Anyone ever felt this way too?

[Hannibal]

Ok so today I've been thinking a lot about my ex.

 

I realized that I'm actually sick of her being so unsure about me. I don't really want her back and am happy all by myself.

 

However I still have this heavy feeling in my chest and feel kind of depressed.

 

I have been going to the gym on a regular basis and seeing lots of friends.

 

Anyone ever felt this way, when you know that you don't want your ex back, you're sick of the games and yet you still feel crapy?

 

Any insight as to what's causing this and how to get rid of the sadness is more than welcome.

[melrich]

Yes I think sometimes the realisation that you don't want someone back can be as painful as wanting them back. It takes time to become comfortable with this new feeling and you still feel the loss of someone special in your life.

[Lil Punkin]

Hannibal, what you're feeling is loss. Like if someone you love died. I agree with Melrich, the realization of not wanting something back that you once

wanted more than anything IS just as bad.

 

I had that feeling once with a guy I liked a lot as a "friend" but he wanted more....it just really made me sad in my heart that I could not give him that. More sad for him than for me...but i undersand the feeling well..

 

Hope you feel better..

[Hannibal]

I feel so low right now, lower than I did when we first broke up. I just want to completely break down so I can start to rebuild myself, but I can't get myself to do it.

 

Any wise words?

[catgirl82]

breakups are HARD!!! no matter what the reason!! and you sort of forget how terrible they are until you are faced with one again. and you have no clue how horrible they are until it happens to you.

 

what youre feeling is 100% normal. at least youve got rational thoughts and you know what you want and dont want.

 

keep yourself busy and spend as much time as possible with the people you care about.

 

the only thing that "heals" is time, so just be patient and trust that it'll get better

 

and about the whole wanting to break down thing, i totally understand. im not sure if youre the crying type, but sometimes a really good cry helps you get it out of your system.

 

watch a sad movie, listen to a sad song, or cry to someone who is willing to listen. i cry to my parents, my close friends. it helps tremendously, not sure why but it does

[Hannibal]

Thats what I want to do so bad. Is just break down and cry, but I have a really hard time actually getting the tears out.

[antigravity]

Thats what I want to do so bad. Is just break down and cry, but I have a really hard time actually getting the tears out.

 

Listen to some music.. That'll help you get the damn things out!!

 

Hahah.. I maybe biased, but the best breakup album i've ever listen to is:

 

Final Straw by Snow Patrol.

 

Great lyrics, not all sad, there are some beautiful tracks, and some upbeat tracks there too. Give it a go!

[antigravity]

Thats what I want to do so bad. Is just break down and cry, but I have a really hard time actually getting the tears out.

 

When my relationship fell apart, I never cried so much.

 

Before that, I hadn't cried for almost 10 years. It definitely helps to let go of yourself and feel those emotions.

 

You'll be fine.

[moondog627]

Hang in there. Just like everyone says the healing process isn't linear. I'm 4 months removed and am dealing with a relapse at the moment. Yesterday driving home I had a good scream in my car (that usually helps me). If I need to get all emotional I'll listen to this song by Now It's Overhead called Skeleton on Display. Great track. Here's the lyrics:

 

Walking off alone with your back to the one you said you loved.

Stepping out of skin we grew together in as never ending, but you ended

it. Unprepared for the hardened coldness. I could not detect it in your

eyes.

 

And every moment that I had to give was dedicated by your side. Of

all the nights we held each other dear, never did I dream your grip

would end. And your breath against my neck I fear was my only reason

for breathing. I will always miss you.

 

According to the facts so casually you lay before me, off your interest died. I'm nodding with your head just to agree and going against what I know in mine. I need a promise not a prediction on when this well resolve. Ok. If it is never then at least I know. I'll go without my dignity and say I will always miss you. I am a skeleton on display.

[PocoDiablo]

Anyone ever felt this way, when you know that you don't want your ex back, you're sick of the games and yet you still feel crapy?

 

Any insight as to what's causing this and how to get rid of the sadness is more than welcome.

First, you should know that many studies show that men take longer to heal after a breakup than women. In my opinion, however, it's because the women know about the breakup before the guy does.

 

Second, I have sometimes thought that this is your body's way of saying "Hey, we just got the stuffing beat out of us, and now we need to go learn how to prevent it from happening again. We also need to go over everything that happened and be able to recognize the signs so we can look for them in the future."

 

Short answer: Learn from your mistakes.

 

What did you learn? Did she do something that you did not like? Well, add that to your list of standards for your next GF that you won't tolerate. What were the signs? Did she tell you she "needed time off" or spent time with another guy? These are signs that she's moving on.

 

For me, I started reading books and web sites on dating, flirting, body language, seduction, public speaking, making friends, social skills, and stuff like that. I learned so much about all the things I did wrong in my past relationships that it made me into a whole new person. It felt good to see all the mistakes I made and then prevent them from happening again.

 

However, if you just keep your head down and hope for the best, I think you might just get run over again and again... like I did... until I was 32 years old and finally had it and stepped up to the plate.

[novaseeker]

Thats what I want to do so bad. Is just break down and cry, but I have a really hard time actually getting the tears out.

 

Yeah they may or may not. It helped me when I broke up with my ex a few weeks ago. The tears didnt come immediately they came maybe ... I dunno, maybe 3 or 4 days later.

 

But in any case it's always normal to feel bad when you lose someone who was a critical, central part of your life. There's something missing, and that hurts. And it's a loss even if you're the one who initiates the break-up, and you know it was the right thing to do, and you don't want the ex back. It still hurts.

 

The good news is it doesnt hurt always. It does get better over time. Hang in there, get out of the house with family and friends and stay active. That will also help things along.

[chaos]

Not That Different by Collin Raye is a real tear jerker. The Cure's A Letter to Elise is also really good. The song is kinda upbeat but the lyrics aren't.

[Hannibal]

Thanks very much for all the replies!

I've kind of moved into a different stage of things now.

I starting to realize that maybe I don't want to be with her at all anymore. This is a lot harder than I thought it would be. Now I'm trying to deal with both the fact of losing her and also the fact that something that I was so sure I wanted is not what I want anymore.

 

Kinda tough.

 

Anyone with any relations to this is more than welcome to post their experiences.