elements2 Posted February 20, 2006 Share Posted February 20, 2006 please help. this guy has a girlfriend and i dont know what to do!!! I met this guy, we're in the same college. we started talking, eating lunch together and stuff and one day i put my number in his phone. then we got to know eachother more and he came to hang out at a bar with me. THEN he tells me he is really attracted to me but thats bad cause he had a girlfriend. Well i was shocked and upset be at that point i realized that i REALLY like him and i was soooo upset to hear he is taken. Now what do i do cause i have to see him no matter what, everyday at school. everytime i see him and talk to him i just like him even more. He is always calling and asking for us to get together and meet up at the bar or something. Two weekends ago he asked to hang with me and i shafted him last minute then last weekend i asked him to hang with me and my friends and he already had plans. so now he says for sure we have to hang out next weekend and i really really want to and i told him yes, but i want to know what his intentions are. If we hang out at a bar, now that i really have feelings for him, how am i supposed to act? I want to tell him how i feel or i want to tell him that we shouldnt talk but how? what exactly can i say? I have to deal with him at school everyday but should i tell him that i like him and i think we should keep our distance cause i dotn want to get hurt? AAAAAAAAAAAAGGGH! I know he likes me, I can tell he really likes me so this weekend at the bar will be interested. I think that we wont keep our hands off of one another with a couple drinks and the way that we want eachother, and then finally getting to be out of school at the bar.....well i dont know what to do. I dont want to hurt his girl but i sure as hell dont want to get hurt either but how do i find out how he feels? what should i say? Link to comment
Mrocza Posted February 20, 2006 Share Posted February 20, 2006 Sweetie, he has a GIRLFRIEND. Put yourself in her shoes. There is your answer. Link to comment
elements2 Posted February 20, 2006 Author Share Posted February 20, 2006 Yes exactly. if my boyfriend was flirting and hanging out with some girl then i would hope the girl he is flirting with tell him to make his mind up before someone gets hurt. Link to comment
venus777 Posted February 20, 2006 Share Posted February 20, 2006 yep, second that; think about it, if you were her. and if you get together with him while he has a girlfriend, you would always wonder if he'll do it to you too... sounds like he needs to make up his mind instead of barking up other trees... Link to comment
Mrocza Posted February 20, 2006 Share Posted February 20, 2006 Yes, but you are the one prolonging it right now. You know he has a girlfriend, he has flirted with you AND you're flirting back. You're meeting up, continuing on this little charade until something drastic happens like he cheats on his girlfriend and is forced to chose. Don't be selfish. There are plenty of single guys out there. Why would you want a two-timer anyways? Link to comment
1899 Posted February 20, 2006 Share Posted February 20, 2006 The problem here is that you are scared you are going to get hurt. What if, after some time hanging out with you he likes YOU more? Then he cuts it off with his girlfirend? You could be the winner or the looser here. But you cant be afraid to find out. They arent engaged are they? Also remember that you could be in his girlfriends position down the road, him looking at other women. If i were you Id keep talking to him casually. You must not let your imagination run wild. Dont get your hopes up. It may lead nowhere. Im kind of in the same situation you are in with a girl. I take every opportunity to talk to her. Shes stuck on this one guy, but shes still nice to me, so i think of her as just a friend until further notice. The way i see it is, the bid has been placed, but the auction is not over! Link to comment
elements2 Posted February 20, 2006 Author Share Posted February 20, 2006 Thanks 1899 you understand were im coming from. thats exactly it, i like him i dont want to get hurt and i havent DONE anything yet. we are just casual friends. but i dont know how he feels so i better stay on my toes and my him figure his stuff out! Link to comment
HaloDestroyer Posted February 20, 2006 Share Posted February 20, 2006 He's taken!! How would you like it if you were in a happy relationship, and all of a sudden, another girl comes along, and tries to force your boyfriend to be with her instead?! I would advise you to back off immediately, and find some other past-time until your mind is completely clear of this boy. Hope this helps... Link to comment
annie24 Posted February 21, 2006 Share Posted February 21, 2006 Ashamed to say, I have been in your shoes before as have many of my friends. And having been there, it bring nothing but heartache for a very very long time. You're always waiting. Waiting for him to break up. Just because he's flirting with you doesn't mean he has any intention of breaking up with his gf. I've been there and I've seen my friends wait for years for a guy, and he never breaks up with his gf! YEARS!!! And if you're lucky enough that he finally does break up with his gf for you, honestly, he'd probably ditch you for another girl at some point. Old habits die hard. There are so many single men out there. Why waste your time and heart on the taken ones? Best to back off, and if in the future, he breaks up with her and asks you out, then go for it. Yes, I was there, I wasted a LOT of time on a guy that wasn't available. Stupid me. I didn't listen to a word my wiser friends said. I guess it's one of those lessons you have to learn on your own. Link to comment
1899 Posted February 21, 2006 Share Posted February 21, 2006 I think it depends on how strong she is. It may end up in tears for her, but it may not. I say atleast be nice to him. I would not force him to make up his mind either. It would suck though if he suddenly announced he was engaged.... Link to comment
1899 Posted February 21, 2006 Share Posted February 21, 2006 Annie24 does sound right. Personally, i keep just enough distance to keep my feelings from being hurt, I just playfully flirt, I see this girl every Sunday anyway.....Do what you think is best. Link to comment
annie24 Posted February 21, 2006 Share Posted February 21, 2006 Well, if I were in her shoes, I would say something like, "You know, I really like you and I'm attracted to you, but I know you have a gf. I'm afraid if we spend too much time together, especially drinking, things may go too far. And I'm not that kind of girl to steal another girl's bf. So, I think I should keep my distance a bit from you. But if you're ever single, give me a call sometime." Well, that's what I'd say now. Trying to steal a bf a few years ago didn't get me very far. Link to comment
renaissancewoman101 Posted February 21, 2006 Share Posted February 21, 2006 Also, one has to worry about karma biting you back if you are seen to be trying to steal someone's bf. Link to comment
annie24 Posted February 21, 2006 Share Posted February 21, 2006 In that case, I have some big karma coming to bite my butt!!! Link to comment
annie24 Posted February 21, 2006 Share Posted February 21, 2006 The other thing is this, and I've seen it a million times! If he has the comfort of his gf, and the excitement of the other girl on the side, why would he change things? He's got everything he wants! He has no incentive to break up with his gf. Trust me, they keep finding excuses not to break up. First it's, "It's christmas time, I can't break up with her now." Then it's, "It's valentine's day, it would be cruel to break up with her now." Then it's, "It's her birthday this month, I can't break up with her now." And yes, I know a girl that got these excuses for over a year!!!!! If he sees that you're not willing to settle for sloppy seconds, he may actually decide to break up with her, but he won't if he knows he has you wrapped around his finger. Link to comment
elements2 Posted February 21, 2006 Author Share Posted February 21, 2006 wow all of you guys just made me realize that that has been my problem with the last few guys ive liked.....ive just given them the best of both worlds, hoping theyll change, only to get hurt in the long run. if a guy really wanted me then they would make me their girl, not their girl on the side. SO WHATS WITH THAT? why am i always the girl on the side? Link to comment
annie24 Posted February 21, 2006 Share Posted February 21, 2006 Because you've settled to be the girl on the side. Maybe deep down you didn't feel good enough to be the gf. You have to love yourself first. Link to comment
1899 Posted February 21, 2006 Share Posted February 21, 2006 Hmm, didnt think about it like that. Link to comment
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