Plzz, read without judjing, don't judge me!!!

[nightynite06]

Ok, the reason I'm here is cuz two of my friends told me about this website, according to them they say it's helpful. I went to another website and an advice room and all they got to say was "go home {Censored by Mod}" or go get therapy, or "u can't have ur cake and eat it", Wut the heck, I came for suggestions, not comments, and I'm not even in a relationship, well I never been in a commited one. And I ain't no {Censored by Mod}, I'm a virgin. Well there is a reason why I never been in a relationship and why I'm still a virgin. And no, I don't believe in that BS, of waiting till marriage, damn with that, too much religion, in fact if I was in a serious relationship right now, I would have lost it long ago. The reason is cuz see, I back then when I was in school, I would go on more than three dates, then I also dated and french kiss/make out with three of my best friends' b/f's. Yea, that's still cheating and I hated being the other person, but they still don't know about it, yes they're still my best friends and we talk. I got other friends too, but I still can't stop with the mutiple dates, and yes I had dump some guys I dates for only 2 weeks,was like playing with them. But this is my problem now, been dating this guy, lets's call him David, for like around 7 months now, while off course I'm dating four other guys at the same time currently, but somehow I fell in love with David, yea first time this feeling comes. Now a month ago, he did ask if we can be exclusive but I told him that it was kinda too early and that I would think of think and so I changed the topic. See, if a guy starts talking to me about feelings, I tend to changed the convo. I dunno, wut's with David, it's like he's the one, but see if we're to get exclusive (g/f and b/f), I wouldn't wanna hurt him cuz if I were with him and I go on multiple dates, kiss and make out with the other guys, then that would be bad. So, I been thinking if I should tell him my problem, it's like that feeling that u gotta have them all. And well at times, I also fantasizs of finally losing it and in my fantasy I'm with 3 guys at once, but that's just my fantasy. I dunno how to tell him. About counseling, I don't even like talking that much to neither my family nor friends about my personal problems, those are mine to deal with only, so how would it helped talking to a complete stranger about this. Yes, I wanna be exclusive with him, there is that spark, that chemistry, should I tell him why I rejected and my problems towards guys. Yes, I do realize I may or do have commitment problem, so any suggestion people?? And no judging, if all u people got is comments then don't write, I don't wanna hear comments, I want suggestions on how to get this feeling of "u gotta have them all" out of my system and become exclusive to David"

[hosswhispra]

What do you think is your 'biggest fear' right now, if you were to commit to David? I think if you figure that out, it may give you the necessary insight to make your decision. 18 is young and I could see why you may be 'afraid' to commit to one person at your age. Maybe you are worried that you may miss out on the other people--which is understandable. But then again, chemistry is rare (at least for me, it is) and with that in mind, I would think about that in determining whether or not I wanted to be 'exclusive' with someone.

 

good luck,

hosswhispra

[hazlcha]

Why do you need to go with more than one guy?

 

I'm not asking for me, I'm asking for you. You write as if it's just something you can't help, like you are compelled. So the first thing you should do is understand where that comes from. Take a long walk, meditate, whatever.

 

Then, ask yourself an even better question. What will it take to make you be exclusive with someone?

 

I think the better you understand yourself and see that you are ultimately in control, the better things will be for you. This is very important.

[annie24]

Hi and welcome to eNotalone - I'm sorry you had such negative experiences elsewhere.

 

My first thought is that maybe you're not ready for a committed relationship. If you keep looking like you want more guys, maybe it's just best to casually date a bunch of guys until you meet one that you really really like and you don't have to "force" yourself to be exclusive with him.

 

What are you afraid of when it comes to committment?

 

So, you've been dating him for 7 months and you're still not exclusive? Whoa. Well, you haven't had sex with him, so I commend you.

 

What is it about talking about exclusivity that scares you?

[nightynite06]

Yea, maybe that's it, I'm not ready for a commited relation cuz I'm a little kinda scare. I figure that I'm im gonna ever lose my virginity it's gonna be with that one guy I love and be only with him. But see, it's like I crave for attention at the same time, this is why I got the feelings of having them all. A few guys did get hurt when they found out I was dating others, but I didn't really mind,they shouldn't have gotten mad if they're not my b/f. Yea, maybe I should just still go single and keep David as a date, though at some point, he'll get bore or might think I'm playing with him.

[kellbell]

Hi there and welcome! I am sorry you got such negative feedback at other forums...that is not going to happen here.

 

I guess I am going to ask the same question as everyone else...is what about committment makes you feel uneasy? Are your parents divorced...have your friends had bad experiences with serious relationships that put a bad taste in your mouth about them?

 

Also, if you are into dating multiple guys at once, you need to be honest with them about it. I suspect these guys were a bit hurt is because they were under the impression you were not seeing others. You have to be considerate of others feelings...that's one of the big components of being in a committed relationship. All I can say is maybe figure out why you are uneasy about being exclusive and make sure you are honest with everyone you are involved with.

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

Hey there and welcome. I am sorry about your experiences on those B-rated sites. We're Grade-A over hear, sunny side up or over easy.

 

You said two things that struck a chord with me.

 

And well at times, I also fantasize of finally losing it and in my fantasy I'm with 3 guys at once, but that's just my fantasy

But see, it's like I crave for attention at the same time, this is why I got the feelings of having them all.

 

Does this fantasy mean that you want physical interation with 3 guys because of the raw sex or the feeling you get when you are the star of the show, the center of attention, where the light shines on you and you only? Not just the sex, but the dating too, where you headline the show. I can understand this feeling and have seen it in a friend of mine.

 

You have found someone who "sticks out from the crowd", someone who is making you rethink what you really want in life. Picture it this way, you are an actress who loves the fame. So you give a Broadway Show for your admirers in the crowd, who all have no face and no name. That faceless/nameless crowd are all the guys you date. But you see someone in that crowd and he is someone who makes you feel more special than the rest. He claps louder for you, he gives you the standing ovation, he yells, "BRAVO!" and "ENCORE!", whistling and causing a hoot. This could be who you've been waiting for, someone who can make you feel as special as all of the men combined. BUT, this may not be enough because you know that there are more out there who can admire you. Since you are someone who seemingly loves attention, and have yet to commit so someone who can give you that feeling, you are scared of letting go of what you have: an audience of admirers. And once you commit, the curtains close, the lights are dim and the show's over. Do you feel that maybe one man's love and attention may not make you feel as special as the attention many men give you?

 

Even astrologically it sort of fits your profile. Leo The Lion. Born for the stage. I guessed you were a Leo before I clicked on your profile. Anyway, maybe this is a phase you'll grow out of, but I have to be honest, it may come to late for "David's" liking. You may need to make the decision sooner than you would like.

 

Do you want David?

Do you want everyone else?

 

I can't see why the other boards judged you so harshly. What is wrong with multiple dating or even the multiple partners during sex, when you are not exclusive? I bet if you were a man, they would look at you differently. Horrible double standard, I say. But I can definitely see where you are coming from. My advice to you would be to do what you want, but for David's sake, try not to hurt him by keeping him while you date others when he wants to be exclusive. If he can accept the non-exclusive thing and still want to date you, even better. But if he doesn't, and you plan to continue to date multiple guys for a long time, let him go for his sake.

 

Whatever you decide, good luck.

[Itsok]

I agree, you probably just aren't ready for a commited relationship, and that is ok. Just be careful about contracting diseases if you have multiple sexual partners, that's all.

 

Sorry to hear you had such negative responses elsewhere.

[DN]

i basically agree with the other posters but also add this: don't hurt people if you can avoid it. If you feel you want multiple partners then you should tell them so they don't get hurt and they can make an informed choice about whether they want to be with you or would rather look for a partner who does want an exclusive relationship.

[hcochick]

you could just be scared of being commited. i know that i was at first. but if you truly love david, then i think you should tell him. he could help you with your problem and help you overcome it. just communicate

[Hunny1607307342]

I agree with hcochick. I think you should have a nice long chat with David and tell him exactly what you're thinking. It's not fair on him to be left in the dark, and the longer you leave it, the more hurt he'll be if he was expecting a committed relationship which you may not be able to give him. Just talk about it with him, and see what he suggests.