I am such a pathetic fool

[Dako]

Pilot,

 

You still sound like a healthy guy in pain. Your posts sound so familiar to how I felt a while back. I would tell myself, "It doesn't matter, my life is over." I'd give some dangly bits to be your age, but I'm still making some plans for a good life.

 

If I'd buy the first four rounds. I drink moderately but spend an hour with a fine cigar to tone down the emotions each night. A lady I hadn't seen in a while met me while smoking a stogie, still filthy from a hiking trip, with a beer in my hand. I told her I'd clean up my act someday but right now this is me. We're entitled to misbehave when we hurt.

 

I know my wife's smile drove me nuts for a while. She was so damn happy (so I thought) but lately I'm feeling better and she's in a deep funk.

I listen to her problems and dispense advice. She's been quite complimentary about my attitude. (Thank you dear.)

[pilot1ab]

I guess one shouldn't post when they are smashed drunk...

 

I have to apologize for the last post. I was really drunk, and got too emotional. Thanks Dako for all your words.

[Cherokeelion]

Ah pilot... it happens, it's good to get the feelings out.... even if drunk. I don't think theres a soul here who would hold that against you.

[KweenofDenyl]

pilot- a little insight to the female brain: she's not nearly as happy as you think she is (remember that all things GF are exaggerated right now), and her giggling on the phone and smiling all the time is probably more to do with her insecurity about herself than actual happiness. Not talking about the breakup when she gets out of the car is her way of "dealing".

 

Good lord 'n butter man, you need NC. Even if it means livin' at the Y.

[KweenofDenyl]

I did mess up though. The pain I felt last night at work, overcame me. My face showed it, my expressions showed it. She ignored me most of the night so she didn't see it that much, but other staff did. these people don't even know that we aren't together, and they kept asking me if I was o.k. I just said I was really tired.

 

Since when is showing your feelings a bad thing? Take off the mask and be yourself. And quit apologizing for it! Quit being "tired" and start being honest.

And I shouldn't be allowed to post after my bedtime. sorry.

[pilot1ab]

Thank you all for your responses. Last night, on our way to work, I talked to my ex about things. I didn't say anything trying to get her back, because I realize she is gone and wont come back. I still can't stop "day dreaming" though. Initially in our talks of US, she stated that there was nothing I did that caused this. It was something she went through, and that caused her to be angry with the world. At a later date, she told me things that were happening which I was the cause of. I accepted this. I reflected on all the things I did that went wrong. Last night, she put the entire blame on me. Even though she said, "Its takes two to tango...and my fault is that I didn't fight for us.", she basically put the entire blame of everything on me.

 

I take responsibility for the things she said I started doing. But I do not take responsibility for all the things she said. She is happy and content with her life, and because of this fails to see her mistakes. Many of the things she talked of were petty. I told her. For example, one of the things she said was that I was always so tired after our move. Well hell...I work 12 hour shifts four to five days a week with a 3 hours commute. I would let her sleep for hours at work, while I covered my work and hers. Just so the love of my life could get some rest, because I knew that there were to many things she had to do at home. She doesn't even remember most of this. I also would drive whether it was her turn or mine, so she could sleep on the way home. She doesn't remember most of this. So yeah, after months of this, I got tired, and wanted just to sleep a little. Many other things she told me were petty. Not all though. Once again I do take responsibility for those things. I didn't even realize that I was doing them.

 

Much like a lovestruck fool, I agreed with most of what she said, until this morning on our drive home. I told her of the things that I thought were petty, and that she was looking for excuses, because she wanted to be "free". Oh yeah, by the way...she told me that one thing she enjoys since our breakup is the fact that she can do whatever she wants without having to worry about her partner. Her words are this, "If I want to freak someone while dancing I can, without worrying about. Not that I've done that nor do I want to, but I have the freedom to choose. If I want to go hangout with my friends, I can without feeling bad that you aren't there." She said many other things, and I asked her...did I ever stop you or make you feel uncomforable about any of those. Didn't I encourage you. She said yes, but told me that, "you know how you never liked going out with your friends without me, and even when you did, you just missed me. Well it was the same for me, but now I can do it and not feel guilty." I asked her that if your in any relationship doesn't that hold. She told me that yes it does, and that is why she wants to be single right now.

 

Basically I don't want to give the impression that there were not other things which bothered her. Although I truly believe that everything could have been worked through. Her fault is lack of communication. She even admits this. The things I mentioned above are just some of the petty things she stated to me. As I said before, I went from me being the most understanding, loving, caring, giving, and most wonderfull BF anyone could ask for, but her trauma made her not be able to give me what I deserve, to going to these petty issues. So now its all my fault.

 

I was wrong in my drunken post. She does have romantic feelings for someone, but it wasn't who I thought it was. Basically she didn't want to talk about it much, but One of her ex's wayyyyy wayyyy back from high school has been talking with her everynight. She told me that she is attracted to him (not just physically), but she also told him that she want to be single right now. They talk daily, and I told her that what do you think this will lead to. She just told me that she doesn't want to talk about it because it would hurt me. I told her that I do want to know, because it would be better than what my mind would conjure up. She still refused. I left it at that.

 

today I realize some of her faults. Yes she loved me with a passion, and showed it. I also gave her 150% of myself, but it wasn't enough. I say again, that I made mistakes. I see some of the things which I am to blame. I leaned on her to much after our move. I became a child, rather than her man. I didn't know I was doing it at the time, but now I do see it. A relationship shouldn't end because one party temporarily falters. I always caught her while she was falling, and she used to for me as well. After our move, she changed.

 

She was and still is the greatest love of my life. She did show me more than I have ever been shown. She did feel, that I was what she had always hoped for. She wasn't strong enough to endure our hardships (which are temporary) after our move. And I took what I had for granted. This move is what killed us. In the long run I know that if we would have kept our lives the way they were, we would be planning a wedding right now. There is this gas station we stop by before we go to work, to buy sodas and snacks for our commute. This one lady at the station who always sees us, asked us last night...."Don't mean to be nosy, but our you guys BF and GF", my ex just smiled at her, and I told her no not anymore. She apologized for getting in our busines, but stated its to bad...you guys seem so perfect together.

 

We were, but not anymore. I still miss her. I still long for what we had. Today, though, I vow to move on. I don't want anyone. I just want to heal. Forgive me if I post with a rant and rave later. I still have a deep amount of love for her. She was and still is a very caring, nurturing, and loving woman. She is also very intelligent and wise. She is confused right now, and I know now that I will never be a significant part of her life. I wished we never moved.

[pilot1ab]

Thank you all for your responses. Last night, on our way to work, I talked to my ex about things. I didn't say anything trying to get her back, because I realize she is gone and wont come back. I still can't stop "day dreaming" though. Initially in our talks of US, she stated that there was nothing I did that caused this. It was something she went through, and that caused her to be angry with the world. At a later date, she told me things that were happening which I was the cause of. I accepted this. I reflected on all the things I did that went wrong. Last night, she put the entire blame on me. Even though she said, "Its takes two to tango...and my fault is that I didn't fight for us.", she basically put the entire blame of everything on me.

 

I take responsibility for the things she said I started doing. But I do not take responsibility for all the things she said. She is happy and content with her life, and because of this fails to see her mistakes. Many of the things she talked of were petty. I told her. For example, one of the things she said was that I was always so tired after our move. Well hell...I work 12 hour shifts four to five days a week with a 3 hours commute. I would let her sleep for hours at work, while I covered my work and hers. Just so the love of my life could get some rest, because I knew that there were to many things she had to do at home. She doesn't even remember most of this. I also would drive whether it was her turn or mine, so she could sleep on the way home. She doesn't remember most of this. So yeah, after months of this, I got tired, and wanted just to sleep a little. Many other things she told me were petty. Not all though. Once again I do take responsibility for those things. I didn't even realize that I was doing them.

 

Much like a lovestruck fool, I agreed with most of what she said, until this morning on our drive home. I told her of the things that I thought were petty, and that she was looking for excuses, because she wanted to be "free". Oh yeah, by the way...she told me that one thing she enjoys since our breakup is the fact that she can do whatever she wants without having to worry about her partner. Her words are this, "If I want to freak someone while dancing I can, without worrying about. Not that I've done that nor do I want to, but I have the freedom to choose. If I want to go hangout with my friends, I can without feeling bad that you aren't there." She said many other things, and I asked her...did I ever stop you or make you feel uncomforable about any of those. Didn't I encourage you. She said yes, but told me that, "you know how you never liked going out with your friends without me, and even when you did, you just missed me. Well it was the same for me, but now I can do it and not feel guilty." I asked her that if your in any relationship doesn't that hold. She told me that yes it does, and that is why she wants to be single right now.

 

Basically I don't want to give the impression that there were not other things which bothered her. Although I truly believe that everything could have been worked through. Her fault is lack of communication. She even admits this. The things I mentioned above are just some of the petty things she stated to me. As I said before, I went from me being the most understanding, loving, caring, giving, and most wonderfull BF anyone could ask for, but her trauma made her not be able to give me what I deserve, to going to these petty issues. So now its all my fault.

 

I was wrong in my drunken post. She does have romantic feelings for someone, but it wasn't who I thought it was. Basically she didn't want to talk about it much, but One of her ex's wayyyyy wayyyy back from high school has been talking with her everynight. She told me that she is attracted to him (not just physically), but she also told him that she want to be single right now. They talk daily, and I told her that what do you think this will lead to. She just told me that she doesn't want to talk about it because it would hurt me. I told her that I do want to know, because it would be better than what my mind would conjure up. She still refused. I left it at that.

 

today I realize some of her faults. Yes she loved me with a passion, and showed it. I also gave her 150% of myself, but it wasn't enough. I say again, that I made mistakes. I see some of the things which I am to blame. I leaned on her to much after our move. I became a child, rather than her man. I didn't know I was doing it at the time, but now I do see it. A relationship shouldn't end because one party temporarily falters. I always caught her while she was falling, and she used to for me as well. After our move, she changed.

 

She was and still is the greatest love of my life. She did show me more than I have ever been shown. She did feel, that I was what she had always hoped for. She wasn't strong enough to endure our hardships (which are temporary) after our move. And I took what I had for granted. This move is what killed us. In the long run I know that if we would have kept our lives the way they were, we would be planning a wedding right now. There is this gas station we stop by before we go to work, to buy sodas and snacks for our commute. This one lady at the station who always sees us, asked us last night...."Don't mean to be nosy, but our you guys BF and GF", my ex just smiled at her, and I told her no not anymore. She apologized for getting in our busines, but stated its to bad...you guys seem so perfect together.

 

We were, but not anymore. I still miss her. I still long for what we had. Today, though, I vow to move on. I don't want anyone. I just want to heal. Forgive me if I post with a rant and rave later. I still have a deep amount of love for her. She was and still is a very caring, nurturing, and loving woman. She is also very intelligent and wise. She is confused right now, and I know now that I will never be a significant part of her life. I wished we never moved.

[healinginnyc81]

Hey pilot, I just wanted to say that the reasons she gave you about being more free, and not remembering all that you did for her and thinking you were holding her back from going out - all these things I believe she came up as reasons to convince herself that she shouldn't be with you and that she was right to break up. My ex said almost exactly the same things. She also said things like "i'm too independent, I need to be able to do what I want, I couldn't be myself around you, I was stressed out around you, etc." Really, she got clingy many times and I had to talk to her about it, she used to stress about everything until I helped to stop worrying about little things, and she used to have a hard time letting go and laughing and joking.

 

All of that doesn't really matter though something went wrong and the feelings aren't there anymore. My ex gave up on our relationship, your ex has done the same. Now everyone is telling themselves whatever they have to in order to feel better about the breakup. If at all possible don't talk about the relationship with her anymore. It just adds to the confusion and heartache when you explain why you think she's wrong in what she's saying and she has to come up with some other reasons. Also in the end you might get her to feel a little guilty but then she will just get mad at you for making her feel guilty.

 

I'm sorry you can't avoid talking to her at all, but when you talk to her I would say just be an acquaintance, if that's possible. Don't ask or answer questions about bf/gf, your relationship, how you feel about everything, etc.

 

I really hope you can look deep into yourself and find the determination to move on and be strong and start being happy about yourself without needing the ex. I'm pulling for you and so is everyone else here.

[feelingafraid]

The last person I wanted to call up today was "him". But there I sat, desparate (having just talked to 3 friends back-to-back on my phone) I have friends checking in on me, encouraging that I made the right decision, congratulating me on holding healthy boundaries.

 

I hang up the phone and call him - he is trying to tell me he will call me tomorrow and I freak out and go all menal and begin to cry. Not the strong person I want to portray myself to be.

 

I have been literally holding down my stomache today as I have been extremely anxious and panic stricken.

 

I just want to get this split up over with. He also is not making any effort to get his things out of this house.

 

I am making it hard on both of us, I am so mad yet so hurt and have very little restraint in what I say. In one breath I might be asking him how could he do this to us, the next "get out" the next "dont leave me" etc!!!!

 

At this point I am trying to make fact based moves, not emotionally charged

He basically cheated on me through calling phone sex operators (paid some big money on them throughout the holidays)

 

I am feeling pathetic for not hating him actually.Sorry to blow so much steam on your post. I am feeling freaked out tonight.

[pilot1ab]

Sorry feelingafaid. I can't even begin to give you any answers or hope. The only thing I can say is don't feel pathetic. We all are human, and we have feelings. When we feel them crushed and our hopes are dashed, we suffer like there is no tomorrow. The only thing I can say is that if his behaviour was something that gave you distress and he couldn't stop it, then is he worthy of you? A relationship is a compromise, and at all times we have to think of our partner as well as ourselves. If one party deceides that their own needs have to be fullfilled, regardless of what that does to their partner....then they don't have the respect for you that you deserve. I really hope this helps. As I've said, I am the wrong person to give advice right now. I hope and pray for the day, when I can see and be able to come to this forum to help and give my own 2 cents. Unfortunately I am to blinded by my own pain. Keep posting though. There are many good people here who have much more wisdom. It really helps.

 

 

[pilot1ab]

Today was a weird day. My ex wasn't at work, so at first I actually felt ok. Then my thoughts took over, and I felt bad again. I teared up slightly on my drive home. I have accepted now, that she is gone. I guess thats what made me so sad. She was the best I could have asked for, and all her promises, all her strength...is gone. She is now distracted by all the romantic attention she is getting. Her indifference towards me is what really hurts. I have accepted that she is gone. But to feel that what we had was nothing?????? She was the one that convinced me of love. She was the one that was patient enough to kill all my bariers. She made me believe in hope and love again. I was the one that gave her strength to do the things she needed to to. I was the one that caught her every time she fell. Now all I am to her is a guilty thought. I miss her smile. I miss her touch. I would give anything to see that look in her eyes. Its not for me though. I think I will grieve for my ****, but I will never see her again. Acceptance is a hard pill to swallow. God help me, I miss her so much.

[feelingafraid]

I'll pray for you tonight. Sorry I can't think of anything else to say now. Years later I swore I would never go through another breakup again and here I am and it always is so hard to get through.

 

Take care,

 

Lisa

[Danny H]

pilot, I really feel for you.

 

I'm afraid it seems very common for the dumper to list a whole lot of reasons why they are leaving.

 

Some of the reasons seem crazy, but I guess it is because they must have given a load of thought before leaving.

 

In time when the pain has gone a little she will probably see a more balanced view of the relationship..

Good example is my wife. She has told me that for 16 years I ignored her, and that for the 17th I tried too hard and kept her controlled.

She said that I kept her from being who she should be.

 

Well I have saved her life once ( very close to death overdose),

When I first met her I had to pay off all her outstanding debts,

we had 4 kids ( she always wanted kids)

We now live in a nice area where the kids all have a chance,

But since we met she has had no work, she can't drive and we live in a small village, so she must have felt trapped these last 3 years.

 

But you have to ask yourself " don't we all have a responsibility to ask for what we want?"

 

If we don't ask, we can't really blame our partner if they missed something in all the confusion, that is life- surely.

 

So do your best to work on the things she said ( which ring true in your gut) and ignore the stuff you think is bogus.

 

My wife has pointed out some very gaping flaws in my approach to our marriage- when she said them I knew she was right.

 

But like you there was also some stuff to which it wasn't fair to mention

 

 

Best

 

Dan

[pilot1ab]

Hi all,

 

I want to thank you feelingafraid. Even through your own grief, you have the compassion to pray for me. I am so sorry for what you are going through. Its seems unfair, that a person cannot compromise and sacrafice just a little for their partners feelings. Be strong sweetie, and keep posting. It helps to know that your not alone in your suffering, and that the feelings you are having are normal. Before I found this site, I felt like a little pathetic crybaby. I was really disgusted with myself, not for grieving, but for how I was grieving. Reading through others posts, I saw many things which mirrored exactly what I was doing and going through. I didn't look down on myself quite as bad after that. I would have been in a much darker place if it wasn't for this site, and the good people who have offered me support and their hand while I have fallen. And don't feel bad about blowing steam on this thread. We are all here for each other, right?

 

But you have to ask yourself " don't we all have a responsibility to ask for what we want?"

 

If we don't ask, we can't really blame our partner if they missed something in all the confusion, that is life- surely.

 

So do your best to work on the things she said ( which ring true in your gut) and ignore the stuff you think is bogus.

 

My wife has pointed out some very gaping flaws in my approach to our marriage- when she said them I knew she was right.

 

But like you there was also some stuff to which it wasn't fair to mention

 

Danny I agree with this, and this is where I see my ex is making excuses. Before we had great communication. If there was anything one did which the other felt even slightly bad about, we would bring it up in a non confrontational manner. The things she is now blaming me for, she never mentioned to me, and just went about as the relationship was good. I truly didn't see the things that I started doing (I refer to the ones I give credence to). The more I think about it, the more I feel that a lot of things she is saying is to convince herself that she made the right decision. She might be feeling guilty for what has happened, and now she is trying to ease that guilt. I do hope in time, she sees things as they really were. I would hate for her to think of US as a mistake. I mean really how can one say that basically I am to blame for everything, (a horrible boyfriend) and in the same sentence say that I was the best to her. We both did wrong. I became to comfortable with our relationship. I took certain things for granted. I leaned on her to much after our move. I don't want to list her mistakes, because it doesn't really matter. I need to understand mine, and make sure I never do them again.

[Danny H]

I became to comfortable with our relationship. I took certain things for granted. I leaned on her to much after our move. I don't want to list her mistakes, because it doesn't really matter. I need to understand mine, and make sure I never do them again.

 

 

I think a lot of us do this, and at the time we mean no harm, but boy does it upset the partner..My wife said she could have forgiven me being unfaithful, but she can't forgive the fact that I took her for granted.

 

Amazing how certain things can be seen from such totally different angles

 

 

Dan

[pilot1ab]

Today will be the last day I have see my ex, for almost 3 weeks. She is going on vacation. I should be with her

 

In some ways I feel relief, but in others the thought of not seeing her makes me sad. She told me a few days ago, when we were talking about US, that she realizes that seeing her so happy and content, and with her new interest, is keeping me from moving on. I do agree. So she told me that she was planning on getting a new job anyways, because she can't handle the commute anymore. She was gonna wait until a month after her vacation (she had her reasons), but now as soon as she gets back she will look for a job closer to home. She told me that she thinks that we will be great friends one day, after we have gone through all of this. Right now though, we need to spend time apart. I agree.

 

All this was said a few days ago. Today I was feeling a bit stonger. I held back my depression and my feelings, and just became somewhat of my normal self. Mostly it was forced, but I was able to do it. She actually went back to a slight former self of hers. I mean to say is that she showed me the person I fell in love with. We joked around with each other. I kept my guard up. We didn't spend much time together, but most of the time we saw each other was good. What I did notice though, was that she would be joking with me, but the minute she was talking on the phone to her new interest, she would get slightly cold to me again. I let it go. She spent most of the night calling him, and talking with him anyways. I was very confident, and aloof today, and it did feel good. I still felt all the hurt and pain that I have been feeling, but it went from a crushing feeling to a really really bad ache.

 

I think I am starting (albeit slowly) to heal from this. What it took I think was acceptance. I know now that no matter what she will never come back. No amount of my wishing, waiting, yearning, will make it happen. Understanding this helped me to take my first step, since my life crumbled around me. I still catch myself trying to read every sign and indication in the hopes that she still "misses me", "loves me"..etc. The difference is that now when I look for any indication, that she has feelings for us, I catch my thought. I may feel joy thinking of something which isn't really there, but I am able to tell myself more of a rational answer to it.

 

I still grieve for her though. What I wouldn't give to have her back in my life. I feel that I am starting to move forward. Yes I want her, and the way things were, back more than anything. But...I am accepting that this will never be. Acceptance.....I think that needs to be the first step for me.

 

I am a bit disappointed though. Once we got home from work, I guess I was expecting a little bit more of a goodbye from her. She is leaving for a while, and if she lands a job, she probably wont be seeing me for a long long time. She just got out of the car as usual, and said have a good weekend. I didn't show her anything, and told her to have a good vacation and be carefull. The last thing she said to me though was, call me if you need to talk (referring to my pain). I just said O.K. I have no intentions to. I think I have accepted she isn't coming back, and now I need to grieve and move foreward. I know I will have relapses, and you'll be the first to hear about them.

[Dako]

I'm glad to hear she'll be away for a while. It's just too hard to see her so much it's hard to think about moving on. I really was concerne about you being near her.

 

When I talk to my ex, there's an awkwardness, but we each seem to keep away from heavy subject and keep it sweet and light. It would be hard to be around her much more, especially if she had calls from the new guy.

 

I hope you can find some outlet for your self while she's gone. I've gotten strength from my friends, and I've missed them while moping and suffering.

I'd recommend forcing yourself to get out and re-connect with your buddies. I hang out at a beach and fly kites with a group that gathers in the afternoon. We all help each other through the crap life throws at us, talk about life and play with our kites.

BTW, Dako is Japanese for kite.

[Danny H]

I hang out at a beach and fly kites with a group that gathers in the afternoon. We all help each other through the crap life throws at us, talk about life and play with our kites.

BTW, Dako is Japanese for kite.

 

That is a nice image Dako, yes friends can be crucial at a time like this, which is why they mustn't be dropped when we are in relationships.

 

a lesson a lot of us don't adheed to.

 

Dan

[pilot1ab]

Dako I have to say, your pain makes mine feel insignificant. I cannot imagine suffering what you have. I am to weak, and would probably take the "big exit". I know you hurt, but I have to say that I look up to you. Your posts always bring a smile, and show a great deal of wisdom. Thank you. A trip to Alaska on a motorcycly sounds like a hell of a lot of fun. Maybe not now though...

 

I feel a bit foolish today. After my last post, I got drunk and went to sleep. I slept for 24 hours straight. The next day I did the same thing. I was up for about 4-5 hours, and went to sleep. I slept most of the day, and all night. Woke up early this morning. I just want to do the same again, but I realize that this is counter productive. I can't spend my life in a coma. Those two days of constant sleeping, I dreamed non stop of my love. I miss her so much, but today I realized something. I should be very happy for her. I should be gratefull, that she is happy and content. While we were together, her happiness and fullfilment were paramount to me. There was nothing more that I wanted than to see her happy and content with her life. I would have moved mountains to make sure of this.

 

What should change now. If I truly loved her to the bottom of my heart (which I did), then shouldn't I be gratefull if she is happy? I guess I couldn't give her what she needed for this, so I should be satisfied that she has found it. She is a beautiful person, inside and out. She has such a big heart, and cares so much for everyone around her. She doesn't have feelings for me, and doesn't love me anymore, but she is happy. That is all I ever wanted anyways. I know how much I love her. I couldn't give her what she needed, I guess. I shouldn't feel the jealousy, or yearning that I do. All I ever wanted is to make sure her smile never left her face. Toward the end of US, I failed. I wish her all the best, and I truly hope that her new life, and romance brings her everything she deserves.

[Dako]

I get a lot of pleasure from knowing my ex is happier without me. Her welfare was my main concern all those years, and I'm still her biggest fan.

 

It probably is good to reach a pont where you look to your own happiness. Although it's hard to see now, if this good lady was with you, you've got something good to offer. When the pain becomes boredom, there must be something around the next corner to make life sparkle again. I trust the members who've seen it happen, so I'll keep looking.

 

Today I was interviewed for a small club newsletter. I came away surprised at the good impression I made. My troubles make me forget my positive attributes. Someday I may be able to make a lady smile or do something useful. I'm going to hang in there and see what happens.

 

Don't be too hard on yourself for getting drunk, just pay attention to the hangover fairies and their little hammers.

[deejay74]

pilot1ab - when i read your posts, i thought i wrote them! man, i can COMPLETELY understand how you feel and where you're coming from. if you lived near me, i would actually try and meet up with you so we could hang out be eachother's support - as corny as this may sound.

 

the only difference between your situation and mine is i don't see my ex on a daily basis. i can't even imagine how difficult it is for you so you have a great deal of sympathy from me.

 

you do sound like you've been pretty strong, so keep it up.

 

my break up has only been a little over a week but it seems like an eternity.

 

at any rate, i just wanted to let you know you have my support and i feel for you.

[pilot1ab]

Hi all,

I guess I just need to talk. In many ways I see the signs that my healing has slowly started. I now fear, yes literaly fear, my future. I know I have many more hurdles to overcome. It has been 4 days since I last had any contact with my ex. After tomorrow it will be longest we have ever gone. I guess I have to say to anyone on here who is hurting, that the no contact route is the right thing to do. As much as I miss her sweet face and smile, Not being exposed to her happy, "moving on" life, makes things somewhat better. Sometimes the unknown is better than the known. To this day I can't say anything negative about her. She was the most purest person I ever met. She deserves every blessing that comes to her. I just wish that it was me, as it was at one time.

 

Sorry, but I just feel really sad right now, and I have to leave for work in half an hour. I pray that I can keep things together tonight. I am just so sad.

[Dako]

Pilot,

 

I'ts good to sense a spark of hope in your post, even if you're hurting.

You have some gifts to share with someone, and they'll be there when you're ready.

 

I'm finding it hard to see my ex lately, but it may be a blessing. I still care for her but need some space for myself. Each visit triggers a delayed blues session. We're still on good terms and hope to salvage a long friendship but we each need to grow a bit.

 

I've come to believe this pain carries enlightenment. I sure feel connected to other heartbroken people. I never knew how deep love can hurt.

[fIIsion]

pilotlab, I feel a profound sense of sadness from reading your posts, I can totally relate to your pain, anger and general emotional wellbeing.

 

I think the hardest part of dealing with this, is the knowledge that at one time your ex led you to believe that you were the love of her life and now it seems it was all a lie.

 

Her indifference is painfull and very confusing, how can she just move on like if nothing ever happened.

 

I wish i had the answers, as I have been through this, still am to some degree. From my own experience, things may not be as they seem, she is acting cold and indifferent, seems to be happy and moving on, but inside is probably in great turmoil and acting the way she is as a defence mechanism.

 

To be truthful to you, what she is thinking is of no relevance to you anymore, she has quite bluntly told you that she no longer feels the same way anymore and quite frankly doesn't want to entertain the idea of getting back together.

 

My best advice to you is not to be around this person anymore, at the very least limit your contact, if you don't mind me asking, why do you both drive to work together?

 

For me, I have realised the only way I can move on is just to make a clean break of things, being around my ex just causes pain and frustration, I don't want to even comtemplate the thought of her with anyone else, let alone have to hear it from her first hand, it serves no purpose to be their emotional crutch.

[pilot1ab]

Hi,

Just thought I would post an update. It is now 8 days since I have any contact with me ex. This is the longest period of time we have ever gone since our breakup. Before the breakup there wasn't a day that went by without some form of contact. After the breakup, we went 4 days during Christmas, without contact. I know she has no desire to contact me at all, and if it wasn't for our work situation, I would be nothing more than an afterthought to her. Its been 2.5 months since our breakup, and not even a month after we split she has said to me (I asked) that she doesn't think of me, our memories, or our relationship all that often. When she does, its just another thought, with no real feeling or impact.

 

This was a woman, who showed me what love was all about. She loved me so deeply and dearly, and I was so important to her. The thing I can't understand is, how can all that just go away so quickly. I can understand the breakup, but how can she just forget all her feelings, and the strong bond we once shared. It makes me feel that everything was nothing more than a lie.

 

I still miss her more than any words can ever describe. I am still pretty messed up, but have made a few babysteps in my healing. I eat a little bit more, just a little, although I still have trouble sleeping and she is constantly in my dreams. I caught myself smiling over something I heard on the radio the other day. I noticed that it was the first time, that it was a real smile, and not a "forced" smile. There are a few moments out of the day, where I notice my thoughts on something other than my ex. Its only a few moments, and doesn't last long, but at least it happens. I look at all these as signs of taking small steps forward. I do have to admit though that there are days (like yesterday), when I feel right back at square 1. God I miss her so much.

 

I am very tempted to call her today. Just ask her out to get a cup of coffee, or some lunch. Just talk about things (not the relationship). I know this is a bad idea, but I miss her smile, her eyes, her laugh. I know I wont call, but the temptation is there. I don't even know if she is in town. Either way, she has a new person she is establishing something with anyways.

 

thanks all for hearing me out. I feel that sometimes just putting out my thoughts to people who can relate, helps.