need someone to talk to

[pilot1ab]

Hi, O.k so its friday night, and I am all alone. I am thinking of calling my ex, and just asking her to a movie. I don't know maybe going out together will rekindle things. I went for a walk with my dog earlier, and met one of my neighbores. She was sweet and attractive, but she told me she put her house for sale and she is moving out of the area. We talked for long time about various things, but all the while I thought of my ex. I am so tempted to call her right now. I just want to hear her voice, and god...just to hld her, once again.....only once. I want to call her soooooooo bad, but I am trying to fight it. I guess I will spend yet another weekend staring at the walls.

[Juha]

My ex did the same thing just said it was over and never said anything else to me...The wall went up and that was that...SHe has always had trouble dealing with her emotions and problems...It is much easier to put a wall up and not deal with it for her...

 

She stayed in contact with me after the breakup and I thought there was hope but she was angry and cold towards me but would never talk about the relationship and what she was feeling and why she just left...

 

SHe started seeing someone else after the breakup, I guess to help occupy her so she did not have to deal with anything...Now she says that she has met her true love and is so happy....Not one family member or friend likes her new b/f and wonder why she is not with me...SHe lied about our breakup and when people ask why we are not together she can't say anything to them just puts her head down...

 

I have gone NC and she did not understand why I would not answer her texts and emails she said she did not get me anymore...I have been NC for a while now and still don't get it...

 

WHy she was so cold to me but she was still contacting me...We were friends before we got together and best friends who know everything about each other when together, after the breakup I did not exist anymore she would only tell me about herself and not ever ask about me...

 

SHe is selfish and needs to mature I know that...

 

I go out but alot of times it feels hollow, I talk to girls but really do not want anything serious maybe just to hang out and do things and sex but no emotion involved...I go to the gym alot and work alot...

 

Things get better but she is my true love and now nothing...Oh well I was single for long time in my mid twenties, I think I need to do that again...

I am getting disappointed with women and the dating seen...

[pilot1ab]

Hi all,

I can't take this anymore. I have been up since 6 this morning and I can't get her or our relationship out of head. I just don't understand it. How could it shut off so quickly for her. How can she make it through her day ok, and I cant even get her off my mind for one single minute. I have spent the whole day just walking around my house or just sitting on the couch. I am sick of moping, I am sick of feeling, and I am sick of thinking about her and our relationship. Why doesn't she just call to see how I am doing. I asked her once when all this initially happened why she seems like she doesn't care. She said that she does, but what do I want her to do, show what she feels and have her give me false hope. Well knowing that what we had at least meant something is not giving me false hope. I know she loved me very much at one time, but for it just to die out like this, and to throw me away like a piece of garbage.

 

The clock ticks by so slowly, and I just want the day to end. I cannot even find solace in sleep, because what little sleep I am able to get, all I do is dream about her. I keep hoping and waiting that she'll come back. I cannot convince myself not to. Its like my mind is no longer in my control, and I am just a spectator while my head unreels all this sadness. I know that everyone says that time will heal all wounds, and this is true. But I just can't see that right now. I don't think I will ever feel better, and I know I cannot endure this pain every single day forever. That makes it all the worse. I am stuck with it. Its been 2 months now, and I still feel as rotten as when it first happened. Actually I think I feel worse. I just don't know what to do. My heart is aching and I just so want back how our lives were before this stupid move. Sorry about all this whining, its not me, but I don't even know who me is anymore either.

[patience]

did you get outside today?

 

try to get out for a walk, the fresh air and the excercise WILL help, and you will feel better afterwards, I promise

[Dako]

pilot,

 

I really want you to get better. In fact, I want you and sukerbut and brokenwings and everyone else going through this to reach a safe place where life has some joy and stability.

 

I had a bad day Thursday and was fixated on a big exit, although it's been 4 months for me and I have some fairly good days. Talked to the ex on the infernal phone and felt bad for bothering her. Called her the next day and apologized for whining about myself. She was kind.

I went on a fairly difficult overnight desert hike to clear my head. It helped a little, and it wore me out physically and got me away from people so I won't bring them down. Wish I had a clue.

[lawandorder]

Ya know, very few people do something when down like pilot. Get a hobby??? NC??? Change jobs??? and my big question is why??? I went through a real bad break one year ago. I was married though. My wife filed for divorce on Jan 7th and moved out that day. I went through H*ll for 2 long months. I loved her with all my heart. One month after we split she went out with some guy that was a low life. But 7 months before we split I bought a brand new 5 bedroom 4 bath home. Bought her a new car 4 months before we split. Gave her the world and no im not rich I work my butt off. Then she went to the low life side and then I got things right in my heart and mind. My dad told me before he left this * * * *ty world a few things that meant so much. one of them is that a women is like a black snake. You can do anything you want and its wrong. something seems like a great idea and back fires. So why not use logic and do nothing about the relationship. Yes, do nothing. And get yourself right. Get a new career if possible and if not then do all you can to take your current carrer to the highest you can. Get on a diet if and work out. Get your body the way you have always wanted it. We all have wanted to want more out of our bodies. Walk, run or lift weights. This helps alot with the mind set. diet will also help alot. Focus on yourself. Get yourself the way you always wanted. And NC to a point. If it is face to face at work or what ever keep it simple. No serious talk on nothing. give her what she wants. Keeps from having a fight.

 

Now everybody wants what they cant have. One reason you want her back so bad is because you cant have her. So reverse this mind set. She fell for you once before and she will again. but no body wants someone that is down, depressed and sad. No one wants someone that has let themselves go or their house or car or what ever. Make yourself wanted.

 

If you are like I was you didnt want to eat, always wanted to sleep and your mind was a million miles from where it should be. But exercise and diet helps. You can take alot out on a weight bar. I promise. Then dont stare at the walls. get out. go to wal mart and get health foods. Sounds stupid but gets you out fo the house. Work on the yard or the house or something. make yourself and your surroundings better and better. But put it in your head that you are going to make her want you back by the progress you make. Then last thing is to take a chance and date others. No harm in a nice dinner or a movie with another girl. Not saying sex. Just the company of someone. But dont lead on anyone. Even in the Bible Jesus enjoyed the company of women. And it was not for sex. Simple fact is this. If you improve yourself in all aspects and focus on the improvements then you have less focus on her. Then when she sees you are not chasing her and there are others interested in you then she will stop running and chase you.

 

A black snake is a king snake. I live in east texas. And we have alot of them. If you chase one they will run and run. Now when you stop chasing the snake and turn your back then look out. That black snake will chase you and chase you. And that is how humans are alot of the time.

 

I did this to my ex. I worked out 5 days a week. My house was 9 months old and I changed some of the colors in different rooms. I focused on changing the yard. I cleared out 5 acres and made my yard alot bigger. I focused on my career more than ever. And then I dated a few others and found one I really liked. Then my ex wanted to come home and to this day she still calls 10 plus times a week wanting us back together. And I am happy with the new girl. But the beauty of it is that I am in the best shape of my life and i am 35 years old. I am so far ahead in my career to a year ago and if i wanted my ex back I could have her. But she got knocked up in August of this year and I just dont need a child and one that is not mine. But get focused and write your plan down and work that plan.

 

IMO this works but I am sorry for the long posting. Sorry

[pilot1ab]

HI all,

Today was a just a bit better than yesterday. I read what everyone posted, and I did force myself to go out last night. I went to a restaurant that we used to really enjoy going to. At first I was dead against going there, but I forced myself to, and boy did I feel some anxiety going there. It went ok though. It was a little strange eating alone. This is the first time in my life, I have ever had to do something alone and it was a bit strange. I have always had friends, family, or a significant other to at least have dinner with. Oh well, its my fault as I choose to move so far away from everyone. All the while I was eating, all I saw were couples all around me. IT made me a bit melancholy, but it was ok. I just felt weird sitting by myself. Maybe next time I'll just sit at the bar, that way I can pretend I am watching TV

 

LawandOrder, I appreciate your post. You really made me think about who I was, and what I have now become. See all of you going through this with me can attest that no physical pain compares to this. It has broken me, and no one can fix me but me. I just can't pull it out of me just yet. I am fighting everyday, and maybe a little at a time things will change.

 

Our Department Christmas party was today, but I didn't go. I kick myself for not going, but I just couldn't. We prebooked months ago, and she asked me a few weeks ago if we were going. She didn't call me today to see about it, and just as well. I know I should have forced myself to go, as I know I would have had fun....but I just couldn't. Whats weird is that no one at work knows that we aren't together. Neither one of us has admitted it to anyone. She told me that people would eventually find out, but I know why I can't talk about it. I wonder why she hides it as well. It is hard to hear the comments about us as a couple, as everyone at work thought of us dearly. Also I wonder why she hasn't returned some of my things. She still has a garage opener to my house and the key to my place. She hasn't even offered to return them. Thoughts like this give me false hope. God I so wish I could do the no contact thing.

 

I have looked for another job, and even a change of career, and I am still looking. Its just not very feasible at this point. I have even looked into a shift change, but that would still put us in contact 4 out of the 12 hours. I have thought about selling my house, but I would take a financial hit right now, which I probably couldn't recover from for some time. I am stuck. I do so badly want NC, but I guess I will continue to look for opportunities and in the meanwhile I try to avoid her at work as much as possible. Its hard, because like I stated, its just two of us on watch for the entire house during our shifts. What kills me, is that she avoids me as well, and she seems so content with the way things are. Hope, no hope, Hope, no hope........

 

Anyways, my heart goes out to all of you here. I wish the world were a different place, but it isn't. Any of us going through this pain, would attest that we wouldn't even wish it on our worst enemy. It goes beyond any physical pain anyone would suffer. So once again my heart, and thoughts go out to all of you.

[pilot1ab]

Hi all,

Reading through some of your posts does give me more strength, and food for thought. I can see some of the transformations many of you have made through the course of this healing process. It gives me hope. I hope that someday I can be one of the people who is available to help others through my experiences. This forum is definitely addictive, and everytime I feel down (which is quite often lately), I find myself on here. Posting does help. Take care all of you.

[pilot1ab]

I just have read back these previous posts. All of the advice I've been given makes so much sense. Yet how could one make sense out of such heartbreak. I have learned a lot of myself since I started my first post. I have learned that I, myself am to blame. Its my fault that the greatest gift I've been given forsook me. I have tried to learn from this and am still continuing to learn. I just don't know what to do anymore. I ache like theres no tomorrow. Everyday, I just smile and do my duties. Inside I yearn for her. She was god's gift to me and I messed it up without even realizing it. If you have read my other threads, you'll see my stages, but now I see...but it's to late. She has changed so much. What I wouldn't give to have her heart again....sorry.

[healinginnyc81]

It's hard to see right now but it wasn't all your fault. I have trouble remembering ever being mad at my ex or thinking something she did was bothering me but I know there were times I wasn't as happy as other times, but my state of mind right now is seeing her as perfect and blocking the "bad" memories.

 

Just try to realize that no one is perfect and that if you messed up with her there had to be a reason why you weren't feeling as passionate or as strong about her. That's how I'm trying to think about it right now.

[Dako]

Pilot,

 

I really think you're one of the real guys. We all feel like losers when we lose. It's only natural to be self-critical at these times, but I'm sure your friends can vouch for you.You sound like a good person with a conscience, self-worth and generosity. She missed out on a good thing.

 

Be kind to yourself in this new year.