Does she like me?!?!

[DED19]

I have no idea if this girl likes me or not. I have been her friend for a couple of months now and was always very attracted to her. We get along great and have many similar interests. I make her laugh a lot and smile, I catch her looking at me a lot, she sometimes finds reasons to make physical contact, her friends say that she likes me a lot. I guess these are supposed to be signs, but I really am not sure because she is somewhat of a flirty person anyway. Isn't it true that women love to flirt even if they're not really interested in the guy, just for the fun of flirting? For her B-day I baked her cookies and brownies which she really loved. I'm not sure how to make that extra step to see if she really likes me though. She is somewhat passive and probably would not tell me if she did. If I did make a move on here and got rejected, our friendship would kinda be weird after that which I definitely don't want to happen. Any suggestions? I'm kinda new to this stuff, since I have had only one girlfirend for 2 years and she was the one who put all the moves on me.

[heloladies21]

Dude, check out these sites on girls. I'll pm you.

[DED19]

Not looking for sites on how to pick girls up, sorry.

[hk87]

I'm thinking she does like you. She's doing everything I would do if I liked a guy! Also, she might jsut be flirting with other guys to get your attention? And the fact you made her cookies for her b/d is SO SWEET! I would definitely think a guy liked me if he went to all that effort for me. Anyway, I think you should maybe give her more physical contact back. Like touch her arm, look at her more, hug her when you see her for the 1st time in a day or for the last time, and see if she reciprocates. If she does, then I would just grow some balls and take the extra step and ask her out for a date (nothing too formal though) If she is mature enough, and she nicely says no thank you, then the friendship should not be affected. It maybe a little strange for a few days, but it's easy enough to get over. I nearly lost my best friend once when I got really immature over him telling me he liked me, and I've never done that since then with any guy. I realised that it's not worth throwing away everything we had over a little thing like him liking me.

 

Good Luck, Hk87

[justify_yourlove]

I think she may like you. Make it sound casual and then ask her how she feels about you. If she says she doesn't like you, just change the subject. At least you would know. It would be natural to feel hurt by it so just remember those circumstances. Also remember that you can still be friends.

[kellbell]

Hi there!

 

Yes, she is interested, any kind of physical contact is always a good sign and if you are in the good with her girlfriends, even a better sign. This means she talks about you to them. Ask her out for some coffee or something and get really aquainted and see how it goes from there. Good luck with everything and let us know how it goes.

[bettyboop401]

any kind of physical contact is always a good sign

 

This isn't always so...I'm a very flirty person and I'm always touching people...male and female. I don't restrict my touches for people I"m attracted to - in fact I find it harder to flirty touch someone I like. Everyone's different in their mannerisms. However with everything you've said it does sound like she likes you. The only real way to find out is to ask. I hope everything goes well!

 

Betty!

[DED19]

Well, I actually did ask her out once to dinner, and it went well but was pretty casual. She's also a very busy person which makes me think even though she likes me, she may not be looking for a relationship at this point. I guess I should try to push the envelope a bit and find out. Should I flat out ask her or see how she responds to my actions such as putting an arm around her etc. I really like this girl a lot, as a friend especially, and don't want to screw anything up. Thanks for the help.

[Beec]

First, don't put down the information on how to pick up girls. The sites are all catered to telling guys how to become a player, which I would not recommend. But, the skills and moves a player uses work. You just need to use some of those skills and moves.

 

Seond, nothing is going to happen here unless some one figures out how the other person feels and/or unless someone acts. You might not be able to find out how she feels for sure, unless you make a move.

 

Her body language seems fine, seems to indicate she is attracted. In such cases, I'd be in there busting a move relaying on her body language.

 

I think you need to ask her to go do something with you. Not quite sure what to recommend, but I would recommend soemthing that is date-like without making it clear that it is a date. If she says yes, then I would make a move, but it would be more like letting our hands touch a few times to see if she wanted to hold my hand, than grabbing her and kissing her. I've done both with more success than failure, but failed and succeeded at both. Letting your hands touch a few times to see if she wants them to touch again is a simple thing that is the most timid of moves. If she seeks out having your hands touch, and let's them stay in contact for longer and longer times, then you manuver them so they get clsoe to holding, and you'll know if it is ok. If at any time she backs off and does not continue, then you know too. Stop. And you will really not have made a dramatic move.

[Beec]

If you want my easy suggestionfor how to ask without asking it is to tell her you like talking with her, or enjoy being with her, or have fun with her. And if she responds the same, tell her you should do it more often. And if she reacts well, ask her to do something.

[Dating Coach]

Wow, I can't believe what I am hearing here. There is nothing to suggest that she is interested, nothing at all. She could very easily be doing all of those things and have no romantic interest whatsoever.

 

Of course DED cooking for her and all of that is sweet and nice, but how does that mean she is interested? How is her flirting meaning she is interested? How is her being best pals with DED mean she's interested? Hasn't anyone else been reading these forums lately? There are many posts where a guy has done all of these things, and the girl was every bit as flirty, yet she had no interest in anything more than "just friends".

 

DED, first off, you said, "I'm not sure how to make that extra step to see if she really likes me though." The next step is to ask her out. This step should have happened a long time ago. I know you fear being rejected, that's normal, but you've already made things much more difficult on yourself than it should be. You said that you have always been attracted to her, but instead of telling her this from the beginning you intentionally took the "friend route" to make yourself more comfortable around her, and to gauge her interest. What you have now is a situation where you are pals with her and don't want to ruin your friendship by being rejected and having her know you like her more, but what you really want is for you two to be together. Rejection is going to really hurt now because you like her so much more than when you first met her. This is why if you like a girl, you need to make your move within 3 weeks.

Ask her out within 3 weeks and be clear it is a romantic date and not a buddies night out, this way there is no confusion as to what the two of you are and what your interests are. If you hold this part off and become best pals, then what you create is not only this situation that you are now in, but it also makes being rejected so much more painful. Don't you think that it hurts a lot more to be rejected by someone you spent months and sometimes even years getting closer and closer to when you could have found out whether or not they were interested early on? How much harder are you willing to make this on yourself?

 

Look, this girl has already formed her opinion of you, and she has already classified you as either "datable" or "just friends". Her answer is and has been ready for quite a long time now. She knows who you are. So don't make this any harder on yourself. It's time to make your move or accept that you are just friends. You owe yourself an answer so you can get on with your life.

Tell her that you two get along really well and that you decided that you want to give it a shot to see if there is more there. Never spill you guts to her and tell her how great she is and how much you have fallen for her, because if she doesn't know that you are interested or if she is completely comfortable with how things are right now, then that kind of stuff could be very overwhelming. It's too strong too fast. Be nonchalant. "Hey Becky, we always have a great time when we are together that I decided that I want to take you out on a real date to see if maybe there could be something more. I want to take you out to _________, so what are you doing Thursday?" That's not overwhelming and if she isn't interested then she can either tell you no or make up some other excuse to get out of the situation. If her answer is anything other than "yes" or a counter offer to set up another specific date, then her answer is no. Also, since you brought up the subject like it was no big deal, this shouldn't be too big of a deal on your friendship with her. It's not like you told her you are infatuated by her, you just "decided" that it might be worth exploring. If she isn't down then no big deal to you-or at least that's how you act. But in order to do this and save the friendship in the event of a rejection, you have to accept her rejection and move on. If you keep thinking you have a chance beyond her rejection and you keep trying, then you will destroy everything. She already knows who you are and if she isn't interested then she isn't interested and that answer needs to be respected.

 

Good luck brother, get on top of this ASAP.

[Beec]

I catch her looking at me a lot, she sometimes finds reasons to make physical contact, her friends say that she likes me a lot.

 

DiggityDoog, I think what I quote above are signs, but not sure ones, that she likes him. So, I think there are signs. I also don't think he is going to be bsuting any big moves, like askign her for a romantic date.

 

And you are right, in that she knows her answer, he could ask and will have a tough time chaing that answer unless he has waited too long to act. But. . .

 

Basically, he is chicken. He is scared of sticking his neck out and being embarrassed. I doubt he really is scared of losng the friendship, more like he is afraid of having to deal with her and his other friends and surviving the embarrassment of being rejected. Examine your thoughts DED, and you will probably find me to be right on that matter. And, I've been there and done that myself a number of times.

 

So, DiggittyDogg, does he figure things out by busting a small move, to see if there is interest and allowing it to progress ot another move, maybe gaining some confidence, or do you think you can convince DED to throw caution to the wind. If we were his buddies, I am sure we could bust on him so much that he would do it, but we are not. We really cannot embarrass him into busting a move. And he can't bust the big move until he stops being a chicken. (DED, like I said, been chicken a number of times myself). But if he goes for something small, I think he can figure out if he should be making another move. If he really has the gumption to stop being a chicken, you are right on, but most guys don't. So for most guys, the small move is the way to go.

[patience]

I agree that it is important to ask a woman out before becoming close friends. The three week timeline seems like a good idea.

[DED19]

Basically, he is chicken. He is scared of sticking his neck out and being embarrassed. I doubt he really is scared of losng the friendship, more like he is afraid of having to deal with her and his other friends and surviving the embarrassment of being rejected. Examine your thoughts DED, and you will probably find me to be right on that matter. And, I've been there and done that myself a number of times.

 

Yes you are right that I'm kinda chicken. I hate being a novice at such things. And since me and her both are in the same social circle, then I would have to deal with the embarrassment of her and my friends knowing. I'm not sure if it's too late though. She is the type who takes awhile to warm up to and get to know. I think our relationship has grown stronger recently (probably the B-day gift), so maybe I need to just go for it and take your suggestions. Wish me luck.

[Dating Coach]

Beec, I don't want to embarrass him into asking her out. I think my suggestion on how to do it was pretty good. What her actions have been could be signs, but then again they could mean nothing as well. I can think of circumstances just like this that turned out both ways. What I am trying to say is that he doesn't know and nor can he until he actually asks her out and gets her answer.

[Dating Coach]

Yes you are right that I'm kinda chicken. I hate being a novice at such things. And since me and her both are in the same social circle, then I would have to deal with the embarrassment of her and my friends knowing. I'm not sure if it's too late though. She is the type who takes awhile to warm up to and get to know. I think our relationship has grown stronger recently (probably the B-day gift), so maybe I need to just go for it and take your suggestions. Wish me luck.

 

Good luck, and I really suggest you bring it up the way I offered. That way it is very non-chalant and isn't putting much pressure on her, nor is it revealing completely how you feel-which might be overwelming to her.

 

Has she had boyfriends in the past? Where they all her best guy friends first? I'm willing to bet that she's at least dated guys that she barely knew who asked her out, unless she is the type that simply never dates.

[DED19]

She is very attractive and gets lots of attention from guys, but when they realize she isn't "easy," they often lose interest. She seems to be disappointed with most guys she meets. She has had a couple of boyfriends, but she seems fairly inexperienced. One of them was her friend first, not sure about the other.

[Markers]

Beec, I don't want to embarrass him into asking her out. I think my suggestion on how to do it was pretty good. What her actions have been could be signs, but then again they could mean nothing as well. I can think of circumstances just like this that turned out both ways. What I am trying to say is that he doesn't know and nor can he until he actually asks her out and gets her answer.

I agree with this. However I think you need to change your tone a bit, you're not giving any hope to anyone. That if something is really discouraging people, and "chickens" never dare to bust a move. And that sucks. So before you automatically assume that no matter what a girl does, it cannot be a sign (which you do, yes), think that it could turn out the different way and it's worth finding out. And you need to actually encourage people into doing it, because the vice versa definitely doesn't work out.

[Dating Coach]

I agree with this. However I think you need to change your tone a bit, you're not giving any hope to anyone. That if something is really discouraging people, and "chickens" never dare to bust a move. And that sucks. So before you automatically assume that no matter what a girl does, it cannot be a sign (which you do, yes), think that it could turn out the different way and it's worth finding out. And you need to actually encourage people into doing it, because the vice versa definitely doesn't work out.

 

I'm not sure what you are talking about. For one, I never called anyone a chicken to get them to do something-that was someone elses words. Also, I never ever said that there are no such things as signs. What I am saying is that there is no way to really know what they did was a "sign of interest" without asking the person out. It could be a sign of interest or it could not be.

I'm definitely not going to get on here and start telling people, "Yeah, she sounds interested!" or "She's definitely interested in you!" like some others have when there is no way of knowing. Even after I posted this yesterday, I went right into a couple of other threads where one guy was saying how he thought a girl was interested and she rejected him, and another one where a girl told the guy that she was never ever interested even though he thought she gave him positive signs. There are too many circumstances where these so called "signs" turned out to be nothing more than wishful thinking and over-analyzation. But neither am I going to sit here and say, "There is no way she is interested in you" either. I simply say that there is no way to know whether she is or is not because it could be either scenario, and the only way to know would be to ask the girl out.

Once a girl knows you are interested, her actions towards you will tell you all that you need to know. If she is interested in persuing a romantic relationship with you and she finds out that you want it as well, then she would either tell you "yes" or she will make an effort for you two to be together. If she isn't interested she might not necessarily say "no", but if she makes no effort to be together then it's basically a 99% chance that she is not interested at all, no matter what her excuse is.

 

For the OP, I am saying that there is no way to know until he asks, and him asking her out is long overdue.

[Beec]

Ahem, I used the word chicken. And I will tell you that I did not do it to drive the orginal poster into doing something, but to point out that his reluctance was fear. However, it has worked on me and I have used it to motivate guys who wee my friends, but it has only worked when I was there with the guy or knew all concerned. I would not expect it to work on someone over the internet. But, the original poster did admit that it was accurate, he was not acting because of fear. Been there, done that myself.

[Markers]

And I've been a chicken myself. And so I know what I'm talking about. Back then, if you had told me this: "Wow, I can't believe what I am hearing here. There is nothing to suggest that she is interested, nothing at all. She could very easily be doing all of those things and have no romantic interest whatsoever" I would have been so discouraged of the fact that someone who puts up "dating guides" etc. tells me that by the looks of it, I should not have any reason to think she is interested at all.. you know, I would not have asked her out. People do need encouragement, not someone telling them that there's no evidence whatsoever that you would have chances. People don't want to run into rejection.

 

I understand that you don't want to give anyone false hope. But what if your advice discouraged a guy from asking a girl out in a situation where the girl actually wants the guy? That would be a lot worse than giving false hope.

 

sorry about hijacking this thread

[Dating Coach]

I see your point, but I respectfully disagree.

I was not telling the guy that she wasn't interested, just that from those "signs", you cannot conclude one way or another if she is or not. I was being completely honest when I said that the only way to know is to ask, and I encouraged the guy to ask. He should ask her out. As far as "signs", I am not going to fill someone up with false hope over something that may or may not mean something. Just because I am not encouraging someone to focus on something that may very well not be true, doesn't mean I am being discouraging.