In my opinion-

[MaddiMyAngel]

Shy people are selfish because all they rely on is how others make them feel about THEMSELVES. To stop being shy, start being selfless. If you were a person all about the comfort and wellbeing of others as we should be, you wouldnt be so concerned about what others think of you.

 

That's one way to look at it!

 

But seriously- stop living in your mind and you might be better meeting the real world.

[Scotcha]

Shy people are selfish because all they rely on is how others make them feel about THEMSELVES.

 

Obviously posted by someone with no empathy towards shy people.

 

While I'm sure some shy people are selfish that's just the way it is. Some people are selfish and it has nothing to do with shyness.

[DN]

Most people are shy not because they want to be but because they can't help it and no matter how hard they try cannot change. And for some of them it affects their whole life. To blame them for a condition they can neither help nor change seems very unfair.

[MaddiMyAngel]

To blame them for a condition they can neither help nor change seems very unfair.

 

Obviously, you dont know me.

 

Anything can be helped with the changing of one's attitude. There are no excuses for blaming your "condition." Boy, you're talking to someone who has cancer.

[Scotcha]

Though I am sorry for your situation and wish you the best, having cancer is no reason to lack compassion for those struggeling psychologically rather than phisiologically.

[DN]

I am sorry you have cancer. But shyness is something innate within a person and to judge somebody for that still seems unfair. It is easy to criticise someone for not doing something that you may have accomplished yourself. But for everyone who has climbed Everest, for example, there are many more who have not been able to do that despite the most valiant attempts.

 

But I agree that people should make every attempt to try to change something about them that impacts on themselves or others negatively - being overly judgmental, for instance

[Sheyda]

I don't understand how shyness has anything to do with being selfish, or how people's wellbeing has anything to do with concern about what others think.

 

I would say people who follow the crowd rely more upon what others think of them than shy people do.

 

Also, not every shy person is daydreaming all the time.

 

I open doors for people, I wake up earlier than everyone else just so that I don't get in the way, I stay up late after only having 4 hours sleep because my boyfriend misses me and wants to talk to me, I help people with their work, I help people find their way when they're lost even though I could miss my train/bus and am tired from being up for 18 hours straight since 4:30 a.m., I help people pick things up when they've dropped something, I come to this site and give advice when I can, I am there for people when they are upset. All this and more, but man... I am one hell of a selfish cow because I am shy.

 

Just because you have cancer, doesn't mean you have the right to make mass generalisations that aren't true and act like you know everything. Sorry if I am wrong about you, but you certainly sounded quite haughty in your response to DN. Yes, people can change and better themselves, but they can't do it with the snap of their fingers and for some it is just as much of a struggle to overcome shyness as it is for you to overcome cancer. Physical things heal naturally with time and some care, but psychological things take a lot of effort to make a change; people have to alter their whole attitude and sometimes even the personality that they were just born with and have been used to for years. You can't just stick a plaster in their brain and they're suddenly shy-free a few days later.

[Aquarian-Princess]

I'm not being mean but I kinda noticed that when someone (DN) said something that was against her post and opinion she brought up her cancer. Now last I checked cancer has nothing to do with every shy person being stuck up. And like in Sheyda's example of herself (which is a very positive view on us fellow shy ppl) not all shy ppl are mean. I myself am very kind to ppl. I'm just not very good at being social with a new group of ppl. Like at work for example. I'm very shy with my co-workers at first and am very quiet. But when I see customer I'll help them find something even if its on my break. And as much as I would like to I can't change that I'm shy just like that. Kinda like how you can't change having cancer. Now I've meet some really social ppl who were complete * * * * * * * *. So just b/c some ppl are shy n quiet doesn't mean they're stuck up.

[Seko]

If it were really that easy to change the core of who you are (or who you have become due to other events and abuses in your life), all psychologists would be out of the business. Also, all companies that make antidepressants would have to downsize considerably.

 

Sorry, but cancer and psychological problems are not the same at all. Cancer, while deadly, doesn't really destroy your day-to-day life. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, however, (which is a pysychological problem) can isolate and alienate a person from friends, family, coworkers and neighbors. People don't understand psychological problems because they're not as clear-cut or common as physical ones. Someone who has cancer gets a lot of sympathy and support from everyone around them, and even though they face possible death, at least they can go through their struggle knowing they are loved. People with psychological disorders, however, are often ostracized and abandoned by everyone around them and struggle with paranoia, OCD, schizophrenia, borderline personality disorder, or hundreds of other possible problems all by themselves.

I know all of these are categorized disorders, but they all relate to shyness on a level. Some of these problems (especially personality disorders) could lead to shyness and paranoia of others not liking them. And all could be solved, supposedly, if the sufferer "just __(instert command here)__." It's not that easy. I don't think anyone enjoys suffering through the self-hate and uncertainty that being shy or paranoid (which, by the way, are not the same thing) bring them. It's like telling someone with OCD to "just stop avoiding cracks in the sidewalk", telling someone with agoraphobia to "just stop staying indoors", or telling someone with anorexia to "just eat something!"

 

These changes may be possible, but not overnight, not alone, and not with ease.

[Andy223]

Shy people are selfish because all they rely on is how others make them feel about THEMSELVES. To stop being shy, start being selfless.

 

Alot of shy people are shy because they lack a certain self confidence to do something. Other people may be shy because of constant abuse from others, which has made them feel insecure about themselves. To say that shy people are always thinking about themselves and not others is a big generalisation don't you think?

[ShySoul]

Shy people are selfish because all they rely on is how others make them feel about THEMSELVES. To stop being shy, start being selfless. If you were a person all about the comfort and wellbeing of others as we should be, you wouldnt be so concerned about what others think of you.

 

I have always been, and always will be shy. There is a reason that I picked the screenname ShySoul.... because from the very essense of my soul I am a shy person. And yet, as I have been told my numerous people, I am very selfless. I have volunteered to many organizations over the years, giving back to others. I was community service officer of a club I was in. I spend hours daily on this very site trying to give to others, not even posting about my own problems. Rarely do I talk about myself, and when I do it is mostly as a means of identifying with someone else and getting them to see that I understand how they feel so that they are more likely to listen to what I am telling them. I honestly hate it when the spotlight is on me, I would much rather other people be given credit for their actions. So I would have to say that I am a shy person who is far from being selfish.

 

In general, I have found shy people to be the sweetest, nicest, smartest, and less selfish people I know. They are more sensitive to the needs of others because they have experienced much hurt and being looked down on. It causes them to be aware of how others feel and makes them want to help whenever they can.

 

Shyness is something that is natural. It is a part of who we are. We are all shy given the right set of circumstances, it is just more common in some then in others. And there is nothing wrong with that. It isn't something that people need to change. I find that the more shy people are told to change, that they are selfish, that something is wrong with them - the worse they feel and the more they retreat into themselves. It also causes a conflict in them between wanting to be the person that everyone says they should be, and the person they are. This conflcit makes it harder to actually be social because it places pressures on them and makes them more afraid of being rejected and looked down at.

 

I always advise shy people to not change a thing, and to just embrace their shyness. In becoming ok with it and seeing it not as a problem but a potential strength, it can help boost their confidence. They then just focus on what they like, on being happy with themselves. When they are happy with themselves, their natural personality will shine and people will like them for it.

[shes2smart]

Eh, I dunno about "selfishness"...however, there may be an exaggerated sense of what other people notice.

 

If you think people are noticing every (negative) thing about you, you're gonna withdraw somewhat.

 

Thing is, most of the time with most people, they're too involved in their own drama to notice a whole lot of anything having to do with anyone else.

 

Between realizing that and getting to the point where I don't much care what others think about me...well, that pretty much took care of any shyness or awkwardness I had.

[Mavh25]

How can you just come on and say people are shy because they care what people think? people i know are timid, and they are that way because of experiences in their life which have punished them for being anything other than that. Who are you to judge people? who are you to say that confident people who dont care what people think arent selfish?

[ShySoul]

What does it say about society when people are more focused on themselves to notice anothers feelings, and when those that are the most unselfish and giving, get told they are wrong and are transformed in people's minds into a selfish and arrogant person that they are not?

 

Thinking about it, perhaps this says more about those who judge shy people then it does about the shy persons themselves. If you actually take a look at the person and get to know him or her, you'll almost certainly find a wonderful heart and soul that cares more for others then for themself. I've seen it in every shy person I know.

[shes2smart]

How can you just come on and say people are shy because they care what people think? people i know are timid, and they are that way because of experiences in their life which have punished them for being anything other than that. Who are you to judge people? who are you to say that confident people who dont care what people think arent selfish?

 

I never said that.

 

In fact, I fail to see any sort of judgement in what I did say.

 

All I suggested was that some people may think they are being (negatively) noticed more than they really are and withdraw accordingly, when, in fact, the things they think are being noticed by others aren't being noticed at all.

 

Furthermore, all I said was once I realized that maybe people weren't paying that much attention to my own perceived flaws, and I moved to a more internal locus of control than external locus of control I no longer had difficulty with shyness.

 

If that doesn't apply to you, there's no need to take it personally. It was never intended to be anything other than than an observation based on what my experience has been...which is no more and no less valid than your own.

 

"Selfishness" never entered the picture...in fact, my previous post opened with the idea that I don't think "selfishness" has anything to do with it, but rather a higher degree of "self-consciousness" than a non-shy person.

[ShySoul]

What is lost in this conversation is that WE ARE ALL SHY. Under the right circumstances even the most outgoing of us will be shy. I've seen numerous posts where someone who is normally outgoing and talkative, meets someone they like, and and freeze up, becoming incredibly shy. On the other hand, put a shy person in there element with something they really love, and watch how not shy they are. For me, stick me in a room of children and I will be on the floor wrestling around or playing games in no time.

 

They key is to not worry about how you are or are preceived. It is to just be comfortable being who you are.

[blueangel]

Shyness occurs from lack of stepping out of the comfort zone- something we all do, but there's nothing wrong with it. It's unhealthy not to have enough faith in yourself but that's what life is about- growing and getting to that point. This, in fact, is very much so easier said than done.

 

I understand what you're saying. You sound like how I was just a bit ago. Dont let other's flaws make you bitter. Let it make you patient and understand. Cuz we've all been there. And there will be many time mores that people will be there again. Even the social butterfly has her moments of hesitation. That's all shyness is- just a butterfly unfolding her wings... and it doesnt really matter how long it takes to get there. In MY opinion, I think we all do... at one point or another. Even if it isn't a consistent character trait to do so. I think it's more of a state of mind.

[blueangel]

I agree in that it doesnt have much to do with selfishness. It's more of uncertainty... someone thinking, "What do I do now?"

 

If you don't push yourself, you'll never know.

[NJRon]

Troll........

[AwdreeHpburn]

I think the comment, although it doesn't appear to be based on anything but opinion, has stimulated some really good conversation and generated some good comments.

[NJRon]

You're an awfully happy penguin... aren't you?

[cheesy026]

I can be extremely shy around anyone I don't know well and I've tried my whole life to change that and I've realized it's unchangable, shy people will be shy, there's really no need to judge.

[ShySoul]

Even the social butterfly has her moments of hesitation. That's all shyness is- just a butterfly unfolding her wings... and it doesnt really matter how long it takes to get there.

 

Worth repeating. Great way to look at it.

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

Shy people are selfish because all they rely on is how others make them feel about THEMSELVES. To stop being shy, start being selfless. If you were a person all about the comfort and wellbeing of others as we should be, you wouldnt be so concerned about what others think of you.

You are so wrong. Are you shy yourself? If not then you have no idea what we go through. If so, then you are a rare breed. Shy people WANT to do so much, but cannot because of many physical and psychological factors. I could go on but '24' is on, followed by an exciting 2 hours of wrestling. I'll rebutt more later.

[blueangel]

Maybe she was just having a "moment." Let's not attack her. I have had many a "moments". AND some of YE KNOW THIS!