Natural introvert?

[easyguy]

Hey all,

 

I used to be a hermit when it came to anything social -- family, friends, classmates. For many years, I was always the shy, quite kid in the back of the classroom with no one to bond with.

 

Over time I have become more talkative, especially when I get to know someone and break the ice so to speak. However, though I do enjoy talking, I am naturally not into talking, even if I have something to talk about... if that makes sense. It's not in my character to be the leader of the group, the center of attention, to always be moving the lips and creating dialogue. Am I always going to be introverted me, or will I eventually get to the point where I am naturally an extrovert?

 

Thanks,

easyguy

[yeawutever]

Same issue here, I was lonely in school as a kid, but over time I find myself talking more. Maybe, if u built more self-confidence, u could increase ur social skills, try getting involve in activities.

[Lily04]

I'll just copy/paste the reply I wrote to Ailec. Just visit her thread, there's no need for a double post. She asked the same question as you. Good luck! It really just takes maturity & confidence. ANYONE can overcome shyness. It's possible. I've seen quite a few people get over it. It takes time, don't be hard on yourself & enjoy the change you see. =)

 

 

Hey,

 

I didn't read your whole message (have to leave soon) but seriously you can change. I used to be really shy in elementary school, and introverted, and really insecure of myself. I was overweight in elementary school up 'til grade 9, and was teased because of it. I felt like a social outcast. But then I lost weight, was still shy, but basically gained more confident & friends, loosened up and FORCED myself to act like I don't care what others think and just said my opinion more often. It was a conscious decision on my part to change. And I did. In my final year of high school I was president of a few clubs, and really devoted myself to my studies. I used my intelligence & talents to gain confidence and show other people I wouldn't let them step over me. I am now attending the top university in Canada and have made many friends and was even active in student government. Last year I basically lost any shyness in my personality and now I'm still an introvert to some extent, but I can be extremely extrovertive at times as well. To run in student council elections, I mean, you can't really be shy. So LESSON #1 LEARN your talents, excell in them, and gain confidence.

 

But I was still self-conscious about my appearance until this year. I lost even more weight this year, and now I love the way I look. I was also insecure because I had trichotillomania (an impulsive control disorder) and I pulled my hair... and that really decreased my self-esteem. But I decided to just cut my hair short and it looks awesome now. LESSON #2 If there's something about your external appearance you don't like, fix it! It will increase your confidence as well. My cousin is a Gucci model and even encouraged me to start modeling, which I have been looking into.

 

LESSON #3 Don't be too hard on yourself. I am a perfectionist. It nearly killed me. Literally, I have considered suicide too often for my own good. I appear really confident and popular in real life, but deep down I'm not always so confident and question the decisions I make a lot. Recognize the developments you make, and let yourself have time to grow. It takes time.

 

I would also suggest looking up websites on how to improve your social skills and become more extrovertive. Honestly, it took quite a bit of time for me... from being very shy/introvertive to now not being shy at all, and more extrovertive (I'm still introvertive at times and I like that about myself actually. I think it shows intelligence to some extent as well, because introvertive people are often more introspective and wise.

 

What helped me in the beginning was just saying what came to mind without double-thinking it. I remember... omg, it seems so long ago now, but only 2 years ago, my first year of university. I would always think "is this a good thing to say? Will it sound forced? Will people think it's awkward?" things like that in my head before I'd say it out loud. The reason was ultimately because I lacked confidence, and I was shy. I saw others in the room and put their opinions on a pedestol over mine. Now when I walk into a room I assume I'm the person's intellectual equal or better. People can sense confidence. =)

 

Also, just living on my own, and going to university helped. Honestly in high school, I felt so stunted... in university it's great, NO ONE knows you, you're new, people assume you're cool if you're confident, haha... whatever 'nerd' label you may have had in high school goes away. =)

 

Good luck!

 

Lily

[registered]

If that's the way you are then it's just the way you are.

If you feel like you aren't being yourself then you should try and be yourself.

 

But if you are naturally that way then that's the best way for you to be.

[Blue Skittles]

Just accept the way you are. Some people are introverted people and thats fine. I spent lots of my life trying to become more outgoing and stuff and one day I just woke up and realized "I"m a hermit, and thats ok, I got it from my dad, and I'm proud of it".

[Belle]

Just accept the way you are.

 

I don't agree with that. I used to be painfully shy and thought I had social anxiety disorder. I worked hard and I'm an extrovert now. I think young people lack confidence and a lot of us start out introverted. If the people on extreme makeover just accepted that they would be the way they were forever, they would never have tried to improve themselves. Don't misread this though, I'm not suggesting you get plastic surgery.

 

If being an introvert doesn't make you happy, try to improve and practice talking to people all of the time.

[darkblue]

If it doesn't do any damage, then I don't see any problem with it.

I prefer being an introvert.

[Blue Skittles]

I don't agree with that. I used to be painfully shy and thought I had social anxiety disorder. I worked hard and I'm an extrovert now. I think young people lack confidence and a lot of us start out introverted. If the people on extreme makeover just accepted that they would be the way they were forever, they would never have tried to improve themselves. Don't misread this though, I'm not suggesting you get plastic surgery.

 

If being an introvert doesn't make you happy, try to improve and practice talking to people all of the time.

 

I don't mean Don't try to change or improve yourself, what I mean is Don't try to be something that you are not. Why try to be the outgoing, life of the party, center of attention type of person if you really don't like the attention in the first place. Plus, by accepting the way you are you will feel more confident in yourself and it might make it easier trying to talk to people. When I accepted myself as an introvert, I had no problems talking to people, and those awkward silent moments, really didn't bother me.

[novaseeker]

Yeah, I love being introverted, it's a part of who I am really. I couldn't imagine being any other way, nor would I want to be.

 

But if you are not happy being introverted and it is causing you difficulty, some of the posts above may help you nudge your personality in the extroverted direction.

[Belle]

But if you are not happy being introverted and it is causing you difficulty, some of the posts above may help you nudge your personality in the extroverted direction.

 

This is essentially what I meant. If you're not happy, change it. If you're happy the way you are, leave it. Regardless, I suspect easyguy isn't entirely happy with the situation from his post.