Ex emailed me again.....need a male's perspective on this!!!

[pocky_biscuz]

Hey guys.....i posted earlier about my ex emailing me during the holidays to wish me a happy holiday yadiyadiya...i emailed him back afterwards but didn't get anything. Fine....went back to NC. Then a week ago (after a another month of NC) he suddenly emailed me. Very very random topic. One sentence about himself......the subject line was a animation character's name (we're both into anime and i can always tell who the voice actors are) and so i was i awed....more like * * * is this. I opened it and he wrote: Koyasu (voice actor) is the voice actor...recognized him right away...getting better at it...

 

* * *???

 

So again i emailed him back....a friendly reply think ok maybe he's trying to start something here...be it getting back together or friendship but my question is WHY do guys DO THAT?? or why do EX DO THAT???? Just so random.......it's been a week...and he hasn't email me back yet. Going back on NC i guess............*sigh*....what do you guys think? Really lost here..........any help is greatly appreciated.

[DN]

Why don't you ask him why he does that. Keep it friendly as in 'just curious but why . ...?'. Be interesting to see what he replies - or if he replies.

[pocky_biscuz]

No no!!! can't do that.........it'll show that i'm 'clingy' or 'needy' and such.....i want to act cool about it ( you can tell i'm NOT AT ALL cool about it.............) If i do anything too direct it'll push him away......like i did before..not good .................*hooowaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh~~~* I'm going nuts here!!!

[DN]

Calm down and think this through. Are you willing to settle for a relationship where you are in limbo waiting for him to send you a random message every month or two that you then spend forever trying to work out what his intentions were in sending in?

 

Or do you think you would be better to find out once and for all whether he wants to get back with you so you can get on with your life with him or without him?

[Relationship Coach]

I agree with DN, why spend all of this time trying to figure his intension's out when you can either ask him why or go back to NC and don't respond to his emails. If your intentions are to get back with him talk to him. If you are trying to heal and move forward, NC. We don't know what you want as far as a relationship with your ex but more importantly do you?

 

RC

[ginger25]

I have also been on the receiving end of this...it will drive u crazy IF you keep replying. It's very telling that he contacts u to see if he gets a reply and then doesn't bother replying to u, it's probably like some kind of comfort blanket for him. And in my experience it could go on for months with him contacting u out of the blue and making u feel sad.

 

I hate all the random chit chat, I mean it's nice to hear what is going on in our exes lives but it makes it so much harder for us to get on with ours. Take some of the control back - u will feel better for it.

[pocky_biscuz]

You guys are right........this is driving me nuts and it shouldn't! I'm going back to NC and when me emails me again which i'm sure he will (bastard arrr....) i'm gonna take my time to reply this time or not reply at all! I'm just generally a very prompt person...and hates playing games. It's just doesn't make sense. If they had actually taken the time to write you an email they must be thinking of you when they wrote it right? So why the lag?

[DN]

Don't concern yourself with that sort of question. NC means no contact and that means you don't ever reply to any message. The only exception would be if he contacted you and said he wanted to get back together in which case you would reply that you will consider what you want to do and will message him when you have decided. Anything short of that you should not respond. Ever.