Well I have an update.....

[solo34]

You're welcome OCD. Yes, flash backs are all 2 easy 2 have. I 2 want 2 have a 2nd chance with my ex. I went 2 check on a job 2day, and the guy told me 2 come back 2morrow...so hopefully I'll like the work and he'll like me. Then I can get hired and that will be a HUGE part of my "rebuilding process."

 

When I'm back 2 the old me, maybe my ex will catch wind of it, and if she's not still in her new relationship, come back 2 me. I hope this, because not only will I be the man she originally fell 4, I will be even BETTER because I have learned and grew from this experience; as have U and all of us on here.

 

Take care, OCD!

 

-Solo34

[solo34]

There's lot's of mights and that's about the only thing you can guarantee in these situations.

 

I didn't guarantee a da*n thing...U might want 2 think about changing your name 2 Bat Potato, seeing as you're blind...or maybe even mighty mouse suits U well, I might add.

 

-Solo34

 

P.S. How's the UK this time of year? Mighty cold I bet? Oh, I better not generalize, seeing as I might "offend" someone, or God 4bid, give a small amount of hope...sorry everyone.

[solo34]

Well, I wasn't trying 2 offend U, and the reason why I said that thing about the UK "mate" is because I needed 2 type some dumb a*s sh*t 2 try and squeeze in the 300 italicized "might's" that U wrote.

 

Next time, I guess I'll put a small disclaimer on the bottom of my posts 2 people, so that U won't say that I'm "guaranteeing" anything.

 

-Solo34

 

*Note 2 board members, anything I write is not a guarantee.

[OCD]

Wow, never knew my little thread would spark so much debate I understand both pointes and I appreciate all views. I like Solo's optomistic approach because you need to dream and hope and also stay positive, which I'm finding very hard to do. I love my ex, that is the truth, with all of my heart...but I can't contact her, I've let her know where I stand and she hasn't stepped up so I'm trying to move on and hope she comes around some day.

I also liked Mouse's direct, honest, and real approach as well. In all of this mess of a break up we do need to think with our heads not our hearts, for now. As the mighty SuperDave71 and others have repeated over and over. This is very difficult to do because our hearts is what is making us feel so bad.

Thanks to both of you for even taking the time to write on my thread...even though we disagree sometimes, I think we're all still friends at the end of the day Just like a family, right...take care and say a little prayer for me and I'll do the same for you all that we get what we want, our exes back for a better relationship this time around. Thanks

 

OCD

[Nathalie1970]

Solo34 and Mouse potato, Shake hands and be friends. Everyone is allowed a point of view and it's true, that the reason alot of us come to this forum is to get different ideas that we might not think of on our own.

 

Some of us have the rose colored glasses on and others don't. I like the fact that some people want to give us optimism and others give us a reality shake.

 

Have a good day everyone and remember we are all here for each other

[solo34]

Well, the problem I have is the fact she says 2 my post:

 

"Hmmm, big generalised statement there..."

 

Hey Mouse Potato...I think U shouldn't go off and tell me how much I want my ex back, when the fact of the matter is I'll probably NEVER get another chance with her. I had my opportunity with her, and I blew it. If U could even catch what my original post said which was the fact of how AFTER we're over the ex, that's probably when they'd come around 2 us if even at all. Now that's some real sh*t 4 your over sensitive a*s.

 

Next time U want 2 say some bullsh*t about me making a "Hmmm, big generalised statement there..." U actually might want 2 READ and THINK about what was written. With your accuracy on the facts and what U percieve as the "truth," it's no wonder why you're single. You're probably the girl that blames everything on your ex instead of looking inward at the REAL problems and what YOU had 2 do with it.

 

I'm more of a person 4 the truth than U could ever begin 2 understand or handle. I was merely stating the FACT about how when U don't want something anymore, that's when it's usually available. U want a reality check and U quest 4 the TRUTH, then why don't U go back and re-read my post, and while you're at it, why don't U go and look up the last time I even mentioned how much I wanted my ex back?

 

It's pretty sad just how much I have 2 explain something 2 someone that the post wasn't even directed 2.

 

-Solo34

[OCD]

OCD I'm truly sorry if this thread gets locked as a result of this. That wasn't my intention at all.

 

Hi Mouse, very heated exchange going on...very interesting though. I hope this doesn't get locked...? This has a lot about my story on it, and I refer to it for strength every once in a while. I think on this forume you're going to find emotions running very high, perhaps that's to be expected. I think I've gone through every emotion since coming on here. I've been very sad, very angry, depressed, lonely, then hopeful, happy, thankful, then back. Love is a very interesting emotion, one that brings out every ounce of passion in us.

 

For the most part I think everything is cool. A little misunderstanding for the most part. I think both sides mean well, and the bottom line is that you both were giving me advice. This forume is for everyone, some advice can be taken the wrong way, but I've just been taking in everything I've been told on here and coming up with my own conclusions. No one here can give me the absolute fix to my heart break. All you can do is share experiences and we are to make our own decisions based on those exeperiences. That's it.

 

Thanks again for the advice though It has been helpful even though there's been some disagreements. But that's cool with me I think. It happens. No worries you all. Bottom line is that I want my ex back, the person I feel in love with, the woman that I can't stop thinking about, the one that I'd do anything to get her back in my arms...that's the basis for this thread...

 

Take care you all, no more disagreeing, we all need to sit down and have a pint together That would be nice....then we can move on! Cheers!

 

OCD

[enolaton]

OCD...

 

Quick question... since your break-up, have you ever felt, or do you feel that, her reasons for breaking-up with you, or the majority, were your fault? That the reasons your ex broke up with you had EVERYTHING to do with you, and nothing with her? I am on 1 month of NC, and I've had a chance to evaluate the situation, and I've realized that many of the things I did lead to the break-up. If that is the case for you (or even if it isn't), would you be friends with your ex, and try to show her you're a changed man, or would you just continue with NC??? Hope all is well...

[coooolsome]

enolaton, if you try to be friends with her and try to show her you are a changed person, then she will see right through you. No matter what you think, she will think you are trying to impress her. Best way to show her you are changed is to change and just be yourself.

[OCD]

OCD...

 

Quick question... since your break-up, have you ever felt, or do you feel that, her reasons for breaking-up with you, or the majority, were your fault? That the reasons your ex broke up with you had EVERYTHING to do with you, and nothing with her? I am on 1 month of NC, and I've had a chance to evaluate the situation, and I've realized that many of the things I did lead to the break-up. If that is the case for you (or even if it isn't), would you be friends with your ex, and try to show her you're a changed man, or would you just continue with NC??? Hope all is well...

 

 

Honestly, I don't believe the break up was my fault....sure we had disagreements, "fights" if you will, but we always kissed and made up. Her "reason" was that we met right after her divorce of an ugly 8 yr. marriage. She claims to not have her "alone" time to figure things out. Our relationship took off so fast, and things we so good, she didn't stop to think. Although sometimes I do think that she feels that I wasn't good enough for her though? I'm not sure why I think that, but I do.

 

I have to agree with Coooolsome on this one about being friends. I personally can't do that. I think that's what my ex wanted this whole time, just because she started calling me every other week or so just to chat, curious, seeing what I was up to. It gave me false hope and I couldn't do it, I love her and it hurt to just chat and never see her. At first I thought if I kept that minimal contact that she'd start to miss me, but I think it gave her comfort to know that I'm there while she figures out what she wanted.....that didn't do 'me' any good at all. I was crushed! So about 2 months ago to the day, I asked her to stop the calls. I had done this previously many times, but she kept calling me. So I finally told her not to call unless it was to work on our relationship...that I needed time to heal if we're not going to be together. She got really upset with that...not sure why, but I needed to look out for myself because she obviously didn't care how I was feeling at all, just only how she felt and what she wanted to do. So I'm slowly moving on, still hurt, should have done very strick NC a long time ago....although I did get a call from her last week because her dog got hit by a car....not sure why she called me for that one?

 

I still care about her and would love another shot, but I've said my piece and now I must move on. She knows where I stand and that's all I can do. That's all any of us can do, tell them how you feel and leave it be. Dumpers will realise what they lost if we just let 'em go, I think. I do hope she comes back to me....she knows my number and where I live....

 

OCD

[solo34]

Yes OCD, U got it correct...U did your piece, now the ball's in her court. It's her move. Cooooooooooooooolsome is correct, U can't try and be friends, because she'll see right through that. Best thing is 2 let her get curious and see things 4 herself. Let her see the changes by her own account.

 

You're definitely doing the right thing.

 

-Solo34

[OCD]

Yes OCD, U got it correct...U did your piece, now the ball's in her court. It's her move. Cooooooooooooooolsome is correct, U can't try and be friends, because she'll see right through that. Best thing is 2 let her get curious and see things 4 herself. Let her see the changes by her own account.

 

You're definitely doing the right thing.

 

-Solo34

 

 

Thanks Solo....that positive attitude goes a long way with me man. I appreciate it. I hope she does see changes and miss me....time will tell. Thank you, take it easy

 

OCD

[solo34]

Hey OCD, no doubt man, that's what I'm here 4. I'm also in the same situation. I'm just working on me, bettering myself. I'm going 2 let her get curious and hear about me doing my thing with getting a new car, etc. I just got a new job this past Tuesday (which I was basically unemployed).

 

I start there on this upcoming Monday. I'll be getting a brand new car, etc. if all works out at this place. She'll hear about it somehow, someway...but it won't be through me. Same thing that I advised U 2 do. That way, I'll (and you'll) know it was her own choice 2 take interest in me (U). IT'll be their curiosity and possibly missing us and the better us that'll bring them back, if they choose 2 come back.

 

I've left my ex completely alone and she's done the same. Last time we spoke was Dec. 24th, and that was the last I heard from her. I finally gave up on the 4th of Jan. She left me on Oct. 28th. What I'm getting at, is that it's already March 9th. She hasn't heard a word from me personally, and she doesn't know anything that's going on in my life. When she hears that I'm doing this, doing that, driving this, wearing this, looking good, etc. whatever it may be...she'll possibly get curious.

 

Now my ex has a new man I've heard. I ain't even worried...as far as I'm concerned, he's just on borrowed time with her. I know he ain't me. He can't love her the way that I do...he can't care the way I do. Guess what? This dude's in a world of trouble, and U know why? Because I'm back. I ain't being cocky or arrogant, just CONFIDENT. That's the quality that I lacked and made her lose faith in us. I was an emotional wreck, and had NO confidence.

 

So, I've already gotten LOTS of it back...and as long as I keep moving 4ward (and U 2), they'll see what we are. We won't have 2 say a word...after all, ACTIONS speak louder than words.

 

-Solo34

[OCD]

Way to go, keep up that positive energy. You can't lose then, even if they won't come back to us, which is my and your goal, at least well be at the top of our game. That's what I've been doing, best shape of my life, new clothes...I'm actually dating a little bit...girls like me and say good things about me, it's wonderful...get that old confidence back! Like you say I hope it gets back to them and they start to miss us......I think about her all the time, I wonder some times if she's thinking about me as much as I do her? Oh well, moving forward...hoping for the best. Thanks.

 

OCD

[solo34]

Again, no doubt OCD. Yeah, I often think that ol' "Oh, I wonder if I cross her mind at all and if she misses me?" But the key 2 this all is confidence. Trust me. I am only going 2 get even better as I get more established.

 

Once I've got my car, I'll be in a better position 2 date because I'll have the 3 keys 2 dating.

 

1. Confidence

2. Transportation

3. Money 4 the date

 

That's all U need. Notice what #1 is? Some people would think that #3 is the most important. NOPE, and it never has been, either. It's all about confidence. If U don't believe in YOU, then who the hell will? Got 2 love yourself and be confident in your abilities, period.

 

 

They'll be back, but it might be 2 late 4 THEM...not US, THEM. U know how I know this? Because these other cats ARE NOT US.

 

-Solo34

[enolaton]

Solo and OCD...

 

It's cool knowin' you guys are in similar boats. Going on a month NC for me. Haven't been feelin' great lately, but still better than I was at the beginning of the break-up. I still give in to the temptation to be her friend sometimes, like she begged me to be last few times we spoke, but I hold myself back. Feels like I'm getting stronger... but my feelings for her haven't diminished AT ALL. It sucks, but I guess it takes time...

 

How you guys holding up?

[solo34]

Oh man, it DOES take time. 4 me, I'll be feeling stronger and all that, then BOOM! she's right back in my head and at the core of my heart. Just like right now. I was doing fine and everything...full of confidence, etc. "knowing" that I'd have another chance with her once I'm back 2 my old self.

 

Now 2day I'm all doubting myself, etc. I mean, I still have confidence and all that, but it's just not as strong or something.

 

-Solo34

[OCD]

Hi Enolaton and Solo,

I think Solo's onto something with regard to confidence. That makes all the difference and it's hard to have that confidence when given a blow of a break up. I'm actually holding out pretty well, thanks for asking. I mean, it still sucks, period....I can't change that, but I can try to move on and I keep telling myself that I'm the lucky one, I'm the catch. There are plenty of other women out there that will treat me better. Because face it, our exes AREN'T treating us very well at the moment, right??? I mean, if they treated us well they'd be with us and stop this heartache!! They'd want to work things out and start the relationship over. So, I finally started getting that in my head that I must move on and it's her loss. I loved my ex and treated that woman the best I knew how, with love, honesty, sharing secrets, passion, loyalty, everything I think a great relationship should have. And, for a long time she was doing the same. But now she is not there and I can't say or do anything to bring her back......old friend told me once don't worry about things you can't change! I can't change the fact she doesn't want to be with me, so why worry about it. I would say getting back out into the dating scene has been the best medicine. Honestly, even though I'm not falling in love at the moment, there are so many girls that have so many nice things to say about me, and that's making me realise that it's my exes loss not mine. Sure, I still love her and miss her, but I plan on finding the "one" that will knock my socks off, I know she exists and I'm going to find her. I thought my ex was the "one" but at the moment she isn't, so I'm still searching. If my ex finally realizes what she threw away, which I hope is the case, then that will be great. Hopefully she'll realize that there is no one like me and that all of those great memories will eat at her. That's all we have going for us, is how did you treat them during the relationship? All of those great times you had together, I'm counting on the numerous great memories to start eating at her, my charm, my sense of humor, etc.....she'll miss it someday....I don't see how she can't....Good luck guys.

 

OCD

[solo34]

"If my ex finally realizes what she threw away, which I hope is the case, then that will be great. Hopefully she'll realize that there is no one like me and that all of those great memories will eat at her. That's all we have going for us, is how did you treat them during the relationship? All of those great times you had together, I'm counting on the numerous great memories to start eating at her, my charm, my sense of humor, etc.....she'll miss it someday....I don't see how she can't....Good luck guys."

 

U got it, homie!!

 

That's what it's all about, being confident and letting THEM realize what they lost.

 

-Solo34

[enolaton]

Good to hear guys... I'm still lacking in the confidence area. I've had time to assess my situation, and have come to realize that my immaturity and in-experience played a big part in her deciding to break-up with me. No matter how hard I try, I can't seem to let her go. I've been debating for weeks now, whether to keep in touch with each other, which would make us both happy, or just leave things alone. I feel like just trying to take things slow, just by staying in touch (not even being "friends") and leave things at that. I'd rather have her in my life, then not. Of course there are feelings of hurt, but we don't despise each other in the least. I don't want to sit idle while she thinks less and less of me each day. I'm sure you guys wouldn't approve, but maybe I should go against the popular opinion and be a part of each other's lives again...

[Big Jim]

you got to do what feels right for you. But word of advice, i was part of my ex for the last 4 months, her best friend etc. It blows. In the back of your mind your always wanting more, reading into small actions, getting pissed when they treat you as....just a friend (ie forgetting to call sometimes, etc). Trust me NC is soooo much easier on the mind. I was actually going crazy

[enolaton]

BigJim... so, you went NC with her? It seems some would suggest, including those books on "How To Get Your Lover Back", that the 'friends' route where you just take things in stride as much as it hurts you, is the way to go. I also did the friends thing and it was killing me, but I feel that I am stronger now to face whatever happens. Don't you think if you REALLY work at it, you can move on and still be in their lives? You don't even have to slap on the title of "Friends", just keep in touch with her, maybe see her once in awhile, and see what comes of it. You might just start to move on, and see HER as just a friend, and then you might not care who else she is seeing... this may be a good suggestion for you OCD and Solo too...

[solo34]

Not possible 4 me Enolaton. She already has a new BF, and has had him 4 months now I guess. There is NO contact, none has been attempted on her part, either. The last time we even spoke was Christmas Eve, and I gave up on January 4th.

 

Being friends or even just seeing her is not an option 4 me. The only way I'll see her is if she reaches 4 me, or unless it's by accident like being at the mall or something at the same time, etc.

 

Anyone can be her friend, only one man can be her BF. I don't want 2 be just a friend. Only way we're talking is like I said, if she reaches 4 me. I've done enough from Oct. 28th-Jan. 4th 2 annoy the h*ll out of her by trying 2 keep her, etc.

 

The ball's in her court, and she's got all the control, power, etc. It's on her...I've done my effort. It's totally up 2 her.

 

Your advice isn't wrong, it's just not gonna fly in my situation, that's all.

 

-Solo34

[Big Jim]

Yeah i went NC finally, trust me its better. I do miss her more then i thought i would, i thought i was in a better spot. But the friends thing was killing me. Since we were so close, she would have days were she was down and open up to me like we were still together, i loved it and made me so happy. But then on days were she felt like being single, trust me, they act like they are single. I couldnt go from having late night or early phone calls to "talk", to her blowing me off for a day or two. Hurt way too much. Also she was lying to me and playing games, that is what really pushed me over teh edge.

[solo34]

Yeah BigJim, that's what I mean. It's either they should be our GF's, or nothing at all. It's 2 hard trying 2 be a ''friend'' when U want 2 be their man.

 

I'm glad that I didn't have 2 go through that friend BS with my ex. I've been NC with her since Jan. 4th. Long time now...maybe when things don't work out with her new man and all that...maybe she'll realize.

 

Only she knows that.

 

-Solo34