is this "a looking forward to" answer? or "you are a nice guy" but...

[Massari]

I just asked this girl to come with me for tomorrows concert.. she said: "damn it I'd really love to only if I had known earlier.. I am taking my cousin to see Harry potter movie, we bought the tickets already" so I asked her well maybe I could take you out some other time then.. she said yeah sure.. she'd like that; so we exchanged numbers.. then to make sure I said so you are not seeing anyone, right? she said "well it's complicated, i have been going out with my boyfriend for like 4yrs, but now he goes to a different school so I do not know what is his deal" I am not really sure is she available for dating .. is she about to break up with her b/f?.. should I interfere now or just wait? she is interested in me right?

[Day_Walker]

I dont think she was infering that she was going to break up with her bf. It seems that there might be some kind of hooking up outside of their relationship atleast thats what I would interpret. If you want to be involved with this girl then I would recommend that you dont take it past friends.

[kellbell]

She's most likely interested because she gave you her number and also she delved into some detail about her doomed relationship with her current boyfriend. But until they offically break it off, I would not take it past being friends. And taking her to a concert or a movie shouldn't hurt as long as it's on a friendship basis for the time being.

[RayKay]

I would interpret that to mean that she is with a boyfriend, but for some reason is open to "exploring". I think it means they are together, but not really "together" or something like that.

 

I would say you should not allow it to get anywhere past platonic friends. Don't be a "second choice". Keep it platonic, but fun and enjoyable, and let her see and know you are a man whom respects other men's relationships and do not interfere. And follow through on that.

 

In the end whether she breaks up with him or not, and so you have an opportunity or not, you will not be able to regret your actions or how you treated someone else's relationship. Have class

[grymoire]

i hope u r not me...

 

'cos i was in ur exact same situation. i met a woman some three months ago and we started as friends.. she had an "on again, off again" relationship with her long-distance boyfriend. but she never ever talked to me about him.. we hung out a lot and had so much fun together.. lunches, dinners, movies, games, ... then one fine day she told me that she broke-up with him. it appeared to me like a signal and so after two weeks i asked her out officially.. but to my surprise she said "no". she said we started as friends and how can i expect to date now? i am hurting so much now...

 

i just want to tell u that if u start as friends with a woman its very difficult to become her boyfriend... so watch out..

[Tigris]

Just go out as friends until you know they've definitely broken up.

 

Good luck and take care.

 

 

[PocoDiablo]

Um, I would tell her "Well, when you want a new man, dump him and we can start dating."

 

Otherwise you're one of two sucker males she is using.

[Massari]

thank you all soo much.. it's not so much of a bad situation.. I mean I am friends with this girl. we have a lab together.. she always says hi to me and smiles and all we joke around; so doesn't that mean that we are already friends? so a date would me more then a friend right? I mean I know we didn't really do anything together as a couple so in that sense that would be a first for us. I am kinda confused with here with " dont take it past friends" does that mean so I should just hold on to the number and just not call her.. make the same smile and hi routines?

 

thank you so much again

[Dating Coach]

First I think that you should have counter offered a specific 2nd date option rather than "sometime" but it's not a big slip. Second, I would have asked what she meant by, "well it's complicated, i have been going out with my boyfriend for like 4yrs, but now he goes to a different school so I do not know what is his deal"

[PocoDiablo]

Agreed.

 

If you want her, you have to do something to find out if she wants you, too.

 

Personally, I don't get involved with taken women. That's just my standards, though. Any woman who would flirt while with her man is not good enough for me. She's deceptive, and I consider that lying.

[Massari]

it has been 2 a week since I have her number, I duuno why but when I did see her in the class after that conversation she seemed a little pissed and not really talking to me... I dunno why maybe the fact that I and her number and didn't call her, I really dunno.. so I am thinking of asking her to go to the movies with me this Friday and them for some drinks.. get to know her better and see what is the deal with her B/f? what do you think.. just figuring what is the deal.. that's not interfering with anything! right?

[Dating Coach]

it has been 2 a week since I have her number, I duuno why but when I did see her in the class after that conversation she seemed a little pissed and not really talking to me... I dunno why maybe the fact that I and her number and didn't call her, I really dunno.. so I am thinking of asking her to go to the movies with me this Friday and them for some drinks.. get to know her better and see what is the deal with her B/f? what do you think.. just figuring what is the deal.. that's not interfering with anything! right?

 

I personally wouldn't mess with a girl that has a boyfriend. If she can date you when she has a boyfriend then she can date another guy when you are the boyfriend.

[PocoDiablo]

it has been 2 a week since I have her number, I duuno why but when I did see her in the class after that conversation she seemed a little pissed and not really talking to me... I dunno why maybe the fact that I and her number and didn't call her, I really dunno.. so I am thinking of asking her to go to the movies with me this Friday and them for some drinks.. get to know her better and see what is the deal with her B/f? what do you think.. just figuring what is the deal.. that's not interfering with anything! right?

Yeah, she liked you, and you waited too long to ask her out. She thinks you stood her up.

 

I think it's a little late at this point... but still, man, she's taken. "Interferring?" It's sad that she makes you have to think about it like that.

 

I'd still tell her "So, when are you going to dump your man so we can go on a date?" and see what happens. Let her know it's her move, in a way, you know?

 

I'd like to start on a good foot, not as a potential cheater. I think if you did, she could only think better of you. I'd hate to see her do the same thing to you down the line, you know?

[Massari]

thank u all. I guess this story doesn't have a happy ending after last friday.. I texed messaged her saying that " hi this is "X" I was wondering if you're not busy maybe we could go watch a movie and go for drinks" she answerd back in 15 min saying that.. "no I have plans so I may not be able to .I'll see you next week" I think there is no point asking her again or is there? I should have asked her the following weekend ater I had her number,

[Dating Coach]

No, there is no point in asking her again. She's not interested.

[patience]

if someone that I like and I am interested in getting to know asks me to an event, and I honestly cannot go, I will suggest something else at a specific time, for example, "I have plans that night, but I can get together with you for coffee on Thursday if you are interested"...that way, I'm conveying my interest, and the person asking me out doesn't have to play guessing games as to whether or not I am interested

 

she doesn't seem very interested, plus she is UNAVAILABLE

 

you've asked her out twice, and she has said no twice...do you want to keep chasing her?

 

I agree that what she is doing to her bf, she may turn around and do to you.

[PocoDiablo]

Patience hit the nail on the head.

 

Or in this case, I think the nail in the coffin. I think you're done here. Any more attempts will simply make you look desperate.