Just wondering??

[yeawutever]

Sadly, today and even if it was 100 years later and so on, many people (both men and women) will still be stuck in abusive relationships. Yet, they don't know why can be doing great without that loser around them.

Just wonder if any of u would respond back (I definatley would) if ur partner lays a hand on you?? I would be getting anything hard that gets on my hands, do wutever, to get him off me and beat him. That's just the only I would apply force, not on words, just if someone lays a hand on me, he/she'll get some from me.

[the yang to the worlds yin]

i'm not big on violence, plus i'm pretty sensitive. so knowing me, i would ball my eyes out and run out of the house as soon as i got the chance.luckily i'm with a guy, who i know for certain would never lay a hand on me.

[Tesseract_Witch]

I think that abuse--physical or otherwise, begets what it brings about; more abuse, of course. I am one to defend myself only if attacked. For example, I was so enraged by what one of my friends accused me of, I couldn't help but snap at him. Well, it was a very crude statement, but he wanted to hit me so badly--I beat him to it. Aggressive, violent, or protective?

[Tesseract_Witch]

i would ball my eyes out and run out of the house as soon as i got the chance.

 

Run where? When can you expect to defend yourself from any abusive relationship if you keep running? When Ailec1987 says "abusive," that doens't necessarily refer to boy and girl friend relationships--what about violent peers--more so in a younger person's respect--or hostile coworkers? Can you always run from your job?

[yeawutever]

Right, where would u run?? Wouln't u wnat to live a normal life. Right on wut u stated before Witch, nothing worng with using force in self-defense, I would.

[Scotcha]

I was married to someone that became abusive. (Funny how this came out AFTER we got married...) The first time I was so shocked I didn't do anything. The second time I filed a police report. The third time I got a restraining order and divorced him, for that reason and countless others.

 

Defending myself wasn't really an option. I'm small and wussy. Plus, the first two times he didn't lay a hand on me, he was throwing things at me.. I was a bit confused by that actually. Who does that??

[the yang to the worlds yin]

well you have to understand, i'm a very tiny female, so fighting back isn't exactly going to do much. and probably just to a neighbors.. point is,i wouldn't take the risk of trying to beat him up as well

[seally]

I'm a very violent person but no, when it happened with my ex I was more shocked and wondered what the hell was happening.

[Felix055]

It is a hard call to make when you are confronted with that situation with a person with whom you supposedly love, share trust and confidence with. I have heard that in DV situations where both are battering the results can be deadly - of course they are often deadly when it is just the guy doing all the violence. So learning self-defense is a good thng - especially for the smaller sized women. You could actually really hurt a guy enough to disable him and get away if you know how it wouldn't matter much your size. Once you are away stay away- I know it is hard but he will never change (most batterer's are not interested in changing) unless he gets serious treatment and then sometimes that does not even help.

 

No body deserves to have physical violence done to them, yes violence begets violence. Verbal abuse is not justification for physical abuse. That just escalates your conflict. And you shouldn't put up with verbal abuse either.

[carefreebear_so]

U know, it affects you when the SO hits you, you can never get over it. Mines did, thought it just once when she got drunk, till this day I can't get over it, I don't see her the same way and no I didn'r responded back but it has affected, which I'm about to make a post on this.

[Mavh25]

I watched my mother be violently abused, and i tell you what, it doesnt half affect the children too, if any are involved.

My mum unfortunately like a lot of woman believed that getting back with him, would be the best thing for the children, and nevere in a million years would i blame her for it, it was completely not her fault she did what she thought was right, and it turned out to be wrong.

Now she has moved on, i am so proud of her, it was so hard for her and she was depressed beyond belief. Just walking out was the hardest thing ever. So scary for her, because us, the kids, always had a reach to him... but we never actually wanted it.

We all make mistakes, and the woman that my mum is today proves to me that mistakes are what change you. You have to fall a couple of times before you can master it. Anyone who goes through this, alot of people understand but you feel its only you. My mum was hit were the brusies wouldnt show, she was so scared of him she culdnt leave. But when she did, everything changed and now she is with an amazing man

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

If my partner hit me, Id almost certainly lay into them back but only as far as self defense required, before leaving as soon as physically possible.

 

I don't START fights anymore, I try and be the one that finishes them.

 

And I never choose abusive people anymore either.

[KweenofDenyl]

Before I married my ex-husband I said the same things many of you have said here...I would fight back, No Way was someone gonna treat me like that.

 

Not every abusive relationship is the same or follows the exact same pattern but there are common threads to all--a person who is abusive (physically, emotionally, verbally) will start "small". Minor actions/words that erode your confidence, things that we now call "red flags".

 

Problem is, if you don't recognize these red flags, and get the hell out of the relationship, the abusive behavior increases until it's full blown beating the sh*t out of you, screaming, punching, slapping, pushing you out of a moving car...I could go on.

 

Anyway, by the time he hits you, your way of thinking has become twisted. Even though you recognize this isn't okay, all the times he said you were fat, ugly, stupid, lazy, a bad mother, a bad wife, blah blah blah is running on a lovely little recorder in your head. And you believe it. And you don't fight back. Fight or flight doesn't kick in. You think you have to stay and make things better. For the children's sake. Or because he constantly reminds you that no one else wants you. Or will ever want you.

 

Again I digress.

 

The point I'm trying to make here is that the reality of an abusive relationship is such that rarely does a woman leave/fight back the very first time she has a visible bruise. By that time the internal bruising has worn her down too far.

[yeawutever]

Wow, that's an interesting article darkblue. Think I'm gonna save it now, who knows when I'll need it!!!!! But yea, losers most of the time can be detected from miles away!!!

[darkblue]

Every woman on Earth should save it.

 

I am male, and I saved it!

[KweenofDenyl]

darkblue, I was remembering a previous post where you posted that same link when I posted...and wondering how to find it! Thanks for posting it again.

[darkblue]

 

No problem.

[Beyondthesea]

Unfortunately it's hardly ever "things were perfect then one day my partner hit me." Normally it is small amounts of abuse to chip down a person's self esteem enough that they eventually think low of themselves and accept the abuse.

 

It's very confusing and unbelievable if you haven't endured it. I was very strong and independent when I met my abusive ex. Within about 6 months I was a completely different person and felt weak and belittled by everyone. They really mess with your head and you lose yourself. It's very sick and twisted and people who are abusive should be tortured with hot coals and pokey sticks.

 

That is all.