Is there any way...

[Dako]

Sometimes you just have to do things.

[kellbell]

Yeah, Dako, I guess you're right but given what happened with Dogg's ex in the past, I am just afraid he will get hurt all over again. The idea sounds very sweet. I am just worried.

[Dako]

Me too. He's a tough guy to go back for more rejection.

Hopefully this'll be one of those rare reconciliations.

For his sake.

[Lady Bugg]

[Lady Bugg]

Just wanna pose a question to Dogg?

 

If you were the dumper and an ex did this to you, what would YOUR reaction be? Annoyed? Happy? Wigged out? Answer this honestly..because chances are this will be your ex'es reaction.....just keep that in mind.

[PrincessLinzay]

You do what you gotta do Dogg.

 

I am going to pose this question though: If after this she still either A) Doesn't repond or B) Responds negatively, is enough enough?

[Dogg]

to answer your questions:

 

1. I do not know how I would feel, but the truth is that it always feels good to know that someone cares. Ido not think that I would be pissed off if she sent me a cute little picture of her cat (that I bought) because I think that she knows how badly I miss the cat too just like I'm sure that she misses my cat (the one that she got for me) we shared them while we were at college living together for two years, and then we both moved back home but that is only 4.5 miles apart so we saw and loved them thogether all the time. I do not know how she will react, but if she is heartless enough to get angry, then I don't know what to do anymore if anything.

 

2. also, I do not really expect a rsponse from her, that is why I have no intentions of sending her anything on valentines day and in actuallity, I am not sending her anything from me, its from the cats, ha ha ha! I know it sounds stupid, but that is the type of nice thoughtful stuff that I used to do for her to make her melt and she loved me for it, so its a shot that I'm willing to take. I really do not think that she has completely moved on. I know her well and she is just not like that, and all of my close frineds agree that its just not like her. she wanted space, space I have and will cntinue to give her, but I do not think that this little reminder of why she loved me for so long could possible hurt. she can't get any farther away then she already is so what the hell.....Its still all up in the air....

[moondog627]

Dude, you are just digging your own grave deeper and deeper. I guarantee you there will come a day when you will look back on all this and regret it.

[yme]

Dogg, good luck with your subterfuge. That's right, subterfuge. It might seem harsh but if that is how many of us see it, without your romantic strings of the past, I regret to add to the chorus that is saying the self-same thing. She knew it was a token of your love when you were together; it goes without saying that is the way she will construe it now.

 

No matter how you dress the gesture up, it amounts to one more plea to her emotions, and she will give you the bird, is my guess.

 

The end result will be that you will be hurt all over again, and it might even raise doubts in your own mind about whether she ever really appreciated your little gestures in the past.

 

Give long hard thought to what No Contact really means. Even if you convince yourself that the birthday wish is from the cat, she will obviously know the true intention and you are setting yourself up for another blow to your heart.

 

I echo what others have said. For your own sake...DON'T DO IT

[onmyownagain]

Dogg. I have just gone back to my wife after three months apart. She was the dumper but believe me, if they want you back they contact you. They contact you alot!!!!!

[Lonelyinasmalltown]

I thought the Cat thing was really sweet, right up to the point where you said you'd put the bubble saying "happy birthday, I miss you". Happy Birthday would be cute, but the I miss you part is just manipulative. If you want to say happy birthday and that's it, no big deal (if it is her birthday, not the cat's). To add more will most likely either tick her off or creep her out. IE it's a very manipulative thing to do and it's not really all that subtle. I mean, complete strangers saw through it.

 

I know you're hurting, I was in the exact same boat you're in a year ago. The only way I got out of it was to make a conscious effort to move on with my life. When I stopped obsessing about my ex, what she was doing, who she was with, does she think of me, etc, etc, I finally realized that I"m much better off being single than with someone who doesn't want me.

[moondog627]

I agree with Lonely. NOTHING you say or do will EVER get your ex back. I understand that it's hard to get over your ex and that it takes time. But you've got to accept that it's a done deal. And like someone else stated, what if you send that and then find out she's with someone else? That really sucks. It happened to me and you really feel like a chump afterwards. Every time you start to make some progress you come right back around to this point of wanting to contact her somehow. You're aren't doing your ex any favors and you sure as hell aren't helping yourself out either. Your ex is gone. Long gone. Nothing short of a miracle could get her to come back now. Accept it. Do what you have to do to heal. You could be missing out on meeting someone who really cares for you by continuing to torture yourself and stalling the healing process. I'm not saying you should be over this, but it's time to let her go man.

[Dako]

Dogg,

I've had two women leave me after long relationships. The first time, I did everything possible to get her back. Pleading, threatening her bf, letters, calls, gifts and stalking her, scheming and plotting like a madman.

 

The second time, I did none of that, even though it was a bigger loss.

That's how I'll handle next time, and the time after that.

It works.

[texasman123]

Dogg. I have just gone back to my wife after three months apart. She was the dumper but believe me, if they want you back they contact you. They contact you alot!!!!!

I agree with this. My Ex has started talking about getting back together, and what i did was totally cut off communication. Stuff was silent for a few weeks, but then I was getting constant textes and phone calls every couple of days.

 

Let her MISS the cute things you used to do for her. don;t give them to her after she has been so mean about things. She will probably dismiss this....

[annie24]

Hi Dogg - no one is expecting you to be over her by now. It was a long relationship. However, holding on, trying to get her back, is really hindering your healing.

 

Dogg - have you ever broken up with someone? You've told them it's over. Think back. Was there anything that they could have said that would have changed your mind? Probably not. Begging and pleading? It would probably push you away even further.

 

That is probably how your ex feels. She made a decision (logical or not) to break it off. Trying to change her mind is probably solidifiying her decision even more. As opposed to if you just accepted it in the first place and tried to move on as quickly as possible, maybe she would be sitting now wondering, "did I make the wrong move?"

 

Leave her alone. No more trying to get back with her. To answer your question, at this point, no there is no way to get her back. If she comes back, it will be of her own free will. There is nothing you can do or say to get her back at this point except to completely stop contacting her.

 

good luck

[keenan]

Hey Dogg...what did you decide to do? Did you send the message from the cats?

[solo34]

Dogg, man........this is completely weird. I am in the EXACT same situation that U are in my friend. I mean exact! My girl up and left me in October. I was with her almost 3yrs.(would've been 3 this July), and she told me that she just didn't want 2 be with me or anyone at this point in her life. I have been doing the No Contact since January 4th, but before that, I would write her, call her, text, etc. Sometime I'd go a week between calling, or texting, U know all that.

 

Well yesterday(Feb. 13th), I found out that she in fact has a new boyfriend. I heard it from her cousin who is also my very good and close friend, so I know it's no BS. Let me tell U though Dogg....YES, I love her, YES I want her back and ALL of that stuff. But U know what my man? In a way, it's almost good that she has a new boyfriend. Yes, I wonder and it hurts that he's getting 2 know her the way that I do, and that he's discovering that she is so much more that a beautiful face and gorgeous body, and YES it kills 2 think of them sharing all those special and intimate moments 2gether like her and I did.

 

But the reason that I say that it's almost a good thing that she has a new BF is because like U, I did many special things, etc 4 her that she loved about me. The exact things that made her LOVE ME. Yes, the grass may appear greener at this moment in time, but so many times it's really just the opposite. After the "honeymoon" and newness of every relationship wears off (which is usually 6months or less), she will probably think of me and miss me and the way that I was, and she will KNOW that I TRULY and HONESTLY LOVED HER. Not just her looks, but HER.

 

Trust me Dogg, I am in the same boat...but our ex's and everyone else's that may think that the grass is greener...just remember this: They can't know GOOD, until they've had BAD. Let them have their space/freedom/etc; I rather my ex come back and know that I am 4 her, then 2 have her just come back out of pitty or against her will.

 

Now Dogg, I'm NOT saying that your ex IS dating or seeing someone else, but my ex is a GREAT young woman, and she loved me, but it is ineviatable that she was going 2 date, and be with another man at some point. Like I am doing, give YOUR ex the space she requested, let her find out 4 HERSELF that U are a great man, and that U in fact do love HER. That's all that we BOTH can hope 4. We have NO control over THEIR decisions. Time reveals ALL truths.

 

Now, in the mean time, I am TRYING my best 2 talk 2 other women and get 2 know some all the while keeping up the NO CONTACT with my ex. Just do the same my friend, and if our ex's come back, then we will have great smiles upon our faces....if not, then at least we gave the women we love what they wanted and asked 4. Now what is a greater sign of love than FREEDOM and RESPECT? Loving someone means that U want 2 see them happy, whether it's with U, or with another person.

 

Hang in there, I'm speaking from my experience and I know that it's hard as hell man. The past is HISTORY, 2day is a BLESSING, and 2morrow is MYSTERY.

 

Feel free 2 write me or whatever man, if I can give U advice just let me know. U defintely are NOT ALONE.

 

Your friend,

 

-Solo34

[curlygirl47]

I'm going to try to remember your words: yesterday is history, today is a blessing, and tomorrow is a mystery, because the blues are falling hard on me today. I keep thinking that maybe we were making progress after all these last few weeks, though it was sporadic --- he did come back after 13 days of NC, and he was expressing how much he missed me and planning trips with me, etc. I'm so afraid I really messed up by doing the ultimatum thing (you can't see me when you're seeing other women, which is more or less what I said). I'm going to drive myself crazy with this. And, confession time: I went by his house today (which I never do), and left some rose petals in a basket with a Betty Boop valentine (because he calls me Betty Boop) and a note that said, "I'm sad today. If you think there is anything we can do, please call me. And Happy Valentines Day to you, love. I miss you so much." I just couldn't sit still in my sadness today, and I wanted to make a last ditch effort to say "I'm willing to listen if you have an idea." Plus, he had bought me something for Valentine's Day, but I implied I didn't want it last night. So I wanted to make a little effort to give him something. This hurts so much! I'm back to square one. Well, I've got two more hours at work, and then I'm going to have a few drinks with friends and go home and read, I guess. The endless monotony of my days without P. is relentless, no matter what I do.

[solo34]

CulryGirl...I can sense your pain as I am going through this myself. Just try and look at the previous thing that I wrote 2 Dogg. Just put it as your BF instead of our(me and Dogg's) GF. U know, it's KILLING me inside 2 think about all the things of the past that her and I shared, and 2 know that 2day is in fact Valentine's and she has a new BF and yes, U know what kind of things that I can only imagine are going on 2day as far as her and him being intimate are concerned. All that is KILLING me, but no matter how hard I want 2, I can't make any attempt at talking 2 her. As far as I am concerned, it is in fact OVER, she has moved on 2 something that she thinks is better. Maybe she will end up marrying this new guy, I have no clue.

 

But as I told Dogg, she'll probably end up realizing that I am a great guy 4 her and all that, and maybe she'll come back and even MAYBE it will be greater than it ever was(which was really great by the way). But 4 now, it's straight up NO CONTACT, and I KNOW THAT WE'RE OVER and that she does have a BF. She isn't thinking about me, not one bit, and as hard as that is 4 me, if I kept making attempts at her, then it would just drive and push her away even more. Keep in mind, after my NC started, she changed her phone number, 2. She NEVER responded, etc. 2 me at any point during the break up. I was and still am dead as far as she is concerned. I'm just going 2 let her think about all the wrong way she went about breaking my heart, and if and when the time comes 4 her 2 want me back, she can sit and think about how great of a guy that I really was 4 her and just how wrong it was 2 do me like this. (I'm not trying 2 be angry or anything, I'm just stating the truth and the facts.) In other words, she's going 2 work 4 my love if the day ever comes.

 

My advice 2 U is do the same with this guy.....NO CONTACT WHATSOEVER!! NONE! No phone calls, no text, no email, no cards, notes, flowers, etc. NOTHING!! Just keep 2 U, and let him realize that U are a human being that deserves 2 be loved and respected, and if he can't do that, then U WILL find the man that can provide these EXACT things 4 U. Take care of yourself, and we're all here 4 U if U need us.

 

Your friend,

 

-Solo34

[curlygirl47]

Thanks, Solo. I'm trying to hang in there. My friend is playing some jazz music on his computer, and that sounds kind of comforting. I have to find comfort where I can.

[solo34]

Yes, that's a good way 2 start. Also, DO NOT try 2 be with this "man" on "his terms." NEVER DO THAT! U deserve 2 be treated with 100% commitment, and by him out with other women and then coming 2 U 4 a "hit and run," that IS NOT something that your emotions should or could handle. It's quite clear, just like me...we love our ex's, but they don't love us. They have moved on, and we MUST try and do the same. I did all the nice things that U are attempting 2 do up until January 4th with my ex. So from October 28th-January 4th, I made SEVERAL attempts at getting back with her, all 4 NOTHING. She could see through me like a piece of pristine glass....Now, yes, she has a new man in her life....does she think of me? Probably not, but if and when the time comes 2 think of me, she has NO clue about me and who I might be with, what I'm doing, etc. She'll have 2 reach 4 ME. The ball is in her court....and don't think 4 one minute that I won't want 2 jump at the chance of being with her, because I probably will want 2. Instead, I will talk with her briefly, see where her head is at, what she wants, etc.

 

I am not going 2 play any games with her, because that isn't right 4 me or her. Besides, the only head game that I like is Chess. But see, my ex did love me, but it was always hard 4 her 2 express her feelings...so if in fact she does come back, I'm going 2 wait 4 her 2 tell me her feelings...because I can't just "assume" what she wants. I hope this helps U out. What I'm saying is, don't let anyone play with your heart or emotions. U have 2 live with these your entire life, so don't let someone hurt U. Don't sell yourself short, U are an intelligent, educated, and caring woman with a HUGE heart....if he can't see that by now, well girl, he probably NEVER will.

 

Your friend,

 

-Solo34

[curlygirl47]

Okay, I hear you, and you have made me feel much better about my decision. I'm leaving work now, and going to have a few drinks with some single friends and then sooner or later the day will be over and I can start fresh tomorrow. As for you, don't leave me! Just kidding, but you sound like somebody who would be a wonderful friend and a true-blue love for some lucky woman. Talk to you tomorrow.

[solo34]

OK, I'm here 4 U if U need me. Thanks 4 the ego boost. Have a great time with your friends....don't 4get, that man 4 U might be at the same place that U go 2 with your friends. Take care, and 4get this guy.

 

-Solo34

[curlygirl47]

You might have already seen my post somewhere else, but I blew it and ended up calling my ex after mostly sleeping off a drunk (I slept five hours), and asking if I could come over. Now I never do that --- I don't call, and I don't ask to come over, but damn it I did it last night, and I even cried some. He said it wasn't a good idea because his son was there, even though when we were officially together, I spent the night there about a dozen times when his son was there. Well, anyway, I guess it's not the end of the world. He has called me in the middle of the night drunk a few times too, wanting to come over (both times I wasn't home) --- so I'll just consider it a tumble and get back to the business of NC EXCEPT that I have to see him today because my cat is very sick (bleeding from below) and I can't afford the vet, so the ex is paying. I can't let my kitty die because I'm too proud to take the money, and there is no one else to lend me the dough. So, Solo, I played the fool --- maybe I won't do it again anytime soon.

[Dogg]

just an update for those who are interested and actually care to hear my stories of woe and misery, I did send the message from the cats, just a very plain picture message with my cats fat face on it and a word bubble coming out of his mouth saying Happy Birthday to the other cat. thats it, nothing else. Of course, like I had anticipated, I received no response, not a word. I hve no way of actually seeing whether or not she had received the message or not, but I must assume that she did, and just neglected to respond because she wants nothing to do with me anymore. My life sucks, I am just not happy anymore, and have not been for some time now. I don't know what I am goign to do anymore. Has anyone ever felt like they were just watching their lives pass them by slowly day by day? I feel like that all the time now. I am truly lost. I feel like an empty shell of a person just wandering around aimelessly going through the mondane day-to-day activities that I do n an everyday basis. Nothing changes, nothing gets better, things are stagnant.