The official venting thread

[drum4god]

Think about it. Do you really want them back?

 

I was hurting badly over my girl today, but then I started to think about it. Why am I so upset. I figure I post some things that bother me about her. Perhaps you were like me and didn't get a chance to tell your ex things that bothered you. I think it will be helpful. Warning: Some of it may be cruel, and some superficial, but I need to do this.

 

Here are mine:

1. She wasn't all that physically. She had a little belly, and little mustache, and no * * *.

2. She had no class when she ate. She ate food like a caveman.

3. She was 29, but acted like a stuck up Long Island teenager.

4. She was cold and indifferent

5. She had no personality. Basically I also had to hold the conversation, and entertain her and make her laugh. I was like that wind up monkey that plays the cymbals.

6. She never complimented me. She knew I was good looking, but never once said it. For example I wore a sharp suit on Christmas. At least 20 people, including her Mom said I looked real handsome. All she said was, I noticed you didn't wear your glasses.

7. Never answered my calls directly. She didn't return my calls for 2 days, and used an excuse "I was spending time with God".

8. Said you really like me, and then flaked out when I said I was falling in love.

9. She never did anything for me. Nothing. Not once did she go out of her way for me. She bought me dinner once, and bought me a Christmas card and Cologne for Christmas.

10. Basically all she cared about was herself. She was probably the most self-centered woman, and yet I still miss her.

 

I feel a little bad I typed these things, but I needed to do it. I also realize it wasn't just her. I allowed her to do alot of those things, so i deserve a big part of the blame. Even though it was just a 3 month relationship I have learned so much about myself. I won't sell my self short anymore. I won't think anyone is better than me, no matter how much it seems that way on the outside. It doesn't matter how attracted I am to a woman, I won't ever give my heart to a cold, indifferent, selfabsorbed, snobby, emotionally crippled woman with no personality. NEVER. I am the prize, and deserve to be treated like it. I won't settle for less.

 

Vent away!

[NR498E]

I was just thinking the same kind of stuff you are.

It's snowing outside and the whole city I live in is basicaly shut down.So I'm stuck at home, all alone, with nothing to do but think.

As always when I have an idel mind I start dwelling on my ex.

I Wonder what she's doing today?

I wonder if she's still seeing that dude?

I wonder if she ever thinks about me?

I wonder if she feels bad about totaly using me?

I wonder where she'd be today had she never met me?

I wonder what was the point of it all?

How could she live with me,tell me she can't wait to marry me,and then just ditch me once she graduates,turns 21 and starts a new job?

I could understand if we fought alot or we had diffrent interest's or something.

But no,I got reasons like"I want to be young and dumb","Im getting attention from guys I never got before",and "I just think there is more out there".

And then she turns into the coldest,meanest person Ive ever known.When I told her "I feel like youve just used me"The only answer I got was "Well Im sorry you feel that way".

How could she do it?After everything we had.

What happened to the girl I loved and cherished with all my heart?

Why can't I just move on?

Why do I feel great some days and then other I just feel like crap all over again?

Is true love even real?

Why am I asking all these questions?I know they will never get answered.

And what will become of this Andy_Stone?

I know one thing for sure.If she lives to be 1000 years old she will never find somebody that loves her as much as I did.

 

To answer your question I want her back?"No, It's been too long.I could never look at her the same.

But,why did she have to go wreck it?We had the kind of relationship some people spend there whole lives looking for.I guess that was truly "young and dumb".

I kinda feel a little better now.Thanks everybody.

[solo34]

Wow, Andy Stone, that's basically what kind of happened 2 me. We 2 had the kind of relationship that people search 4. She just decided that she was young and that I wasn't the one anymore. She told me "if I make a mistake, then let me make it." What can I do? NOTHING...I have 2 let her make this mistake. 2 answer the question "Do I want her back?" I do, but only if SHE wants 2 be back and realizes that she DID make that mistake. Andy, just remember this my lonely and identical friend, my ex doesn't know GOOD, because she hasn't had BAD. I was my ex's 1st REAL BF. Maybe this is the case of your ex as well? At least the good/bad part maybe?

 

We gotta hang in there, homie.

 

Your new friend,

-Solo34

[keenan]

good thread idea! your ex sounds less than stellar, i must say. i'll try this, but unfortunately, my ex doesn't have many flaws.

 

stuff that comes to mind:

 

1. he never fixed things around the house. just not a 'handy' guy. would rather pay people to have things fixed, or just let them be broken. usually not a problem, but sometimes annoying.

2. he watched a lot of tv & movies. i'm mostly a music chick, so sometimes it was just boring to watch him go wild over the latest show--watching 12 hours straight of the sopranos, or lost, or 24, or whatever. yawn.

3. he was starting to get a bald spot, but then he started taking propecia (sp?) and it all grew back. funny to take a pill to keep your hair. but whatever. fun to tease him about.

4. he thought my job was really boring and really didn't like hearing about it. kind of made me feel like he didn't 'get' a big part of me. that's a big one, actually. we had a lot of fights about that.

5. mostly only reads non-fiction books, and even then, stuff like financial books. the only fiction books were tom clancy and such. am a pretty vocracious reader; it would have been nice to be able to talk with somebody about books.

6. really into having everything be really chic and polished--fancy digs, fancy car, plasma, all latest gadgets. nice, but sometimes felt a little shallow. kept me in the technology loop, though.

7. didn't want a dog. too messy.

8. grumpy grumpy grumpy under stress.

9. sulks for long time when mad. doesn't just get it out and move on.

10. snores.

 

sadly, there are hundreds of things i absolutely like and love about him. but...it was still fun to think of the bad ones. thanks!

[Dako]

Perfect thread for my stage of this crapola recovery!

 

1. She was always right. Ask her, you'll see!

2. She was too controlling.

3. She was too critical of my needs.

4. Her career was always more important than me.

5. She would pile projects on my honey do list when I was stuggling to just get some completed. Oh, let's repaint the house, move that wall, build a patio here and tear down that one.

6. She would come home at midnight and want me to talk to her about her day. I would get up at six for my job.

7. She'd criticise how I cook, then complain that I seldom cooked.

8. I'd clean house, and she'd trash the place. Then one day she's go on a cleaning binge and nag me about how sloppy I am. A week later the place was a pigsty of her clothes and gear all over.

9. She would never do dishes.

10. Sex was never good enough. I'm no expert, but I think I did pretty damn well at satisfying her needs and keeping it interesting.

 

11. Need I go on? Number 10 should be enough!

 

Thanx, I feel better!

[AwdreeHpburn]

This IS a great thread idea! Is it an ex-only vent or just venting in general?

[Mrocza]

Perfect thread for my stage of this crapola recovery!

 

7. She'd criticise how I cook, then complain that I seldom cooked.

 

Lol, I use that one to my advantage. When asked to cook, I burn stuff. Eventually, no one asks!

[keenan]

I would like to add Dako's 2, 3, and 4 to my list, please.

 

I'm guilty of #7. But al dente doesn't *really* mean crunchy...and isn't it *sometimes* good to taste the food while you're cooking it, just to make sure it's coming together.

 

#10 is terrible. Glad we never had that problem.

[drum4god]

I had a few more that came to mind.

 

She tells me she likes "Bad Boys". She knew I was not a bad boy, why would you tell me this. I wish I would have said something like "I like outgoing women with personality.

 

She would not take any interest in my band. She knew it was important to me. She would pray (we were Christians) that I would not fall to temptation when we played. I guess that was her way of saying that I am a little jealous that you may talk to other women, but I won't let you know that I am jealous.

 

You always had to appear you had it all together, but inside you were a mess. I saw through the facade.

 

You never respond when I said something. I would say something and it then I heard crickets. What the #$*) is that. For example

 

Me: I really hope things go well with my band

Her:

Me: So I am thinking about working overtime to make some more money

Her:

Me: So how is work going?

Her: Well I am having trouble with a co-workers. bla,bla,bla,bla,bla,bla.

 

One more thing. Her uncle has cancer and I went to the hospital to pray and encourage him. I am good like that. I could make friends with anyone, and cheer them up. A few weeks later, her mother tells me. "My brother-law really likes you, and was asking for you. My girlfriend then tells me "Oh yeah! I meant to tell you that". Now, I didn't go to the hospital to impress her, and get her accolades. I would do this for anyone. I love to cheer people up, and pray for them. But if your Uncle said something nice about me, why would you hold that from me. Maybe I am overeating, but isn't that strange?

 

O.K. I feel better.

[curlygirl47]

Okay, truth is:

 

1. He has a habit of clearing his throat and spitting in a loud and offensive way.

2. He has some racist qualities.

3. He's kind of paranoid.

4. He doesn't really seem interested in my things --- I mean, occasionally he'll comment on a painting I have or something, but he never explores with curiosity my little world, if you know what I mean.

5. He's not as educated as me (which is not his fault, but it does make a difference sometimes). He's extremely bright, but in different ways than me.

6. He wants to plan everything --- not small things, but big things. He said he planned his marriage for years, the birth of his son likewise. No Mr. let's get married because I love you kind of guy. I'm more impulsive.

7. He doesn't like to visit my mother in the nursing home because it "depresses him" (he used to visit his grandmother in the nursing home all the time and this brings back memories, apparently).

8. He hurt my daughter's feelings over the Christmas holidays.

9. He smokes pot and now I like smoking it with him.

10. On our first trip to visit my parents, he brought both his mother and his son.

 

I still love him, though. I was supposed to leave that out of the rant, though. Sorry.

[Mrocza]

You never respond when I said something. I would say something and it then I heard crickets. What the #$*) is that. For example

 

Me: I really hope things go well with my band

Her:

Me: So I am thinking about working overtime to make some more money

Her:

Me: So how is work going?

Her: Well I am having trouble with a co-workers. bla,bla,bla,bla,bla,bla.

 

 

That sounds like my ex boyfriend. Actually a lot of your post does (including initial one). I think you realize though that you were also in the wrong by letting this behaviour towards yourself persist and not standing up for yourself.I think you'll be fine. You're angry now, but your anger is helping you acknowledge the problem. Eventually, you'll feel nothing towards her. What you feel now is just resentment for investing your feelings into someone who wasn't good for you. We all make mistakes.

 

Once you take some time for yourself to heal and realize your true value as a person, you won't let something like this happen again. You'll meet a girl who is amazing and wonderful and truly values you for you and she'll still be self centred with no * * * (oops! )

 

I wish you the best of luck. Continue ranting till you're ranted out (It helps)

[Dako]

I still love him, though. I was supposed to leave that out of the rant, though. Sorry.

 

I'm certain we all understand that part, or we wouldn't be here.

[solo34]

Wow CurlyGirl, the more U describe this guy, the more of a loser I see he is. Racism, drugs, making YOUR daughter upset over Christmas, etc, etc. This guy's a true loser, and he's only draggin' U down with him. Before U go and reply 2 make MORE excuses 4 him, DON'T. Making excuses 4 him isn't going 2 change who and what he is. Sorry, but the truth hurts. Time 2 wake up.

 

-Solo34

[drum4god]

Thanks so much Fairie. Yeah, I am more mad at myself for allow this. To be honest I am kind of baffled by it. I am confident, I am outgoing, funny, attractive, sexy, kind, and talented. I guess the fact she was warm and we seem to have a connection before we were dating got me sucked in. She was very independent. She made more money than me, owned a house, didn't seem needy. If I am honest with myself that made me a little insecure. I never been in a relationship where I didn't feel needed. I was more of an accessory. Kind of like nice wall paper. I looked nice, and made her laugh but thats about it.

 

I am still having trouble getting over the fact I allow her to walk over me. I am 36 years with lots of experience with women. I guess I still have alot to learn.

[NR498E]

He has a habit of clearing his throat and spitting in a loud and offensive way.

That is absoultley distgusting.

[Msnak]

Hmm, things about someone I dated that I can SEE now

1. he was glued to his friends--on "man dates" where it's the guys hanging out

2. when his parents came into town from 1,000 miles away, he didn't hang out with them, he went out with his friends instead

3. he wasn't that good at calling when he said he would (but always called me back)

4. he was too much into sports (playing it, watching it, talking about it) and I do like sports!

5. he wasn't romantic

6. always apologizing for making the same mistake (being too busy for us) and not really doing anything about it

7. calling me at the last second to hang out, when he knows we both have nutty schedules

8. when a family friend died, he made a joke about death--insensitive jerk!

9. didn't seem overly interested in being a couple

 

Overall, nothing too bad, but, bad enough!!! (I might have to edit/update this! LOL!)

[Mrocza]

Life is one big school. Let's make it a high school, because it's filled with drama and people trying to just grow up.

 

Like you said, you're awesome. (A bit cocky perhaps but I'll let it slide... You let her get you down because she appeared in control, she appeared to have it all, she appeared STRONG. You admire strength. But you were fooled. How many people out there can honestly say they've never been deceived?

 

It took a toll on your heart, your head and your self esteem. And you learned to watch out for those big red flags int he future. Ultimately, you are now wiser. You made a mistake yes, but you got away from her. Regardless of what happened, you REALIZED your wrong. Don't beat yourself over it for how long it lasted- you got OUT! Which is more than most can say.

 

Good luck.

[smilelikeyoumeanit]

Omg, everyone hates everyone they've ever gone out with! THey're tormentd byt their past! I'm scared now, I don't want to hate the guy I like, I couldn't stand that! U make it sound liek relationships are a horor moive!

[Mrocza]

Omg, everyone hates everyone they've ever gone out with! THey're tormentd byt their past! I'm scared now, I don't want to hate the guy I like, I couldn't stand that! U make it sound liek relationships are a horor moive!

 

Even horror movies have happy endings?

 

It's give or take. Sometimes people enter relationships with the wrong people. Sometimes relationships take a toll for the worse. Sometimes it just happens.

 

If BOTH parties put in the effort to making a relationship work and it doesn't work out- it wasn't meant to be. Either way, entering a relationship means exposing your heart and taking the chance of getting hurt.

 

More often than not, you regret what happens. But these negative experiences don't stop you, they teach you. You don't stop cooking just because you've been burned

 

In the end, LOVE, true love, is entirely worth all the trials and tribulations that lead up to it.

[Dako]

Don't misunderstand. I think we are venting to speed the healing, not to denigrate our past lovers.

In my case, it helps to convince myself of her flaws so I don't think she's the only possible woman in the world for me. After all, I can't have her, and luckily don't want her. There's a point where your ex isn't your universe anymore, and at that point you get your life back.

Some of us may even exaggerate a bit to let off steam.

It sure beats pining for reconciliation, crying and all that rot.

[renaissancewoman101]

Actually, this thread is funny. It is funny to see how people, after they have gone through some time, distance, and NC from their breakup that they can poke fun at their exs.

 

Things I couldnt stand about my ex:

 

1) he smoked (he couldnt go for long w/o smoking so he always had to be

able to smoke in my car.

2) he drank too much (we always had to go to restaurants that served liquor and allowed for smoking).

3) he lived at home and his mother was a controlling SOB that constantly treated him like he was a child and I was his keeper.

4) he dresses like a punk or a Goth, attracted lots of negative attention.

5) he had over 50 stuffed animals on his bed, how we ended up sleeping on the bed was something I wonder even to this day.

6) he farted all the time and his farts could kill.

7) he never knew how to keep his mouth shut about things, would make comments that would attract negative attention from other people.

8) he had an obessesion with a certain type of animal and that was what he drew all the time. He even made a 3 ft felt tail of that animal and would sometimes wear it in public, even when going out with me (that is a big thing I HATED about him)

 

there is more, but this were the most glaring. As I said this thread is funny.

[Mrocza]

LOLOLOLOL!!! I don't know whether to be revolted or laugh.

 

Which was worse: The tail or the kinky toys?

[renaissancewoman101]

He didnt have kinky toys, they were all stuffed animals. He had tons of them on his bed. His mom used to make fun of him about how we could all fit on the bed.

 

As for his tail, he liked skunk things so he made a big old skunk tail out of black and white felt. The bad thing was HE LIKED TO WEAR THAT OUT IN PUBLIC. In the beginning, I found it funny but after awhile, it wore on me and I was embarrassed by him because it would attract negative attention from people and I am already short as it is (4'5" tall). I dont like it when people stare at us and make snide comments.

 

There is lots more I could say about the ex, he was a strange one, let me just tell ya.

[Mrocza]

He didnt have kinky toys, they were all stuffed animals. He had tons of them on his bed. His mom used to make fun of him about how we could all fit on the bed.

 

I was being sarcastic.

Insinuating the 50 something plush toys on the bed all the time were his "kinky toys"...

 

Crappy sense of humour, I get it.

[renaissancewoman101]

Thats ok. BTW, I like the picture of your kitty.