Persistent

[DRB]

I have a question for all those that think they have an answer.

 

Have you started dating a guy merely because he was persistent in asking you out?.

 

Has it worked out to a relationship and why did it work in getting you attracted?.

 

I know it shouldn't work because you would come accross as a stalker but I have had it work and I have heard of it working elsewhere. I just don't know how it happened because in theory it shouldn't.

 

Catch ya

[ShySoul]

It depends on how you go about asking. If you are following her around places and asking everyday, odds are it won't work. But if you keep up hope and don't pressure her into it, that presistent shows that you really do care and are willing to wait because you think she is worth it. As they get to know you more, and like what they see, that combined with the sweet idea that you are willing to wait and don't have eyes for others can help in your favor.

 

Think of Steve Urkel from the show Family Matters. When he was a pest about it and tried all kinds of crazy stunts to show how he felt for Laura, that annoyed her. And it didn't work. But when he was nice and a friend, and at the same time never giving up on them, she slowly fell for him.

[Desperatelover76]

Well i know that my ex's sister keept asking me to go out with her, every day she would keep asking and asking but when i said i would it ended when her mum got involved into the relationship because she had a bf.

[keenan]

When I was in high school a guy who was in my group of friends kept asking me out. He would corner me at parties, call me during dinner and refuse to hang up, leave notes for me everywhere. I hated his persistence, and I still get angry thinking about him (15 years later). I remember that he didn't respect my wishes, and that he had really bad breath.

[ladeedah]

A guy was really bugging me to go out with him,I mean really and I kept saying no b/c I couldn't see myself being attracted to him but than I caved in and we ended going out for a month. My attaction to him grew from a 3 to 6 out of 10 but not enough to warrant going out with him much longer...having sdaid that I know a lot of my friends for whom attraction really built by learning more about the guys personality so yes, it could happen.

[WildChild]

Nope, never has worked for me. I have had a few guys persistent and after awhile I had figured, o.k. I'll give it a shot. The kicker is that their persistence didn't stop after the first date. Many times it was a one date thing because they came accross as either desperate/clingy or full of themselves.

[RayKay]

For me honestly no it has never worked. I have had a couple of these situations, but there is one in particular that still makes me cringe when I think of it!

 

I knew one guy whom was "persistent" for about 6 years, we were acquaintances of sorts, and had met through work, but he would always flirt with me, ask me out and more so even if I was with someone else and in a relationship! In those cases even if I said I am WITH SOMEONE he would say "well, I can wait until you are single again"... .

 

Honestly I just was not interested even if I was single. Initially I thought he was a decent person, but just not attracted in that way to him, but when he started to pester me, disrespect my feelings, and then disrespect my relationships, I had enough and was totally turned off. I actually stopped talking to him and being his friend altogether.

 

Maybe it works for some, but I guess it depends on the persons involved, and the "persistence". For me when I am not interested, I am not interested, and someone ignoring that just turns me off and makes me feel unacknowledged and disrespected.

[ShySoul]

My best friend's father was persistent and it paid off. He met his future wife and said that was the girl for him, even though she wasn't interested. Thing is, he didn't openly pursue it. He stood back and was a friend, never pressuring anything. They even drifted apart for awhile, but in his heart he didn't lose hope of being with her. He says he would have joined a monastery if he wasn't going to be with her. Eventually they reunited, got together, and got married. So his persistance and hope worked in the end, he just wasn't direct and in face about it. It can work if you are nice about. It doesn't work if you are pesky.

[keenan]

Actually, it's true that my husband was very persistent. We were friends long before we started dating, and then at one point he just kept asking me to do things, coming around with fun little notes and ideas and interesting things to talk about...and after awhile I looked up and realized I was hooked! He jokes about it now...that by assuming that he was already in my life, he bootstrapped himself into it. So there's a difference between using friendship and gentle persistence as a means of getting on the inside, vs. just bugging the he!l out of somebody when they are telling you to GO AWAY.

[vesper]

the guy would have to be *hot* and I would have to be attracted to him to 'play' along with his constant 'chase' lets say...I would have to be playing a game in return..he he...

[ShySoul]

But if he is hot and you are attracted, why play games? Why dance around what you want, when you can be having what you want and enjoying each other?

[vesper]

But if he is hot and you are attracted, why play games? Why dance around what you want, when you can be having what you want and enjoying each other?

 

shysoul -In all honestly it should be that simple but people like to play games and sometimes the 'chase' is just as fun as the prize...for instance if you like someone you don't go up to them right away and say 'will you sleep with me?' (unless you just knew exactly what you wanted..) then you have to go through a 'courtship' to get to that point...( this sometimes includes games...but it should just be pure communication...there has to be a 'process' that leads up to the prize...this 'process' starts with a little bit of 'play' at the beginning of a relationship...of course pure honesty is one route to go too...not sure which one works better yet, have not figured that one out!!

[ShySoul]

rae - Yes, you wouldn't go up to someone and ask to sleep with them, because hopefully you aren't wanting that and are wanting more, a real relationship. The courtship doesn't need to consist of games and a back and forth power struggle, ultimately leading up to sleeping together. I may be old fashioned, but I believe that you court a women by being her friend and getting to know her. You treat her well and with respect. You are honest and say precisely how you feel. The prize is true love, and you don't need games to get there.

 

While I've yet to have an official girlfriend due to bad luck and circumstances, being straightforward and not playing games has lead to numerous girls being interested, two girls loving me, and one girl with whom we share such a deep connection I am starting to think of her as a soulmate. It's produced so many results of late, that I honestly can't see how any other way would work as well.

[vesper]

 

shysoul , I see your point...game playing can backfire on you....but when a guy is being persistent and the girl is refusing him...maybe she is playing games because SHE IS INTERESTED...persistence shows confidence on the man's part.....some women would want to fee like a guy was really into them and was not willing to take no for an answer...the only way a guy could pull it off though would be not to loose his cool...stay self-aware...girl's want to be 'won'...that is why persistence may work in some instances...

[ShySoul]

Agreed. Just seems to me a long way to get to what you both want. I'd rather spend my time holding a girl I like and letting her know I love her by the way I look in her eyes and kiss her lips then to let her know I like her by chasing after her and thinking I have to impress her and win her over.

 

If you already like the guy and he's won you over from the start, and the guy likes you and you won him over from the start..... why not just start enjoying the prize? Skip the formalities and start enjoying each other.

[vesper]

well here is a twist...what would you think if a guy clearly stated that he was interested in you and you said you were not interested. He says to you that's fine when ever you are ready contact me. Then two years later the girl contacts the guy and says she is interested goes to see him. Then he says to her I want to start out slow...the girl does not know exactly what he means...he says he is still interested but that to contact him again when the girl knows exactly what she wants...and that he is very interested in her...this is obviously not being persistent its kind of the opposite...he is sitting back waiting for the girl to make some moves as he has made a point to tell her he wants her and that whenver she is ready to contact him...but he wants to know exactly what she wants??

[vesper]

and he says anytime...whenever you are ready two instances of contact in two years...now he wants the girl to chase him? girl has contacted him once...

[ShySoul]

We're getting into specific circumstances, so there is always a little adjustments that will be made depending on the exact cirumstances.

 

In this case, the guy made a move when he realized what he wanted. But he wasn't going to force it if she wasn't ready. He kept the door open, but he wasn't going to let her be the only one. And thats fair. The girl then contacts him after two years. Because they haven't spoken in two years, a lot could have changed. Even if somewhere in his heart he still wants to be with her, how does he know the person he fell in love with then is the same person that likes him know? So taking time is good. And to have someone you haven't spoken to in a couple of years suddenly call you up and say they like you, the surprise element alone takes time to adjust to. So slow is good.

 

I don't think its about being presistant or not. I think its about following your heart and doing what you feel is right. If your heart says to go for it, then do so. If your heart says to wait, do so. In this case, the guy did go for it. But he wasn't going to be a pest about it. He respected her wishes. But in his heart he didn't give up. You can be persistent without actually making any moves.

[vesper]

 

I don't think its about being presistant or not. I think its about following your heart and doing what you feel is right. If your heart says to go for it, then do so. If your heart says to wait, do so. In this case, the guy did go for it. But he wasn't going to be a pest about it. He respected her wishes. But in his heart he didn't give up. You can be persistent without actually making any moves.

 

Right on!!

[ShySoul]

 

 

Right on!!! lol

 

That was fun. If you come up with any other topic to debate or talk about rae, I'm always up for it.