Got a call out of the blue

[Regretfulman]

To make a long story short, my ex broke up with me after 1 year together, she then began dating someone new, I moved on after I found out. We have been broken up for 4 months now, 2 months of No Contact. Then one day, out of the blue, she calls me. I answered only because she called from a blocked number. The call was short, less then 10 minutes, but here is a condensed version of what she said:

 

How are you doing?

I tried calling you the other day, but you didn't answer

Are you busy? I can let you go

I have some money to pay back to you

How do you want me to give you your money?

I'm in bed, so I can't write down your new address

Its not important anyways, i wanna talk to you

Its been like a year since I saw you, it feels like a year at least

I dont feel good, I have a headache and wanna throw up

I was crying

I can let you go back to what you were doing

 

She then got quiet, I think because I was only giving her one word answers and responses. After a few minutes all I heard was breathing, and she wasn't talking, so I hung up. Her voice was very soft and sensitive, a tone I don't think I ever recall hearing. The call was very weird, and I know she wanted to talk to me badly. I was just shocked and had nothing to say really. All I know is that NC works, and it is worth it. Right now, I dont know what to make of this call. I would appreciate anyone's opinions as to what they think it means. Thanks

[DN]

It probably means she is between boyfriends. So be careful. If you are in no contact from an ex the only message from her that you should take notice of is one where she specifically says she wants to get back together. Anything short of that should be disregarded.

[SuperDave71]

I have to admit...DN is probably right on the money with this one.

 

 

Your Friend,

 

SuperDave71

[Regretfulman]

Well, this morning she calls me, I didn't answer, so she left a voice message. She says she was very drunk the night before and she wasn't sure what she said. She said she wanted to talk to me still about the money she owes me, and also wants to catch up. Six hours later she calls again, I didn't answer. Thats 3 calls now in less then 12 hours, I'm starting to see a shift in power here. The last 5 attempts at contact have been made by her. So, what should I do, I'm sure she will continue to call me until I answer? And if I do accept her call, how do I handle her questions?

[Regretfulman]

I need advice here people, please help, before i make a mistake, lol

[Anthony M]

Keep the conversation short and simple. Sound like your busy and make sure you hang up first!

[Regretfulman]

Mor advice please before she calls again

[DN]

If she calls ask her what she wants. If she gives you a wishy washy answer, tell her that you would be interested in getting back together if that is what she wants, other than that ask her not to call.

[annie24]

If she calls ask her what she wants. If she gives you a wishy washy answer, tell her that you would be interested in getting back together if that is what she wants, other than that ask her not to call.

 

But not before she gives him his money back!!!

[Regretfulman]

Well, she called twice today, I didn't answer either time, and that was so hard, because I would love to talk to her. I just feel like I need more time for all this to sink in. It's just such a shock that she is even calling me right now. The last thing i'm going to do is mess it up due to being overeager. If she calls again, i will answer and remain neutral in my tone of voice and words. More advice is always wanted, thanks

[selfi]

talk to her like you have no expectations or hope, u have the so called 'power' right now. i wouldnt ask her if she wanted to get back together, but rather ask what her motives are with constantly calling you up. there is a big chance she is just doing this coz she needs a shoulder to cry on about oher issues in her life, but saying that there is also a chance she is testing the waters.

 

dont stress over it though, take it on face value; its just a phone call after all.

btw, glad to see NC working for you buddy.

[DN]

Well, she called twice today, I didn't answer either time, and that was so hard, because I would love to talk to her. I just feel like I need more time for all this to sink in. It's just such a shock that she is even calling me right now. The last thing i'm going to do is mess it up due to being overeager. If she calls again, i will answer and remain neutral in my tone of voice and words. More advice is always wanted, thanks

 

Follow your own advice, then. Find out what she wants and keep the conversation short. But unless you see very positive signs of wanting you back, get off the phone quickly. And if she does want you back, make sure it is for the right reasons.

[Frangipani]

I would fiind out what she wants in a very calm and collected way. Answer the next call but be very very guarded. I have already decided that if this ever happens to me I won't be making ANY important decisions over the phone - it will have to be face to face and HE will have to make the effort. I am worth more than a phone discussion, especially when my future and feelings are at stake and so are you.

 

Be strong and don't seem too eager, and like others have mentioned - if she is calling because she just 'misses your friendship' and is between boyfriends - it's not enough - right? Right!!!

 

I would also like to say how well you are doing. Having control of the situation is not all about power and games, it's mainly about saving yourself any hurt. I did NC for 5 weeks and I never heard anything from him, except for Xmas message which was very emotional on his part. After the 5 weeks ended I went back to chatting on MSN with him - and I wish I had never done this. BUT I have never been emotional or loving to him again since I first implemented NC back in early December...always short answers and nothing more.

 

See what she wants, but if it isnt what YOU want...go NC again. In fact, I think I may do the same. Quite frankly, having lame- * * * converstions knowing hes with my old best friend is just not what I need.

[Regretfulman]

Well, I've been very strict with my No Contact, and in the past 2 months, the only time I have ever responded to her in any way was when she called two nights ago, simply because she tricked me with a blocked ID. So, in the past 2 months, she has initiated contact 5 times, and only once did I respond. I'm not getting out of hand here, i'm remaining calm and collected, and making her work right now. Hopefully, she will still try contacting me, because I was planning on finally talking to her about whatever it is she wants to talk about. But i have also decided that i will not initiate contact with her anymore, so she must call me.

[Regretfulman]

what to do now, i do want to talk to her, but i think she gave up trying to reach me for the time being, hmm, maybe i should text message her, any advice?

[Fivek]

If she keeps stringing you around like this, man up and call her out on it. Then tell her to take a hike.

 

Power struggles are nothing more than drawn-out drama. True power comes through the realization that you never lost power (that is, to control yourself). Cut through the crap yourself because you know very well she won't.

 

If she really loves you she'll understand and tell you her true opinion. And if she doesn't, she'll slink away into the darkness.

 

It's win-win, either way.

[Regretfulman]

Well, hmm, i just sent her a text saying i was away from my phone for the weekend, waiting on a response

[Regretfulman]

More advice please, i need new opinions

[Bigbilly]

I would tell you to leave off and stop hoping she'll keep contacting you. Think about it, she calls and calls and gets nothing, so sooner or later she's going to stop. You rebuff her every attempt, secretly enjoying the attention, but when the calls invariably stop you start tossing chum in the water to try to get her to come back up.

 

You want my advice? Leave off. Forget her, and go meet some other girls. This isn't healthy or productive, and this won't make you happy. It's done, it's over. You are supposed to be ignoring her because she broke your heart and you want nothing to do with her, not because you feel that by ignoring her you'll somehow make her want to pursue you more and lay her heart at your feet.

 

Just stop it now and move on. Get in shape and join the dating game. That's what I did, and I feel awesome.

[annie24]

Follow your own advice, then. Find out what she wants and keep the conversation short. But unless you see very positive signs of wanting you back, get off the phone quickly. And if she does want you back, make sure it is for the right reasons.

 

I agree with DN - this is perfect.

[curlygirl47]

Why not try being loving and focusing on her needs (if you want her back). Say nothing about yourself or about the relationship. Just maybe, "How are you?" "It sounds like you're having a hard time, etc." I know I'm the odd woman out here, but I'm a firm believer that being a jerk won't get her back, if that's what you want, ultimately. Again, though, I wouldn't say much about your own feelings or what you've been doing --- so she'll be curious.

[Regretfulman]

I agree, in her voice message however, she said she wanted to "catch up", so I assume she will be asking many questions, so how do i answer them? Do i dodge them? Give her one word answers? She will surely take this as a negative sign, and probably give up, im guessing. She already put herself out there with the drunk call. I'm just confused, and i still havent heard from her since saturday. I'm thinking maybe she is mad that i blew off her 2 calls. who knows

[annie24]

How would you answer questions from an acquaintance, or a distant relative you don't really know? just be vague.

[Regretfulman]

ya i guess i shall try my best, anyways, i called her 2 times tonight, she didnt answer, i think she was sleeping, we shall see what happens tomorrow, happy valentines day to all

[curlygirl47]

And I didn't take my own advice, so ... I'm busted. I ended up calling my ex and talking about my feelings and the relationship, etc. And then, as you can see from my post, I told him I couldn't keep seeing him under these "friendly" terms. I don't know if I did the right thing --- somewhere in the back of my head I'm thinking it was better to keep him near me every now and then rather than never see him at all. But I think I could still see him if I called him up in the near future, so ... I'm just going to keep trying to move on (and be alone, because I don't want another guy) and see how I feel in a week or two.