Just A Reminder To All Disappointed In, Scared of Leaving, Or Looking For Love...

[RayKay]

To have a love life in this world, you must have the emotional strength and the backbone to attain it.

 

 

 

Do not convince yourself or believe that you are going to have an emotional or nervous breakdown over any one person. Be it unrequited love, or be it lost love.

 

 

 

Love is not always enough to last forever. Love cannot and does not always go the distance contrary to the fairy tales you may read, or the chick flicks you watch with a tub of ice cream. Sometimes it does fade out. Sometimes it is because both or one partners forgot to put the effort required into it. Sometimes it is because this relationship was not the one that was meant to be forever despite all the effort they may have given. It was just one of the lessons or the experiences you were meant to have and explore on your journey through life.

 

 

 

Sometimes it's hard to wrap your brain around that - after all should Love not conquer all? Only, anyone whom has gone through heartbreak would know that is not true - as it takes more then love alone to go the distance, to be fulfilled and happy together. And it always hurts when we realize that, no matter how many times we forget, and are forced to learn over and over again. But acceptance of that is so important in this journey of life and Love.

 

 

 

You have to be strong enough in your own self to stay in the quest for Love until you get committed and/or married to someone - and it lasts until you are both gone. Even after the rings are exchanged, and the guests cheer your new status, you must never give up on nourishing and developing your love with your partner. Nor must they give up on you. What you are creating together needs both of you, both of you must want it, love it, believe in it - and in each other.

 

 

 

When you feel alone, and lost, and miserable, and anxious.....

 

Remember that 100% of EVERYONE'S relationships fail until you meet the right one and that person loves you back fully and completely as you both are.

 

 

 

I have to give credit to an article that I read recently (wish I could remember what it was, it was only a paragraph long though) that had me thinking these basic ideas/principles. Definitely all paraphrased and mixed with my own ideas though so no plagarizing!

[kellbell]

Very beauiful post RayKay.

[Jut]

Thats a very good post Ray Kay

Every relationship is an experience and its upto us to learn the best from it and utilize that.

[JynX]

Wonderful post!

[ShySoul]

Good points.

 

But what if you do have an emotional breakdown over one person, even when you told yourself you wouldn't? When it comes to love and relationships, people aren't usually that logical about things. Their emotions can take over. And its perfectly fine to have a breakdown. Cry those tears. Wallow. Get it out of your system. We aren't always going to have that backbone, sometimes we will break down. And thats a good thing. Then you can pick yourself up, take time to heal (as long as you need), and only try again when you are absolutely ready.

 

Love is enough to last forever and get you through everything that may come up, as long as both people are committed to the love. Don't give up on the fairy tale, it can and it does happen. It will happen to each of us. Love does not fade, it will always be there even if not as intense.

 

And what if you are one of the blessed to not have a failed relationship because the one relationship you are in is the one that will last forever? If you want this, don't give up on it. It can and does happen. And if you feel like no one believes that, I do cause that is what I know in my heart and soul I will have.

[melrich]

But what if you do have an emotional breakdown over one person, even when you told yourself you wouldn't? When it comes to love and relationships, people aren't usually that logical about things. Their emotions can take over. And its perfectly fine to have a breakdown. Cry those tears.

 

I think that is very true Shy. Often posters who have experienced heartbreak and LEARNT THROUGH EXPERIENCE how to handle it, provide the advice "Just get over it". They seek to deny the opportunity for others to learn how to cope themselves. (Not intentionally)

 

Fact is, it is uncontrollable and everyone has the right to experience it themselves. Personally i think to make a well rounded person it is necessary for that person to have their heartbroken at least once.

 

I think what RayKay is actually saying is don't be afraid of falling in love, but understand there are risks attached.

[ShySoul]

True melrich. I see and hear all the time people saying things like "move on," "forget him/her," "get over it." That doesn't actually help the person. It's more like that the person will take it as you dismissing his or her feelings. There is a reason we have those feelings, because they are all natural feelings to have. We need to go through them, need to embrace the feelings and emotions as they come to us. Many people who have experienced heartbreak forget just what it is like, perhaps cause they don't want to think of it themselves. So while it is good in the long run to not be focused on the person and to "get over it" in the short term the advice is of little assistance.

 

People should accept and embrace every emotion that comes to them, from the highest of highs to the lowest of lows. It is all part of life, it is all part of who we are.

 

I don't think it is necessary to have your heartbroken, but sadly we have not evolved to the level where people are willing to always cooperate and work together to avoid such heartbreak. Thus it happens. And when it does happen, experience ever bit of it, every tear and ever ounce of pain. You will survive it. And even if it happens over and over again, even if it is all you have ever really known, you will still survive it and probably end up better then the vast majority of people in this world because you will be more aware and sensitive to peoples needs. You will better understand just how rare and valuable true love is in this world.

 

Embrace love. Embrace it with all that you are. Don't let anyone convince you that you can not have the love of your dreams. Believe that love can be as magical and as perfect as you want it to be. Don't believe that you will have your heartbroken or that you can't have everything you want the first go around. Risks are minimal and if it is true love it won't be a risk, it will be heaven.

[RayKay]

I think what RayKay is actually saying is don't be afraid of falling in love, but understand there are risks attached.

 

Yup, you got it

 

Of course I have been heartbroken at the end of relationships, but I also knew I would survive, and I could love again. I was heartbroken, but I was not emotionally bankrupt. I still had some investment that would grow again.

 

I think it also means don't wrap yourself so much up, that without that one person, you will never stand up again to meet new love.

 

Often on here you see people so scared to lose someone out of fear of breaking down - even if that someone is abusive, or cruel, or a cheater, or just not putting anything into the relationship themself. That is what I mean by don't think you can't make it on your own, when you are in something like that, something less then you deserve as a person.

 

Of course we need to experience it to know it, but when someone tells someone you will heal, they are not denying it hurts, they are not telling them to suck it up, they are trying to motivate, show them there is light at the end, that time does heal things because sometimes it does not feel like it will - but people who have been there know it does. I can remember all my heartbreaks well, I have gone through some awful experiences in life, but I am convinced that time heals, and that there IS better out there for you. I am not insensitive to fact it does hurt tremendously.

 

There are risks attached to love, it's putting yourself out there. And sometimes, the first few times we do it, it won't be true love. And that is why we can't let those experiences break us, or break our hope. But that does not mean it is still not out there. I found mine, and we both know it is true because of what we have gone through together, our commitment to one another, the effort we put into it. It DOES take more then love sometimes to keep things going, to nourish and develop the relationship. Relying on love alone, well, love is an action, as well as a feeling. If you aren't both acting, one or both of you may not be feeling. It's true love, he is the one I want to be with the rest of my life, and I am his, but that does not mean we also don't realize that we need to also work on things, and can't just opt for love to do it all.

[melrich]

that time does heal things

 

It is a cliche but it is so true. There is no magic cure for a broken heart.

 

It DOES take more then love sometimes to keep things going,

 

I think this is the hardest thing for many people to understand. Until you have experienced a meaningful, long term relationship I don'tthink anyone realises just how much like hard work they can be sometimes.

 

I think one of the biggest hurdles many people face in the first major relationship of their lives is coming to terms with the fact that it does not match up the fantasy of "perfect" love that they had in their teenage years.

[ShySoul]

SOMETIMES it takes more then love, but sometimes the love is the only thing that keeps things together. Sometimes nothing seems to be going right and things seem like you should give it up. But then the love you share still shines its light on the two of you and you realize that you don't want to throw in the towel. For the sake of love, you work on things, because neither of you wants it to end. And from that love you end up overcoming the odds, working through the problems and ending up with a better life and a happier life together. It depends on circumstances and case by case examples, but sometimes the love is the only thing that gets you through.

 

As for the fantasy of perfect love in the first major relationship, it all depends on what that fantasy of perfect love is to the person. If they expect that there will never be problems, yes it won't match up. But if they realize that perfect doesn't mean nothing goes bad, but instead means that the two people love each other with everything they are and are willing to work through everything because they love each other and will spend the rest of eternity together, it can happen. A perfect love isn't the same as a perfect life. In life there will be difficulties. But in love it can be so deep that it never fades and lasts forever, even on the first try.

[RayKay]

SOMETIMES it takes more then love, but sometimes the love is the only thing that keeps things together. Sometimes nothing seems to be going right and things seem like you should give it up. But then the love you share still shines its light on the two of you and you realize that you don't want to throw in the towel. For the sake of love, you work on things, because neither of you wants it to end. And from that love you end up overcoming the odds, working through the problems and ending up with a better life and a happier life together. It depends on circumstances and case by case examples, but sometimes the love is the only thing that gets you through.

 

 

I think you are really stating the same thing I am, Shy, just in a different way.

 

When you say that sometimes love is what keeps you going through tough times, the point is that it does take more then just love to get you back on track, you have to follow through with action. Of course those actions are OUT of that love and commitment to one another, but if you just said to one another "well, we'll let love take care of it" without taking any ACTION - such as changing your communication style, or going to counselling, or making a commitment to work through it, it would not work all by itself. That is what most of us mean when we say "love is not always enough".

 

There are times my boyfriend and I have had a rough time and wondered if we should "give up" but it's our love for one another that strengthens our desire and commitment to work through those things. But it is making the work on top of love that is what I mean by "love is not enough". Love also grows through shared experiences - even those where things are rough, it done the right way, so it can nourish and grow your love. Of course it is not just when times are bad, even when times are good, communicating and listening to one another, nourishing that love is important. One cannot just say "love will take care of itself", a mistake I think many take, and again, that is what I mean by "love is not enough".

 

I think ultimately though, we are both saying the same thing, in different ways

[ShySoul]

I'm thinking more on the lines of a couple who gets together young, poor and barely getting by. People say they are crazy, it won't last, they are young and don't understand what love is. No one to support or help them, nothing much going for them in life. But they love each other and thats what matters. No problem in communication, need for counseling, their love is stronger then anything and it is in fact that which gets them through.

 

I think it is the love that makes everything works. Cause everything else stems from that love. You don't need to take action, cause the action flows itself from the love. If I love someone, I don't think about doing something, I don't go out and take the action. It's automatic. I think that love does take care of itself and that in the end, it's love that makes everything work. If you have love, faith, hope, and understanding.... there is nothing that can get in the way.

[RayKay]

You don't need to take action, cause the action flows itself from the love. If I love someone, I don't think about doing something, I don't go out and take the action. It's automatic. I think that love does take care of itself and that in the end, it's love that makes everything work. If you have love, faith, hope, and understanding.... there is nothing that can get in the way.

 

Okay, well in my interpretation that is still action, even if it is automatic, you still have to create an action. If it flows from love or not, it is still an action. Love in itself is an action, it's more then just a feeling.

 

I admire your faith in love, and it is indeed powerful, but all successful, long term, happy relationships require the ACTION of love, as well as the feeling of it.

[ShySoul]

Love is the very essense of who we are. Love is what guides us and makes our life worth living. It is not an action, it is something so much deeper. It can't be put into words. And I believe with everything I am, when you find that love it isn't an act that makes it last, it is the love.

 

Love is everything.

[biz]

Good points RayKay and shysoul, and I must say I like your avitar Raykay. I mountain bike all the time and that is my stress relief in many way from daily life...not to mention my recent breakup.

Real love is happiness and happiness is what we all need to fullfill a rewarding and happy life.

[SimonBlume]

I totally agree. It took me years to realize that I have to, and have to be able to, love myself before I can love another, or love another efficiently.

[Cathy86]

That's true....love takes time, love takes effort

.........but its all worth it ~

[Hecklrkosh]

Speaking from experience, everything you've said RayKay is true.

Saying "I Love you" is great, but without Trust, Respect and the actions of True Love then the relationship is doomed.