Attracted to an amazing girl, need help!

[Cyne]

Ok, a new girl joined my martial arts training club roughly 2 weeks ago. When she first walked in, I figured she was just a pretty face (she's infact beautiful beyond words). We didn't really start talking to each other all that much until mid-late into the second week. Anyway, just last week, about tuesday I think, we talked for a while getting to know each other a little better and what not, so we gave one another our MSN addresses. That night when we added each other, we talked for hours until late morning, it was great. With each passing moment I discovered how ridiculously alike we are in so many ways.... ways of thinking, talking, shared passions, foods, so many common interests and our silly/playful natures. Everything I discovered about her hit the target dead on.

 

When we're together at the club, she's always playfully hitting me and laughing a lot, having a good time. Thursday night after a long, grueling work out, she was waiting for her ride home in which she thought wouldn't be too long but ended up being over an hour wait. So, we sat next to each other on one of the couches at the club, talking and flirting, she was picking fuzzies off my shirt and sitting really close, facing me with her head down on the arm of the couch. She asked if I wore cologne and I said yes, she replied that it smelled so good. My only regret of the evening was that I felt like I hadn't flirted back with her enough, because I'm naturally a little shy.

 

After that being said, I don't know what to do. If I ask her out or ask her what she thinks of us being more than friends and she says no, I could risk my chances of her never being more than a friend and could lose her as a friend altogether. I'm so self-conscious about the way I look when I'm around her that I can't keep eye contact for very long and I've been told lots of eye contact is a key factor. I know we could have an amazing time together, because we are compatible in so many ways it's crazy, but I'm so nervous I don't know what to do!

 

-Cyan

[heloladies21]

Regret is a tough thing to live with so get on the case. Persue this soon or you will miss your chance because she'll think you're not interested. The timing is right, ask her out.

[ShySoul]

1. You have pretty much everything in common. That's not something you have with most people.

 

2. Talking into the wee hours of the morning.... something that you don't do unless you really click with the person.

 

3. playfully hitting me and laughing a lot, having a good time - indicators of flirting and interest.

 

4. she was picking fuzzies off my shirt and sitting really close - more signs. Geez, I wish a girl would pick stuff off my shirt.

 

5. She asked if I wore cologne and I said yes, she replied that it smelled so good - girl is saying you smell good. Thats a good sign.

 

All in all, she seems to be interested. And you are clearly nuts about her. Life is about embracing the moments that come to us. We can be afraid and not do anything, or we can take a chance on them. I was in your place earlier this year. I didn't want to say anything cause I didn't want to hurt the friendship. She felt the same way. The same problem had plagued me for years, not being able to say anything. I was and am deathly shy. But you have to take the chance. I did, and it paid off. If you don't, you'll always have to wonder what could have happened, and thats not something you want to think of. Even if she doesn't want to go out, you can still be friends, just let her know the friendship is the most important thing to you. And think of what you have to gain if (and probably when) she says yes.

[Jeffe]

Carpe diem, Cyan!

I think that deep down you know what to do, and now it's only a matter of building up the courage to ask her out. Since she's already interested in you, I would suggest that you not worry too much about fudging things up - since it's quite impossible at this point. Be yourself and things will turn out great!

[lifeiscash]

I agree, first off I understand how it feels to be self conscious and nervous about what do to with your situation. You are afraid that whatever you do or decide to do that you just might ruin your chances at having success with this one girl. You, no doubt, need to take action soon for any chance to date her. But how should you go about it??

 

Well coming from me, I used to be just like you. I didn't know what to do once I knew a girl was interested with me and how I should go about it. We know that you want to take her out and be more then friends.. so I came up with an idea that should help you out.

 

First, you need to understand that, like the last post, life is about risks that you take for the betterment of your life. If you fail to take a chance then you will never know what could have happened. Second, you need to know how to handle yourself when you are around her and learn to use more of your control. For example, instead of "asking" her if she wants to be more then friends, you need to "show" her that you want to be more then friends, (and no i dont mean buying her gifts are taking her out). You need to show her by flirting with her and going in for this "kiss" and testing to see if she is really into you or not. Based on how she reacts you will know what to expect. If you "ask" a girl, its a little wussy and if you "show" a girl, it means that you have some sort of control. Another area is to keep eye contact, the reason being, is to show that you are in fact not that intimidated and you have some sort of confidence. U need to find that inner strength inside of you and bring it out. Let her know that she is lucky to have a chance with you and that you call the shots about where u 2 could lead.

 

As for being scared.... think of it as you are losing NOTHING. You have only everything to gain, if you fail in getting her then understand that you had nothing to begin with, so you really don't lose in your situation. Also, instead of thinking of ways that you might fail, think of reason why you might succeed. Think of the better outcome instead of fearing what bad could come of it, most likely the better result will happen anyway. One last advice, understand that she is just a person like me and you, nothing more. She sees, hears, breathes, feel sad, feel happy, feel scared, feels nervous, just like everyone else in this world. She doesn't have no super ability, she thinks and reacts the same way as everyone else. So to conclude, understand that you are only intimidated by your outside shell, but on the inside she is just like anyone else in this world. Knowing that, her outside really isn't as much intimidating as it should be.. is it??

[ComputerGuy]

Where's Captain Obvious when you need him? OK sarcasm aside, I really think she likes you, and you should go for it...and if you get along well, the awkwardness of rejection in the unlikely event it will happen should pass rather fast.

[annie24]

LOL. captain obvious! Cyan - this girl really likes you!

 

After that being said, I don't know what to do. If I ask her out or ask her what she thinks of us being more than friends and she says no, I could risk my chances of her never being more than a friend and could lose her as a friend altogether. I'm so self-conscious about the way I look when I'm around her that I can't keep eye contact for very long and I've been told lots of eye contact is a key factor. I know we could have an amazing time together, because we are compatible in so many ways it's crazy, but I'm so nervous I don't know what to do!

 

You don't have to say at this stage, "do you like me? do you want to be my girlfriend?" Instead, just ask her to spend some time with you. For instance, call her up and ask her if she'd like to go ice skating/to dinner/to a movie/etc with you. Just spend some time together, see how things go. Talk about labels later. It sounds to me like she likes you a lot!

 

good luck!

[PocoDiablo]

Do I really need to add anything to the long list of replies? She's crazy for you!

 

First, you need to ask her on a date. All you have to do is say "You know, you seem to be pretty cool and I would like to get to know you better. Let's go on a date to Starbucks this Thursday."

 

If she accepts, or accetps for a different day, she's interested. Go on the date, ask lots of questions, and get to know her even better. At the end of the date, lean in very slowly and see if you get a goodnight kiss. This is the one signal you'll get than will confirm or deny her interest in you.

 

Is it hard to do? You bet! It's a heck of a lot harder to NOT KNOW though. Besides, if you wait any longer she is going to think you don't like her, because obviously any interested man would have asked her out! So, don't risk offending her - ask her out.

[Cyne]

Thanks for everyone's great replies. All I can say is, it's nerve wracking in an exciting sort of way. We've went out this past friday for food and a little window shopping, but she has also made friends with another training buddy of mine who came along. I've had a feeling that he is going after her too, but I can't be for certain. He's a naturally friendly and talkative guy so he could just being nice, but who knows. She has been referring to me as a friend since then and whenever we say bye to each other for the day it's always the "hand grab" or the infamous "props" type of handshake, but she's not really like that she's just being silly. She could just be too nervous to hug me or something. I'm a bit confused sometimes because she flirts a lot with me, then does things that refer to me or makes me feel like just a friend

[Dating Coach]

I guess I am going against the trend here...

 

I am not saying that this girl isn't interested in you, it's just that I am not so quick to tell you that she is.

 

Talking into the wee hours of the morning on the internet does not mean you connect romantically, it could mean that you connect like good pals.

 

Her being flirty and touchy with you does not mean she is interested in you romantically, she could be a flirty person who enjoys that behavior. Think that is unlikely? Well go here then...

 

At that link I have like 7 or 8 stories about guys who thought they got all of these signs from the girl that she was interested, and many of those are "flirting". Girls can flirt with friends, in fact, all of my friends who are girls have been touchy feely and even sexually flirty with me and my other guy friends. It doesn't signal one way or another. It could be either.

I also wear the cologne "Reaction" and almost every girl that gets close to me makes comments on it, but I know most of them aren't making passes at me.

 

Could she be interested? Certainly! I just don't think it is set in stone. You want the best news? You just recently met her so you haven't blown your opportunity yet!!! You need to ask her out on a date ASAP! Pick a time and place that is fun for YOU and then take the initiative and ask her out for that date. Also, prepare a second alternative-either another time or another place and time in case she is busy for the first date you want to plan. If you do this pronto you will not only increase your chances of success, but if she isnt interested then you find out now rather than much later when you fall harder and harder and waste more and more time.

 

Good luck brother! Go ask her out!

[Orlander]

I agree with Diggity Dogg. Ask her out on a date and make it clear it will be only the two of you.

 

If you aren't comfortable with that, ask her to dinner but make no mention of it being a date. Then, when you are on a date, ask her about her romantic life. Is she seeing anyone? (I think this is an appropriate question to ask a woman you are interested in) Heck, even ask her what her type of guy is she is interested in. That might be a good opening for her to tell you that YOU are the kind of guy she likes.

 

Whatever you do, do it soon...when the wolf bears its teeth it may look like its smiling, but it isnt! Don't let the other "nice" guy beat you to the punch, my friend.

 

Orlander

[Lil Punkin]

Write on a sticky note....

 

I like you, do you like me?

Check the box....... Yes ...no or Maybe.

 

This is a non pushy, playful way of letting her know

you're interested....

 

If she has a sense of humor..she'll laugh.

[ShySoul]

She could just be too nervous to hug me or something. I'm a bit confused sometimes because she flirts a lot with me, then does things that refer to me or makes me feel like just a friend

 

Maybe that's her personality. She is a very friendly person who jokes around a lot and treats people as friends. Maybe she is nervous about doing anything more cause she isn't sure of her feelings or doesn't want to appear like she wants more.

 

How does she treat other "friends." Is it the same or different. The guy that went along with you, does she flirt with him in the same manner. She does pick fuzz off of other guys shirts? Does she chat late with other guys a lot? If she doesn't, there is probably a good reason she's doing it for you and not them. So you have the signs, now you just need to believe in yourself and say something.

[PocoDiablo]

but she has also made friends with another training buddy of mine who came along.

I would take this as a REALLY bad sign. If she wants more from you, she would NEVER risk bringing another guy along who might make you dump her. In light of this, I think you've been friendzoned.

 

She has been referring to me as a friend since then and whenever we say bye to each other for the day it's always the "hand grab" or the infamous "props" type of handshake, but she's not really like that she's just being silly. She could just be too nervous to hug me or something. I'm a bit confused sometimes because she flirts a lot with me, then does things that refer to me or makes me feel like just a friend

My money is on friendzoned.

 

Sorry. If she liked you, she would not spend time with other men in your presense, let alone invite them, nor would she call you a friend. Any woman who was interested in you as more than a friend probably would not take you shopping either. That's a friend activity as well. I mean, come on, who goes shopping for a date or to impress a guy (or girl.)

 

I think you had a chance, and you blew it. You waited too long and did not make your intentions clear. She may like you, but it's not how you like her. She likes you for a safe little boy who she can tease or practice flirting with. Ouch. I hated when that happened to me.

 

Does she have any cute friends?

[annie24]

Ah - no use in speculating if she is interested romantically, or he is in the friend zone. It is time to ask her out, and to have the answer for sure.

[Cyne]

I made a mistake... I was talking about her to a good friend and I hadn't realized I had her message window open instead of his and I typed it in hers. I said "I doubt I'll be able to get alone time with her, but we'll see hopefully." She asked where that came from and if I messaged her by accident, of course I said yes. I managed to cover it up with something, not sure if she bought it or not. What should I do?

[Dre_7]

I made a mistake... I was talking about her to a good friend and I hadn't realized I had her message window open instead of his and I typed it in hers. I said "I doubt I'll be able to get alone time with her, but we'll see hopefully." She asked where that came from and if I messaged her by accident, of course I said yes. I managed to cover it up with something, not sure if she bought it or not. What should I do?

 

You need to ask her out ASAP, don't let the opportunity slip through your hands, otherwise it will feel worse than even rejection itself.

[Orlander]

Man, that was the perfect opportunity to come clean about your intentions. Stop playing this game with yourself!!! Just ask her out on a date. Make it clear it is a date and see what she says. You will have your answer and can then focus on the date or on finding someone else. Good luck!

 

Orlander

[Dating Coach]

Yeah, you are now hiding your feelings which is a very bad thing to do. You're afraid of her answer where you shouldn't be. Either ask her out right away or give up completely. Continuing on with this is only going to make things so much harder on yourself.

[ShySoul]

Sorry. If she liked you, she would not spend time with other men in your presense, let alone invite them, nor would she call you a friend.

 

Why not? Maybe she's just really friendly or was nervous about spending the time alone with him. Also, is this guy really pushy? She may feel like she has to invite him along or he may try to push himself in there.

 

Any woman who was interested in you as more than a friend probably would not take you shopping either. That's a friend activity as well. I mean, come on, who goes shopping for a date or to impress a guy

 

But what if it wasn't a shopping date? What if they just met in the area where the restaurant was and while they were there did some window shopping? The way I see it, that means that she wanted to spend more time with him, and thats a good thing no matter the activity.

 

Oh, and plenty of boyfriends and husbands take their wives shopping. It's a good way to get on their good sides.

 

She likes you for a safe little boy who she can tease or practice flirting with. Ouch. I hated when that happened to me.

 

Because it happened to you does not mean it is happening here. It also does not mean you were considered a "safe little boy." The two of you just were not meant to be together. I feel for you, but no reason to feel down about yourself or take the attitude you have adopted.

 

Cyne, every sign says she probably does like you. Don't be afriad man. Don't worry about your slip up on messenger. That was last night. Instead live in the moment. When you are talking to her, don't think about how things could go in the future, don't think about things in the past. Just think about the conversation you are having then. Don't think about how she will respond if you ask her out, just ask her out. You are a great guy and she would be lucky to go out with you. Just believe in yourself and do it.

[Cyne]

I just don't know what to do now. She's all over the place, I talked with her today to see how her weekend out of town was, her best friend came down with her to visit and train with us, but they ended up just standing around not doing much. Her Ex (she told me this guy was her Ex a while ago and apparently doesn't really like him) came to pick her and her best friend up to go eat instead of train. The thing is, they hugged... I don't have enough experience to make an accurate guess, but do you usually do something like that with your Ex? Her best friend, whom I had just met today talked as much with me as she did. I could tell something was wrong, she was so quiet and didn't say that much after the initial meeting tonight. I'm all over the place now, I don't know what to do or think. I'd like to tell her how I feel about her, but I'm not sure what's going on. It would be nice if there was something I could do to show her my feelings instead of saying something, so I can see her reactions. Help!

[annie24]

Man - ASK HER OUT!!!!!!! On a date!!!! Just the two of you!!! Then you will have your answer for sure, if she likes you or not.

 

Otherwise, we can speculate until you're 40, but you'll never know until you ask her out!

[PocoDiablo]

Sorry. If she liked you, she would not spend time with other men in your presense, let alone invite them, nor would she call you a friend.

Why not? Maybe she's just really friendly or was nervous about spending the time alone with him. Also, is this guy really pushy? She may feel like she has to invite him along or he may try to push himself in there.

So let's flip that around. You've just met an amazing woman. You really like her, and you don't want to do anything to blow it. So you ... hang out with ANOTHER single girl? And you honestly think she won't get jealous? What if she thinks you have a thing for this other girl, or worse she's your GF or your ex? That's a REALLY bad thing to do, and it's completely obvious in my opinion.

 

I would never go on a date with a woman and invite another woman along. It would be a huge slap in the face to the woman.

 

Any woman who was interested in you as more than a friend probably would not take you shopping either. That's a friend activity as well. I mean, come on, who goes shopping for a date or to impress a guy

But what if it wasn't a shopping date? What if they just met in the area where the restaurant was and while they were there did some window shopping? The way I see it, that means that she wanted to spend more time with him, and thats a good thing no matter the activity.

You are right, but you have also changed what I said. You even say it yourself - a "shopping date." Who has ever heard a woman say "Oh, I went out with this guy on a first date and we went SHOPPING and it was the best date ever! I am so in love!"

 

What you are pointing out is exactly my point - spending time together, as in window shopping, is NOT shopping. It *is* spending time together talking. So, in a sense, I half agree with you and half disagree. Get it?

 

Oh, and plenty of boyfriends and husbands take their wives shopping. It's a good way to get on their good sides.

So if I want to cheer up my wife I should take her shopping, buy her stuff, and hope that cheers her up? If you think shopping is going to cheer up your SO or get on her good side, then so be it. However, when I want to cheer up my SO I will go on a date with her. I'd *never* consider taking her to the mall. In my book, in my opinion, that is a really bad idea.

 

She likes you for a safe little boy who she can tease or practice flirting with. Ouch. I hated when that happened to me.

Because it happened to you does not mean it is happening here.

Please read my signature. If what I was saying was 100% accurate, then it would not be advice - it would be directions. Of course nothing I say is going to be 100% accurate, but you are only pointing out the obvious. Unfortunately, you are also not contributing to the solution by attacking my experiences.

 

The two of you just were not meant to be together. I feel for you, but no reason to feel down about yourself or take the attitude you have adopted.

"Meant to be together" suggests one has given their life up to the fates. I personally find that if you take responsibility for your life, learn from your failures, and move on you can be very happy.

 

I'm in no way down about myself, and my attitude may come accross as rough, but this is what happens to people when they have learned from failure. They get tougher! I don't think there is anything wrong with having a good grip on reality!

 

Cyne, every sign says she probably does like you. Don't be afriad man. Don't worry about your slip up on messenger. That was last night. Instead live in the moment. When you are talking to her, don't think about how things could go in the future, don't think about things in the past. Just think about the conversation you are having then. Don't think about how she will respond if you ask her out, just ask her out. You are a great guy and she would be lucky to go out with you. Just believe in yourself and do it.

Absolutely. 100% agreed.

 

Especially the last line - DO IT.

 

The longer you wait, the more likely you will fail. Either way you are going to learn something - either she likes you or not, either you did it right or not. But if you do nothing, you will fail to learn anything - and worse you will think you are a failure when in fact you never even tried.

[PocoDiablo]

Her Ex (she told me this guy was her Ex a while ago and apparently doesn't really like him) came to pick her and her best friend up to go eat instead of train. The thing is, they hugged... I don't have enough experience to make an accurate guess, but do you usually do something like that with your Ex?

Sure, especially if the guy you really like refuses to ask you out on a date. I am sure she is thinking that you think she is stupid, ugly, or some other reason why you could not possibly bring yourself to ask her out. Remember, what you see as shy (not asking her out) she could just as easily as an insult. I mean, why don't girls ask YOU out? Is it because they are shy, or because you think you are ugly, dumb, all that stupid stuff we tell ourselves every day...

 

I'm telling you man, you need to ask her out. Here's the line (more or less.)

 

Hey, you know, after getting to know you a little better I am starting to think you're okaaaay, you know? I'd like to get to know you better, so what do you say to going on a date with me? I would like to take you to Starbucks so we can chat and see where things go."

 

Then, SHUT UP and wait for her response. If you mention the word "date" you will get one of three responses:

 

1. Yes, I would love to! When! (Good!)

2. Yes, I would love to, but I cannot go Wednesday. How about Thursday? (Good!)

3. Yes, I would love to, but I cannot go because I have to [excuse.] (BAD. This is a NO.)

 

That's IT. There is NOTHING more to it. Plain and simple. If she gives you an excuse, you be polite and tell her "Hey, that's fine, I totally understand." (Because you DO!) Then you tell her "Well thanks anyway, and I will talk to you later."

 

Otherwise, set up the date. Ask her lots of questions so you can REALLY get to know her. Do NOT talk about anything depressing or disgusting, and do not talk about cars, computers, girls, ex's, or SEX. All taboo subjects.

 

Instead, get to know her. You should walk away from the date knowing a lot more about her than she does you. Plain and simple, you want to make sure she is right for you. She should walk away thinking "Hey, I don't know anything about him! Hey! I need to see him again!"

 

Of course, at the end of the date, you MUST walk her to the door (or car, helicopter, whetever) and slowly lean in for a kiss on the lips. If she leans in to you as well, give her a very gentle and light kiss. If she leans back, hugs you, shakes your hand, etc., then she had a bad date. You're done with her.

 

Otherwise, wait a day or two and make another date and go from there.

 

It's that simple1

 

I'd like to tell her how I feel about her

Noooooooooooooo! Don't TELL her.

 

It would be nice if there was something I could do to show her my feelings instead of saying something, so I can see her reactions. Help!

Yesssssssssssssss! Ask her on a date! It will tell you EVERYTHING!

[Dating Coach]

Cyne Poco has it all down for you. All of your goals and all of your questions can be answered if you take his advice.

 

What is it you are afraid of? Rejection? She already has her mind made up on whether or not you are dating material and you aren't going to change her mind. So will you continue to hang out with her or will you go find out what that answer is now? I would hater for her answer to be a no, and have you wait months or years to find that out. You can find that out right away.