I Need Answers

[senoritass]

This is just wrong on so many levels! I am married and started having a relationship with another married co-worker about 6 months ago. We also share the same friends and know each others families.

We never had sex but came very close once while out of town on business (much alcohol involved, but not enough - LOL). After that, we talked/text msg/chat/flirt a lot more than usual but then a few weeks ago, we ended up in a really intimate kiss which just caused so much confusion. Then the other day, he asked me about my feelings and where this was going. He wanted to have sex and wanted to make sure that there were no strings attached. WHAT WOULD THAT MAKE ME????

I enjoyed his company and was really hurt that he would treat me like that. We both agreed that it would be best to stop talk/text msg/chat/flirt, but now he avoids me and seems like he is mad at ME? Just so hard to understand what happened. Can you be friends after a close sexual encounter, that was actually just a mistake? Is this just normal rejection behavior? If so, how can I tell?

 

Bigger Question - Why do I care?

 

 

[DN]

Bottom line - work on your marriage and consign this episode to the file marked "Mistakes That Could Have Been A Lot Worse".

[senoritass]

Thanks. We were friends and so there were some feelings involved and makes it much harder. It's not that easy, but I am working on it!

[Scout]

Bottom line - work on your marriage and consign this episode to the file marked "Mistakes That Could Have Been A Lot Worse".

 

Brilliant! So true.

 

Yes, definitely breathe a big sigh of relief that this didn't unfold into something that likely would have turned into a huge mess.

 

It also sounds like this guy's primary interest was sex, you made it clear that wasn't happening, and so he moved on, albeit being a little sulky about it. But don't be surprised if he makes another pass at some point, figuring you'll cave in this time so he won't ignore you again.

 

DON'T CAVE.

[senoritass]

I WON'T CAVE!

Thanks!

[Scout]

I WON'T CAVE!

Thanks!

 

lol, senoritass...post here in the meantime if you need to, to sort some of your feelings out. Maybe we can give you some ideas on how to rekindle things with your husband.

[senoritass]

That would be great, I do want to rekindle things with my husband because he is the reason that I never took this any further...I still love him very much.

I am now afraid of what will happen at work and with our mutual friends. I don't think that he would want to hurt me, but could easily damage my reputation. I have a great job and friends and now made to feel uncomfortable around the office and them - I guess that I just have to live with that now

[DN]

He will be worried about his reputation and his marriage. You can probably relax about that.

 

As to your marriage. Remember why you married him.

 

Get him to help you by saying you don't want the marriage to get stale and have some ideas how to avoid that. Arrange more alone time concentrating on each other. Go on a date once a week - doesn't have to be expensive. Both of you should take turns arranging it so it doesn't become a chore for only one.

 

Make sure you say you love each other every day. And that can be non-verbal as well as verbal. Do things for each other.

 

There's a start at least.

[senoritass]

thanks again. I have actually been trying to get out of this rut in my marriage and do seem to be the only one doing all of the work for this. He works late a lot and six days a week. I usually go out with co-workers or friends without him. maybe that's how i ended up in this mess?? I don't want for him to quit his job, but I am without him most of the time. Other couples work busy schedules, so is this really the problem?

[Shadows Light]

Yes, this is most probably how you got in this mess in the first place. You both got into a groove where work is taking a priority and you are forgetting why you both got into this thing in a first place. You have to spend time together and find ways to connect.

 

YES.. feeling like you are the only one who is working it... usually falls on the shoulders of the wife. Don't know exactly why this is.. maybe we are more nurturing and family oriented. I always resented the fact that it seemed that I OWNED that job as well.

 

I think its time for an intervention with your husband. A come to Jesus.

You need to start out by saying.. I think we have a problem. And just tell him.. identify the problem. Tell him you don't feel the intimacy and the space and distance is getting to be much. See if you guys can come up with a solution together. DATING again is a good idea. Put it up on the calandar.

 

If he doesn't listen. If he doesn't hear you. Then get outside help. Seek a marriage counselor.