Do women in relationships cheat if they're happy?

[N1607308058]

Some studies say that men are more likely to cheat in a happy relationship than are women. If this is true, then what's even the point of working so hard to create a happy relationship? To get cheated on anyway? I'm seriously disillusioned.

 

I'm not happy, and I wouldn't even think of cheating. I'd rather live the rest of my life unhappy or get out.

[metrogirl]

Super old thread but I will answer anyway.......

 

I have no desire to cheat. I have been with my current boyfriend for 6 years now, because of his severe medical conditions we are unable to have penetrative sex. Truth be told, there is a lot of erectile dysfunction and I'm sure that would send most girls running for the hills, but I honestly truly only have eyes for him.

[Audrinaa]

Some people cheat because there are problems within THEM.

Having nothing to do with the relationship. Some people cheat because they need the validation.

[Miss Firecracker]

I think some women can cheat when they are happy in a relationship. I think they just need a little more happiness.

[Timbertea]

People cheat because of a lot of reasons. The main one is opportunity, and the feeling that there wont be consequences, or they can somehow avoid them. Women are no different than men in this regard. They fear a different side of the consequences (say an unplanned pregnancy)...But I hate to say it, 25% of guys are walking around thinking they are the father of a child they aren't. This isn't a happy statistic, but its reflective of a reality that is in our natures.

 

The people that genuinely, and truly love you -- AND are afraid of the consequences tend to avoid the situations that put them in contact with opportunities for infidelity, but even those women can falter when confronted with an opportunity they didn't plan around.

 

This is going to suck for the guys for a moment, but part of the reason is that the guys that they are dating are *too nice*, *too giving of time, resources, sex, attention*... All of the things you do to make your other happy. That is how complacency sets in, and you get taken for granted. That you will tend to ... or deal with ... or whatever is a given, and its not a challenge anymore. Its tied into a couple things I'm just as guilty of as any man; seeking the approval of a loved one, rather than just being who we are, and accepting they are along for the ride or not. The second choice may sound a little colder, but its immensely more interesting to another. Remember she is only sharing in *your* life. Its yours to live, and the more you live it, set demands, set limits, and never ever plead with her -- the less likely she is to stray.

 

I'm not dumping this on our door either, but its a factor. It creates a feeling she can get away with anything, a loss of respect, and avoid the consequences if you give in too much. Women are often guilty of the same things, with the same results.

[missmags]

I havent read all the threads but yes, woman who are happy in a relationship do cheat.

 

I posted something this morning because I have been having an affair with a married man even though I am married myself. Deep down, I know I have a good marriage, maybe a sexless one but I truly think my husband gives me the peace and support I need, the life I always wanted. Maybe there is a change we will never have kids -because we do not have sex- but when I met my lover, I only wanted to feel the passion lost with my husband. I felt alive and right now, when the affair is ending, my whole world is in pieces.

 

I am hurt, really hurt. I have lost my lover and his indifference is so cruel that I can hardly function. I dont eat, cant sleep, I feel anxious and even tough I am glad I have my husband next to me, I feel really selfish. Our problems are still there and painful as they are, now I feel even worse than when I started the affair.

 

Communication is the key.

 

Women are unfaithful. Men are unfaithful.

 

Nothing will ever change.

[N1607308058]

Deep down, I know I have a good marriage, maybe a sexless one but I truly think my husband gives me the peace and support I need, the life I always wanted.

 

I know you're describing your marriage as good, but are you really happy being in a sexless marriage? Maybe you are - I'm just wondering.

[missmags]

I know you're describing your marriage as good, but are you really happy being in a sexless marriage? Maybe you are - I'm just wondering.

 

 

Of course I am not happy with a sexless marriage. I do miss sex!!! Thats why I had my affair. I wanted to feel wanted and desired...

[N1607308058]

Of course I am not happy with a sexless marriage. I do miss sex!!! Thats why I had my affair. I wanted to feel wanted and desired...

 

Ok that's what I wanted to understand. Because there is this idea out there that men will cheat even in happy relationships, while women are less likely to do so.

[Lonewing]

I don't think this could have been said better. Cheating happens at any time, regardless of happiness, contentness, etc and so forth. It all comes down to the million dollar question, if you had to opportunity to have one night with a hollywood superstar, would you do it even thogh you are in a fixed relaitonship? The majority of people say yes, REGARDLESS of their relationship status, their happiness, and everythign else that many people like to say leads to cheating. As I see it, all goes back to character, and there's something to be said about our collective character. In particular, this has to deal with avoiding and resisting temptation, something many of us will say is something we simpy can't do at times. A popular excuse, being 'Oh, I was drunk.'

 

Yes, a happy person can cheat - and be happy cheating. these peopl eusually evolve towards na open relaitonship where there are no longer any monogamy issues to deal with.

[ashamed12]

As a woman who has cheated while MOSTLY happy in a relationship, I feel very emotionally connected to this thread. I was cheating on my then boyfriend (now fiance) pretty consistently one summer. I wasn't 100% happy with the relationship. He is the sweetest guy that I have ever met in my life, but back then, I was constantly having to breathe down his back about helping me clean up around our newly rented apartment, or waking him up because his alarm clock didn't. It was things like that that got to me, because it made me feel like his mother. If a woman has to do everything for you, she will slowly become sexually unattracted to you. A few months after I started cheating I broke up with him, because I felt bad about cheating, couldn't handle being his mom anymore and just wanted to party. When I broke up with him, I didn't tell him I cheated, but did a few weeks later. He asked me why and honestly, when I looked back on the relationship, I felt like I was happy with him and had no excuse to be cheating. We have since gotten back together and I have spent everyday in an attempt to make up for what I did. It comes down to every single factor every person has put on here. The individual that cheats has no self control and is weak willed. It is in our nature to be attracted to others, but it's our own choice whether or not we decide to act on it. However, there has been someone on here trying to say that women shouldn't need to be wooed more than normal, which I find pretty silly. Women wear their emotions of their sleeves, and although we don't expect men to do the same, we expect that since we're their lover, we are different than everyone else, so maybe they would show their emotions a bit more around us. We DO need to hear "I love you" more than men do. I'm not saying that you have to wake up every morning and give a detailed list of why you love your women, but saying "I love you" for no reason or giving us a hug because you thought something we said was cute isn't asking for much.

Ultimately, no, women don't cheat if they're 100% completely happy.

[ashamed12]

If any woman tells you she's happy with her man completely and is cheating, she is in denial. Not just a woman, but a man, too. It may be that they haven't realized what it is yet that makes them unhappy, but take it from someone who has cheated and has a successful relationship post-infidelity, you do not cheat while 100% happy. And if anyone is reading this and considering cheating, just break up with the person. Once you get over having sex with someone else and you get over them, the guilt will eat at you for years. Although I was unfaithful over 3 years ago and my fiance has more than forgiven me, I haven't forgiven myself, and the memories will creep up and haunt me at the most random times. It's almost like having post-traumatic stress disorder or something (I'm not saying it's as severe, it's just a comparison.) If you genuinely regret your actions and you have memories of the infidelity, the memory can almost be crippling. There have been times I've considered breaking it off with my fiance because of the memories and the fact that I feel like I don't deserve him. It doesn't just mess with the person you cheat on. After some time, it will mess with you, too.

[pl3asehelp]

And what if the woman has completely unrealistic expectations of life and of the relationship? Expectations that no man on earth was able to meet. That woman will then cheat, and then be in a relationship, and then cheat again, and continue repeating the process until she gets some therapy and fixes herself.

 

Point is - it's not always the significant others fault. You can do your best in a relationship, but you can't fix someone else who's broken and it's not your fault when they self-implode.

 

This is all exactly true the other way around as well - that men can behave in the exact same way.

[secretness87]

Although I have not cheated with my current g/f and I don't intend to, I know a lot of guys (and I've done it in the past) that cheat on their g/f's or wives' even when they're happy in their relationships.

 

What about women? It could depend on the individual, but for the most part do women cheat if they are happy in their relationships or does it depend on their degree of happiness? What about the typical "good girl". Do they cheat too?

 

I have been with my current boyfriend for a little over a year and a half and I have never cheated on him and I'm not planning to either. I am happy in the relationship and have no reason to cheat. For the record, I have dated other guys in the past and have never cheated on them either. It has never, and will never cross my mind. When I am in a relationship, I am 100% committed, loyal, and faithful to them... that's just how I think it should be. Why would you cheat and disrespect someone you love?

 

I have a question for you, or guys in general: if you say you are happy in your relationship, then why would you cheat in the first place??? And if you do, do you tell her and risk losing the relationship? I don't get it...

[happyhippo]

The truth is, a person who cheats is NEVER a happy person. They can be with the most attractive woman on the planet or a woman who is totally perfect and SEEM happy on the surface, but if they cheat, they're just not.

 

Cheaters have self-esteem issues, simple as.

[Gina23701]

Well said! And as an added note, there are men out there waiting to tell your woman what she wants to hear just to fulfill whatever it is he gets out of lying to your woman. I knew a guy who purposely looked for vulnerable married women, he charmed them and them devalued them at the same time. He, too, was married! Can you imagine being his wife? Not me!

[Emilia]

I think so. Only because some women need variety in their lives. I personally never have, but had friends that have. They are in a very happy relationship but do their own thing on the side. Is it right, no. They are in the point of their lives where they aren't serious about that person as they say.

 

And I dont think someone should have to bend over backwards to TRY to not get the OP to cheat. Just be yourself, if that's not enough skrew it.

[OptomisticGirl]

No. A happy person does not cheat.

[Blue4now]

I totally agree with you, Ashamed. I, too, cheated recently (the last 2 months of a year-long relationship). My guy didn't know at all, but it was because the relationship was in shambles. I was extremely unfulfilled emotionally, and so unhappy. But...I LOVE my boyfriend dearly. We broke up in April, for 3 weeks. I continued to see the other man during the breakup, but completely broke it off with him when my boyfriend and I got back together (2 weeks now). We are better than ever now, and our communication is too. He has opened himself up much more emotionally to me. Anyway, he is a very good man, with lots of integrity. I am going through a really hard time privately, dealing with the guilt of my brief affair. He knows about the other man as far as during the breakup, but not the tag end of the relationship BEFORE the breakup. He has been extremely understanding about my "rebound", but I feel so undeserving and guilty because of the 2 months before. I really thought the relationship was doomed forever when I chose to stray. Through it all, I never ceased tol love him so much, and the guilt is eating me alive. He understands the reasons for the "rebound; That I felt he didn't care, and that he wasn't attentive, etc., but I just can't stop the self recrimination. I would take it all back in a heartbeat. Needless to say, I am being VERY "GOOD to him. I know I will NEVER cheat again. I could never have predicted that we would survive the breakup, let alone my "rebound" relationship, and I wouldn't do anything to put my relationship in jeopardy ever again.

 

I visited this forum to get an idea of how men, in particular, would react to their ex going immediately to a rebound after a breakup (where women were the "dumpees"), even though the women still loved them. I was dismayed by many men who were narrow-viewed and unforgiving - even though, at the time, we were technically broken up. Some said they would never take the woman back, some said that I couldn't REALLY love him and do that! Those posts just added to my self-imposed misery and depression. But, in the end, the person who really matters and believes in my love, my guy, is so wonderfully forgiving and understanding it just makes me love and appreciate him that much more. It also makes the guilt darn near unbearable at times.

 

A word of caution to anyone thinking of straying....THINK REALLY HARD before you take that leap. Is it worth possibly losing your girl/guy FOREVER? Could you live with yourself (a toughie, cause it's hard to put yourself after the fact) and the moral dilemma you've created for yourself? Can you live with the lies that must be perpetuated? In my case....it was SOOOO not worth it, after all. Feeling pretty crappy about myself right now, and I don't know how to begin to forgive myself.

[Blue4now]

Perfectly stated, Biscuit Man (albeit A LONG TIME AGO! ). That is exactly why I strayed. Wasn't getting much of that emotionally fulfilling stuff at all.

[siktomystomach]

well said bisuit man..well said...all is true...except! When you date the ones who are annoyed by that. lol...