and just becomes another trite phrase?

 

Maybe you should judge whether he loves you by how he treats you rather than by needing the words more often than he is comfortable expressing.

 

It is important in a relationship to feel loved - but there are more ways of expressing it than verbally.

[Ran_into_a_rainbow]

I seem to have a hard time with those three little words myself and I've been with my guy for several months now (met him in the summer last year). I fear being vulnerable if I say those words...kinda like I'm protecting myself from the possibility that this relationship might not work out.

 

The werid thing is, my guy seems to have no trouble telling/showing his feelings for me and has told me on at least three differenct occasions that he is "madly falling in love" with me. What girl wouldn't want to hear their man say that?

 

So, I can sorta relate to your guy about being scared to say those words. Things are going great for us by the way, I'm floating on cloud 9 these days, yet terrified of being vulnerable. My own insecurities really.

 

Doesn't he show you in other ways how much he cares for you? Is he considerate and thinking of your well being, safety, shows respect and is always making the extra effort to just "be" with you? Actions speak way louder than words and if you "feel" his actions place you on a high regard, then perhaps just give him more time so that he can get used to the idea of saying those words. I know it's just a matter of time for me...but in the mean time, I haven't been able to make myself say it.

 

I'm pretty sure my guy is wondering the same thing you are. I want to...but I just feel...vulnerable.

[princessdi75]

My boyfriend rarely says i love you randomly...it always comes when we hang up the phone or when we are saying goodbye to eachother, but other than that, I'll tell him randomly that i love him, and a lot of the time he'll just be like "why?" ...or cough or mumble an i love you to try and be funny (which i don't find funny...) and sometimes he does say it, but he never "initiates" an i love you unless we're saying goodbye. I don't let it bother me though, because I know he loves me. If you're questioning whether or not he actually loves you, then that's a whole different ballgame.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

Oh dear..my boyfriend of nearly 6 months has never said it!

 

But..he shows it all the time. He is flawlessly considerate. And it was this that does it for me:

 

*I dont know if I love you (yet), but I do know that being without you would be one of the worse things ever*.

[valenski]

Let his deeds speak where his words are absent, think of the way he hugs you or the way he kisses you, the smile on his face when he sees you at the end of a long day. Dont force him to say it just to get you off his back, if his deeds say the words you want to hear, then he will say them when he's ready.

[Andy223]

Actually, many men and women use that phrase sparingly. I'd rather be shown someone loves me, than just hear the words.

 

i agree... actions speak louder than words.

 

saying i love you all the time, eventually looses its meaning. So the fact that he says it rarely or hasnt said it yet, is a good thing