Outcast-Angel Posted January 4, 2006 Share Posted January 4, 2006 Dolls by outcast-angel i'm a faceless doll, you can make me what you will take up the paints, mark upon me your design dress me up, or dress me down i can be your angel, your slave, your star i'm your marionette, i'll walk to your tune move my limbs, see me dance, smile throw me against the wall, hear my neck snap you can always replace it, start again mould me to your desires, i'm your plaything make me your wh***, your muse, temptation chain me up and i'll writhe beneath you imagine my voice and hear me scream sultry eyes, delicate limbs. carve your name in mark me for all eternity so everyone can see just don't forget to give that extra spark so when we fight it won't just be a dramatization we'll rant and scream, tear each other to shreds i'll lick clean the wounds that I cause, swallow little bits of you now the madness is inside of me and when next something breaks, it'll be my leash un-hollowed heart, feel it beat, my memory's here anger rises do you feel the heat? the world's on fire i plan to watch you burn, erotic dance, move your feet, on the ground you'll burst i'll lap you up; warmed milk your doll's a monster hungry for love hunting for something i've never known. i've got your mark, everyone knows what that portends now i'm the painter, and i've got a little doll she holds my leash, reins me in; i carve her mark into my skin (disguising your last trace) an ice sculpture come summer, only your memory lives and someday honey, i'll find a way to burn it down. i'm not sure that those last two lines really fit.. like, at all. maybe i should scrap them? Link to comment
Broken_Doll_ParTs Posted January 4, 2006 Share Posted January 4, 2006 oh wow!!!! that is one awesome poem!!!!!! =D I loved it!! Link to comment
Moon Goddess Posted January 4, 2006 Share Posted January 4, 2006 Once again you write beautiful poetry and you can see the raw emotions Great job Outcast Link to comment
neva_black_n_white Posted January 4, 2006 Share Posted January 4, 2006 Amazing, i really liked your style. Its different, much more abstract than others on here, including mine, your creativity is extended. I like that. Very visual. I think your right when it comes to the last two lines, throws the image out a little, but its still powerful. great work, honestly. neva Link to comment
blueangel Posted January 4, 2006 Share Posted January 4, 2006 Woah. I've never read one like that Link to comment
Outcast-Angel Posted January 6, 2006 Author Share Posted January 6, 2006 Amazing, i really liked your style. Its different, much more abstract than others on here, including mine, your creativity is extended. I like that. Very visual. I think your right when it comes to the last two lines, throws the image out a little, but its still powerful. great work, honestly. neva thanks, everyone, it's nice to hear feedback.. neva, thank you, i think i will scrap those last two lines. it's a more powerful without them. i like to read your stuff though. just by being less abstract, i think it's easier to relate to. and, it leaves my mind in less of a whirlwind, which i appreciate. and blueangel, i'm glad you found it to be at least somewhat original^_^ thanks again, to everyone who read it and/or responded.. ~OA Link to comment
ShySoul Posted January 7, 2006 Share Posted January 7, 2006 You have a great ability to really visualize and describe things, puts the reader in the poem. Makes us feel the emotion and passion in every word. Impressive. And I agree, last two lines should be scraped. Nice, but doesn't fit as well. Link to comment
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