There is nothing left now, I don't know what to do

[fallingfast]

I have a relationship that causes me constant emotional despair; the person I am with is verbally abusive and treats me like garbage when she is in her usual bad mood. I am an alcoholic just like my parents and when the pain becomes overwhelming I drink to excess; it's getting worse lately it seems. I drive around and sometimes pick up prostitutes and pay them for sex. I think it is because I was sexually abused when I was a young boy. I risk everything I've earned and a bright future because I have no self-control. I hate myself. I can't stop. I am being treated for depression but I have no defenses whatsoever to fight my self-destructive impulses... There isn't much left for me so I guess i don't care if i die.

[AN]

Oh 'Fallingfast', you can always stop. If your women is treating you like garbage then dump her. Go find one that will treat you right and have fun in the dating game. The world has a lot more to offer than booze and prostitutes. Go find something that excites you again, rekindle that spark.

[pridgell]

Below is the ISBN for the book that helped me in my relationship i found it on link removed, it helped me and it will help you also, understand you are not alone.

 

 

ISBN for book: 0974094358

 

 

Keep your head up.

[Turboz]

Dump her.

 

If she's treating you like that then get out while you still can. It will not get any better!

 

Dump her, seek help for your alchohol addiction and get yourself on the recovery road.

 

May be hard to let go of the booze but let me tell you something.

 

I started to get hooked on Vodka, and I was going through over 1/2 a bottle a time(usually abnout 3/4). I was getting myself drunk as I could. The wakeup call came when I had to go to work the next morning and I felt like hell. I was sick 3 times before I went to the office, and I felt like death all day while I was there (and I literally mean ALL DAY). I decided that whilst the night before was fun getting drunk, the after effects were not.

 

I learnt a lot from that one occasion, and I've not done it since. I have self respect for my body. It's almost like an understanding - I leave it alone and it leaves me alone.

 

Booze isn't going to help you - remember that. Only people canhelp you out of what you are in, and your woman isn't the one to do this. All she is doing is driving you to it.

 

Dump her, get help and enjoy life while you still have the opportunity.

[glassbell]

First of all, I might not be the right person to advise you on this situation because I haven't been there myself.

 

But perhaps an objective view on it is of any help as well.

 

The woman you are with, do you love her at all? Actually, even if you do have feelings for her, I think it might be better to keep your distance from her for now, either way. She seems to me only a negative factor, pulling you deeper into depression. You're better off alone, even if that idea scares you. Now it is time to take care of YOURSELF only.

 

You need someone to talk to, otherwise you wouldn't have come to this forum. I think though, it would be best to find someone you can talk to in person, who you trust and who listens to your story with real interest in you and your well being. Do you have someone like that? A family member, friend or acquantance, a counsellor? Who ever it may be, that person must help you find back your self respect and love for yourself. That is pretty much all you need for now: love for your self. Your self-destruction, the drinking and other things that make you unhappy, you won't need any of that if you love your self.

 

Good luck,

~glassbell

[secret_agent_man]

HEY! Fallingfast, Something you don't realize is that you are making the first, most important step. You admit and are aware that there is a problem and don't want to live like this anymore. That is by far the hardest part of overcoming the problem! Once you have admitted this to yourself, things start happening as you let them. You've taken that first step, soon you'll begin to walk, and eventually run.

 

Hope guides you, and we'll be here to fall back on, no questions asked!

8)

S.A.M.

[fallingfast]

thx for your responses, it helps to know i'm not completely alone here. I just don't know how to fight my self-destructive impulses. It's like knowing that something is risky makes it even more appealing to me. I'm worried I will ruin my life.

[secret_agent_man]

Go get tons of help, support groups, close friends, psychiatrists, psychologists, whatever!

 

As important as it is to help yourself, some things can't be done alone! Thats not a bad thing. That's why these people exist, and that's why we all have our place here. We owe it to eachother as a race of human beings!

 

Lots of people can help, and now that you've come to terms with your problems, seek them out!

 

Good luck, and stay positive, you can do this!

 

S.A.M.