This may be a bit long, but I'd just like some insight.

[krylon]

I'm not sure if this is the right section to post this in, sorry if it is.

 

I was just wondering what you guys (and gals) think I should do about this:

 

I've recently started talking to an old girlfriend (Roughly from 1-1/2 years ago.) She was my fourth girlfriend, but the first one I got intimate with, and the first one I had any feelings beyond a strong liking for. Plus shes' the only woman thats manged to entertain me on an intellectual level. We dated for about a year, everything went smooth until she started hanging out with this guy named John. I personally never gave it a second thought, but my friends started egging me on, I wasn't very mature at the time. Needless to say, I let it get to me and blew up at her over the phone. After I calmed down a bit, I told her I didn't like her hanging out with him, but it wasn't my place to tell her what to do. About a week later, she told me she wanted a break, so I ended it right there. I assume she hung out with the guy anyway, they started dating about a month after we broke up. Anyway, her parent's moved Accross the country (About 2000 miles away.) since she was living with them at the time, she went as well. I talk to her (On the phone and on the net.) shes' said a few things about how she ruined what we had, how she still loves me, how much of a jerk John was ect. Now then, on to my question. I've been debating with my self about wether or not this is just friendly banter or something I should persue. Should I or should I not spend the money on going to where she is? Would she react in a positive manner? There are a lot of questions I keep asking my self. The biggest one being is if I should try to move on (Again). Honestly, I don't think I moved on in the first place. It would take some saving up to go that far due to my financial situation, but I have it my head that I love this girl. Thanks, all responses will be appreciated.

[Dating Coach]

Whatever you do, do not spend money and move to where she is. I find it very shady that she was hanging out with this one guy while the two of your were together, and then once you leave they hook up. I find that to be very shady. Obviously there was some sort of attraction between them, and the fact that she was willing to hang out with him even though you and her were in a comitted relationship is a big red flag. Before I found out they hooked up afterwards, it wasn't as big of a deal, but now we know for sure there was some chemistry, and her getting closer to him while you were together is very disrespectful. I wouldn't trust her and neither would I move to where she is. Not a chance.

[AnotherThing]

''I have it my head that I love this girl''

 

What does that mean? You have to have it in your heart man! ;-)

 

 

I might be totally wrong but it sounds like you dont really care much one way or the other. If you really wanted to and felt it was right wouldnt you just go? If youre dithering over it then don't bother.

[pumkin_fairy]

i agree with anotherthing.. just move on

[ShySoul]

Take a deep look at the situation. How do you really feel about her? Do you really love her? Is this something you honestly want to pursue? Do you feel this not just in your mind, but in your heart and in your soul? Or is this wondering what could have been and trying to recapture what you had before?

 

If you can honestly say you love her, then go ahead and pursue it. Don't move out there and uproot your entire life, but don't give up on it. You said it would take time to get the money in order. Good. Use that time to keep talking with her and to see if there really is something there. If you want to see her, go for a visit. Once in person, you may get a really good idea of rather or not something is there or if it isn't going to work out.

 

To be fair, it may not work out. On the other hand, maybe this is meant to be. Few people get a second chance on things, it would be a shame to waste such a chance without at least talking with her about it. You need to evaluate how much of this is regret over breaking up in the first place and fantasing about the old days, or how much is genuine feeling and belief that you two should be together.