anyone have any success stories?

[deejay74]

i was just thinking about all of us who post on here looking for advice about getting our ex back and was wondering how successful these tacticts are?

 

it seems like NC is the biggest one and i would like to know the success rate.

 

and if one does get back with the ex, how likely is it going to last? do you think that because of the pain involved, a successful 2nd chance is really not that likely?

 

thanks in advance.

[Itsok]

I've gotten back together with ex's in the past and I can honestly say that for the most part, people who break up should stay broken up. There's a reason you broke up in the first place, and it wasn't being resolved. If you get back together, there has to be a complete overhaul in communication, in your connection together, in your ways of relating, etc. Most relationships that have broken up have never been serious or mature enough to withstand that.

 

I've gotten back together with probably about 3 ex's and they are just that: ex's. It was all a waste of time to get back with someone when the relationship disolved and wasn't worth that extra time or effort.

 

Since that, I can say that I don't believe in second chances. If you break up once, that's it. There's not a reason to try again, unless you broke up because one person moved away or something like that.

 

If there were issued that made you break up and they weren't dealt with, they will resurface again, and the hard feelings you were dealing with all come up again, no matter how much apologizing, etc there is.

 

One person at least always feels abandoned, hurt and confused about why you broke up in the first place.

 

So there's my opinion. Sorry it wasn't a very positive one!

[NR498E]

I have a friend who lives in California.She lived with her boyfriend for about a year.He started to flake out on her and eventualy dumped her and she had to move out.She was just devastated.She did what every heartbroken/temperarily insane person does.She pursued him and just pushed him further and further away.

That spring she moved out to New York for the summer.She dated a few guys.She tried everything to get him out of her mind.But nothing worked.

That following winter she moved back to California.After being home about 3 months she got a phone call from him.Slowly they started to talk and become friends again.She told me she was very reluctant to even talk to him because it hurt her so bad.However they are now back together and are planning to get married this spring.One thing she didnt do was run back into his arms she made him chase her for awhile.

Now heres the weird part when she was in New York,he had moved out there as well and the whole time they were living about 2 miles apart from each other and never knew it.I remmber her calling me one day saying she swore she saw him driving one night.I told her to just let it go."your starting to hallucinate"i said.

Now that there back toghether she told me that sometimes people just need time and if its really meant to be theyll come around.If they dont,you never really had anything anyway.Which is now my motto.

So there is hope but first you just got to let them go.I know easier said than done.

[Danny H]

Andy it is nice to think that there are some success stories,

 

I guess the old adage -you have to let them go for them to come back- rings true at this time.

 

Best

 

Dan

[coooolsome]

Rest, there are many success stories but we dont see them b/c they are no longer on the forum. I know of 2 people at work that have had their ex's come back, one moved on and the other is no marrying her. I know other people too that have gotten their ex back.

 

Usually we break up for a reason. We need to figure out those reasons, fix them, learn to live without our ex, become stronger, learn, become wiser, and many more.

 

I have learned so much that I never would have if I was not dumped.

 

Ex's do come back, and they sometimes dont.

[jigsaw]

i was just thinking about all of us who post on here looking for advice about getting our ex back and was wondering how successful these tacticts are?

 

it seems like NC is the biggest one and i would like to know the success rate.

 

and if one does get back with the ex, how likely is it going to last? do you think that because of the pain involved, a successful 2nd chance is really not that likely?

 

thanks in advance.

 

NC isn't really so much of a tactic for getting them back as it's a way to build up your strength and confidence from the breakup and get away from the reactive emotions that are ascociated with it.

 

After the reactionary stage is over your odds of getting back together are much higher. You'll longer be begging, pleading, and over romanticising the situation. You start to think about the situation logically, and be able to act accordingly.

 

The trick is that they have to want to get back together with you. If there isn't a bone in their body that doesn't in some way want a reunion, then you've got little to work with. There is always a chance though.

 

If you do get back together, of course it can work. Both people involved need to akcnoweledge what went wrong in the relationship and work on it. That is another reason no contact is good, it gives you an opportunity to sort things out and see where the relationship failed. I've known too many couples that didn't work on themselves during the break, and got back together only break up again.

 

There really is no defintive answer, everyone's situation is different, and that's why this is a great place to share. Good luck!

[selfi]

my friend rennee just got back with her boyfriend she dated for 9 months before he dumped her in late september.

she was so devastated, she wrote songs about him, and couldnt think striaght for a long time.

the longest they did NC was 3 weeks. but other than that was LC over MSN, but they didnt see eachother for 3 months.

he left her alone, even though he cared for her and missed her (which i wish my ex did for me)

anyway he had a function at the place she waited at, and he begun talking to her that night and waited until after she finished work.

that night they kissed. fast forward a couple weeks (they started hanging out alot, talking heaps etc) and now theyre together again.

she is very happy, but isnt expecting anything and is taking it slow, not having expectations, and not declaring her love for him. (even though she REALLY loves him)!

 

well though id share that with you, as this girl had NO hope, but had for the most part, let go, before things came her way again

[octopus]

Thanks Selfi! What was their reason for break up and how old are they? I hope they're happy together now..

[selfi]

They are 19 and 21 respectively. The reason for the break up was that he was confused about his feelings, and thought she was gonna break up with him (for god know why) so he left.

She was just like us on the bored, but I was first hand to witness how much stronger NC/very LC made her. Now she has the upper hand so to speak, as she is control of her emotions etc.

 

I am only a week in NC, and will have to see my ex again in two weeks time. I wish to god i didnt have to but we atted the same school. Never thought Id be wanting to NOT see him, but it feels so good to finally be putting MY needs first for once!

 

there is ALWAYS hope, but you dont live and breathe it.

alot of people on these boards tend to get pessamistic, and i can see why when the odds are against you, but it doesnt have to be that way when you have two people in a situation, who finally have their heads in place, willing to give it all another shot.

[danylion]

I joined this forum when my boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me. I look in from tome to time to see how some are getting on or if I can help.

 

I won't go into all the details of the break up but he basically got the fear. He was worried that I wanted marriage, kids, house etc and kinda bolted with tears. However during our time apart he realised it was actually him that wanted these things. That is why it is important to get space from each other to think about what you really want on both sides. Hence why so many are in favour of no contact or very little (of course people with property and children, even pets need to keep in contact). Time apart was very important, I have great respect for that.

 

Anyway, I was in shock but bowed out gracefully, I probably should have fought more but I wanted him to realise on his own what he was ending. I f he didn't know now then he never will. He moved out and didnt see me for 2 months, there was a couple of times as we shared a flat.

 

I remained calm, and simply said how sad it was, I still loved him but that I respect that he needed to go. Luckily he realised he had made a mistake and we worked it out.

 

We are not living together and have been taken things very slowly. I think it is harder to restart with your ex than find someone new. You have to forget about the break up, forgive each other and become equal otherwise any bitterness could ruin it. Trust is a massive factor and the love you have will help build it. Once you start this process and get over the first hurdle you will be stronger than ever.

 

Every one is different and there are no right or wrongs in concerns to getting back with an ex. There are success stories as there are failed ones.

My sister left her BF and then realised she had made the biggest mistake BUT she is glad she did because it made her realise what a diamond she had and that is why they are to be married in sept. I'll be there as head bridesmaid and it will be the best day.

 

All in all I suppose in some break ups you have to loose something in order to realise how important it is. The lucky ones are those who get a 2nd chance and get it back.

 

My opinion, take care 2 all u enots.

[coooolsome]

Breakups are good sometimes b/c they make one realize what they have. We all learn from breakups and they make us better people. I am glad me and my ex broke up b/c it made me a better person. However I do want to get back together but if it doesnt happen, I know that I did not lose. I found myself again and learned to be strong when my biggest fear was realized.

 

Everything happens for a reason. We dont know the reason until it hits us in the face.

[danylion]

Breakups are good sometimes b/c they make one realize what they have. We all learn from breakups and they make us better people. I am glad me and my ex broke up b/c it made me a better person. However I do want to get back together but if it doesnt happen, I know that I did not lose. I found myself again and learned to be strong when my biggest fear was realized.

 

Everything happens for a reason. We dont know the reason until it hits us in the face.

 

Very true!!

[Just Visiting]

Breakups are good sometimes b/c they make one realize what they have. We all learn from breakups and they make us better people. I am glad me and my ex broke up b/c it made me a better person. However I do want to get back together but if it doesnt happen, I know that I did not lose. I found myself again and learned to be strong when my biggest fear was realized.

 

Everything happens for a reason. We dont know the reason until it hits us in the face.

 

I have realized the same thing. I wouldn't have learned things about myself if we were still together. I have grown alot emotionally and spiritually since the split and firmly believe that it will continue. I have always gone by the saying "Everything happens for a reason".

[photomo]

I've got a success story....although it's more of a personal success rather than a "getting back together" success...

 

It's been 3 months into my break-up of a 6 year relationship, and I have now started NC as seeing her or talking to her is far too painful for me....However, during these 3 months I have learnt so much about my feelings and can understand why she broke up with me.

 

I now successfully realise that at times I was an arrogant boyfriend to her, and now realise how much she actually means to me, and how much I love her and want her back. Although I am really upset, I am pleased that I can admit to my mistakes and learn from them, and this has caused me to change my attitude - I now know I am the same guy she fell in love with, and not the guy who used to take her for granted.

 

Over the past 3 months I did everything to try and win her back. I wrote her letters, sent her e-mails, called her, gave her presents etc. I can now admit that I've done everything; I've proved myself enough to her. The fault lies with her feelings now. All I can do is sit and wait, although I have to learn to live my life meanwhile...and if I do not hear from her in a few months, then maybe I'll start dating other girls.

 

So where's the success? Well, I know I'm a good boyfriend and a much better person now that I've learnt from my mistakes. I know I would never make the same mistakes again. If she doesn't want me back, then it wasn't meant to be, and I deserve someone better (although I cannot admit to this yet). Although it's impossible, you have to look for the good things in a bad situation, and the only good thing I can see is that I have realised I have a heart of gold. I see that as a success, and that makes me happy.

[pos69sum]

my brother married his high school sweetheart.

they were together for about 5-6 years, all through college. a year after they graduated, she broke it off with him. he had just done poorly on his mcats, and then his girl breaks up with him. it is one of the few times i've ever seen him cry.

 

after that, he became a big partyer. he started dating a lot of women. i had moved out of state but a couple of years later i heard that they had started to see each other again. they had been apart for a couple of years at this point. then they dated again, and it was the same as before, only they were a lot more serious - they eventually got married.

[sucker4ya]

my brother married his high school sweetheart.

 

 

Ooh...I hear stuff like that and I just pray that this is what happens to me. I guess it is nice to know it does actually happen!

[jigsaw]

Breakups are good sometimes b/c they make one realize what they have. We all learn from breakups and they make us better people. I am glad me and my ex broke up b/c it made me a better person. However I do want to get back together but if it doesnt happen, I know that I did not lose. I found myself again and learned to be strong when my biggest fear was realized.

 

You and I are in the exact same boat. I am much happier with the person that I have become.

[healinginnyc81]

I don't know anyone who got back with the ex and I don't think I'll ever get back with my ex because she left me for another guy and I don't think we could ever rebuild the honesty and trust that we had. It hurts so bad still after 5 weeks and I wish we could go back to what we had but I don't think we can especially since I got mad at her and called her a liar and a cheat and told her I never want to see her again.

 

A couple of days after she dumped me, I posted on here asking the same question: "Are there any success stories?" and later I found that there are several forums on the subject.

 

but what I want to say is that if you're looking for hope to get back with her then it most likely won't work. You have to concentrate on being happy without her. I know it's harsh but you really should try to be okay with not ever getting her back. I'm still trying to get to that point. It took me at least three weeks to even function normally in society again. I mean I really was devastated and I couldn't enjoy anything at all. Now I'm getting better.

 

I have to agree with everyone who is saying that it has made them a better person. I have a whole new awareness of myself and who I am and I think by getting through this, I'll be a stronger, wiser and more mature person. I'll always miss my ex but I'm sure there are many women with similar qualities that I loved in my ex.

[healinginnyc81]

Another not-exactly-success story:

A professor of mine told me that when his first gf left him for someone, he went into therapy b/c he thought he'd never find someone like that. Well, he went on to find two other women who he felt that same kind of soulmate connection with but didn't work out either. That's when he met his current wife of about 20 years and he can say that this connection is so much better.

 

It gave me hope of success in the sense of seeing that you can really believe that someone is your soulmate but you might only think that because you haven't ever experienced a stronger connection to someone and you can't imagine it; if you use this as an opportunity to become stronger then you give yourself a chance to make that kind of special connection with someone else. I know I didn't want to hear it at first and it still hurts to hear it, but there are other people with all the good qualities of the ex's, we just have to be open to the possibility of meeting them.

 

Hope that helps.

[Midgi]

Yes everybody deserves a 2nd chance? But do they deserve a 3rd chance?