My gf for almost three years stopped having sex with me.

[willdation]

Thanks for your input...

 

I asked her why she's on b/c if she's does not want to have sex and it conflicts with her values, and she said it keeps her cramps down and keeps her cycle normal.

 

She said they were screwing with her hormones and I told her to go off of them, but she still said they help her keep on her cycle and stop cramps

 

She even mentioned that her hormones took over at the start and she didn't feel guilty like she does now...

 

Also, she said she is depressed from school and that has an effect...

 

soo...maybe she just has no sex drive? Or maybe those are excuses...who knows....

[Vanilla]

1- I am Catholic. I love having faith, but I do break some rules a)Live with my boyfriend, b)have sex c)am on BC.

 

Nobody is perfect- hey, but you have to be honest with yourself. She is not being honest about her faith about following it BY THE BOOK-You see? You can't live with your boyfriend and take BCP and then say "oh I cant have sex because of my religion"- that is a total excuse. You either move out, stop the pills and THEN and only then can you use religion as your excuse.

 

I have always found it extremely irritating when people use their faith as a shield and mask to keep them from truth and to cover up for their messes/problems.

 

The bc definitely messes with your sex drive. I know before I was on it we had sex everyday SEVERAL times a day. Once I got on it, we're sexual no less, no more than 4 times a week.

 

I can tell you it definitely turns me off to get home and see the place a mess. I know he is studying really hard and he just switched to a new school in a new country which is 10 times harder. But if he's been home for several hours, it doesnt kill to do the dishes - so that may have been legit. But not for so many years!!!

 

Has she ever approached you to talk about the lack of sex problems? Do you ever see concern or interest in her to make things bette? To try to solve this so you two can be happier and more fullfilled in all areas of the relationship?

 

I know when our sex life decreased because of the pills (4 times a week isnt bad at all but it was less lol) I talked to my b/f and said "look this is happening and my bcp's and when you dont do anything " bla bla bla. So we work things out to make everyone happier and everything better. But he knew I cared because *I* *brought* it up*.

 

I also agree iwth someone who said something about convenience. I am leaning towards this one. Maybe she is just USED to you, being with you and the comfort it brings.

 

Please keep us updated.

[WildChild]

Not sure these are WildChilds 3 things but three I thought of would be

 

Cheating

Losing/Lost Interest

Not Sexually Attracted

 

Yes

[WildChild]

My exhusband is Catholic. When we first started dating he and his friend(also Catholic) were having a conversation about our relationship because I am not Catholic. But they did express to me that they are taught that Catholics date/marry Catholics. Oddly enough, my ex rarely went to church anymore because he had gone to Catholic school the first nine years of education and "had his fill". But his religious beliefs have never left him whether he follows them or not.

 

However, continuing to read through your posts I believe there is an underlying situation here and apparently she is not just going to spill it out. I agree that when you live with someone and then not and still date, it seems like a step down. But sometimes maybe that is what it takes to strengthen it. Regardless if she moves out or not, your relationship is not healthy.

 

Unfortunately, and I'm not a psychic, I see that either way this relationship is ending and she is doing it in a passive way. So you have a choice: A) you can continue to live like like you are (it seems more like roommates than anything ) and have your emotions/feelings squashed daily or B) Have her move out, and save your emotions from being squashed daily.

 

Now granted there are two sides to every story. IMHO, let her move out. Set days that you two spend together and possibly overnight. This will give you both time to reflect. And being the hopeless romantic that I am, maybe this will help you both realize what each of you need to do to make this relationship back to being healthy.

[RayKay]

In my opinion if she is on birth contol that is messing her up that much, she should be getting off of it.

 

A period for "two months" according to what she told you? That to me is not in my definition if "regular"!

 

I have a BIG feeling she is using these as excuses to cover up the real problem. I hate to say this, but if you have not had sex in two years more then 4 or 5 times or whatever, I do not see this ending positely and given she seems to be in denial about the true reasons for it...it would seem that it cannot be solved either.

 

In my opinion, either you stay with her, and things don't change, or you break up, and you both go find people more suitable for you. It is fine to have a higher sex drive, it is fine to have a lower one, the problem becomes when you two are clearly incompatible when it comes to sexual intimacy and making one another unhappy over the issue, and when sex seems to be more of a "hostage" in what is going on underneath the surface. For whatever reason she does not want it, and you already know she does not seem to be willing to discuss it realistically, or work on it. Even if it was her birth control etc it is in her power to change that, or opt to use condoms instead, etc etc and take some Motrin or Midol for her cramps - when someone seems UNWILLING to work on an issue especially one this big, that is a major red flag.

 

Here is a good quote I read the other day:

 

"Apathy, not anger, is what signals the end of a relationship. It shows you are no longer engaged in the relatonship". I think her apathy about this situation is alarming given that.

[xmrth]

Maybe does she have some sort of STD that she doesn't want you to see or know about? Unless you two have done other things to confirm that's not the case, but... I mean something could have happened and she got it, if you know what I mean. I'm just throwng that out there-- just a thought..

[willdation]

I just had a talk with her and listened to all her reasons. I was still getting a bunch of conflicting answers so I decided it would best if we just became friends since we obviously don't have a good communication and can't seem to work things out. Normally, I wouldn't have resorted to this, but after two years and no change...something is not working, whether it is on my part or hers, who knows? But there definitely was something missing and it was time to move on....now gotta deal with the jealousy of seein her with other dudes...but whatever....

[annie24]

I do really think you made the right decision. I read a line somewhere - to paraphrase it, it said, "The one person stopping you from having an awesome sex life shouldn't be your boyfriend or girlfriend." I think it's very true. I know that things will be tough now, but just imagine one day down the road, having an incredible, beautiful, smart, fun woman, who also loves having sex with you. It will be worth it.

 

Take care

[RayKay]

I just had a talk with her and listened to all her reasons. I was still getting a bunch of conflicting answers so I decided it would best if we just became friends since we obviously don't have a good communication and can't seem to work things out. Normally, I wouldn't have resorted to this, but after two years and no change...something is not working, whether it is on my part or hers, who knows? But there definitely was something missing and it was time to move on....now gotta deal with the jealousy of seein her with other dudes...but whatever....

 

I am sorry to hear it worked out as it did, though I admit that I sort of expected such a response given what she has told you so far. I think you did the right thing, it sure is hard, but you are right that after two years, it is a good indication something is missing and on her part she is not willing to work on it.

 

You'll be okay, it will be hard at first, but as Annie said, just imagine the day when you meet a woman whom will be all the things you want - including one whom wants to have sex with you. And communicate well with you when something is going on.

[Beec]

willdation,

 

I think in the long run this was the right thing for you.

 

I once dated a woman who decided that "we" were not going to have sex during lent. And things wnet bad rapidly after that decision. I never pushed her for anything, but it really was the death knell, and I wish I ended it as soon as she said anything. (She told me when she was naked and had just orgasmed from me during oral, so I really should have left right then.) But her not wanting to was a sign that she did not want me, in my hindsight. I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt, but that jsut lengthened it.

 

Lick your wounds, heal and try to move on. Good luck.

[WildChild]

Wow willdation, that was a huge decision. However I would say that for now it is best for both of you. You obviously have been more patient than some, but after awhile you have to look at your own well being. As for other guys, I wouldn't worry about it too much. If it has nothing to do with you and everything with her, she sure isn't going to change that quickly