Bad friends, or bad boyfriend?

[qushley]

hi everyone, ok, I would really apreciate some help and advice, this is my first post so here it goes... I have been with this guy for about 1.5 years. He was going thru a divorce when I met him and so was I. He was still living with his wife but I had already left my husband. Because he cheated on his wife with me, my friends are all telling me that he is going to cheat on me. I had a friend call me and tell me that she had seen him with another girl. I have never suspected him of cheating and found out later that this girl was lying, so I don't know why she lied. But everybody is saying bad stuff about him even my mom and I don't know what to believe anymore. He has a job where he has a chance to meet alot of other girls so I do get jealous at times. My friends suggested that I snoop thru his things but I don't believe in that and have no reason to suspect. So do you think I have bad friends or a bad boyfriend?

[DN]

Sounds like at least one bad friend if you know she was lying.

 

Do you have any other more concrete reason to distrust him?

[LiquidCherry]

Although there are always exceptions I do agree with your friends. Not only do I speak from personal experience but I believe that a man (or woman) who truly values commitment would end their marriage prior to starting a new one. There is a grey area that can occur with separations and such but if they were living together..

 

I think your friend was wrong for lying to you. Maybe she wrongly handled her concern for you dating this man. Maybe she's jealous. Either way, she shouldn't have lied to you.

 

I also don't think you have bad friends or a bad boyfriend based on your post. Everyone will make a mistake in a relationship. Depending on how the situation is resolved and if a pattern emerges determines the nature of the relationship.

[Scout]

Do you mind if I ask how you know your friend was lying about seeing him with another girl? Maybe a little more explanation on that point would help me formulate a better informed opinion on your situation.

[annie24]

Do you mind if I ask how you know your friend was lying about seeing him with another girl? Maybe a little more explanation on that point would help me formulate a better informed opinion on your situation.

 

Ditto. How do you know she was lying?

[Andy223]

"My friends suggested that I snoop thru his things" lolol can i say that you should ignore your friends here... what if he catches you! then that will give him a good excuse to do whatever he likes.

 

I think that for your friend to come up with the assumption that he was cheating, just by being seen with another girl, is ridiculous. You have no concrete evidence, only assumptions. Carry on, as you two are. I think your friends could be jellous (dont hold me to that). If a guy looses interest in you, he will cut off contact with you for a long period of time... even if you try to get in contact with him.

[qushley]

hi scout and annie,

to make along story short my bf has a job that has been given a bad rap

he stays out of town alot, i got a call from a mutual friens of ours saying that he had gone out with another girl and took her to his hotel room.

i know the people that work at this hotel well so I asked around and found out he ate dinner with friends and went to bed early.

my mom tells me that guys that are out on the road cheat all the time, so really he is being accused of something he hasn't even done,

but i hear things like if he hasn't cheated on you yet he will soon that just what kind of guy he is.

 

so this is why it is so hard for me to trust because I don't like all the rumors and gossip about him.

[Scout]

i know the people that work at this hotel well so I asked around and found out he ate dinner with friends and went to bed early.

 

Just out of curiosity...who knows the people that work at the hotel better, and are closer friends with them: you or your boyfriend?

[qushley]

probably him. but the hotel is in my home town. it was a barmaid that told me he was with another girl. it was my neighbor that told me he wasn't. so until i have proof i think i'm going to believe my neighbor.

[DN]

I am a little puzzled. Where does he live that he has to stay in a hotel in your home town?

[qushley]

hello dn,

he lives 4 hrs from me. he delivers beverages to the hotel in my home town this is how I met him. because he is on the road alot this is how all these rumors start.

[DN]

I understand. Was there a reason that he couldn't see you that night since he was in your hometown and had a free evening?

[qushley]

I was working.

[Scout]

Well, I don't really think that you have proof he did or didn't. One person said they saw him with someone, another person said that wasn't true. Someone could be setting him up, someone could be covering up for him.

 

You know that he can cheat, though...I mean, to point out the obvious, he did with you. I guess when a relationship begins like that, there is always going to be that part of you that wonders "will he do it to me?" As you can see, you're wondering that now yourself.

 

Not sure what to say to ease your fears...it's up in the air if you can trust him or not. It's also up in the air if your friend lied or not. I'm sorry, I wish I could give you a more definitive opinion on this.

[annie24]

I whole-heartedly agree with Scout. his friends could be covering for him. Or, he could have cheated anyways, and his friends didn't see it. In any case, it really does come down to trust - do you trust your friends and your bf? None of us know for sure. What we do know is that if he's cheated in the past, why wouldn't he cheat again?

[DN]

Bottom line - if you can't trust a partner you really should not be with them - a relationship without trust is almost bound to fail or make you unhappy.