Once a cheater always a cheater?

[darkblue]

True. But it's more likely that if this stripper just happened to sleep with this guy - it's not a one off....

[Jadtt]

I don't like that justification.

If you are not happy in a relationship - you should have the decency to end it before pursuing 'happiness'.

 

Yes you should, and that is your opinion. However, I think the reality is that there are many unhappy people out there that do not end the relationship prior to cheating.

 

Are you saying then that an individual who cheats is 100% happy in their relationship 100% of the time?

 

I am not justifying cheating if you are unhappy, just making a statement that there are a lot of unhappy people out there who cheat, and that is one of their PRIMARY reasons for doing so.

[Jadtt]

Jadtt

I would like to know how you would feel if someone with you is unhappy and cheats on you for the same justification you gave? I do understand that being unhappy is one of the primary reasons but cheating on someone to find that "There is better out there" does not quite fit it. Do you think you could hav ebeen more happy breaking up and then cheating.

 

In any case i think are a good person coz rarely do people admit they have done something they feel guilty of(or they think is wrong).

 

First of all, I am NOT justifying cheating, I specifically provided a reasoning behind why a lot of people do cheat...that is not a justification whatsoever.

 

Secondly, yes...someone has cheated on me because they were unhappy. It has happened to me, and others I know, on several occasions. And, quite honestly, I had to take a long hard look at that relationship and relate to that persons unhappiness. Yes, I was upset they cheated, but...I also realized that I was a contributor to the relationship, and I assisted in the unhappieness.

 

I have cheated, it was because I was unhappy and YES, I did break up with that individual. And, yes...it was the wrong thing to do.

 

My post is in no way a JUSTIFICATION of cheaters. I just don't believe people should be generalized in any way, shape or form. And, we have to start waking up and realizing that cheaters don't cheat JUST because they want the attraction of multiple individuals, a "new" person, to boost their ego, etc. They ALSO do it because they are unhappy in their relationships. And, maybe they could break it off first, but many times they do not.

[darkblue]

Yes you should, and that is your opinion. However, I think the reality is that there are many unhappy people out there that do not end the relationship prior to cheating.

 

Are you saying then that an individual who cheats is 100% happy in their relationship 100% of the time?

 

I am not justifying cheating if you are unhappy, just making a statement that there are a lot of unhappy people out there who cheat, and that is one of their PRIMARY reasons for doing so.

True - it is my opinion.

 

Of course, no normal relationship is 100% happy all the time. But that is why it is important to work through problems, and resolve them as they come along - to prolong a lasting, healthy and happy relationship.

[mscolly]

A cheater values someone else's feelings as being much less important than their own. Being dumped by someone may feel bad, but being cheated on feels bad-bad. A cheater obviously wants more than the relationship is giving, but doesn't have the courage to risk whatever there is, perhaps not much, to leave first then find a better one.

 

It also shows a fundamental lack of respect for the one that's cheated on. In the end, the cheater's using someone purely for his own ends, for his/her own gain. And perhaps not even just one person.

[raineysong]

I agree with Darkblue, but I think that alcohol can certainly be an influence in the situation. People can become very uninhibited and different when they become intoxicated. Tequilla for example, often causes women to become exhibitionists. (It's why "I" will not do T-shots!) Alcohol has different effects on people, and I think it's safe to say that it can distort one's take on things, especially during the state of intoxication. It's why the guy went to bed with a 10 and woke up with a 2, remember? It's why people are often shocked and embarrassed when they wake up the next day and start finding out from others how they behaved while in a drunken stupor.

[ricardo]

I have found in my numerable years that, some of the most unlikly people do cheat. I have also seen some of the most likely people turn completely faithful with the right mate.

[lostwithlove]

Some people can change.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

I formerly had a terrible reputation amoungst my friends...from Nov 2004- Oct 2005 I was never single, I went through so many people.

 

Some of them were very serious about me.

 

Some werent so serious, but still assumed we were exclusive.

 

I'd say I cheated on...what...5 of my boy/girlfriends? Horrible, isnt it?

 

BUT

 

October 2005, I met my current boyfriend who I have had no trouble whatsoever remaining faithful to. Its simply because...hes better for me. Thats just about it...if you find the right person, you'll be faithful (assuming no clinical personality disorders, etc).

[janey17]

i think it really depends on the situation... in some cases the person that cheated might learn from it cuz they see how much it hurt the other person... but its also very possible that they'll just do it again cuz they know they got away with it or they were forgiven easily in the past. but its hard to say... depends on the person, the relationship, the circumstances, etc.

[spunkykatt]

Well I have to say that I have never been one to stay faithful to any one man for long, I even had two marriages where I cheated. Now though that I am a little bit older and relize that there is no one person that is going to fit perfectly in my life, or think exactly like I do, I have found it easy to remain faithful to my current b/f of 2 years now. Yeah we have our good and bad times, and he knows about my shady past, but I havent had the slightest desire to cheat on him. So I can say yes it is possible for someone to remain faithful to their signifigant other even if they have been known to cheat in the past. I work hard at keeping my relationship interesting and not falling back into the old pattern of looking for reasons that the relationship wont work..which by the way is almost automatic justification for someone looking to cheat. Hope what I said helps.