Getting Back Together With An Ex

[SuperDave71]

Feel grateful....now all you have to do is make a choice.

 

 

-SuperDave71

[Mstyiyd]

I know. I have decided to go because I love being around her family, and I wouldn't be going simply because of her.......I spent alot of time w/them (with her, but also w/them) and miss seeing them. Truthfully she is the one who is going to look funny, not me, as I havent been around them in about 5 months except for the 2 that Im still real close with.

I am not reading into it and plan to play it cool with her, the whole situation. Its weird....you'd think I'd be jumping on couches, doing the whole Tom Cruise thing I'm not. It's like, this is the kind of stuff us dumpees analyze and cry and wonder over, and then when it happens the reaction in myself is different.

Maybe I'm growing and learning and becoming more aware.

[patience]

keep us posted

 

be cautious, yet open enough

[Lion-Guy]

Congrats Mstyiyd!!!!!

 

Looks like she is taking a step forward towards you finally.

 

I agree, don't expect too much and let her make the moves. It is better to listen to what she has to say than let her know how you are feeling. Good luck.

[JimmerJammer]

what I find rather comical is the rather blatant disuse of the word manipulation. I mean they used us and yet its not like we did everything or anything (sarcasm).

[Mstyiyd]

Manipulation......sigh. Thanks everyone for your words of wisdom and kind wishes. I pray for all of you, too. I am being very cautious and chill. She just called me actually, on her way home from work and we talked for nearly an hour. Casual stuff. Im getting pretty good at that!

I did get to talk to her aunt today and got an update @ the invite. She had asked her aunt if it was ok to invite me and her aunt was like, Of course! Well, then my ex said to her she felt it was the right thing to do, to call me, she "needed" to call me....smthg like that. And then she made a comment like "I bet she answers on the first ring".....when I heard that I was like, whatever. I have a flip phone (cell) and when I see the person's name come up I usually dont wait for it to ring 40 times I pick it up! I do that with everyone....she sure thinks I am waiting on her. And she also made a comment to her aunt that she hoped I wasn't going to read into the invite... AHHHHH!!!

 

I know that doing the NC was for me, but geez! I kind of hoped it would show her that I am strong, moving on, and am not always going to be there for her. Instead she still thinks I want her. Well of course I still have feelings for her but everyone has said I've done a great job not showing it to her, and wasnt the one who broke NC. What the h#&%??? What does this woman want from me? ...she probably doesnt know either.....

I should go on Oprah. Maybe she'd set it all straight

I would have to thank my fellow Enotaloner's on air, though!!!

[Mstyiyd]

Playing it cool works in a way i guess.....the ex called and wanted to eat lunch today. So, we met up and ate and spent about an hour just talking...interesting, considering I will be with her on Thursday! I am NOT reading into it, it's only a tidbit...

Just my little boring update.....hope everyone is well!

[patience]

listen to her carefully, and she will probably reveal what she wants

 

she may only want friendship, and it is reasonable for you to ask her to clarify if she starts sending mixed signals

[Mstyiyd]

See, that's where the trouble started before and that is what I DON'T want to happen again. I truthfully don't know if i could emotionally handle being just friends w/someone i have such a deep history with. Part of the problem was her wanting her cake & eating it too. She wanted to go out and party and do what she wanted and live the life of a single person but have me on the side for sex, emotional comfort, companionship, etc etc. And it cant work that one sided for very long. 'Cause after a while I wasnt getting anything back even as a friend. I was ultimately treated like an attractive doormat, which I guess Im guilty for "allowing" to go on for a while, but still that doesnt make it right. I dont even call her my "friend" yet...

I know she told one of her relatives that she hoped I wasnt reading into the invite for Thursday....whatever, because I've done NC and gone on. She broke it, she's been calling me up to do stuff, yes it could just be for a friendship reason but it makes no sense to me. Sorry, I just get pissed thinking about it. I went thru ALOT of pain. My past posts reflect that and not even half of how much it hurt. That is why I'm not getting too excited about anything either way. I do wonder, that' s normal, but i'm trying to banish those thoughts right now because I cant get hurt again. I'm 30 yrs old now, not a hard partying college age student anymore. I want a real life with someone who wants me. Don't want to be w/someone for kicks or ego boost. I dont even think she's worthy of my friendship at this point, she would have to do ALOT to gain that back. Im not going to get walked on again. But yes, it's hard, there are still alot of (conflicting) feelings there. If she thinks there's someone better out there who can see her through cancer (GOD FORBID) and be there unconditionally I say, have at it, sister!

Grrr............i think i got a little excited for a minute.....apologize if it sounds harsh.....just my feelings......but appreciate the input.........

[Mstyiyd]

and yes, she is notorious for sending mixed signals.....before and i could see it happen now as well....the actions and the words never matched. it was always "I dont want you, I never wanted you, what it comes down to is you want me and I dont want you, don't build your world around me, you know where we stand?........." those are all EXACT quotes from her I heard OVER AND OVER for months. And I wasnt even coming on to her physically or verbally! It was like her issue, not mine. I didnt beg her for anything. Like she had to keep saying it to convince herself. For what reason is anyone's guess. She also is famous for saying how she has to have deep feelings to be intimate w/someone and it is true she has only slept with about 7 people in her life, to be 41 yrs old I guess that is good! but yet she slept w/me for a yr? something doesn't add up!

[patience]

she sounds uncomfortable with her sexuality, at the very least

 

if she isn't being honest with herself, she won't be honest with you (or anyone else) either

[Mstyiyd]

Well, thanks for all the input. I finally have a chance now to give an update. Regarding Patience's last post, as far as I know she is comfortable with her sexuality. She isn't full blown "butch" but I am very feminine and you would never tell by looking at me that I was gay. She looks it. She came out when she was 18 and is 41 now. Never has been w/a man. I actually never thought of that as an issue. She underwent a double mastectomy and total reconstruction, and has had other surgeries besides. And is in total menopause now due to a preventative complete hysterectomy since she has the BC gene. When we first became intimate, she still was not thru one more surgery. It was very deep and emotional for me, because I wanted her to know that I was being intimate with her because "of her". I didnt look at her differently because of her physical changes. Whereas her ex g/f that she had recently broken up w/at the time told her that she was personally too young to "go thru all that sickness" (yes, that was the girl's exact words) and made her feel ugly.

 

I would stick by any person I was with if they became sick. That could happen to me someday, and I would hope and pray someone would be there for me. I live by the whole karma thing. You do good, hopefully it comes back to you. And if it doesnt, at least you can sleep easy at nite.

 

Anyways, my update: I went to her family's for T=giving yesterday and it went really well. I played it cool, did not read into anything, and had a good time. Alot of her family told me I looked great and asked how I was. I'm sure they wondered where I'd been, they're not stupid but I have nothing to hide so I was fine being there. I stayed till after 10pm and got there at 11:30am.

The only thing that bothered me was that I found out that one of my friends had actually called her and told her she needed to leave me alone (way out of line, Im real pissed about that but that is another story) and they asked her why she invited me and she told them that she felt sorry for me because I had no place else to go.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME???? She knows me inside/out and knows I have places to go! I was like, give me an f-ing break! But that is a typical response of hers; im actually not surprised. She doesnt seem to want anyone to know what she's doing, re-connecting with me to some degree. I personally think its because she knows she f-d up. I mean, why bring me around your family when they're naturally gonna get curious?

Not saying we are going to reconnect in that way, but still.

Another interesting thing I found was that she had redone her bedroom and there are still 2 framed photos of us in there. The only other pics she has in there are of her family or her w/various family members. She always said all we were was good friends, and I guess u can have pics of your friends up, I do, but considering all that went on, in the past several months, I was a little surprised that they are still there.

 

And the only other thing that came up was when I was talking to her sister about an upcoming concert I was planning on getting tix for. The ex later asked me if I wanted to go w/her and her mother and aunt as part of their xmas present, like we could take them. And she would pay theirs and hers and I would pay mine. Found that interesting. So I thought whatever, I'd have a good time and Im really looking forward to seeing these performers, so I said ok. Its in a few weeks.

Im not expecting her to want to be with me, so we'll see what happens. I think that she has missed me but is one of those who will never admit it. She didnt thank me for coming down for the dinner, not that i expected her to, but she did ask me to call her when i got home to let her know that i got there safely. Thats pretty impressive (though sad) for her!

 

hope everyone had a good and safe holiday!