Absolutely mortified that i blew it! Maybe a lesson for everyone else-Please help! Lo

[curlygirl47]

I am waiting until Monday to call him back, so that I can call him at work and be sure not to put myself in the very vulnerable position of interrupting him if he is with someone else, etc. That would make me feel horrible and make him feel either smug or awkward, neither of which would do me any good. His message was on my work phone, by the way, probably because my cell phone has been out of service for 9/10 days.

 

My approach, when I call tomorrow:

 

Smile at him (which he'll hear though not see).

Speak with love in my voice and confidence in myself.

Aim for a positive influence.

Relax.

End the conversation first. (This will be the hardest part for me!)

[dawnie duckie]

Glad to be of some help, Blues...sorry to have disappeared on you but have been down with the flu for a few days...

 

Remember the floutist...you have a job to do. We all tend to get wrapped up in emotions, but you have an edge on that. Get wrapped up in the music. Go back and watch the last (?) Fleetwood Mac concert where Stevie Nicks and Lindsay Buckingham did their thing on stage...it was obvious, yes that there was something there...but the people looking on, EVEN ON TV, got a blast out of it. You are in show business. Use it to your advantage, but in a tasteful way.

 

Another book I recommend to you...Gorilla Music Marketing Handbook...lots of great ideas in there for this day and time!!

 

Good Luck!

[curlygirl47]

Great idea! I was at that concert, and there were powerful moments between Nicks and Buckingham.

[blues_belter]

Hey guys- i don't have access to a computer over the weekend but here i am here i am!

 

I send u good vibes curly girl- good luck, today.

 

I had 2 nice dates over the weekend. i had almost forgotten what it was like to be picked up by a gentleman at MY house by a man who actually drives! I know, it seems silly- but i was always the one driving the car in my last relationship- usually the one paying for almost EVERYTHING.

 

Anyway, i had a great time. He kept wanting to hear my recorded stuff- he's been to a few of my shows-brought by a close friend of both me and my ex who is still pissed at my ex about the way he handled things. I don't know how much he knows about me and ex and i don't really feel like telling at this stage.

 

He said he couldn't understand why i was so hesitant to play my stuff for him. The real truth is - it seemed awkward to be playing songs about my failed relationships on a new date!!

 

When finally pressed, i explained a bit about where i was coming from in some of them. It was awkward! I was terribly vague and did not release any details. I figured that when and if he really does need to know, i can tell him. But i did not want to ruin a good time by going on about the past- it's still very fresh to me.

 

We went hiking about an hour away from here and then over to my favorite blues club- owners are like family. the band there called me up onstage to do a couple songs- he seemed to really enjoy it and kept going on and on joking about how he wants my autograph. It was nice to see that he wasn't threatened by what i do.

[blues_belter]

And Dawnie Duckie-- thanks for your post too. I know all i have to do is get lost in the music.

[curlygirl47]

Okay --- well, the first thing my ex said is "It's good to hear your voice" and "How are you doing?" I said I was doing fine and didn't ask how he was doing (instead I just said, "How are things at X? His place of business.) He said that he had heard that I had been out walking a good bit (his mother saw me; she lives near me), and that he and his mother were concerned that I was walking on a road that isn't very safe. I told him it was fine, and that I enjoyed that particular walk, as it was almost four miles to the end of the road and back, and that the shoulder was wide. He said, tenderly, "My shoulders are wide, too." (grrr) and I said, "Are they? Well, I wouldn't know. I haven't seen them in a while." (This was a stupid thing to say on my part, but please! "My shoulders are wide, too?" What the hell?) Anyway, we made small talk, he asked how my parents and my daughter are, etc. and I told him I was going for my physical today, blah blah. Then he said, "Well, I really just wanted to talk to you and see how things were going --- and um, I've made an appointment with the doctor in Aiken tomorrow. I was hoping you might ride with me." (Now, here's where it gets interesting. ) We've been on these trips to Aiken regularly while we were dating, and we always went out to dinner and had a wonderful time and went home and carried on, if you know what I mean; AND when I wrote him the letter two weeks ago, I ended it by saying, "Right now I'm remembering our last trip to Aiken, how lovely it was, and the good love we made," and signing my name. That was our last contact. So isn't it interesting that he has invited me for another one of these trips? I find it very encouraging and tender. On the other hand, I'm going to just try to enjoy the day and not have a lot of expectations. I ended the conversation with, "Okay, you can just pick me up after work. See you tomorrow."

 

By the way, the doc has fixed me up with an antidepressant and an anti-anxiety medication that is supposed to help me sleep, so maybe I'm on my way to feeling better all the way around.

 

I'll let you know how it goes tomorrow.

[Nathalie1970]

Good Luck, Curlygirl. We are all rooting for you, and take it easy.

[curlygirl47]

Thanks. I bought myself roses today: pink and white and red, the miniature kind. And a new outfit to wear tonight. It made me happy. I'll fill you in tomorrow on how the date with my ex went.

[blues_belter]

good luck curly!

[curlygirl47]

Well, the date was nice; we talked a lot, and he said he missed hearing me sing, which was sweet. We drank a good bit before, during, and after dinner, and he came home with me. But he didn't spend the night; he had to pick up his son. At the time, of course, it all felt wonderful. He asked me if I wanted to go out again, and he said we should go away to the North Georgia mountains for a weekend in a cabin sometime, and he asked me if I would still help him decorate his new house when he gets it built ("Even if you're married, he said --- which hurt. But I just smiled. Then he said, "Your * * * better not get married.") We might be going to lunch today.

 

I'm emotionally raw, and I don't like the way this feels. However, I'm not going to make any decisions about whether I can see him on this casual, "seeing other people" basis, for at least a week. I'm in no condition to make a firm decision at the moment.

 

It's the seeing other people part that bothers me, but you all know that. Blaise Harris says if you want your ex back you shouldn't make ultimatums or demand that he stop seeing other people. I thought I could do it, but today I feel as if I am going to be ill. And of course, if I see other people, I will be thinking of him.

 

Side note: After he left my house, it was still early, and I couldn't sleep, so I ended up going out at 11 p.m. and hanging out with friends at a local bar until 3. When I went out to my car, there was an ugly note on the windshield. ("You're busted, * * * * *"). It made me upset. I know my ex would never do anything like that, so it makes me think maybe it's another woman he's been seeing. I don't know whether to say anything about it. It could be that it was totally unrelated to him, and maybe it was from the girlfriend of one of the guys I was hanging out with last night. But there was nothing going on other than talking and dancing, and I went home alone. What do you guys think?

[blues_belter]

Well- things sound ok- except for that last part. I would take it as a threat no matter who it was from. Are you fairly certain that your ex wouldn't write that? Did your friend invite his girlfriend along? Depending on how their relationship is (if he is untrustworthy) she might not see it as "just hanging out" She could also just be a little batty. But i would be careful on this one- be really really careful.

 

Other than that, I'm actually glad you are undecided about your ex- it means you're considering your own feelings in all of this. He seems pretty straightforward about what he can and cannot offer to you at this time- but it still seems he wants his cake and, well you know the rest...he can't make a commitment, but he doesn't want anyone else to have you either. That's not fair.

 

If you can do it- keep dating him AND other people- it's not cheating because he's doing it too. Do yourself a favor, though. If somebody makes a date with you, and then your ex calls later in the week DO NOT CANCEL YOUR OTHER DATE- you don't have to tell him everything just that you have plans. Play his game better than him- get it? Don't always be available for him. Yes this IS a game- but i like to call it a dance, that's what the whole courtship thing is!

 

Basically, it sounds as if he really misses and cares for you. This is a good thing. Let him- but if something isn't right to you, don't do it. Right now he doesn;t have any claim on you and you owe him no exclusivity. Let him be the one to bring it up. I'm proud of you curly

[curlygirl47]

I'm so glad you are there today. I'm so shaky and miserable right now despite having had a wonderful time last night. Part of the problem is I drank a lot during the date and then again later in the night, and so some of this is physical. But I'm also just feeling extremely vulnerable. I've made an appointment with a counselor and have determined to make no decisions about anything for at least 24 hours. I do think I need to tell P. about the note because if this story isn't confusing enough already, he has an enemy who has threatened to blow up his house --- apparently the guy is crazy. I guess it's possible, but a long shot, that that guy is somehow related to the note last night. But I don't know. There were very few people at the bar last night --- I'd say less than ten. Nobody shot me dirty looks or anything, so I'm not certain this person even came in the bar. My car has a tag with my name on it, on the front. This is the same bar, by the way, where P. beat the crazy guy up about a month ago.

[curlygirl47]

P.S. You asked about the guy and his girlfriend. He actually has a wife and a girlfriend, but I doubt seriously they were anywhere in sight --- unless someone called and told one or the other this fellow and I were sitting together and talking. He's a friend of P.'s and that's mostly all we talked about, but we did dance together. But the note is strange and threatening. It didn't say you better leave my man alone, or anything like that, you know?

[curlygirl47]

It also startles me because I never never get treated this way --- called names, etc. And I don't know what to do except stay away from that bar. Maybe P. will have an idea or can find out what was going on.

[blues_belter]

Look, even if this guy is a good friend of yours- he's got a wife AND a girlfriend- which means if you are anywhere near him you stand a very good chance of getting caught in the crossfire!!!

 

No, the woman should not leave a threatening note on your car- but at the same time, this man should be handling his business so it's no surprise that she may be taking it out on you. It's a thin line between love and hate, you know? Be careful!!!!

 

I've been on both sides of this equation-

[blues_belter]

wait wait wait!!! i didn't even see your first post! Then, this note could have come from anyone- just do the process of elimination and keep your nose clean when it comes to the man with multiple mules in his stable. As for the crazy guy- give me some more info on his threats?

[blues_belter]

tell your counselor EVERYTHING. On top of the pain you are already experiencing, you do not need more aggravation!

[blues_belter]

i don't mean to be preaching, curly- just got a little fired up- other than that, i am glad to hear from you too!

[curlygirl47]

I called P. We're going to lunch today, but I went ahead and told him about the note. He thinks that somebody (some damn woman, he said) thinks you're still dating me and she's caught you doing something you shouldn't be doing, and she's going to run and tell me. He said I shouldn't worry about it, but that it was extremely low class and he would like to find out who it is. He also said he hears things about me all the time, but he never says anything because he doesn't have the right to. Now, I don't do anything but go out and have a few drinks and dance a little. I haven't been with anybody but him! I haven't even been on a date! Why on earth are people doing this? God, I hate small towns sometimes.

[curlygirl47]

Oh, and P. said he's 99% sure the note had nothing to do with the crazy guy. You asked about that situation. It had to do with an old feud between the two of them, and recently it came to blows. P. beat the guy up pretty bad, and he threated to blow up P.'s house. That's really all I know.

 

P. wanted to know if R. (the fellow with a wife and a girlfriend) was hitting on me (he sounded jealous). I said no, we talked about you actually --- which is the truth. He sounded kind of miserable that I was there hanging out with R. I guess we will talk about it more at lunch. Oh, why couldn't he just have stuck with me; we were so happy, and we didn't have all this crap to deal with.

[blues_belter]

Geez-

 

i didn't even consider that part either. You don't need a watchdog in the henhouse because YOU'RE NOT IN THE HENHOUSE!

 

But in order to escape the small town mentality- you first must escape the small town! Not much going to change there. Perhaps if your feeling like browsing some tunes- i've got a couple for ya that speak to this:

 

The Lady is a Tramp (Sinatra or Ella Fitzgerald) &

 

Wild Women Don't Get the Blues (unknown)

[curlygirl47]

I'll definitely see if I can get my hands on those tunes. Now, I've got to get a grip before lunch. Help me. I look pretty good today, nice dress, but I'm shaky as a leaf and I have a headache. I'm wanting to say "I'm not dating anybody but you and I don't want to, and I wish we could just go back to being happy together" --- but I don't think this is the time to say that. I need at least a week to think about what I'm willing to do in this relationship. I need a Xanax. This is ridiculous ---my hands are shaking so bad.

[curlygirl47]

I'm going to go outside and take a deep breath and try to calm down. I'll check back in with you after lunch.

[blues_belter]

WILD WOMEN DON'T HAVE THE BLUES

Ida Cox

 

 

I hear these women raving 'bout their no-good men

About their trifling husbands and their no good friends

These poor women sit around all day and moan

Wondering when their baby's daddy's ever coming home

But wild women don't worry, wild women don't have no blues

 

Now when you've got a man, don't never be on the square

'Cause if you do he'll have a woman everywhere

I never was known to treat no one man right

I keep 'em working hard both day and night

'Cause wild women don't worry, wild women don't have their blues

 

I've got a disposition and a way of my own

When my man starts kicking I let him find another home

I get full of good liquor, walk the streets all night

Go home and put my man out if he don't act right

Wild women don't worry, wild women don't have their blues

 

You never get nothing by being an angel child

You better change your ways and get real wild

I wanna tell you something, I wouldn't tell you a lie

Wild women are the only kind that really get by

'Cause wild women don't worry, wild women don't have their blues

[blues_belter]

Now, i don't want you to get "full of good liquor and give a man s***" but do you get the drift of that song?

 

I know you were happy together, but believe me DON't SETTLE- if he's smart, and he does seem to have a brain- he will realize just what he's missing with you and will do his BEST to get you back. But at the same time, he's going to see what he can get without the effort! This is where you draw the line and you don't even need to have the CONVERSATION with him- let him wonder, because he will approach you about it if he feels you slipping away. This will take some time- allow it to develop slowly.

 

I think you are doing a great job curly- stay strong- don't dwell on the if only's and the what if's. I have a graduate degree in that- it doesn't help you!! Geez, I'm preaching again- but i am following this advice too and it is working for me- but in my situation, i want my ex back less and less and less- and this is good for me personally- we have a lot more history, baggage, abusive cycle- so you understand. Your guy sounds fine, just don't waiver.

I want my LIFE back!