How?

[RunToMe]

How do I handle this? I have had several panic attacks in the past week and a half that we have been separated, well broken up would be a better term because I am not going back. I just, I hurt so bad. My heart aches for him and I do not understand why. He hurt me, he hurt me more than anyone in this world has ever done, and yet I still feel the need to be with him. I am trying SO hard to get on with my life. I do not want to mope around feeling sorry for myself, but I miss him. I dont want to, but I do. How to I move on? When do I start feeling good again?

 

And is it normal to feel physically exhausted after something like this? My muscles hurt and I feel fatigued even thought I slept a full 8 hours. Does it have to do with the stress of the situation?

[Dako]

Heartbreak can sure make you tired and sore. I had knots in my chest and stomach for a month or more. It's a long slow process but gets easier as time passes. I remember your early posts about your situation, and want you to know you eventually did the right thing.

When you come out of this, I'm positive you'll be happier and stronger, and he won't be on your mind.

 

Try to get out and change your scenery so you mope in pretty places.

[RunToMe]

It weird because this isnt the first ever break up I've gone through, but the others were not painful. Not like this...

[Diggitydave]

Yes, all the emotional pain you have becomes psycho somatic. All the stress you have on your mind is putting strain on your body. When those moments come where you feel the need to relieve some pain, do some exercises, it will release endorphins in your body which will give you some help. You are thinking about the situation (we all do/did) and it is causing you distress most likely leading to the panic attacks. If your ex hurt you so bad, you really only want him back because it is what you're used to, what you're comfortable with. I am going through the same thing sort of, my ex didn't really hurt me but she told me she didn't want to marry me and she has a lot of work to do on her own. I acted immaturely and such at the end to get her back, i cried, i begged, i pleaded, i called a million and one times, over and over and over. I acted like a fool. I set myself up for disaster.

 

I understand what you're going through, so well, trust me, read some of my other posts. Yes your physical body will be messed up. I have had stomach troubles ever since the break up and beginning of the no contact phase. I oversleep, over eat because i fear i'm going to wither up and die (not true). I smoke on and off and my anxiety level is at an all time high. So it is normal to have physical ailments that accompany this. However, I have and you should try to, do more exercise, TRUST ME IT HELPS A LOT!

 

 

I am so sorry you had a breakup. My best advice is if you do something stupid like cry or beg or act like an idiot or ANYTHING, either after the break up or something you did towards the end of the relationship, don't beat yourself up about it.

 

Exercise, practice deep breathing, don't pick up a bad habit like i did.

 

God Bless and good luck

[Dako]

Breakups aren't all the same. My first breakup was almost entirely the opposite of the last one.

[Diggitydave]

the physical symptoms are tough, its the lingering black cloud. We must all have hope that whatever IS around the corner, is better for us all

[Hope75]

Runtome,

 

Breakups take their toll on a person physically. What you are feeling now is pretty normal. You are missing who you thought you fell in love with, not who he is now.

 

Try to make a list of all the terrible things he has done to you. The physical abuse, the verbal abuse, the controlling, the talking down to, all of it. Read the list when you miss him, and ask yourself- would someone who loved and respected you ever DREAM of treating you this way?

 

It's a big adjustment from living with him to moving away, even if he was abusive. Remember, you lost your home and familiar situation too. It's OK to grieve for that.

 

I lived with my abusive ex for 5 years before he nearly killed me and I finally left. It was still a major adjustment for me, everything that was familiar was gone.

 

You are doing the right thing. Have you considered counseling? You are a victim of domestic violence, and it is difficult to come to terms with that and deal with, and many victims find that it helps to talk to a professional about it- there are even support groups out there for victims.

 

Hang in there girl, it's tough- but you are smart and very brave. You should be proud of yourself.

[Relationship Coach]

runtome,

 

I have been following your threads for some time now and I am so proud of you for getting away from him. I know how hard it has been and I know at times you feel sorry for him and even hurt for him but what you have to understand that is all a part of coming out of an abused relationship. The victims actually sympathize with their abuser and often think they can change them and make them better, this is rarely the case and a very dangerous move. As you continue to heal and grow stronger you will detach from him emotionally, this wont happen over night. When you have an urge to contact him or miss him, get on here and talk to us. We are your extended support group and someone is on here 24/7. Again, I am so proud of you for taking this huge step, you have been through the hardest part! Hang in there!

 

RC

[BellaDonna]

My heart aches for him and I do not understand why. He hurt me, he hurt me more than anyone in this world has ever done, and yet I still feel the need to be with him.

Part of the way he abused you has lowered your self-worth to a level where you feel you are nothing wihtout him, and you "need" him for your life to have any meaning. That could not be further from the truth. In time, you will see that you are much better off without him. He was a very destructive force in your life.

 

Just from being away from him- you already sound a heck of a lot stronger. I know you don't feel strong yet- but just the one of your post is definitely more confident.

 

well broken up would be a better term because I am not going back

 

I like the sound of this. I am glad you are standing your ground and not thinking of going back anymore. Good for you! You don't realize it yet, but you've come quite far just due to the fact that you can affirm that you are not going back.

 

 

BellaDonna

[sonjam]

I totally agree with bella here, runtome. They make you emotionally dependent on them, and when you leave (AND WELL DONE FOR DOING SO) then you start to feel lost and lonely, and you considder going back. IT takes awhile for you to feel strong enough again, especially to withstand their continual attacks on you to get back together (that really is all it is, all the nice words and promises are just another atack in disguise).

 

Stay strong, talk to us, and KNOW you are so much better off without him, you are worth so much more, and you will soon feel better, and think ...."what was I thinking???"