shellie12345 Posted December 30, 2005 Share Posted December 30, 2005 i had a post up about what happened between me and one of my friends. here is a bit of background... I have liked him for a while and for the longest time was hesitant to do anything. One night I decided to make a move and he responded to it. We ended up sleeping together and then I was left very confused (he may have been too). Anyway, he called a few days after to talk about it, but nothing concrete was decided on. In fact, after the talk I still had no idea where I stood. So this is what happened most recently and I am left dumbfounded! Me and all my friends went up to a cottage for a few days (he was there too). The night he came we all decided to go out to a bar for a couple hours. He was avoiding me somewhat, things were not normal thats for sure. He usually flirts with me etc.... It was clear that he did not want to do anything with me, not even talk really, because he was too busy scoping out other girls at the bar and actually ended up picking one up and going home with her. All in front of me. He knows that I like him, he slept with me, and I am left utterly speachless. I know it was a mistake to move that fast with him, but I honestly did not think he had it in him to use me like that. What do you guys think? Was I used? Or is he just confused about where we both stand and decided to go about playing the field? Be honest here, because I have no idea why he would do such a mean thing. Link to comment
Beec Posted December 30, 2005 Share Posted December 30, 2005 Could be a number of things he was thinking, but I don't think I can defend him doing this right in front of you. If he knows you like him, then he should have at least dealt with you prior ro picking up someone right in your face. Link to comment
Blue Skittles Posted December 30, 2005 Share Posted December 30, 2005 Sounds to me like he used you, but you never know. I hate when guys pull crazy things like this and you are left confused. I think you should talk to him about it and get out your feelings and say what you have to say and let him say what he has to say and then at least there will be some kind of closure and you can understand what happened. Just ask him to be honest with you, and hopefully he will be. Either way, whatever it is he is feeling, it was very rude and inconsiderate for him to sleep with you and then avoid you the next day. A guy like that is not worth your time. Link to comment
Mrocza Posted December 30, 2005 Share Posted December 30, 2005 He sounds like a jerk, forget about it. Sure, you screwed up the friendship but you don't need to let it affect you negatively. It's hard when he does it right in front of you but let him know that you think it's a huge mistake. I made the mistake of ending up sleeping with my best friend...ruined our friendship...except it was in secret, and we never told anyone...now he's flirting with my sister. It's a little odd. I don't have feelings for him at all but at the same time, I'm a little disgusted. I know she doesn't like him but if she did, ugh...I don't want to think about it. Tell him you think you made a huge mistake and put it behind you. Stay away from him for a while if you can...and don't try to be friends. He doesn't respect your feelings enough to deserve it. Link to comment
AlwaysNeedHelp Posted December 30, 2005 Share Posted December 30, 2005 Maybe he used you or maybe he is confused.. Do you think he has any kind of feelings for you ? All i can say now is that you have to wait.. If he just forgot about things and never talked to you again then he was just having fun... If he seems confused and try to approach you.. then he dont know what to do.. Link to comment
shellie12345 Posted December 30, 2005 Author Share Posted December 30, 2005 i don't get it. If he was just using me to have some fun with then why would he choose to do that to a good friend? We see eachother all the time, we hang out with the same people. It seems so horrible for him to do something like that to a friend. I have no idea what his feelings are, I am so confused. Link to comment
Beec Posted December 30, 2005 Share Posted December 30, 2005 Question for you shellie: What do you want? And if you know that, go get it. If you can figure out how. Link to comment
Belle Posted December 30, 2005 Share Posted December 30, 2005 i don't get it. If he was just using me to have some fun with then why would he choose to do that to a good friend? Because guys do things without thinking when it involves sex. I think you already know the answers to your questions. This guy was hoping you were in it for a quick fix as well. He's not interested in pursuing anything more. The quicker you realize it, the easier it will be to move on. Link to comment
AlwaysNeedHelp Posted December 30, 2005 Share Posted December 30, 2005 well he could be that horrible person who knows.. But we dont want to make bad assumptions about the guy either.. Time will show us the truth.. Till this time you need to forget him.. Generally. its not a good thing when a guy leaves a girl like this.. But maybe he has some special circumstances... For your own benefit again i suggest forgetting him or in other means think that he used you till he proves the opposite.. Link to comment
ShySoul Posted December 30, 2005 Share Posted December 30, 2005 Because guys do things without thinking when it involves sex. Well, most guys, but not all. Shellie, there is a chance he didn't intend to use you. But no matter what he was wrong for picking up another girl. If you are upset, call him out on it. Say what you are feeling. And if he seems ok with it, you'll have your answer. He doesn't really sound like a friend you would want to have, let alone someone you would want to be in a relationship with. Link to comment
Beec Posted December 30, 2005 Share Posted December 30, 2005 If you are still interested in this guy, I would basically treat him like it was his loss and that he was stupid fool for passing up a great opportunity. Link to comment
shellie12345 Posted December 31, 2005 Author Share Posted December 31, 2005 I was asked what it is that I want. To be honest I wanted him. I thought he was great. We could have a great time together, we got a long really well and he was always the sweet soft guy (everyone thought that not just me). My friends who know the situation are just as blown away as I am. This guy seems like the last guy you would do something like that. I want to meet a great guy and not have to deal with this BS anymore....i am so tired of it all. Link to comment
ShySoul Posted December 31, 2005 Share Posted December 31, 2005 You'll meet that guy. It just sadly won't be him. Sometimes the people you least expect would do stuff like that, turn out to be the ones who do. That makes it hard to trust people, cause you never know who will do what. But you will find someone better, you just have to believe it and have patience. Link to comment
AlwaysNeedHelp Posted December 31, 2005 Share Posted December 31, 2005 I was asked what it is that I want. To be honest I wanted him. I thought he was great. We could have a great time together, we got a long really well and he was always the sweet soft guy (everyone thought that not just me). My friends who know the situation are just as blown away as I am. This guy seems like the last guy you would do something like that. I want to meet a great guy and not have to deal with this BS anymore....i am so tired of it all. If he seems that good then ask him.. Try to understand from him the confusing things.. or just wait. Time never failed to how the truth or to heal someone.. Link to comment
shellie12345 Posted January 1, 2006 Author Share Posted January 1, 2006 hello everyone, thanks so much for the replies... so here is an update for you all.... He ended up calling me to tell me that he felt like a jerk for what he did. He offered no explaination or concrete apology, he just kept saying over and over that he felt like a jerk. Anyway, the same night that he called we all went out to a bar and believe it or not, he did it again! He was making out with some random girl right infront of me, again! On the same day he called!!!!!!!!! Why did he bother calling? Did he do it just because he felt like he had to? This is so stupid and confusing! If he calls again i think i am just going to tell him that I would like to forget that any of this ever happened and to just drop it already. Do you think that is a good idea??? Can you believe this guy!!!?? Link to comment
DN Posted January 1, 2006 Share Posted January 1, 2006 Anyway, he called a few days after to talk about it, but nothing concrete was decided on. In fact, after the talk I still had no idea where I stood. During that talk did you let him know where he stood? What I mean is that he may also have been left with the impression that you were not that interested in him. Just because you slept together don't assume that he knew that meant that you wanted a relationship with him. This whole thing could easily be explained if neither of you were clear about what you wanted - including you. If he was interested but got the impression that you were not, his going off with that other girl could have been his way of showing you that he didn't care that you didn't want him. He ended up calling me to tell me that he felt like a jerk for what he did. He offered no explaination or concrete apology, he just kept saying over and over that he felt like a jerk. And what did you say in reply? You keep telling us what he said or did not say, but leave out anything you said. Bottom line - are you sure that this was not just a case of bad communication skills by both of you? Link to comment
shellie12345 Posted January 1, 2006 Author Share Posted January 1, 2006 you are right. I did not tell him everything I wanted to tell him. However, I told him that I liked him (he knew this already though, for a long time), but that I wanted to make sure neither of us felt overly pressured. He agreed. Which I was cool with. However, he continued to talk to me almost daily up until the whole 1st incident happened. He would flirt etc....nothing serious, but he definitely led me to believe there was interest. I planned on telling him exactly how I felt when we were in person at the cottage but due to what took place that never happened. I do blame myself for not telling him everything I wanted to. However, I don't think that it justifies how he acted not even 2 weeks after we slept together. It was just mean. Link to comment
shellie12345 Posted January 1, 2006 Author Share Posted January 1, 2006 i forgot to ask... do you think that by me not telling him all that I wanted to say I partially deserved this?? Honestly though, I feel like I did'nt but I could be wrong. I am only seeing it from my point of view. Even if he had no idea where he stood with me, would that make what he did ok?? Link to comment
DN Posted January 2, 2006 Share Posted January 2, 2006 I don't think it's a question of deserving anything. If he was leading you on and then being deliberately cruel then he's a jerk and you don't deserve it. But if it is a question of a huge mistake about what either of you wanted then perhaps you should be talking to him in an effort to put things right. Link to comment
Mun Posted January 2, 2006 Share Posted January 2, 2006 Unfortunately you all slept together without establishing that you were exclusive, dating, or anything besides flirting and liking each other. He doesn't feel like he owes you anything....you both decided to have sex...so it wasn't like he forced you... you get what I'm saying? He might feel like :sure he is being a jerk for doing things in front of you, but you are not a couple...so he justifies it to himself. I think you should cut your losses with this guy and just forget about him. He doesn't sound like he is looking for a relationship with you, even with all the obvious flirting and attraction to you. If he was, he would have said something by now and not been in your face picking up girls . Sure the flirting was nice, but that was all there was..... Don't waste your time with him. Go find yourself a guy that does want what you want... Best wishes Link to comment
Lovin187 Posted January 2, 2006 Share Posted January 2, 2006 in order for me to help you on this im going to have to be completely honest. Ive done this before, he just had a curiosity and just wanted to sleep with you. He flirted with you and you responded. its a curiosity that is so real. once he got what he wanted, he moved on. Thats how it usually goes. Im sorry to be so blunt about it. Would he sleep with you or try again. He will maybe later, so its all about what youre willing to take, or even if you want him again. Link to comment
shellie12345 Posted January 3, 2006 Author Share Posted January 3, 2006 thanks for the honesty. I realize this is what happened now that I have removed myself from it all. I talked to him yesterday and told him that I wanted to forget about it. He had a bunch of reasons why he acted the way he did, but they all sounded like excuses. I still feel hurt but at least now I know what took place and I can move forward. The only thing that still bothers me is the fact that he did this to me when I am a friend. curiosity is one thing, but to do that to a friend who he knew had feelings for him just seems wrong. I guess all I can do now is hope that this blows over fast. Sucks eh?? I really liked the guy Link to comment
Lovin187 Posted January 3, 2006 Share Posted January 3, 2006 im sorry that it happened to you, theres people that shouldnt happen this to. and your one of them. im sorry.! Link to comment
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