I dont get it, everyone confuses me!

[drjqd112804]

Ok, i have been reading everyones posts. This is going to sound rude maybe, but i believe its true.

 

What is the big deal with coming out of the closet?!

 

I dont think there are barely ANY gay guys or girls in my town who are IN the closet still.

 

I came out of the closet when i was 14, a freshman in high school. I got picked on a bit, but it wasnt bad.

 

Now i'm 18, living with my 17.5 y/o boyfriend who i have been with for 1 year and 2 months, in our own apartment.

 

I just dont get it, why do you think its so hard?

 

It's not supposed to sound rude but im genuinely curious as to why some of you wont just tell your friends, family, ect. The first person i told was a straight guy i had a crush on. Granted, i thought he was too, turns out he wasnt, but he was really cool with it. And from there i told everyone.

 

I started with saying i was "bi", continued to go out with girls, and then i decided i was gay.

 

 

Another thing i dont get.

 

How can you be "confused" about your sexual preferance.

 

In my opinion- If you think your gay, your gay. The end. If you have sexual fantasies about guys, and not about girls, your gay. If you would rather touch and kiss a guy, not a girl, your gay (or opposite for the lesbian friends out there).

 

Confused? Not confused. You arent confused - your afraid. Being confused is most peoples way to tell themselves "oh no im not gay, i dont know what i am.." no. your gay. Trust me.

 

 

Note: Depending on the area in my city you live in, being gay can either be good or bad. Where my boyfriend lives - its bad. He had bottles thrown at his head in school and everything. Where i live - its good. Nobody really messed with me.

 

Note 2: I say all the gay guys and lesbians are out of the closet here. I dont mean all of them, but pretty much at least 80% are. At least the ones between 14-23.

 

 

I also have another question.

So. My 3 questions are:

 

 

1) When/How did you come out. And if your not out, why wont you come out?

 

2) How do you feel about "confused" people?

 

3) Is it just my city or do all gay guys like to start 'drama' (as much as i hate that word) with all the other gay guys. Cuz ever since me and my boyfriend have been going out there was one guy who said he would break us up cuz he wanted me.. but then he realized i hated him and he said he'd break us up because he wanted my boyfriend.

 

Me and my boyfriend went from being probably the most wanted gay guys in our town to the most hated gay guys as soon as we started going out. I dont know but i think its because everyone else was jealous.

 

Respond pls.

[chblueguy]

first of all, congrats on your 1+ relationship. that's a rarity for people your age. and it's good that your coming out experience was not difficult and you're living a happy life. you're in a small minority though for sure. some people, by nature, place a lot of value on what other people think of them and they are afraid they may lose some friendships and family members over this. homosexuality isn't socially accepted and some people will disown relatives over it. some people come from conservative religious backgrounds and have constantly heard homosexuality is a sin and they will go to hell over it. that may also play into the confusion part. because some people have heard all their lives they'll go to hell for this, so it automatically registers that it has to be a choice. so when they start having feelings for someone of the same sex, it's a scary feeling.

 

just like we want straight people to know that everybody is different and not everyone can be straight, other gay people need to know that not all gay people are the same, and the outlook on sexuality isn't going to be the same for all of us. i mean, there are states who are passing amendments to ban gay marriage and we have an adminstration who can make it a federal mandate. with all this going on, it's understandable as to why the closet is so full and how some people are confused. we don't all come from the same place, although we share a common thread.

[confusedashell]

I think you're way too harsh and abrupt there with your statement about "if you think you're gay, then you are". Theres people out there with a lot of things causing them sexual problems and sexuality problems which have little to do with their actual sexuality. Ive read through some of the posts on this forum and someone brought up the subject of Obsessive Complusive Disorder. My wifes brother is a psychologist and I asked him about it since I find th subject of OCDs a little frightening. He mentioned that people so suffer from all sorts of OCDs and there is also a HOCD - Homosexual Obsessive Complusive Disorder. The people are so afraid of being gay that it ruins their lives. They are not homosexuals, but they fear that just for example, talking to a homosexual will make them gay.

 

Honestly, in a forum like this, I think people need to THINK before posting such garbage and things which could be very hurtful and cause problems for someone else.

 

I agree with you that there is a lot of people who are gay and just do not want to be, they dont want to come out or are feeling akward about it. But there is people also with other problems. Show a little restraint please. I see it all over this forum people jumping to conslusions: yes your gf/bf/wife/husband is cheating on you, no they dont love you, yes you're gay etc etc etc. Its a little shocking.

[Imaginary]

So. My 3 questions are:

 

 

1) When/How did you come out. And if your not out, why wont you come out?

 

Because most Central America countries are way homophobic. And they are too square about sexuality, if you are masculine you are straight, if you are effeminate you are gay. Vice versa for girls. And really, having to explain what a bisexual is to 3/5 people and then being called indecesive, greedy or in denial is just not worth it.

 

2) How do you feel about "confused" people?

 

Most of the time, they hold the answer within themselves, after they explain their situation, it's obvious to everyone, except them. But only the person can decide their sexuality, and I'm in no place to start labeling people. You can label yourself.

 

3) Is it just my city or do all gay guys like to start 'drama' (as much as i hate that word) with all the other gay guys. Cuz ever since me and my boyfriend have been going out there was one guy who said he would break us up cuz he wanted me.. but then he realized i hated him and he said he'd break us up because he wanted my boyfriend.

 

I don't see were the word 'all' came from. I bolded the pronoun for you... You can't go around generalizing people based on one person and some stereotyping. Everyone is different and sexual orientation doesn't go hand in hand with anything.

 

Me and my boyfriend went from being probably the most wanted gay guys in our town to the most hated gay guys as soon as we started going out. I dont know but i think its because everyone else was jealous.

 

Respond pls.

 

By everyone? weird place. I don't know if they were jealous or whatever, but hey, you both are in a relationship and you are both happy, so, hell to them.

[Erk]

The reason people do not come out is because it can affect their lives, obviously. Your parents or friends could reject you and it can affect what job you get if your boss would be a homophobic. My dad tells me that he hears all kinds of gossip around at work, and people will talk about you behind your back. I remember when I was like in 4th grade, I said to myself, "Grr..why do I have to be gay? Why can't I just like girls like a regular guy?". I wanted to be straight, but now I am very happy to be gay because it's just awesome in my opinion.

 

1. I came out because I have like 14 girl friends, more in the making. I tend to do a gay thing once in a while, so the girls ask me if I'm gay and then I hesitate for a couple seconds and then I just tell them because I'm comfortable. Then some other guys found out and they like to tease me, but I actually am starting to find the attention fun.

 

2. I do think that people can be confused, but only for those who had never thought about who they liked until puberty/high school, or until they actually took the time to investigate themselves after being scared to find out for many years.

[drjqd112804]

to confused as hell:

 

You are the one being rude. I was merely stating my opinion. You are jumping to conclusions about myself. The "if you thinks your gay, you are gay" is my opinion, and usually it is the correct one (also, in my opinion). I have only met ONE person in my entire life who has EVER thought he was gay/bi but ended up being hetero.

As for HOCD, how your explaining it doesnt even seem like it would be related to "thinking your gay".. It wud be more releated to homophobia. At least, in my opinion (even though you seem to dislike my opinion), that is how you described it.

 

In all honesty - My boyfriend has OCD, so yes, I know what its like. His isnt nearly as bad as alot of peoples (you wouldnt be able to tell if you hadn't known him for long). There are ALOT of people who have OCD that nobody would be able to tell because it is slight and directed towards one object or activity. As my boyfriends is he is obsessive complusive towards thinking the house is going to catch on fire. When we leave the house EVERYTHING has to be off. No lights can be on, no computer, no TV, ect. It's not noticible usually and doesn't really effect life, and thats how it is for ALOT of people who have OCD.

 

That was pretty much off topic, but just letting you know that , because you brought OCD up.

 

Neways.

 

To Imaginary:

 

Sorry for not being clear enough.

 

What I meant by all is "most" of the out-of-the-closet-gay-guy's in what we call the big "gay circle" in my city. Its a big group of gay males who are all out of the closet and they are all a bunch of (not trying to offend anyone) guys who go out with and/or sleep with everyone else in that circle.

 

What i meant about that "one" was just an example, and he was the worst. He called the cops on me while I was at the mall when I did nothing to him, he just wanted me to get caught for driving on a suspended license. He drove by my house (before i moved) every night between 11 and 2 am, and it is a well-out neighborhood, so to speak, so we could get fined, ect. He likes to follow you while your driving, start rumors about you, get close to you and your friends just to try to steal your friends and/or boyfriend from you. (he tried taking me from my bf at first, didnt work so then he tried taking my bf from me.. didnt work).

 

We dont have problems with him anymore, yet he is one of the few who still spread rumors about us, though we havn't even hung out w/ or really talked to any homosexual male for about 4-5 months.

 

 

 

Note for everyone:

 

I guess my post did come off a bit rude. I was at work when i wrote it, thereforeeee i was already stressed out and i was probably really tired (i usually am). But honestly, they are my opinions and i dont expect ANYONE to be rude to them, i merely just wanted to know other peoples opinions.

 

Thanks for reading.

[ShySoul]

Where do you live? In my city (San Francisco) being gay is not as big a deal. I can walk 10 minutes and be in the Castro district, a center for gays and gay rights. But in other places, it is not common. In some places, people have to legitamently fear for their safety. It's sad and is gradually changing, but still a concern that gay people have to face. There is also the element of feeling different then everyone else. The majority of people aren't gay. And if you aren't exposed to it, you can feel different, like something is wrong with you. Basically, if you are exposed to gay people and the culture more, you are more comfortable with it. But if you are surrounded with people who say its wrong or aren't exposed to it in general.... you will be more hesisitant and afraid.