In relationship but something REALLY bothers me ..

[TheChef]

I'll try and keep this short, but I was seeing this woman for a few months and I really fell for her and seemed to have fallen for me as well. We also happened to work one cubicle away from each other. After a couple of months of us seeing each other, she confessed to me that before we were seeing each other, she had been involved in a 3 week relationship with the guy sitting on the other side of me! We all know each other. But he didn't know about her and I - we kept it discreet for professional reasons.

 

That threw me, but I let it go since it was before our time together. But I noticed that she always kept talking about him and I started to think that she maybe hadn't gotten over him. Sure enough, I was right. Within a month, se started seing him again. He was a consultant from out of town and so he was only there during the week. She promised me that she just needed to resolve her feelings about him and that in 2 weeks she would dump him. She would spend nights with him during the week and I was absolutely miserable. But I was so stupid, that I would see her on weekends - hoping to win her back.

 

Well the 2 weeks came and went and she seemed to still be with him. But suddenly he decided to take another assignment and was gone for good. In short time, she then became "all mine". She now wants to us to stay together for ever. It's been 6 months now ..

 

All of the sudden, like in the past week or so, I'm feeling angry about this. I feel as though I can never get passed what happened. I always will feel like I'm the #2 guy, the fallback guy, the convenient one. I don't know whether or not to bring this up or not because there's not much she can do about it now. There's nothing she can say that won't ring empty of meaning. I don't want to end it with her - but at the same time, I don't think I'll ever be able to marry her or anything because of this.

 

Should I talk to her about it?

[HaloDestroyer]

Hi, friend...

 

Firstly, let me welcome you to the eNotAlone forums. I hope you find the advice you seek, and in turn, pass your experience to others.

 

I think you should definitely talk to her about it. Communication and trust are founding principles of any relationship, and if you kept this to yourself, you would be violating both these concepts.

 

You have a right to be angry. She did treat you like a fallback, and it was wrong.

 

But you cannot take this anger out on her, unless you want to drive her away.

 

Talk to her politely about how you feel, and if she can't make you feel any better with her reply, I'd have a serious think about how much she takes your for granted.

 

Hope this helps...

[friscodj]

Well, I would say you are very justified in feeling like her fallback guy. What will happen when another good-looking consultant from out-of-town shows up for a few weeks?

 

How do you feel about her? What makes you think you guys are meant to be? How does she treat you otherwise?

 

Should you talk to her about this? Absolutely! Don't harbor these feelings and have them come out ten times more powerful down the road while in the meantime, you quietly build resentment for her. Do it while everything is fresh in your mind. This is a pretty serious issue so prepare yourself what you may not want to hear beforehand...