Girl mate is so confusing me!

[madtolove]

Hi guys, Ive posted before but seek your help again. Just to be brief met this girl at work, sort of knew her before. Didnt really speak but she started to become friendly with me. We started to meet but if became clear she had loads of problem with guys and ex's and loads more other problems. Anyway I helped her as a friend and didnt think it was anythink more.

 

I do like this girl and sort hinted I did but she sort of said she wasnt ready to be with anybody. I dropped the subject. We have been spending loads of time together and she acts like she is my girlfriend but without the b/f and g/f kissing etc. Her friend from work comes out with us all the time now if we do anything and I feel like I am there therapist. It becoming a bit too much for me. This girl friend of mine does have problems and I am there for her all the time but only known her for about nearly 2 months now.

 

We did sort of have a argument a few weeks back went she was asking me to take her to all strange places and stuff and I sent her a message asking what I was to her. She took this as I was asking if I was more and she replied a good friend why?. I said I didnt want to met up anymore and she got mad and sent a nasty text message back saying I was helping her to get her into bed. We spoke the next day and I just said I was feeling like a cab driver. She said sorry and we where ok again. Also she did at first get loads of calls of strange guys asking her ok but she says that it was her old b/f playing games. Also one time she asked me to take her to met this guy to sort out a problem her cousin was having and i got a feeling all was not true. She said she didnt know him well but it was her cousins mate and it seemed really shady. I know she has been texting him and calling him a few times and I asked why. This guy seems trouble and has just come out of prison. But she says he is just a mate and is worried about him, this is odd.

 

The calls have sort of stop from other guys but I not really sure. I dont think she is meeting other guys as she does spend all her time with me and she does feel like a girlfriend but again without the hugs/kisses etc. She has said in conversation the all guys have cheated on her, I know I am totally different to what she normally hangs about with.

 

The more time we spend together and closer I become but dont thing I can stay about and hope we will start dating. She is a bit touchy feely with me in a playfull way and I got a call from my ex a few weeks but didnt answer and I just said we have split up about 3 months ago which is true. I just said she messed me about and it was over. She got mad and wanted to call her. If iam just a friend why does she want to spend all her time with me, but brings her friend along all the time.

 

Do I have a talk to her about all this, I am just becoming fed up and tired. I feel most of the things she asks of me are what a boyfriend would do but not a friend of 2 months. I think i am too blinded by the fact that we would start dating as I have become to like her. Is she just using the iam not ready became she has a good thing going with me helping her and has not interest in me what so ever.

 

Cheers

[kellbell]

Hi there!

 

Wow, my head is spinning after reading your post. LOL

 

"...I feel like I am there therapist"

 

You should not have to feel like that with any of your friends, it's one thing that your mates come to you with some kind of trouble or a questions but it's another for you to feel like this. Your mates are overwhelming you with their lives and their drama. What makes you think things will be better if and when you date this girl. I only see things getting worse.

 

"Also one time she asked me to take her to met this guy to sort out a problem her cousin was having and i got a feeling all was not true. She said she didnt know him well but it was her cousins mate and it seemed really shady. I know she has been texting him and calling him a few times and I asked why. This guy seems trouble and has just come out of prison. But she says he is just a mate and is worried about him, this is odd."

 

Again more drama. If you get romatically involved with this girl, all of this will become your problem as well because she will drag you down right into the middle of it. If fact, she is now. She is a big girl, she can take of herself.

 

"The calls have sort of stop from other guys but I not really sure. I dont think she is meeting other guys as she does spend all her time with me and she does feel like a girlfriend but again without the hugs/kisses etc. She has said in conversation the all guys have cheated on her, I know I am totally different to what she normally hangs about with."

 

Again, why would you want to date a girl with all this mess and noise in her life. If you date her, you are really never going to trust her. A lot of this stuff is not your problem to worry about anyway. She got herself into these messes, let her get herself out, don't be her hero and try to bail her out. It will lead you to trouble. I mean, come on, she is in the likes of prisioners, cheaters, goes to strange places, Yikes!!!

 

"Do I have a talk to her about all this, I am just becoming fed up and tired. I feel most of the things she asks of me are what a boyfriend would do but not a friend of 2 months. I think i am too blinded by the fact that we would start dating as I have become to like her. Is she just using the iam not ready became she has a good thing going with me helping her and has not interest in me what so ever."

 

Well, yes, tell her you fed up. She is treating you like this because YOU LET HER! No one likes a pushover or a door mat. She is using you my friend. She is totally taking advantage of you. Tell her you fed up, to her face not via text message and think you guys should cool it for awhile and hang out with other people. If she is big enough to get herself in these dilemmnas, she can get herself out of them. She is going to be a whole world of trouble for you and I strongly advice you not to date her. You can do better. Take care and good luck.

 

 

 

[madtolove]

Thank you so much.

 

I did speak to her after today, she was also starting to snap at me. I told her I was fed up. She tried to combat it by saying she was not my girlfriend and I said I am not your boyfriend. I finally stood up for myself and I do feel better. I have done alot of thinking, she makes out she has all theses friend but there nowhere to be seen and just too many things about her dont add up. I did like her and told her that a while back but she used the Iam not ready for anybody but still texts other guys and get strange calls which I dont think are that ramdom.

 

I was starting to become the guy friend who she would contact when she had problems.

 

Anyway she just got mad had a go at me, was shouting at me saying she didnt need all this, why I am saying this now.

 

Then she ask for some stuff back which I got her and was being rude to me, that said it all what I meant to her. I did it all face to face aswell. What do you reackon was really going on with her, if I was just a mate why be like this with me. It felt like a split up between b/f and g/f. I am just going to relax for a while. I dont want to speak to her because it will just upset me. What do you think she will do. I know I ve done more than most people and guys have for her but not going to do it any longer if she makes me feel that I am being used.

 

Her loss.

[kellbell]

I think she is one of those lost souls who roams around life leeching off others. People feel sorry for her and she prays upon nice and giving people like yourself. I think she will try to contact you in the next few days, I don't think it has sunk in yet what you told her today. I think she will test you and your wits. Ignore her, she will find someone else to leech off of soon enough. Good for you for standing up for yourself. You did the right thing. I know you will miss her because you cared but she only cared about what you can offer her. Let me know how everything turns out and how you are doing.

[madtolove]

Thanks Kellbell

 

Yea you where right again, soon after we spoke i got in and post your reply and was so tired I fell asleep. Ive woken up in the middle of night. Guess what 3 missed calls and 3 text messages. They just say ignore me then. The last one says "u hurt me i hurt ten times harder". Dont understand why she wants to hurt me when all I have done was be there and give a damn. I do feel better in a way for getting it out what was upsetting me about her and how she was acting. Not sure what to do.

 

It was getting hard being friends with her, yes I did want a bit more from her than friends but in a nice way not too see what I could use her for sexual wise.

 

Thanks so much for your kind advice.

[kellbell]

Hey there,

 

Well, I thought she might contact you, but if you fed up and felt used, then I would continue to carry on without her. Of course she is not going to remember all the nice things you did for her, it's about her and what she can get. Stay strong and try to keep busy. I am sure she will leave you alone after awhile.

[patience]

it's a good thing this friendship didn't go any further

 

if you want her out of your life, ignore all contact from her, no matter what

 

block her calls, change your email address, etc

 

next time you will recognize this sort of character, and hopefully walk the other way right away

[madtolove]

Yea again this morning she tried to contact me calling alot. I didnt answer at but asked her to stop calling me and told her she said what I meant o her last night. She just replied her head is messed up and went on again that she is having problems and she doesnt need this right now. I just said I cant be there for her.

 

I go into work and she calls saying are we going to sort this out, I just said no I am working and will speak to her another time, she demand to speak now and I just put the phone down. Next I got a text saying that she will have the last laugh I just deleted it. Then I get another saying she was going to have a go at me when she came into work, we both work in a supermarket but different departments. I didnt want trouble she call her, I said again that she was using me and ask too much. She was putting me in situations that made me feel akward. I didnt want to do that anymore and its best for us to not be friends.

 

She calls again later on asking me to delete her number and just being childish so I put the phone down.

 

So tonight I am expecting so abuse or nothing. What the hell is going on with her, I tried to talk to her about her behavour but she reacted by being nasty and now all this. Again if I was just a friend to her and no more why be like this.

 

Many Thanks you guys.

[kellbell]

Hi there!

 

I am so sorry you had to go through this but if she made you feel like crap then you don't need her. With friends like that who needs enemies?

[madtolove]

Hi guys I have abit of an update. I follow all advice given from you wonderful people.

 

So didnt speak to my girl mate the day after we had an argument. She didnt call or text either and I deleted her number. The morning after I get a text message from her asking was I working. I just deleted it. I was working a late shift till 10 and get another text message saying did I want to sort this out which I though was very forceful and demanding so again deleted it. Just as I was about to leave work the phone rings it was her, she was upset was saying sorry for being nasty and wanted to speak to me. I did feel sorry for her and we had abit of a chat.

 

I did tell her again that she had hurt my feelings. I told her about some of the things she was doing which made me uncomfortable and the calls and she gets aswell. She said that all that was going to stop and she knows that she doesnt need that in her life.

 

I told her I want to spend some time with her on my own but she brings her mate out with us all the time. I said was she afraid that I was going to jump on her if we where alone she just laughed and said she wont know what to do if I did. I said it in a joking manner but her response suggests she was letting me know her feelings. I talked to her like a boyfriend, in a caring way and made it clear that I would be there for her but not if all this mad stuff was going on.

 

Anyway we met up for a bit and had a light heart chat. She ask me to come out with her to party this sat and I agreed. When I got in she texted me saying that she so much wanted to call me the night we didnt speak but wanted to leave me alone. I said also I wanted to call aswell. I did make it clear that I liked her and have loads of respect for her and didnt want to hurt her in anyway. She replied back with lots of kisses in her text. I am right in saying that she does want more than friends. She has call me alot today but we havent met up as we where both working different shifts. Girl friends at work as saying that she likes me, they dont know her to speak but Ive told them whats happen. They say if I was just a friend that she wouldnt speak to like that, meaning sending lots of kisses in her messages or saying good night my love when I said good night to her.

 

Anyway she has made an effort to say sorry and we did clear some stuff up. What should my next move be. She didnt say OH were just friends when I made it clear I saw her more than a friend and she hasnt back off from me. The calls and texts are still the same.

 

Many thanks

[MetallicAguy]

We started to meet but if became clear she had loads of problem with guys and ex's and loads more other problems

I'm thinking she knew that you were interested and made it clear she wasn't in a subtle way.

 

she sort of said she wasnt ready to be with anybody

Nice way of letting you down....or maybe she honestly doesn't want to be with anyone.

 

I think she wasn't interested at first, but decided "what the hell" and brought her friend along to judge you, although that might not be right, I'm pretty sure it could be that reason.

 

She got mad and wanted to call her

I think she got jealous here and wanted to chew her out lol. Either that or she could be thinking you've been talking to your ex lately...but yea who knows lol, mainly though I think she just got jealous there and wanted to chew her out.

 

 

Is she just using the iam not ready became she has a good thing going with me helping her and has not interest in me what so ever.

I think she's interested but doesn't want to go out because she doesn't want to ruin the relationship you 2 have.

[kellbell]

Hi there!

 

I am very glad you two were able to talk and that you were able to get your point accross. What I would do is play it cool for now and just hang out to see if she is really serious. People don't change over night. I would not rush into anything. Glad to see you are ok and take care.

[madtolove]

Hi guys.

 

Things have been ok between us, its weird because when we spoke I acted like a boyfriend not just a friend. I though if thats what I want I will act like that. What I mean is to say things I didnt want (ex's or weird guys calling and her putting me into positions that I felt unhappy to be in). As I said I explained all this and she sort of argreed. She hasnt been well so sort of cool'ed it a bit and just let her contact me. Last night she was upset and wanted to be on her own so I just said no problem call if you want. She did sent me a few nice texts and I just left it at that.

 

The problem today was I took her home and again she got another strange call from a guy saying he knew her. She flipped out on the phone and kept asking who he was etc. I got really mad but didnt say anything, I spoke to her about this after she had finished and explain she though it was one of her ex boyfriends mate messing about.

 

I dont think it was the right time to have a go at her for speaking to this guy so left it.

 

I just think its in her nature to question calls like that, I have told her before that if she wants to have a new start to close the past off, and that means not speaking to people or strange guys who call her. I know it does freak her out but she is not doing herself any favours by answering her phone.

 

Again we sort out one problem and another one comes along. Advice guys!

 

Thanks so much

 

By the way from what Ive posted I am still unsure if she really likes me I think she does.

[madtolove]

Hi guys, well i posted again last night but before I went to bed I text my confusing girl mate. She didnt text back at all last night which is odd.

 

So I though what the hell I am going to stop messing about and ask her does she want us to be more than friends. Still hadnt had a response.

 

As Ive said before I did tell her I liked her and care for her. She hasnt said anything about how she see us and I think the time has come to get an answer. If her past is holding her back then I think its best we just stay mates but I will certainly be keeping my distance from her and not met her up as much.

 

Do you think I am right with me asking the question.

[ShySoul]

She has already said you are just a good friend. Right now she does not seem ready for a real relationship. And if her actions annoy you know, you would be inviting trouble to start anything unless you both lay everything out and get it straighted up.

 

I didn't read every detail in this post, so sorry if I missed this next thing. But what exactly happened in past relationships? If these calls are from past boyfriends, why are they calling her now? Are they jerks who hurt her? If so, maybe she has developed a complex of sorts. In order to understand this girl, you need to take yourself out of your shoes and into hers. For all we know she does like you but her past has left her vulnerable and confused. She brings you in close, but gets scared and pulls back. And if these guys really are bothering her, last thing she needs is to worry about another guy wanting to be with her.

 

To force her to make a decision is an ultimatum, which most people do not respond well to. She is likely to run or get scared. She probably needs a supportive and caring friend right now. This will help her through whatever is going on and once she is ready to deal with a relationship, she'll remember how you were there for her. Not saying you should wait around for her, but to do so would help her and it is just the friendly and right thing to do.

 

She probably does see you as more, in some ways. But she isn't ready for anything serious. So its creating confusion in her mind. And that creates strange, back and forth behavior.