Jump to content

Engaged or Married Men - Is This True?

Recommended Posts

My male friend is coming out of his newlywed status of 5 years...starting to constantly complain about marriage.... , "You're better off being single! But if you do, don't change after you get married!"


He shared his philosophy that the average dating man has about 5 to 10 women that he considers "marriage material" by the time he gets ready to settle down. Whoever is into him as much as he is into her at the time is the one who walks down the aisle.


I think it's bull for the most part....I know many that married for true love, but I'd like to know if there's some truth to this statement.

Does a man feel he's getting old, decide he's ready to settle down, start a family...and gamble with his "favorites"?

Link to comment

There's a book out there called, "Why men marry" or "Why some women get married and others don't." It's filled with statistics complied about marriage age, education, etc.


The author's conclusion is that men get married when they feel the time is right (finished with school, financially stable, have a car) and the next right woman comes along, that's who they marry.


It scares the hell out of me! It's like... a timing issue. It's saying that there was nothing really wrong with the past women, just that it wasn't the right timing. (Which I guess a lot of people hear during a breakup).


I don't know.... something to think about!

Link to comment

my sister just recently got married about 2 years ago. they recently added a new addition to the family (2 months old) but everytime i go see my sister to help out with the baby, she finds herself complainin about her husband!!! and she also tells me not to get married because it sucks...lol or at least to wait a WHILE n to make sure that HE IS THE RIGHT MAN!! It's kind of scary to hear this, considering the fact that most marriages now a days seem to fail!!! Is it even worth getting married???

Link to comment
Is it even worth getting married???


This depends entirely on who you ask, lol!


I really don't see myself getting married. I may, eventually, want some type of ring to represent a further commitment, but a legally-binding contract that says I will be with the same person forever? There is just no way of knowing whether or not that is even remotely possible. I'd like to believe that it could happen, but I am also realistic. People grow and change so much throughout their lives, especially their 20s, that I think it's much better to wait.


If your relationship makes it through hard times and you can grow and work together, then consider marriage.

Link to comment

Did you guys ever see the episode of 'Sex and the City' when Miranda talked about the same timing theory that men are like taxis and they go around for years with their light off and date.... sometimes seriously.


Then at a certain point in their lives, they put their light on, and the next girl they date, they marry.


God! I hope that's not true!



Link to comment

I'd have to agree with Oceaneyes...it depends on who you ask. Some women and men get married and they are still head over heals for one another as if they just met. Then you have some who get so complacent in their marriage that neither partner feels appreciated or loved and so they seek love elsewhere, or they complain.


Statistically speaking (is that a word?) many marry for the wrong reasons..and when things don't work out, they want out of the deal. I also think many people don't take the "till death due us part" or "through sickness and health" seriously and to the core.


I am married with a newborn, and I can tell you that before I was married, my husband showered me with gifts, compliments, affection..and not soon after we got married, its like he only works and comes home to sleep. I wrote a post about this....and thats not to say he doesnt love me, but it will take he and I some time to get things back. I believe that if two people want it enough even the relationships that go astray (and it can happen to the best of us) that with hard work and dedication, eventually you can find the passion you used to have and love again even stronger.


People who complain, but don't take action, are going to never be happy because instead of them taking the bull by the horns....they'd rather...b**** and moan and have some quick and easy answer.



My BEST advice to anyone who is not married but is with someone and wants to be married, is to ask yourself the following questions...


1. Do I really love this person or am I just afraid of being alone?

2. Is this person my best friend, or just someone I sleep with and share the occasional conversation?

3. Can i accept this person 20lbs later?

4. Am I really ready to settle down for the "Rest of my life"

5. Do I respect this person?

6. Does this person respect me?

7. Are we at a place in our relationship where I know 90% of who this person is?


These are just a few questions....I'm sure many of the rest of you can add even more.

Also go to link removed and look on there for relationship advice. He's really good.

Link to comment

Unfortunately I do think that for many men there is a certain point where they start looking for "the one", and before that it's really about dating and having fun ... "timing issues".


I'm not so sure that the same practice isn't being followed by at least one subset of women as well: namely the highest-educated career-tracked women. I've met quite a few of them who aren't "ready" to think about being married until they are in their late 20s, have finished education and are beginning to get some career traction and the like.


I think that for both men and women there are some times when it's just not the right time to make that kind of commitment, because various aspects of their lives are not settled (education, career, geographic location).

Link to comment

Think about it: timing really DOES have a lot to do with the choices you make, and the people you end up associating with. There are bound to be certain times of your life when you are more open to meeting new people, and of course, times when you are not. It's all about timing, where you are in your life at that point, and the attitude you display. Not only are you more prone to different desires, but you will also be attracting different people.


For example, my current boyfriend wasn't the type of guy that I thought I'd be with at my age. But when I met him, I was just coming out of another relationship and was very 'fun-oriented', but also vulnerable. He was exactly what I needed at the time, and turned into the love of my life simply because we met at the right time. If it would have been a year AFTER my relationship ended, I probably would have been looking for something completely different and we wouldn't have gotten along as well (or at ALL).


I think that timing plays a huge role in the relationships we choose. Just choosing to settle down with the first person you meet as soon as you reach that "comfortable successful age" is pretty depressing and beyond pathetic. Marry/ settle down for love, not logistics.

Link to comment

For the most part people marry because they honestly love the person and wish to spend their lives together. Yes, there will be those who marry for other reasons. There will be those who marry because they think its what they are suppose to be doing. There are people who settle because they are tired of waiting and just want to get it over with. But these are not real reasons to marry and is not what marriage is about. And it certainly isn't fair to make a generalization that guys will marry at a certain time in their life regardless of who the women is.


In the end, we all want to marry the right person, the one that we truly love. This is why people marry. People will marry the one that they feel is "the one" and whom they plan on spending all eternity with. In some cases they are mistaken. Generally I find thats the case when people are in a rush to get married. They put the getting married part above the right person person. But the ceremony is just one day, the marriage should be forever. There are many who don't see this. But there are more who do.


Guys marry for the same reason women do. They marry for the right reason. They marry for love.


As far as timing, I don't really see timing as playing a role in who we end up with. At least for me. For me, its entirely about the person. If the right person comes along, I'll know it. It won't matter what stage of life I am at, because the right person for me fits into my life at any and every stage. That's what "the one" is, the one who completes you and makes you whole, complimenting you and being right for you at all times.

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Create New...