My colleague bullies me

[Midgi]

Yesterday my colleague put me down infront of the whole company!

 

I never liked her, i started my job 3 months ago, and I am doing well in it. She has been there longer.

 

She never liked me and did not make a secret out of it! She excluded from e-mails when she asked the whole team out, and always made stupid comments about me. I never said anything to her, but tried to stay out of her way. But she is one of these people who keeps picking on you.

 

Yesterday she came back drunk from a meeting. I was just doing my work and she came out with "you really annoy me"! -- She continued with calling me a " * * * * *", that I have been here for 5 minutes and I have no right to talk to her. Then she started swearing at me telling me I am stupid and so on... until somebody shut her up.

 

Today it took her half a day to apologize and it was something like: "I am sorry I did not mean it, I always get like that when I am drunk" and then walked off!

 

Later I found out that she just apologized to me because others made her. Before she was telling everybody that she meant what she said.

 

Is there a way I can shut her up, without going to management, because she now just ignores me, but for how long.

 

I do not want to make a big scene, I do not want to lower myself to her standards but I feel like I should let her know that she cannot do this to me anymore.

 

She is not a nice person and I do not like her. I am so angry. I am embarrassed, and I want to tell her "that she is not Miss Popular"

 

Please help

[LostInMyThoughts]

If you dont want to involve management, you can tell her plain and simple "You are harassing me, and I'd like it to stop."

 

If it doesn't, then I would take your case to you immediate supervisor and let them know that this person is harassing you, and it has to stop. Let them know that you approached her and told them to stop, but she ignored you.

[DN]

Why do you not want to go the managment about this - unless there is a very good reason I think you should.

[Midgi]

Because they saw how she put me down, and they did not say anything. My Team leader is on holiday at the moment.

 

I feel like a coward going up to them and telling them about it, and I think it might make things worse.

[LostInMyThoughts]

Because they saw how she put me down, and they did not say anything. My Team leader is on holiday at the moment.

 

I feel like a coward going up to them and telling them about it, and I think it might make things worse.

 

In this situation, its up to your manager to respond. If your manager doesn't, then you can either take it up with their boss. After which, I would consult an attorney, and prepare to hopefully make money of these jackaces.

[DN]

Document it - write a description of what happened and who witnessed it. Make sure you include the date and time. Keep it in a personal file.

 

Then tell her that you have done so and if she ever behaves like that again, even a little, then you will file a complaint. Don't say it in an angry way or to provoke another confrontation. Just say it clearly, don't wait for a response and walk away.

[Itsok]

I can't believe management witnessed that and did nothing. I agree, document this and explain to her that if she behaves that way again that you will file a complaint.

[Midgi]

I am not in the US, sueing is not an option. She did apologize though, but she did not mean it! It does not make things better.

 

And would not everybody see me as the tattletale if I tell. She has been in the company a lot longer than me.

[CarterJonas]

Accept her apology this time. If she is drunk and abusive to you at work again report her to your boss. Don't feel guilty because of her stupid behaviour.

[LostInMyThoughts]

How about peeing in her coffee?

or

Wait for her in a dark alley, and use a tazer on her.

or

Knock her out with some chloroform, then shave her bald.

 

Other than managment intervention, your only other recourse is to steal office supplies then find another job.

[Tigris]

This is harassment and you should report it to the Personnel Manager. If the he/she doesn't do anything go higher up the management ladder until you do get some response.

 

Nobody has the right to talk to you like that. If you don't put a stop to it now it'll get worse. The other thing is if you complain other people might come forward who she picked on before you.

 

Good luck and take care.

[Midgi]

but she does not mean it. She told everybody she does not like me and she will continue to do so.

[Dako]

It would take courage to complain to management, and you could be risking your job.

I had a similar experience with a co-worker that backstabbed, teased and nagged me about everything. I put up with it for about 8 years and decided that was enough. I marched into the boss's office and spoke my mind. His friendship with the person made his response ring hollow. I was swept away with the next layoff despite 15 years with the company.

 

A year later I had the pleasure of rejecting their request for me to come back.

[Midgi]

It is my first job! I do not want to screw it up!

[Dannysgirl]

This woman is a bully and as bullies usually only respond to strength it might be time to show some. Wait until she is alone leaving the office one day and say to her 'if you ever speak to me like that again I'll knock your ******* head off, got it?'

She only speaks to you this way because she feels threatened by you because you're doing well and she feels she might be usurped as 'queen bee' of the company at the very least in the popularity stakes.

Now that you failed to stand up for yourself following her little tirade she will think that she can say and do whatever she likes to you without repercussions so you have to be assertive and show her she can't.

You don't have to be quite as aggressive as the above if you feel its best but at the very least say to her:

' Listen I don't like you either but the fact remains that we have to work together and i'm quite prepared to put my personal feelings aside for the good of the company so why don't you stop acting like and eight yr old and follow my example? I will not be spoken to like that again, and if it ever happens again I'll have no qualms about getting you fired as I am not the one causing conflict here.'

[Midgi]

Yes this is exactly what I am worried about.

[RandomAdvisor]

It is my first job! I do not want to screw it up!

 

 

You will screw it up if you don't go to management and complain.

[mgirl]

If you dont want to involve management, you can tell her plain and simple "You are harassing me, and I'd like it to stop."

quote]

 

I think this is the best approach and i would state it in a clear and calm manner with her, and then continue to be nice to her.

 

It is true what they say about bullies, that they derive their strength from putting other people down, and that when you stand up to them, they often back down. In my opinion, you really have to stand up for yourself here, because if you don't, her behaviour might continue.

 

There is a saying: "Those who can... do, and those that can't... bully"

 

There are some good websites on bullying. Do a google search.

[mgirl]

A year later I had the pleasure of rejecting their request for me to come back.

 

This is great. Employers should appreciate when they have good employee, rather than taking them for granted.

[ShySoul]

Where did this happen? At the job site or at a social event? I ask because if she was drunk and it was on the job, then there is really good reason for management to be upset.

 

Perhaps they didn't say anything then because they didn't believe it appropriate or know how to deal with the situation. If they had said something, the person would have turned her attention onto them and made even more of a fool of herself. And trying to be reasonable with a drunk person is next to impossible. So they waited and tried to talk to her later on.

 

Don't try to get even or get in her face about it. That will just fuel the fire and she will use it against you. Take the highroad. Politely tell her that it bothers you and that you would like her to stop. Document what she does to you. Talk to someone about it. You have witnesses to her yelling at you when you didn't do anything. You can provide proof of her harassment. If faced with the truth, management should do the right thing. You just have to be willing to take a stand for what is right and for yourself.

 

People like this get what they deserve in the end. My father dealt with a guy for years who wanted to get him in trouble. Finally, he was the one who got in trouble. So don't feel to discouraged. This will work out for you.

[Dako]

If there's a spot for you in the company away from this person, try to get transferred, or better yet, get promoted a notch so you can put her in your gunsights. Then she'd just love you.

If you really need this job, ask yourself if you can bear this treatment for years. If you can't, go complain to the boss.

You were looking fo a job when you got this one.

[Midgi]

I had a long think yesterday and decided to e-mail my manager. I told her I just wanted to let her know what is going on, but I do not want her to take any action on my behalf and this is her reply:

 

I think it took a lot of courage for you to email me this ?& I respect you for doing it.

 

?? was totally out of order & it is inexcusable that she should behave in this fashion, she was foolish, rude, unkind & wrong.

I happen to think you have the potential to be a great producer, you have fire, tenacity, the ability to assimilate complex information quickly, a huge personality, warmth & honesty.

 

Please don't let the silly ramblings of an immature fool demotivate you.

I am behind you 100% - I will handle this in my own way, don't worry, I won't land you in it I promise.

 

Chin up, I'll be back on Monday.

 

I do not mean what she means by handling it her own way. But I feel a lot better now.

[mgirl]

Woah... them's fighting words. But i thought that managers were supposed to remain discrete and objective? And not take sides. But at least she's on your side. Just make sure you remain calm and efficient about the matter, and do not buy into any workplace politics or drama.

 

It is good that she can see straight through this woman though=D>.

[DN]

Good for you. She probably intends to speak to the other person privately.But the good thing is that you have created a record and she knows that. Make sure you keep hard copies of everything.

[becallamjr]

Well I could give you my immature side and tell you many ways to make her life suck. But, since you went to management, it should be ok from here. Maybe not. Sometimes you have to stoop to ones level to gain a higher level.