2 years together, never met his parents

[dontknowwhattodo]

It's going to be exactly 2 years since we went out. As most people say I am insecure at some extent and looking for some opinions if you would.

 

After all this time, he never said the love word. I had never been introduced to his parents or met them but I knew that he talked to them about me from time to time either in my presense (like he talked to his mom on the phone while I sat with him) or without. His mom sometimes asked about me but I never met her. Distance may be a factor - his parents live in another state. However, once they came to visit, I never got a chance to meet them either (he didn't ask me to come meet them, so I didn't go). Most of the time I am fine the way things are but two years is not a short period of time and I wonder if I would be at all meeting his parents and if this is a red flag. Now the relationship is a long distance which makes it even harder to be introduced to his family in person. He talked to his friends sometimes about me (like they always said hi to me if they knew that I was with him when they called) and I met some of them. I know that this is an insecurity issue but after all I am just a lady who needs to be assured where the relationship will take. Most of the time things were great. For example, we just came back from a romantic holiday together and that made me very happy. Some of you may advise me to talk to him about it but last time (6 months after we got together) I brought this up it caused him to call for a break between us (for months). What would you do if you were me? Thanks in advance for your opinions.

[Rayana]

If i were you i would:

 

Run for my life.

 

You are a person that should be loved and respected, dont settle for anything less.

[Gunther]

If a child is told to go to his room with his sibling, and the sibling leaves, would not the other child leave?

 

If he left you behind, then why should you wait for him to return? If he had intended to take the relationship further, he would at least proclaim his love twords you. It would be ill-adviced to tell you to stay in this relationship.

[dontknowwhattodo]

I should add that when his parents came to visit we were on our 'break'. I should have met them during x-mas holidays but coincidentally I was away from town for both years. I broke up with a guy before him because of a similar reason - never been introduced to his friends, let alone his family (plus another reason which was he was 7 years younger and didn't want a serious relationship 'with me'). I wonder why this pattern keeps happening or if it's just me who is not worth it to be introduced to a guy's family.

[Gunther]

My advice does not change based on what you have told me. He has no intention of ever letting you see his parents, or getting married to you. You obviously sense a problem in the relationship or you would not be asking for validation from this forum. I'm familiar with this type of relationship, and it isn't a pleasent one. I can't tell you to do something, but I can tell you if I were you, I would try to find a new relationship. It really has nothing to do with you doing anything wrong, I think he is just using you. Perhaps for sex, or perhaps as a crutch. But either way, you deserve to be treated as a lady, not as an object such as a crutch.

[DN]

Is there some ethnic or cultural reason why he may not want you to meet his parents?

[Confessoress]

God, I feel for you. It's like you were talking about my relationship blow for blow. I, however have only been with my BF 10 months. And when I brought up about meeting his parents he talked about going on a break too. However, in my case this is to a certain extent a culture difference.

 

2 years and you haven't met them? There is something seriously wrong there, hon. You need to speak to him and find out what's going on. If you don't get a satisfactory answer, tell him what you want. If he doesn't comply walk away. You'll be more hurt later on if you don't do something now.

[dontknowwhattodo]

Is there some ethnic or cultural reason why he may not want you to meet his parents?

 

I don't think there is any cultural barrier there. From my perspective his parents really want to meet up with me. What I can think of is that he had been hurt so badly from his last ex. They were and lived together for really a long time. He thought she was the mother of his children but she left him unexpectedly. He once told me that his next partner would be the one he would be married to and he would never ever again rush into any relationship like he did with the ex. As I said distance may be another factor. Since I knew him his parents came to visit only once which I already mentioned that we were on our 'break'. He, on the other hand, had chances to visit them often while he was on his business trips. He is a really busy guy and he is on the top of his carreer. It took us a lot of effort to clear our schedules for the vacation we just had together. I know some of you may think that these all are just excuses. The reason I posted for advices here is because I am getting mixed signals from him and it has been 2 years (my longest ever relationship). I thank you all for your advices. I will certainly take time to think about them and figure my next move.

[annie24]

Yeah, this sounds like a bunch of excuses to me.

 

I think you should just sit down and talk to him. Just tell him, "I really love you. I would love to meet your parents - I want to meet the people who brought you into this world and raised you." If he says yes, great! If he has some excuse, like being busy, tell him that you'll make time out of your schedule. If he says they don't have the money to fly, tell him you'll help pay for the ticket. Basically, don't accept any excuses.

 

If he says no, you should ask him if he wants to spend the rest of his life with you? If he says no, then you know what you need to do. Break up and find someone who loves you back.

 

good luck

[Hope75]

You know this very same thing happened to my sister with her now fiance. They dated for 2 years and she never met his parents. They lived in another state, and he went home to visit them almost every holiday and never invited her. They never came here, but still... we thought it was weird. They knew of her the same as you, b/c he talked of her on the phone in front of her, but we still wondered what was up. We used to make up stories, like his father had a third eye that he was embarrassed about, or that they were really serial killers in jail...

 

They are very strongly Catholic and my family is lax Protestant, and that played a part in it too-- though we are by no means athiest or rude, and any guy would be happy to bring us to meet the parents, we both are a catch!

 

Turns out he was just ultra cautious and wanted to make sure she was the one he wanted to marry before he did it, about 8 months ago she finally met them, they loved her, and a month ago he proposed, they are getting married next July.

[fishrrshortae]

He hasn't said he loves you after 2 years????

 

If I was in your shoes, I'd be so sad

[Confessoress]

I'd go mad if he hadn't said he loved me within that amount of time!

[Hope75]

You know I think I missed the part where he hasn't said he loves you in two years... that's kind of a red flag, isn't it?

 

How does he treat you otherwise? Does he show you that he loves you with his actions?

[dontknowwhattodo]

How does he treat me? This is a good question. It is on the average I would say. He sometimes is very sweet but often goes into his cave when he is stressed out or depressed (the leftover from his ex). He used to mention once or twice that he liked me tremendously but never said the love word. When I told him I was in love with him, he didn't say anything except that he wised life was much easier. Not long ago I sent a closure email to him when I thought this relationship wasn't going anywhere and when I thought he was only attracted to me physically. In that email I told him I though he was the one but too bad we were on different pages and wished him a good life. He didn't take it as a closure and since then he was a little sweeter and started to mention about me to his parents more often than before (or they might bring it up and he had no choice but answering those questions).