hooking up did not cure me!!! made me worse

[jsip]

Well guys,

 

I have been apart from my ex for about 1 1/2 months and last night I went out and got really drunk, ended up going back to some random girl's apartment and you can guess what happened from there.

 

All I have to say is that sure it was good time, but after it was over I have never felt so empty inside. I swore to myself that next time i do that, it will be with someone I care for.

 

Sex did not work for me, I was doing so well until last night. This girl was terrible, nothing like my ex.

Oh well, ya live , ya learn.

 

Thanks for listening!!

[RayKay]

All due respect, I don't think hooking up is supposed to "cure you" so to speak unless your worry was you would never have sex again. And if sex is not something you see as "casual" then hook ups are bound to make you feel worse rather then better.

 

It is still VERY early on - only 6 weeks later..give it time. All you can do is take one step at a time forward, as time does not go backwards.

[jsip]

Im not advocating that hooking up cures you, just that you hear that it can help. Well for me it did not. I guess i was just venting.

[chaos]

That's something I've wondered about... I don't see sex as something I could do casually, but I've never had the opportunity. I'm not sure how I would react to it.. .probably much like jsip. Still, as a guy, casual sex sounds great in theory...

[shes2smart]

I never found the random post-break-up hook up to be a cure all.

 

Although I did find it beneficial the following ways:

 

1. I proved to myself I was capable of doing/enjoying the sometimes ridiculous act of sex with someone other than my ex.

2. It got that "first person I slept with after my ex" hurdle out of the way.

3. In a way, it was the final clearing of the slate for me...once I slept with someone else, in my own mind it was the final closing of the door...there was NO going back from that point.

[NR498E]

dude i did the same thing last week.This girl was hot to.But when i feel asleep my ex was the last thing i thought of and when i woke up with this girl next to me,i couldnt wait for her to get out.That day i was more deppresed than id been i a long time.However at least were not at home moping and we can get laid if need be.Thats gotta make me feel a little better.by the way its been 3 months of nc for me and i still compare everyone to my ex.That sux more than anything.In fact id give my right arm to fall outta love with her

[ComputerGuy]

S2S definitely put a new perspective on something like that happening...however it still has the flaw of it being based on the persons beliefs and personal opinions/feelings on the subject. Like for me, I could never and would never do it - it's just how I am. If you could be OK with it, then it may be a huge step in moving on, but I suspect, as you found out yourself, you aren't the type of person to take this path. I suggest learning from this experience, and simply moving on from it. Even take S2S's approach to it if it helps.

 

Good luck and don't feel bad on yourself for it. There is nothing "wrong" with it, it's just not for you

[Mstyiyd]

Don't beat yourself up over it, it's done and over with, take it as a learning experience. We get impulsive sometimes when we're trying really hard to make sense of very difficult things in our lives. As long as you don't keep doing this, for safety reasons as well as peace of mind reasons, you'll move on from this.

I haven't been with anyone intimately in almost a year. It has not been what I wanted, duh! and I am considered to be very attractive (i modeled in high school) and have no problem with people asking me out, but I havent been ready. I've been wanting to get some at times....and its taken all i have to not do it 'cause Im not ready.

Mistakes are made.....its cool. Just try really really hard not to do it again so you dont feel this way!

[nataliejulie]

Mistakes happen... At least you know now you aren't ready for anything serious.

 

I've been going on "play dates". AKA - Spending time with the opposite sex without anything physical. The company builds up my self esteem and it gives me the chance to see what's out there. And hell, it's company!

 

And I sort of disagree. I WANT to be alone. I don't want ANYTHING serious. But, since I've been spending time going out to eat, having a drink, with someone who wants MY company has actually made me feel better about myself. It's even made me realize there's all different kinds of people out there... and not all are that bad.