How hard is NC and how bad does it suck?

[shau_nee]

Ok, So I broke up with my bf this morning. He didn't feel like answering any of my questions. I went and had the number changed on my cell and am ready to iniate NC. My questions is how hard is NC and how bad does it suck??

[luvagain]

It's hard if you are the dumpee. I don't know what it's like if you are the dumper.

 

Actually I would like to know what it's like for the dumper. I have been wondering what my ex feels even though she is in a new relationship. If she wants to contact me or not or if she just plain erased me. In any case, I think it depends on how close you are/were to your ex. If you still have feelings for him.

 

It sucks if you are the dumpee because you want clousure or maybe you want to work things out and make it work. I wish I knew what dumpers felt.

 

Sorry about your break up. I hope you were honest and kind to him while you made the decision.

[shau_nee]

Actually I'm the dumper. But I pretty much dumped him because I knew it was coming and didn't want to be the dumpee. He was pretty nice about the breakup. He even kissed me good bye. Now I'm wondering if he feels as bad as I do. I changed my phone number because I all ready want to call him. This sucks so bad!!! omg!

[luvagain]

Okay. It could be that he is putting on a hard shell so that he doesn't seem vulnerable. How long did you too date for? I'm sure he feels something, he's human after all. Changing your number is a step towards NC and it seems tome that you are serious about it. If so stick to it 100%. You will get urges to call and see how he is doing and if you do make sure to keep the conversation to a minimum and watch what you say. You don't want to send the wrong message.

 

yes, it does suck. Be strong and let him heal if he needs it. I he was nice about the break up then he understood and is probable processing it right now. Give him time to process it.

[shau_nee]

how and the hell do you fight the urges to call? This is only the first day and it's only been a few hours. Does it get better or worse as time goes by?

[luvagain]

You fight the urges by staying accupied. Do something that will take your mind off of him. Invite some friends over so they can keep your mind off of things. Go out and take a walk, hike, etc.

 

It gets better but understand that no matter how much time has passes and how many months you'bve been on NC, you will always have urges. They probably won't be as strong as they are now but you will have them. I have been on NC for 3 months and it hurts but I have realized that she has moved on and I have to heal. I want to hear her voice sooo bad but doing so will ruin the progress I have made. I wonder if she has the same urges? I don't know.

 

It will get better as time passes. Hopefully you two will remain friends and it won't be a problem.

[luvagain]

I agree mouse_potato.

[xblondyx]

NC is unbelievably hard. But you just have to stick to it. If you do nothing, they will wonder why you haven't been in touch and will start to think about you. If you keep emailing/phoning them etc you will bug them and make the whole situation even worse.

[shau_nee]

yes mouse potato it's the same guy

 

I tried talking to him this morning about where things are headed and he kind of blew me off. So I told him I wasn't going to see him anymore if this was the way that things were going stay.

[xblondyx]

Way to go on being strong! Don't let him walk all over you.

[Hunny1607307342]

NC is 10 times harder in early days, but after like a week or two you adapt, plus lose hope that he will contact you because he hasn't done so for so long. I've never done NC before because I have to see my ex at college everyday, but I remember once over the holidays for a whole month he didn't contact me when everything was going really well. I was so confused!!!!!!!!!!!!! Everyone told me not to contact him so I didn't. I sent him a text. No reply. IT was driving me MAD!!!! I just wanted to smash my phone against the wall. But after the first week or two I stopped watching the phone waiting for it to ring. What did they do in the ancient times when there was no phone?!!?! Anyway, you'll get used to it. And it is much much much easier to move on. Out of sight, out of mind.

[luvagain]

"Out of sight, out of mind"

 

It hurts but it's a must if you have been hurt terribly. This is the reason why I've been on NC for 3 months and I refused to see her over the holidays when she requested we get togehter and have coffee. Funny, I hate coffee.

 

Out of sight, out of mind. She's out of my sight but she is still in my mind, half of the time. I hope I can erase her completely. I can't believe the love we had for each other has now been lowered to forgetting and erasing each other from our lives. At least that's how I feel she sees it and now I see it that way as well.

[red10]

NC is extremely hard....but so important. I think you did the right thing, he has to know he can't have you as a backup - you deserve to be treated fairly.

 

For me, NC has been at times very difficult. but other times I have been okay. It's been about a month. I think you will have your moments, but don't the them get the best of you, stay strong!

[red10]

oops. i meant to say don't let those moments get the best of you!

[coooolsome]

NC is hard but it doesnt suck. It helps you regain yourself and helps you find yourself. Also the reason it doesnt suck is b/c it doesnt allow you to make a fool of yourself. Also, it doesnt allow the dumper to feed off anything negative about you.

[curlygirl47]

The NC is so hard for the first few days, but then strangely you begin to feel better and more confident with each day. Or at least, I do. There is still the occasional nagging feeling of "I wish he'd call" or "are we never going to talk again?" but you can push that away and remind yourself that you are in control. That said, this is about my 4th or 5th try at NC. I did it for 13 days once, and then the ex called, and we started things up again, in our roller-coaster way. He never committed to me, though, and what it all boils down to is I'm back to NC again after allowing myself to get into a terrible state a few weeks ago, where I revealed to him my uttermost weakness and created in him a sense of guilt and pity and gave him all kinds of power. After he hurt me by sleeping with his ex, I fell apart completely, and I was drinking so much and taking too many sleeping pills (and I still couldn't sleep) and was in such bad shape I had to check myself into the hospital. Talk about a disaster. He came to see me twice in the hospital and told me later that he was sick the entire time I was in there because he felt responsible. Now, isn't that a lovely story? But you know what? I'm not going to waste my time feeling bad about it now. I WAS sick with depression, and he DID contribute to my problem. So, now I'm better and I let him know that I can make it with him or without him, and this is the 4th day of NC this go around. My focus isn't on getting him back, now ---it's on healing. But I can tell you this: I would have had an easier time getting him back if I hadn't fallen apart. Now, he's terribly afraid of hurting me even more. Still, all things said and done, he would have hurt me either way, if he hasn't got his own problems worked out.

[Blue In Texas]

Shau nee. Everyone is different, but the thing that worked for me was to write, but not send, a letter to her saying everything I wanted to say. Keeping a journal also helped. The first week is so hard you can barely stand it. But it really does get better. Write to yourself, write to us, but don't contact him. Coooolsome is right. NC lets you recapture your self esteem, which helps you heal, which makes you realize that the relationship ended for a reason.

[gratefulpain]

Do something outdoor, if weather permists.... but heres the trick... leave your phone at home.....

 

she would call me.. she dumped me.... i was so hurt and sad.. i think she felt guilty,, so she would call and small talk.. she said we can be friends,,, but i wasnt ready... to go from love to friends knowing she was with someoine else so soon... NC gave me control of my emotions an so dignity